Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Dealing with proportional debt
• Method 2 of 2: Dealing with disproportionate debt
• Tips
• Warnings

Guilt is a natural human emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their life. However, for many people, intense or chronic feelings of guilt or shame can cause great distress. There is debt that is proportional; because of an action, decision, or other violation for which you are responsible, which may adversely affect other people. This is the healthy guilt that can spur you on to right what you have done wrong in order to create social cohesion as well as a common sense of responsibility. Disproportionate guilt is guilt about things that you cannot take responsibility for, such as the actions and well-being of other people and things that you have no control over, such as the results of most situations. This kind of guilt causes musing about supposed failures, creating shame and resentment. Whether your guilt comes from past wrongdoing or is accidental, there are steps you can take to get rid of these feelings.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Dealing with proportional debt

1. Recognize the type of guilt you feel and its purpose. Guilt is a useful emotion when it helps us to grow and learn from our behavior that has been offensive or hurtful to ourselves or others. When guilt arises as a result of hurting someone else or because it has had a negative impact that can be prevented, then we get the signal that we must change this behavior (or else face the consequences). This guilt is "proportional" and can serve as a guide for modifying behavior and adjusting our sense of what is acceptable and what is not.
   • For example, if you feel guilty about gossiping about a colleague so that you get a promotion instead of him or her, you have a proportional guilt. If you just got this promotion because you are better qualified and you still feel guilty, then you are dealing with disproportionate debt.
2. Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself is difficult, just like forgiving someone else. The steps that are important in forgiving yourself are:
   • Recognizing the suffering you have caused without exaggerating what happened or to downplay it.
   • Consider your responsibility for this suffering - it may be that there is something you could have done in a different way, but you may not be responsible for everything either. Exaggerating your responsibility can make you feel guilty for longer than necessary.
   • Understand your state of mind when the distress was caused;
   • Talk to the person or people who will suffer the negative consequences of your actions. A sincere apology can make up for a lot. It is important that you and the others know that you are aware of the damage that has been done and that it is clear what you are going to do (if there is anything to do) besides apologizing.
3. Make sure you make up for it or make changes as soon as possible. Sticking to guilt rather than making the necessary repairs or making amends is one way we punish ourselves. Unfortunately, this behavior only keeps you from feeling too embarrassed to do anything that could really help. Doing remedial work involves swallowing your pride and trusting that others will be grateful for the efforts you put in to solve the problem that caused your guilt.
   • If you are trying to make amends by apologizing, avoid justifying what you did or pointing out points of the situation that you were not responsible for. Acknowledge the pain of the other without the distraction of additional explanations or an attempt to reread the details of the situation.
     • It can be much easier to apologize for a casual comment that hurt someone. But when this behavior has been going on for a while, such as when you've ignored your partner's concerns about your relationship for years, it takes more honesty and humility.
4. Start with a journal. Keeping notes on the details, feelings, and memories of situations can teach you a lot about yourself and your actions. Working to improve your behavior in the future is a great way to relieve your guilt. Your notes can answer questions such as:
   • How did you feel about yourself and others involved in the event leading up to, during and after the event?
   • What were your needs at the time and were they met? If not, why not?
   • Did you have any motives for this action? What or who was the catalyst for this behavior?
   • What is the standard for judging such a situation? Are these your own values, those of your parents, of friends or your partner, or from an institution such as the legislature? Are these appropriate standards and if so how do you know?
5. Accept that you have done something wrong but want to move on. We know it is impossible to change the past. So, after spending time learning your actions, making amends, and fixing things where possible, it is important not to dwell on them for too long. Remind yourself that the sooner you stop feeling guilty, the sooner you can pay more attention to the other, more recent areas of your life.
   • Another example of using a diary to deal with guilt is that you can use it to keep track of your feelings, to show yourself how quickly guilt can fade, if only you pay attention to it. spends. It's especially important to take note of how making amends and recovering from the situation changed your feelings of guilt. This helps to take pride in your progress and the legitimate ways in which you have used guilt for the better.

