Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Seek help
• Method 2 of 4: Take your distance
• Method 3 of 4: Take care of yourself
• Method 4 of 4: Determining whether there is psychological abuse

Not all abuse leads to swollen body parts and bruises. Long-term psychological abuse can negatively affect your social and emotional well-being, health and development. If you are being psychologically abused by your parents, the most advisable things you can do are set boundaries for yourself and keep your distance, if possible. It can also help to have people around you who you can trust and talk to about the difficult situation you are in. Learning to cope with stress and building your self-confidence can help you deal with the situation in the short and long term.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Seek help

1. Share your experiences with friends and other people you love. It can be comforting to have someone you can lean on when you are psychologically abused at home. Trust the people who love you and ask them to support you. They can support you in a positive way, take your feelings seriously, or give you advice.
   • For example, you could say something like, "I know it might scare you, but the situation at my place is pretty serious. My mom keeps putting me down and saying nothing will get to me. maybe just words, but it makes me feel very bad about myself. "
   • Know that psychological abuse often consists of brainwashing people into believing that no one cares, that no one believes them, or takes them seriously. However, you will find to your surprise how much support you get once you share it with others.
2. Inform an adult you trust about the situation. If you are a child or adolescent who has been the victim of any kind of abuse at home, inform someone you trust about the situation, such as a family member, a teacher, someone at church, or another adult. Don't let the parent who is abusing you pressure you to keep everything a secret. An adult can come to the rescue in a situation that may not be possible for a child or adolescent.
   • You may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed which makes it difficult for you to tell an adult what is going on, but it is still very important that you let others know that you are being abused. Start the conversation with something like, “I've been having some problems at home lately. Can I talk to you about it? ” You could also write down what's going on, if that's easier for you.
   • If you have already discussed it with a teacher or a counselor and you have not received any help from these people, make an appointment with the counselor at the school and inform him of your situation.
   • If you do not want to tell someone about the abuse immediately, you can call a telephone helpline, such as the Kindertelefoon on 0800-0432. This is an emergency service that is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day.
3. Find a therapist or psychologist who can treat you. Psychological abuse can cause a lot of damage. Without treatment, you run an increased risk of low self-esteem, and you may also have trouble developing healthy relationships. While it may be difficult to break through the negative beliefs and thought patterns created by the psychological abuse, a psychologist or therapist can facilitate this process.
   • Find a therapist who specializes in children or adults who are victims of abuse. During the therapy you share your experiences and gradually you trust the therapist more and more. The therapist asks questions and offers insights during the sessions.
   • If you are a child, know that most schools have a free counselor. Go to the counselor and say, "There are problems in my house. My father doesn't hit me, but he scolds me and belittles me in front of the rest of my family. Can you please help me?"
   • If you're an adult, see if your health insurance covers the costs of a therapist or psychologist.
   • Many therapists charge a rate that is tailored to the income of their clients.

Method 2 of 4: Take your distance

1. Refuse to undergo verbal abuse. Do not stay with someone if they verbally abuse you. You never have to stay with someone, call someone, visit someone, or otherwise expose yourself to someone who is abusing you. Do not allow your parents to believe that you are bad and that you therefore have to undergo their mistreatment. Set your limits and stick to them.
   • Do not go home or call them if they abuse you.
   • If you live at home, go to your room or to a friend as soon as your parents yell or insult you.
   • Set boundaries if you want to keep in touch with your parents. Say, "I'll call you once a week, but I'll hang up if you say mean things to me."
   • Know that you never have to argue with someone if you don't want to. You don't have to respond or defend yourself in any way.
2. Make yourself financially independent. Don't live under one roof with a parent who is psychologically abusing you, and don't let him or her exercise any power over you. People who abuse another often try to control someone by making the other dependent on them. So make your own money, make your own friends, and live on your own. Make sure you don't need anything from your abusive parents.
   • Take a course if that is possible. You could consider whether you can get a student grant or qualify for a special scholarship without the consent of your parents. This usually requires a formal letter from a therapist or psychologist confirming that your parents abused you.
   • Get out of home and live on your own as soon as financially possible.
   • If you are forced to live with your parents, or if you depend on your parents for your studies, take good care of yourself and set boundaries.
3. Consider breaking up with your parents. You may feel obliged to keep in touch with your parents. However, if your parents have been abusing you, it may be too much to keep in touch, especially if the abuse continues. Consider cutting ties if you experience the relationship more painfully than lovingly.
   • You do not owe any care to the people who have abused you.
   • If people around you don't understand why you broke up with your parents, know that you don't owe them an explanation.
   • "Shutting it down properly" is not always possible when you are dealing with a parent who is psychologically abusing you. If you don't want to be in touch and are worried about letting go of the opportunity to "speak up and close it off for yourself," ask yourself, Have they shown that they are willing to listen to you? Do they acknowledge my feelings? If not, you are probably better off without any kind of contact.
   • If at some point you decide to take care of your parents, focus your conversations only on the care. If they verbally abuse or insult you, leave immediately and make it clear that you do not accept this type of behavior.
4. Protect your children. Don't let your children fall victim to the same abuse that happened to you. If your parents are disproportionately critical or insulting to your children, intervene. End the conversation or make the decision not to go there again.
   • You can end the conversation by saying, "We don't talk to Eli like that. If you have trouble with the way he eats, you can talk to me about it." While most adult conversations should not be in front of children, it is important for your children to know that you are protecting them in the event of abuse.
   • Your kids will probably have a happier childhood if they don't have to resist the abuse of their grandparents.

