Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Process your feelings
• Method 2 of 3: Changing your setting
• Method 3 of 3: Switch to healthy behavior
• Tips

Life is unpredictable and we all face challenges and problems. We often question our past and wonder what would have happened if certain things had turned out differently. These thoughts can consume you and keep you from moving on with your life. Rumination about the past can lead to anxiety and depression.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Process your feelings

1. Express your pain. There are many things that can cause pain in life. You may have made a mistake, regretted a decision, missed an opportunity, hurt someone, or been hurt by someone else. Instead of reliving your past in your mind over and over again, you better throw it out.
   • Express yourself by keeping a journal, talking to a close friend or family member, or talking to a professional counselor.
   • If your pain is related to another person, you can talk to that person about how you feel, or write them a letter. If you don't want to talk to that person, you can write a letter to that person, but never actually send that letter to that person.
   • Expressing your feelings about your past can also help you understand your true feelings about the situation.
2. Accept your decisions. Every time you make a decision, you say yes to one opportunity and no to the other. It can be all too easy to sit down and wonder, "what if," but that only leads to frustration. Going through scenarios in your head will not change what has already happened. Instead of thinking about what might or wouldn't have happened if you made different choices, focus on the present and what you can do now.
   • Accept that your past has happened and that you may or may not be proud of it. Either way, it is now part of your life story.
   • Say to yourself, "I made that decision in the past. At the time it seemed like a logical step. Looking back, it might have been better to ____. However, I couldn't predict the outcome, but this will help me in the future. when I have to deal with situations like this again. "
3. Make the decision to let go of your past. Once you've expressed your pain, make a conscious choice to let it go. While you can't change your past, you can choose not to ruminate about it and take steps to move on. When you choose to let go of your past, you are proactive about letting go, rather than being a victim of your past.
   • Tell yourself, "I accept myself and my past. I choose to move on from now on." Or say, "I will not be defined by my past. I choose to let it go."
   • This decision is a choice you will make every day. You may have to tell yourself every morning to move on until you actually get over your past.
4. Think about what you have learned. Your past is an opportunity for you to learn. Your experience may have taught you more about yourself, other people, or life in general. Sit down and think about the positive and negative things you have learned, but focus more on the positive ones.
   • It's okay if you have a hard time imagining something positive that you've learned.
   • Listing the positive and negative lessons can help.
   • For example, a failed romantic relationship can show you the qualities you want from your new partner (more patient, more affectionate, etc.).
5. Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and regrets. Your past is your past. It is not something that is happening right now or will certainly happen in the future. You are more than your past. It is not a definition of who you are. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on with your life.
   • Write yourself a letter explaining what happened, what you would have done differently, what choices at what point affected how you feel about yourself. Conclude the letter by writing about forgiving yourself and appreciating the person you are now.
   • Tell yourself, "I forgive myself," "I love myself," and "I accept myself."
6. Forgive other people. Maybe you have been hurt by another person in your past and you keep reliving that painful situation in your mind. However, you cannot change how that person has treated you, but you can choose to forgive them. Forgiveness is accepting what has happened to you and making the decision to let go of the anger and pain so that you can move on with your life. Forgiveness is about you, not about the person who hurt you.
   • Investigate what role you played in the situation, if any. Be empathetic and think about the other person's perspective and motivation for their actions. This allows you to understand the situation better.
   • You can only control yourself and your own emotions. Make the choice to forgive the other person. You can start a conversation with the person, you can write the person a letter, or you can write a letter and never give it to the person.
   • Forgiveness is a process that cannot be completed in a day.
7. Avoid toxic relationships. There may be harmful people in your life who are hindering your growth and your ability to move on. A person can be harmful to you if you are anxious, upset or ashamed, feeling drained or upset around the person around, or negatively affected by their personal situation, or constantly trying to help or correct them. It is important that you either get these relationships under control or remove them from your life.
   • If you keep a toxic person in your life, set boundaries that protect you from that person's behavior.
   • Tell them how you feel about their behavior by saying, "When you ___, I feel ___. I need ___. I tell you about my feelings because ___."
8. Find a professional advisor. If you need help dealing with your past, a professional counselor or therapist can help you process your feelings. A professional trained to listen can help you process your problems and give you the tools to have a more positive life. Find a therapist who is recognized, comfortable and experienced in treating your type of problems.
   • If you have health insurance, check with your health care provider for a list of mental health professionals. You can also ask for a referral from your doctor.
   • If you don't have health insurance yet, search online for comparison sites to compare the different health insurance companies.

