Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Testing your friendship
• Part 2 of 2: Making good friends
• Tips
• Warnings

You may have a lot of acquaintances, Facebook contacts and connections, but do you really feel connected to these "friends"? How do you know for sure? If you want to learn how to test friendships and make better friends, read on.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Testing your friendship

1. Ask a friend for help. If you need help, is that friend there for you? Or does your friend make excuses to get out quickly in such a case? True friends will help you out if needed and come over to celebrate with you afterwards.
   • Real friends will help you move your furniture, give you a ride to the airport, and help you with your homework.
   • Try not to demand too much from your friends. If you need constant help, it can be difficult for people to get close enough to consider you as a friend.
2. Change the plans you made with a friend. If you're good friends with someone, no matter what your plans are, you will remain so. Doing things together should be enough to have a good time, and should be a reward in itself. How does your friend react when you decide to change plans? If you plan on going out at night, see if your friend prefers to stay home and watch a movie alone.
   • If a friend declines your request, it doesn't automatically mean you've lost a friendship, but the way the other person responds can tell you a lot about the other. Is your friend reacting like your plan is the most boring idea ever? That is a bad sign. Does your boyfriend really want to go to a certain movie and be a homebody? That is something else.
3. Open up to a friend and talk about something personal. School friends or acquaintances are often not interested in helping you through difficult times. They are just interested in having friends who are convenient and just fun for the Friday nights. That's not to say there isn't a place for these types of friends, but if you're wondering who are really good friends, then you need to open up and see how they respond.
   • Tell your friend what you think about a date or a home situation that makes you tense. Don't expect answers, but if you don't notice a listening ear, or if your friend comes across as irritated, that's not a great sign.
   • This is different from gossip. Many people want to gossip. That doesn't make them good friends yet.
4. Invite your friend to do something with your family. While it's possible to have good friends without being amicable with your parents and your siblings, it's a good sign if that friend gets along well with the rest of the family. If that friend likes coming to your home and the feeling is mutual, it is a sign that that friend is comfortable with you, and you can take what they say as true.
   • Invite a friend to your home for dinner for an easy and quick test of the situation. Just ask your parents first to make sure it's okay.
5. Watch for signs that you are being "benefited". You just got a car and now you are suddenly "friends" with all the people at your high school who didn't see you the day before yesterday? Often people will be friendly when they want something from you. It is usually best to avoid these types of relationships. Profiteers will flatter you and try to make you feel good with their attention, but will never be there for you when the going gets tough.
   • If you have a friend who takes advantage of your car, Xbox, or your pool, ask them to meet at a different time or to take your cars to the garage. If the other person cancels the appointment, that's a bad sign.
6. Watch for jealousy. Sometimes friendships can turn into jealousy, especially when you're both in different stages. If you and a close friend are both on the volleyball team, but you have been admitted to the squad and the other is not, your friendship may suffer. But good friends can see past an initial jealousy and put friendship first. Signs of jealousy include:
   • Your friend never celebrates your achievements, or instead criticizes them
   • Your friend is getting more distant
   • You notice "negative" energy
   • Your friend disappears when you are struggling with something and need help
7. Look for signs that you are dealing with two faces. Someone who speaks ill of you to other people is not a friend. If you get mixed feelings with someone, or if you notice that someone is acting differently to you than other people, then that is not a friend.
   • Talk to your other friends if you are curious about how you are being talked about. Good friends will tell you the truth.
   • If someone is calling you names, it is clearly not a friend. Joking is one thing, but if someone is putting you down and doesn't want to understand that it hurts you, that's not someone who thinks about friendship in your mind.
8. Confront someone you suspect is kidding you. If you suspect that a friend is jealous or unfair or taking advantage of you in some way, but you are not sure, start the conversation when you are calm and immediately ask, "Are we friends?"
   • While this may sound like a strange question and the person will likely be surprised, you can clarify this with what you noticed. "I've found you only want to come by when you can use my pool and talk about me with other people when I'm not around." That doesn't sound like something friends do. What is going on?'
   • Give the friend a chance to explain. If you don't like what you hear, or if the other person is trying to defend behavior that cannot be defended, then that person is not your friend.

