Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Dealing with a frustrating event
• Method 2 of 3: Dealing with long-term frustration
• Method 3 of 3: Dealing with frustrations in a relationship or friendship
• Tips
• Warnings

Everyone knows feelings of frustration, whether they are the result of your own shortcomings that prevent you from achieving a goal, or because someone else does not meet your expectations. Learning to deal with frustration means learning to recognize the causes that trigger these feelings and using the right techniques to choose a different emotional response.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Dealing with a frustrating event

1. Learn to recognize what the stimuli are. A stimulus is an element in your environment that provokes a sudden emotional response in you that is disproportionate to the stimulus itself. There are some common stimuli, but everyone has different circumstances that can trigger these frustrated feelings.
   • Do you get frustrated when you are forced to wait and do nothing? For example, because you end up in a traffic jam or have to queue at the cash register?
   • Do you get frustrated when people don't meet your expectations, or disturb you at work? For example, if someone sends you a text message or email that ruined your whole day?
   • Do you get frustrated when you have a difficult problem? Can difficult homework stimulate a bout of frustration for you?
2. Try to avoid the stimuli as much as possible. Knowing what touches your nerve will help you recognize when these feelings will surface and avoid the stimuli as much as possible. Stimuli often elicit an automatic response, so knowing your stimuli will help you control it when you run into one.
   • For example, set your phone to silent if you want to work without distraction, or take a break if your homework is very difficult as soon as you feel a burst of frustration.
   • If you cannot avoid the stimulus, try to realize that the stimuli are actually thought patterns that you may or may not allow, even though you may not be able to change them. Once you are aroused, take a moment to think instead of reacting impulsively.
3. Do relaxing breathing exercises. With calm, controlled breathing, you change the chemistry in the brain so that activity is controlled by the thoughtful neocortex, not the fight-or-flight amygdala. For example, conscious, concentrated breathing can help you avoid an impulsive reaction or rash words. Take a deep breath. Before venting your frustration or anger, pause and take a deep breath. Slowly count to four as you inhale, then count to four again as you exhale. Repeat this until you feel calmer.
4. Adjust your expectations of others. Other people can be very frustrating because people can be amazing and beautiful. But people can also be irrational, selfish, dishonest and inconsistent. That can be extremely frustrating. You can control your own reaction, but never the behavior of someone else.
   • Suppose you have a friend who is always late, but who is otherwise a very good friend. Adjust your expectations by realizing that you simply cannot make your friend come on time, but that you can decide for yourself what you invite him / her for. If you know that punctuality is one of your incentives, don't invite your friend to an opportunity where being on time is very important.
5. See if your response is reasonable. Frustration is a stressor that causes you to release adrenaline and other neurochemicals, which can cause you to react impulsively or even aggressively. Before yelling, making a rude gesture, or insulting someone, wait a moment and think about the relevant events. See if your response is exaggerated or perhaps inadequate. The goal is to not let others walk all over you, while also not being overbearing and walking over others. To find out how to respond to the situation, ask yourself the following questions:
   • Are things really the way I see them? Am I missing something?
   • Does what happens now matter tomorrow? Or in a week? In a year?
   • Can I voice my concerns without becoming hostile?
   • Is there information I am trying to share with others?
   • Am I trying to get the situation clear, or do I just want to be right?
   • Am I interested in the other person's needs? Can we work together?
6. Think of frustration as "delayed success" rather than "failure." How you assess the situation changes your reaction and your emotions. If you see the situation as a relapse that you will get over, you probably know right away that you can quell the frustration.
   • Say you're saving for a new car, but you need to take some money out of your savings account to get your current car repaired. Rather than fixating on the fact that you can't buy the new car right now when you intended, consider that it will only take one or two months longer and you will get over it .