Method 2 of 3: Changing your setting

1. Redirect your thoughts. Memories of your past will occur to you from time to time. The more you don't want to think about the past, the more you will think about your past. Rather than fighting your thoughts, accept them and then redirect them.
   • Make a plan for what you're going to say to yourself when you rumble. When you start to think about the past, what will you do?
   • If thoughts from your past come to mind, tell yourself, "It's okay. That was my past, but now I'm focused on ___."
2. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you focus on the present and take more control over your thoughts. The ability to focus on thoughts of your choice will help you stop being stuck in the past. Do mindfulness exercises when you find yourself ruminating.
   • Focusing on your breath is one of the most commonly used mindfulness exercises. Notice all bodily sensations as you breathe. How does moving the air through your nostrils feel? Your lungs? Notice how your chest rises and falls.
   • Practice mindfulness every day. Consistent practice can help improve your mood and reduce the number of negative thoughts you have.
3. Set a time limit for your thoughts. If you are unable to stop thinking about the past, try to limit the time you spend on these thoughts. Choose a specific amount of time (for example, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes) and the time you can spend thinking about your past. Pick a time of day when you are usually relaxed.
   • For example: you can think about the past every day from 5:00 PM to 5:20 PM.
   • If you have such a thought outside of this appointed time, tell yourself that this is not the time for it, and that you will pay attention to it at a later date.
4. Challenge your thoughts. When you dwell on your past, you may see it with an irrational or distorted look (for example, "everything is my fault," I'm a bad person, "etc.) that is different from what actually happened. accepting these thoughts as truth and reality. If you begin to challenge your thoughts as soon as they arise, you can develop a more objective way of seeing. Ask yourself questions such as:
   • Is there a more positive way of looking at my situation?
   • Is there evidence that my thoughts are true? Evidence that my thoughts are wrong?
   • What would I say to a friend in this situation?
   • Are these thoughts helpful?
   • Does dwelling on the past help or hurt me?
   • Instead of saying to yourself, "This is too tough," say to yourself, "I can try to do this," or "Let me take a different look at this."

Method 3 of 3: Switch to healthy behavior

1. Distract yourself. When you actively engage in an activity that you enjoy, your thoughts are not preoccupied with the past. Fill your life with activities and people that take your mind off your past. Find a new hobby (eg, arts, crafts, sports, reading, etc.), spend time with friends and family, read a book, or watch a movie. Do something that you enjoy and that makes you feel good about yourself.
   • Make enjoyable activities a regular part of your life.
   • Activities that require your full attention (such as cooking, doing a crossword puzzle) or forcing you to focus on something other than yourself (looking after a pet, babysitting a child, etc.) are particularly suitable for shifting your focus.
2. Get some exercise. Exercise releases endorphins (hormones that make you feel good) in the body and stimulates your nervous system. Try to exercise for 30 minutes or more every day. Exercise that uses both your arms and your legs (such as walking, running, swimming, dancing, etc.) is best.
   • Focus on your body and how it moves during exercise.
   • While exercising, listen to music that you enjoy.
   • Work out with friends and make it a social activity.
3. Remove triggers from your life. You may find that certain things contribute to rumination. Listening to certain music, visiting certain places or watching specific movies, etc., can make you think about your past. Changing some of these habits can help you let go of the past.
   • For example, if certain sad or slow music makes you think about the past, listen to different music for a while.
   • If you find yourself tending to rumble just before going to bed, change your habit by reading or writing in a diary before going to bed.
   • These changes do not necessarily have to be permanent. You can do some of these things again as soon as you stop thinking about the past.
4. Make plans for the future. If you keep looking to the future, you will not have time to focus on the past. Make a list of the things you are grateful for, what you look forward to, and things you want to do. Include things you have already planned and make new plans.
   • Your future plans don't have to be extravagant. This could be something as simple as going out for dinner with a friend next week.
   • When making plans for the future, write down everything you need to achieve those goals.
   • Focus on your strengths and those qualities that you are satisfied with.

Tips

• Learning to let go is a process and takes time. You will experience relapses, but stick with it.