Part 2 of 2: Making good friends

1. Trust your gut. All friends and all friendships are different. Much of how you feel about your friends will be a rash, instinctual decision. If you feel like someone really cares about you, and you have every confidence that they are a friend, it is probably because they do. If you have to ask yourself this at all, it is probably a sign that the other is not a friend.
   • Even if you're not sure of the answers, ask yourself the following test questions and follow your instincts: Would your friend pick you up from the airport at midnight if they had to? Would your friend go through a boring Sunday dinner with your grandparents just to be a good friend and then do something (or nothing) together? Would your friend want to celebrate with you, if you won something and he / she didn't?
2. Keep friends who support you. Friends should be there to support you and celebrate the good times with you, and to guide you through the bad times. Anyone who does not support you emotionally is not a friend. Someone is your friend when he / she:
   • Give you sincere compliments
   • Talk positively about you to others
   • Be really enthusiastic when you succeed
   • You help when you are going through a difficult time
3. Keep friends who accept for who you are. Friendship should not be based on superficial or external things. If someone wants to be your friend because of your car, because of your pool, or because you are "popular" at school, they are not your friend. Friends support you for who you are as a person. Someone is your friend when he / she:
   • Don't pressure you to do things you don't want to do
   • You're not judged when you open up
   • Don't embarrass you or be ashamed of you
   • Acts the same way with you as with other people
   • Don't demand things from you
4. Keep friends who will let you know when you are wrong. Friendships aren't always just a laugh. Good friends want the best for you, especially if you are the one who is going wrong. This can be tricky because you want to have friends who accept you, but also friends who know when you're slipping and are willing to correct you. Someone is your friend if he / she:
   • Disagree with you politely
   • You do not attack personally
   • Want the best for you
   • Know what you want and what you need
5. Keep friends who listen. If your boyfriend always seems to be distracted when the two of you are together, or prefers to be somewhere else to hang out with other people, that's not really a good sign. This can happen to old friends you have known for a long time. But sometimes things can suddenly change and the friendly relationship is no longer what it once was. Someone is your friend if he / she:
   • Stay in touch even if you both change
   • Make your friendship a priority
   • Would like to know what you have been through
   • Recall past conversations you have had
6. Keep friends who are pleasant company. Friendships are not always sweet and sunny, but they shouldn't feel like work. If you dread hanging out with someone, or if a person seems to hate hanging out with you, it probably isn't a functional friendship anymore. Someone is your friend if he / she:
   • Easy going
   • Gives you a relaxed feeling
   • Does not cause extra stress
   • Not too exaggerated
7. Keep friends who are forgiving. Unless you're a real jerk, friends should forgive you when you sincerely apologize. Friends should be willing to look beyond minor flaws and slips if they really know you and want the best for you. Someone is your friend if he / she:
   • You can accept apologies
   • Forgive your mistakes
   • Don't expect to pretend to be different than you are
   • The past can be buried
8. Be a good friend. If you want to attract good friends, make sure you are a good friend yourself. It's not enough to expect all your friends to surround you, support you, and listen to you when you want to talk. If you can't reciprocate that kindness and generosity that friendship requires, grab your list of friends' expectations and do the same things for them. Then you can be sure that your friends are real, sincere, and lasting.

Tips

• There are times when a good friend will also reject your sudden plan. So try to understand the situation before making hard and irreversible decisions.
• Remember that a person who keeps his promise to others is an honest person. Somehow, that friend will definitely do the same for you - depend on each other. As long as that friend doesn't brush off every plan you come up with, that's okay. Be open-minded, selfless, but also careful enough when judging your friend.
• Some friends may actually have something planned after every school day. One may be swimming in a major swimming competition and may need to train every day of that week, so it's best to ask their parents or siblings.
• Have someone as a friend who will always stick up for you. If an argument is looming and you are 17 to two in the minority, make sure there is someone standing next to you who wants to fight with you. That may sound extreme, but even in a smaller situation, it can be useful.

Warnings

• If you dump a friend, make sure that the other person was actually just pretending to be your friend. If the other person is a true friend of yours, you could lose a great friendship.