Method 2 of 3: Dealing with long-term frustration

1. Try something new. Changing your routine or starting a new hobby can help you deal with long-term frustration. If you find it difficult to devote time to a hobby and actually prefer to work, choose something pragmatic, such as baking bread, making soap, sewing clothes, etc. You will find that you have many benefits both internally and externally.
2. See it from a different perspective. Dealing with frustration is actually dealing with helpless feelings. You can learn to take action to combat frustration. Taking action means that you have the ability to do something, while helplessness means that there is nothing you can do to improve your situation. Pick something that's within reach right now - no matter how insignificant it may seem - and just do it.Washing your hands or putting on clean clothes may seem insignificant compared to your problem, but at least it's something, and since our brains work like that, it's critical.
3. Spend time with people who support you. Find friends who you can talk to about your frustrations with, who will listen to you and not judge you. If you don't have friends with whom you feel comfortable enough to do this, find someone who can help you perform tasks that are frustrating for you, such as looking for jobs or using a dating site. Social contacts are good for regulating your mood. Even though a problem may seem obvious, when you talk to someone about it, you may discover things that are unclear at first glance, such as low self-esteem or specific fears. You can also talk to a mentor or therapist about these things.
4. Treat yourself. Frustration can cause tension and anxiety, which can be detrimental to our mood, sleep cycle and general biochemistry. By taking care of yourself - especially your body - you can relax and let go of the feelings aroused by the frustration. Take a bath, take a long walk, bake bread or read a book. These calm, calming activities can change the biochemistry from alarmed and disordered to calm and focused.
5. Keep a diary of your achievements. Frustration often comes with a feeling that you have no purpose or use, but frustrated people rarely have a realistic view of themselves. Counteract this by writing down what you have accomplished, including daily tasks that you are having difficulty with. If you have a hard time seeing what you have accomplished, you may have low self-esteem. Have a friend or family member help you write down what you have accomplished and what you can be proud of.
6. Exercise to reduce stress. Physical activity reduces tension and stress caused by frustration, especially when you move in the right environment. Walk, jog or cycle as much as possible in a natural environment. If you're not used to exercising regularly, start slowly so that you feel refreshed afterward, but not exhausted.
   • If you can't take long breaks to move around while working on a frustrating task, take a short break and do breathing exercises or meditate.
7. Stop procrastinating. Frustration can make you apathetic or less motivated. This can waste hours on activities that are neither productive nor enjoyable, or you may miss goals due to procrastination. If this is the case for you, break the cycle by trying the following tips, if they apply to your situation:
   • Remove unnecessary distractions. Try to stay focused, whether you are easily distracted or distracting yourself because you don't feel like doing your tasks. Turn off your phone and other electronic devices and disconnect from the internet unless necessary for the task you are working on. Free your workplace from unnecessary objects.
   • Set your own deadlines and rewards. Unpleasant or difficult tasks can reduce your motivation. Try to put pressure on yourself in a positive way, by rewarding yourself with a treat, something fun, or another prospect if you finish the task within an hour or at the end of the day.
8. Change course. If a personal project or recurring task frustrates you, try to find another project or hobby. If you get frustrated with your job, come up with ways to make your job more enjoyable, or ask if you can get other tasks or working hours.
   • Try to focus on one task at the same time. Stop multitasking. Multitasking makes any task more difficult which makes you more likely to get around it, even if you think you're good at it. Rather than working on two tasks at the same time, alternate between the two if you find them frustrating.
   • Consider switching between two projects so you don't run into a wall of frustration and stay more productive. Spend thirty to sixty minutes on a project at a time, taking a five-minute break in between.
   • If you get a lot of stress and frustration from work, consider taking a vacation, taking a sabbatical, or even looking for another job.
9. Adjust your expectations of the world. If you expect that everything will be easy, that nothing can or will never go wrong, and that you can always achieve everything without much effort, you will likely become frustrated and disappointed. The most important things in your life - work, school, relationships, learning skills - are rarely easy or fast. If it starts easy, it usually doesn't stay that way.
10. Recognize negative behavior. Frustration often leads to thoughts and behaviors that only make the situation worse. When negative things happen, try to act immediately and take a step back using the advice above. Negative behavior resulting from frustration can include:
    • Thinking about what could have happened, or how you would have preferred your life to be.
    • Spending hours on a task that is neither fun nor productive, such as watching a TV show you don't even like.
    • Sit and do nothing at all.

Method 3 of 3: Dealing with frustrations in a relationship or friendship

1. Don't talk when you are angry. Expressing strong, negative feelings is rarely good for a relationship. If you often act frustrated or angry by a person, a calm conversation will likely be much more beneficial. Leave for a while until you calm down.
2. Bring up one problem at a time. Begin the discussion on a single topic, such as a specific action or recurring behavior that frustrates you. Stay on this topic until you have discussed it properly. You can also talk about possible underlying causes or related actions, but don't list things that annoy you.
   • Try to agree with the other person right from the start that you focus on the topic at hand.
3. Allow the other person to respond. Allow the other person to talk and be heard without interruption. Try to listen carefully and then determine how you respond, rather than react impulsively. If you find this difficult, try to repeat the other person's words in your mind so that you stay focused, and keep your body and face turned towards the other person.
   • For example, if you are arguing with your partner, try not to interrupt the other person. Let him / her make his point before you respond, and think carefully about your response before you just drop out.
4. Summarize the other person's answers in your own words. This shows that you understand what the other has said, and it gives the other a chance to reconsider their words or clarify any misconceptions. This can be a very difficult step, because really listening - instead of thinking about what you're going to say - can be very difficult.
   • If your friend says you never make time for him / her, repeat that and ask, "Do you really think I never make time for you?" This gives the other person the opportunity to hear the complaint in the same way as you did.
5. Be honest but with compassion. Honestly discuss how you feel and what you would like to change, and ask the other person for their sincere opinion. Refrain from making offensive or painful comments. Use sentences starting with "I" to describe how you feel, and avoid sentences starting with "you," as they often sound like an accusation.
   • Stop passive-aggressive behavior, such as hiding your real emotions or insulting someone behind their back.
   • When having a discussion, avoid sarcasm or insults, even if it's just joking.
6. Avoid using absolute truths. These are words such as "always" and "never". Using these words can make the other person defensive because they invalidate their attempts, even though the other has tried but failed.
   • For example, don't say, "You never take out the garbage bag!" Instead, say, "You take out the trash less often than we agreed."
7. Come up with solutions together. Try to find a compromise that satisfies both of you. It can sometimes help to make a list of ideas together. You don't have to have the perfect solution right after the first discussion. For example, you can also say that the solution is temporary, and that you will discuss whether it works again after a few weeks.
   • If you're frustrated that your friend hasn't paid you back, see if you can make an installment plan instead of being frustrated because he / she can't pay it back all at once.
8. Show that you appreciate the effort. Thank the other person for making an effort to change the behavior. Even small changes - smaller than you would like - can lead to greater change if you encourage the other.
   • Using the same example of the friend who owes you money, tell that friend how much it means to you that he / she is willing to pay it back in small chunks, or even just that you are happy that he / she wanted to talk about it. Appreciating your friend's efforts will make him more willing to cooperate in the future.

Tips

• If you are not sure what is causing the frustration, seek the help of someone you trust completely or a therapist.

Warnings

• Alcohol and other drugs are not successful long-term ways to deal with your frustrations.