Method 3 of 4: Take care of yourself

1. Don't trigger the people who mistreat you. You probably know by now which "triggers" (things that are done or said) really infuriate your parents. Once you know what triggers they are, it will be easier to avoid them, or to go away before the abuse starts again. One way you can find out what the triggers are is to talk to a friend about it or to write in a journal so you can better understand which things are making the abuse worse.
   • For example, if your mom is always yelling at you when she's drunk, try to leave home as soon as you see she's carrying a bottle.
   • If your dad keeps nullifying your achievements, stop telling him what achievements you are achieving. Instead, tell people who support you.
2. Try to find safe places in the house. Try to find places (like your room) that can serve as a safe haven for you. Look for other places where you can hang out, do things, and spend your time, such as a library or with a friend. Not only can you gain the support of your friends because of this - you are also a safe distance from your parents' accusations and contempt.
   • While it's smart to make sure you protect yourself from the abuse, it's also important that you know it's not your fault if you got into it. Whatever you say or do, there is never an excuse for your parents to abuse you psychologically.
3. Make an emergency plan for your own safety. The abuse may not be physical yet, but it can become physical. Make a plan in which you think about how to get yourself to safety when your parents' abuse becomes physical and when you fear for your own life.
   • An emergency plan means that you have a safe place to go, that you can call someone in case of an emergency, and that you know what legal action to take against your parents if the time comes. It may be an idea to talk to an adult, such as the counselor at school, and to work together on a plan that will prepare you well in the event of a crisis situation at home.
   • An emergency plan can mean that your mobile phone is charged at all times and that you always carry your mobile and car keys with you.
4. Spend as much time as possible with people you feel comfortable with. A healthy dose of self-esteem is simply the best remedy for psychological abuse. Unfortunately, victims of psychological abuse often have a negative self-image, and they often develop relationships with people who abuse them psychologically. In order not to fall prey to low self-esteem, spend time with friends, family members who are not psychologically abusing you, and other people who grow your confidence, instead of breaking it down.
   • You can also build your confidence by doing things you are good at. Go to a sports club at your school or near you, or another club that appeals to you. This creates a win-win situation: you will start to feel better about yourself, and you can be away from home more often.
5. Set your own boundaries with your parents. It is your right to set boundaries in relationships. If it makes you feel safe enough, sit down for a conversation with your parents who are abusing you psychologically, and tell them what behaviors you like and what behaviors you dislike.
   • When you set your boundaries, decide for yourself what consequences you will take if your parents ignore your boundaries. Many of the people who abuse others do not respect the boundaries of others. If this happens to you, do not feel guilty if you then attach the consequence that you have determined for yourself. It is important that you actually attach a consequence to crossing your boundaries, because if you only threaten you will lose your credibility with the person who is abusing you.
   • For example, you might say something like, “Mommy, if you come home drunk and then call me names, then I'll leave and live with Grandma. I want to stay with you, but I get scared if you act like that. ”
6. Learn how to deal with stress better. There is no doubt about it - psychological abuse causes a lot of stress, which can sometimes lead to long-term problems such as PTSD and depression. Develop ways to deal with the stress and engage in positive activities so that the stress remains manageable.
   • Healthy ways to deal with stress, such as meditation, deep breathing, and yoga, can help you feel calm and balanced. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, you may benefit from treatment with a therapist to learn how to deal effectively with the stress and emotions.
7. Identify your positive qualities and focus on them. Even though the parent who mentally abused you made you believe all kinds of things, you are a worthwhile person with beautiful qualities. Don't take insults and ridicule seriously. This may take time, but it is important because it will build your confidence and learn to love yourself - especially since you don't get it from one of your parents.
   • Think about what you like about yourself - are you good at listening to others? Are you generous? Intelligent? Focus on the things you love about yourself, and remember that you are worthy of being loved, respected, and cared for.
   • Make sure you undertake activities that make you happy and / or that you are good at, so that you build self-esteem and self-confidence.