Method 2 of 2: Dealing with disproportionate debt

1. Recognize the type of debt and its purpose. In contrast to the helpful "proportional" guilt, which signals us to make amends for mistakes, disproportionate guilt usually comes from one of the following sources:
   • Doing better than anyone else (the survivor's guilt).
   • Feeling like you haven't done enough to help someone.
   • Something of which you only thinks that you did it.
   • Something you haven't done, but what you want to do.
     • Take the example of feeling guilty about the promotion you got. If you have spread nasty rumors about a colleague just to get that promotion, then the blame can indeed be regarded as proportional in proportion to the action. But if you just got this promotion because you deserved it, and you still feel guilty, then you are dealing with disproportionate debt. This type of guilt does not serve any logical purpose.
2. Be aware of what you can control and what you cannot do about it. Keep in a journal what things you actually have complete control over. Also write down those things that you have only partial control over. Blaming yourself for a mistake or incident that you had only partial control over means that you are angry with yourself for things that were beyond your control.
   • It also helps you realize that you are not to blame for things that you regret because of you not because it is not possible for you to then knew what you now well know. You probably made the best decision with the knowledge you had available at the time.
   • Remind yourself that unlike anyone else, including someone you love, you are not to blame for surviving a tragedy.
   • Know that you are not ultimately responsible for other people. Even though you love and care about certain people in your life, they have a responsibility to take action and thereby safeguard their own well-being (as you do for your own).
3. Examine your standards for performance and helping others. Make notes in a journal, asking yourself whether the behavioral ideals you have set for yourself may be too ambitious. Often these standards are imposed on us from outside, which helped us create a foundation in our youth, but are now so rigid and unattainable that they cause immense misery.
   • This includes recognizing your right to defend and protect your own interests. Because we often feel guilty about not doing what others ask of us indiscriminately, or sacrificing something dear to us (such as free time or our own space), this is a critical part of overcoming guilt. Remind yourself to accept that people's interests can clash, and this is natural. No one can be blamed for sincerely seeking to fulfill their own needs.
4. Focus on quality, not quantity, when helping others. Guilt often comes from thinking that we are not paying enough attention to others. And because you cannot do more than you can do, you will have to remember that the quality of your help will deteriorate if you try too hard to always ready, or everyone you care about wanting to help all the time, no matter what.
   • To avoid this form of guilt, you will need to be more aware of those situations when it is really necessary you must intervene. With policy and consciously offering your help, you will give a healthier idea of ​​how much responsibility you have for others, so that you will automatically feel less guilty. It will improve the quality of the help you provide, making you aware of the good that you are well instead of the things you do could be to do.
5. Seek acceptance and compassion through mindfulness. Mindfulness and meditation can help you learn to observe your own mental processes, including the thoughts that perpetuate guilt, such as self-blame and excessive self-criticism. Once you have learned to observe these processes, you can begin to show more compassion towards yourself, knowing that these thoughts must be taken seriously or turned into action.
   • It can also help to maintain close contact with loved ones who accept you as you are and show that they have unconditional compassion for you. Seeing others treat you that way will make it easier for you to develop such an attitude toward yourself. However, you are responsible for accepting yourself and showing self-compassion, and this can be done with or without help.

Tips

• Don't act like a perfectionist about your guilt! As long as you are not completely absorbed in these feelings, a little guilt can help you strive to be honest, with integrity, and caring for others.
• Only think positive thoughts. You may have done a lot of things that hurt other people or hurt yourself, but the only solution is to forgive yourself and leave it behind. If you've already apologized to those people and they've accepted them, then you should give them space. If you keep apologizing and they won't accept it, it will only make you feel worse. Learn from your mistakes. The next time you are about to do something that could be hurtful or hurt someone, think before taking action.
• Forgive yourself to feel better.

Warnings

• The negative effects of guilt are less self-esteem, more self-criticism and other emotional blockages. If you notice these issues, it may be an indication that you have not finished dealing with your guilt.