Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Taking small steps
• Part 2 of 3: Being social
• Part 3 of 3: Stay humble

Do you need to back down a bit? If you are too self-centered, you can learn, in small steps, to be more humble in your dealings with people. Learn to cope with ordinary social interaction and remain humble in your daily life.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Taking small steps

1. Play a game that you will definitely lose. Learning to lose in style is an important step towards being less self-centered. The world will not end and that is a lesson you must learn.
   • When self-centered people lose, it's a disaster for them. Let yourself lose a match, the smaller the better. Then behave like an adult afterwards.
   • Congratulate the winner, even if they are bragging. Shake his or her hand and look the person in the eye. Then say something like, "Well played."
   EXPERT TIP

   Thank someone for something small. If you're struggling to feel gratitude, pretend until you really feel it. Let yourself say "thank you" if someone helps you. If you can train yourself to say "thank you" when someone makes the effort to help you, you will become less self-centered, just about naturally.

   • If you are driving the bus, say thank you to the bus driver. If the waitress at a restaurant fills your water glass, make eye contact and thank her. If your mom drops you off at school, say thank you. Look for ways to thank people for something.
   • Even if you think you make more money, or that the efforts of others are lacking, just thank those people.
2. Make eye contact when someone is speaking. However you feel, an easy way to show respect is to make eye contact. Even if you disagree with what someone is saying, even if you think you don't need to listen, still be respectful and make eye contact.
   • Practice your listening skills along with eye contact. Nod to show that you are listening. Summarize what someone said after saying it before you respond. Show that you are listening.
3. Listen when people talk. If you look around the room and listen to other conversations while your girlfriend is talking, you will appear bored and self-centered. When you're with someone, give them all your attention. Concentrate. Listen to what other people are saying and focus on them in your conversations.
   • Ask questions and take an interest in what people are saying. Respond to something they said, such as "How did that make you feel?" Or even "What happened next?"
4. Read a novel. Recent research has shown that people who like to read fiction can empathize with others more easily. Reading a good book can help you understand and recognize the emotions of others, so it's an easy way to work on yourself if you're feeling self-centered. All you need is a library card.
   • Obviously, reading one book doesn't automatically make you a more selfless person. But learning to empathize with others can help you on your way.

Part 2 of 3: Being social

1. Ask for help if you need it. Selfish people often have a hard time admitting that they are wrong and that they need help. Don't just blunder on your own. Recognize when your skills and talents are not enough and ask for help from someone who can help you.
   • Asking for help means being able to recognize that there are other capable people in the world. People who may be better than you at a particular task or skill. This is a good business.
2. Let someone else be in charge. Do you always feel like you need to speak up? Take a seat in the back seat for a change. If you are in a group instead of seeing yourself as a leader, let someone else take the lead.
   • When you go out with friends, does it really matter where you go to eat? If you are with five people, there could be five different opinions. Let someone else choose and have a good time.
   • It's also important to stand up for yourself, but only if your voice gets snowed under on a regular basis, and only if you have a constructive solution to add. You don't have to be a doormat to be selfless.
3. Be clear when you speak. Many things people say can seem self-centered, even when they aren't. Sometimes when you try to guess what someone else wants, you may be trying too hard. Instead of guessing, ask so you can make yourself clear.
   • Don't look for hidden intentions in people's actions and words. If your mom asks if you'd like a salad, it's probably not a subtle punch to your weight. While it could be, assuming something too soon comes across as pretty biased.
   • Some people interpret shyness as self-centeredness or ego. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. You must be willing to speak up if you need help or have something to say. Don't expect everyone to ask.
4. Stop turning every conversation into a debate. Selfish people always find a way to talk about themselves. If you tend to treat conversations like a battlefield, or a way to show off, stop it. Stop waiting your turn to speak and start listening and responding during the conversation, instead of just busy formulating your next great statement.
   • Don't try to outdo others, even if you get the chance. If someone just told you a story about how happy they were with a used bike for their birthday, it probably isn't the time to start telling you that your dad just gave you a new car.

Part 3 of 3: Stay humble

1. Dare to step out of your comfort zone. When your world is the size of your head, it's no wonder you feel self-centered. Go out and experience things that scare you (without endangering yourself or others), things that shake up your day. The more you learn, the easier it will be to humble yourself.
   • Even if you think your political acumen is infallible, try to keep an open mind about things. Occasionally let doubt creep into your reasoning to keep yourself sharp. Ask big questions and find the answers yourself.
   • If you can, try to experience other cultures. You don't have to go on an expensive vacation to do this - meet people who are very different from yourself in your home town by volunteering for example.
2. Find a group of like-minded people. For some people it can be a shocking experience to find out that you are not alone. Whatever your "thing" is, there are other people who share your interest. Even if they are obscure 78rpm records or Italian horror films. Find and join a community you belong to.
   • Go to a church and start attending if you are a believer. This can be a great way to get your feet on the ground as a self-centered person.
   • Join an association in your place. Go to the game store if you are a gamer. Go to the gym if you are a sports fan.
3. Meet new people regularly. If you have a small circle that you're comfortable with, try shaking things up a bit sometimes. Get to know new people and learn new things about others.
   • Spend time with people who are very different from yourself. Talk to a bricklayer if you work in an office, or talk to a well-dressed businessman if you're earning a minimum wage. Go to the bowling alley. Get to know others and get to know their world.
4. Get to know someone you don't like. Learning to be tactful and kind to someone who gets on your nerves is a real sign of selflessness. If you feel too self-centered, try to befriend someone you don't really like and find a way to like them better.
   • Try to guess why someone is the way they are. If your sister copies everything you do, don't worry about it at first. It's probably because she looks up to you. Give her a chance.
5. Volunteer. When you give something without wanting to get anything in return, you act selflessly.Being a member of a volunteer organization, or finding a nonprofit that supports a cause you believe in, can be a great way to work on any self-centeredness. Consider signing up for one of the following common volunteer options:
   • The Dutch Red Cross
   • Humanitas
   • Homeless shelter
   • Big Brothers Big Sisters
   • Suicide Prevention