Method 4 of 4: Determining whether there is psychological abuse

1. Be aware of the factors that pose a risk of abuse. Psychological abuse can run in any family. However, there are a few factors that increase the risk of psychological or physical abuse. The children who have parents who are alcoholic or drug addicted, who have untreated mental disorders such as borderline or depression, or who are themselves abused as children, are at higher risk of becoming a victim of abuse.
   • Many parents who abuse their child do not even realize that they are hurting their child. They may not have a better parenting style, or they may not realize that taking emotions out on their children is a form of abuse.
   • Your parents can have good intentions, and yet they can mistreat you.
2. Be aware if your parents humiliate you or make you small. The parent who is abusing the child may dismiss it as a joke, but this type of abuse is not funny. If your parents often make fun of you, make you feel small in front of other people, or dismiss your ideas or concerns as unimportant, then you are in a situation of abuse.
   • For example, if your dad says, "You're a loser. I swear, you really can't do anything right," then it's psychological abuse.
   • Your parents can do this when they are alone with you or in front of others; in both cases you feel bad about yourself.
3. Determine if you often feel that your parents are exercising power over you. If your parents try to control every little thing, get angry when you make your own decisions, or don't respect your ability to be self-reliant and have the right to autonomy, then you are likely to be assaulted.
   • People who behave like this often treat their victims as inferior, as people who are unable to make good choices or take responsibility for themselves.
   • Your parents may be undermining your personal choices. For example, your mom could go to your high school and ask your dean why you didn't apply to a particular college, thereby undermining you.
   • Your parents themselves may feel strongly that they are "just parents," but it is abuse.
4. Ask yourself if you are often accused or blamed for doing everything wrong. Some people who abuse others have unrealistically high expectations of their victims, but refuse to admit what they are doing wrong themselves.
   • People who are guilty of this kind of abuse often find all kinds of ways to blame you for all kinds of things, including things that any normal person would never speak to you about. They probably often say that you are the cause of their problems, so they don't have to take responsibility for themselves and their feelings. They also hold you personally responsible for their emotions.
   • For example, if your mother blames you for being born because she had to end her singing career then, she blames you for something that was not your fault.
   • If your parents say their marriage broke up "because of the kids," they blame you for their inability to save their marriage.
   • Blaming someone for things they didn't do is a technique of psychologically abusing someone.
5. Consider whether you are often ignored. Parents who distance themselves from their children and who do not give their children the emotional warmth they need are guilty of some form of child abuse.
   • Do your parents ignore you if you have done something that made them angry, are they not or hardly interested in you, in your activities and your feelings, or do they try to blame you for creating distance between you?
   • Love and care are not things you should earn. That is abuse.
6. Think about whether your parents actually want the best for you. Some parents, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, may see you as just an extension of themselves. It is impossible for these types of parents to want the best for you, even if they themselves think they have good intentions.
   • Some of the signs from narcissistic parents include disrespecting your boundaries, trying to manipulate you into doing what they think is "best", and getting angry with you if you don't live up to their unrealistic expectations about you.
   • These types of parents do not want their children to get attention, and do their best to get all the attention themselves.
   • If you are being raised by a parent, they can make you feel guilty by saying, for example, "Because you went to a party with your friends, I was at home all alone. You always leave me alone." Making you feel guilty is a form of abuse.
7. Make sure you know what a normal parenting style is. Children and teens sometimes make mistakes; that's part of growing up and being human. Whenever you need guidance, support or discipline, it is your parents' job to help you with this. It is important to be able to distinguish between normal parenting rules and what constitutes abuse.
   • In general, you can tell from the degree to which a parent is angry, whether a parent is raising a child, or whether a parent is abusing a child. It's normal for your parents to get angry or frustrated when you break the rules.
   • However, if anger is involved in breaking the rules or delivering the punishment, then the parent may be abusing you. Abuse consists, among other things, of conscious words or actions, with the aim of harming the other.
   • Even though you may not like it when your parents teach you rules, try to understand that parents have parenting rules and attach consequences to them so that you can experience safety and develop positively.
   • Consider peers who are close to their parents. What do those relationships look like? What kind of support and rules do they receive from their parents at home?