Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Feeling a tantrum coming
• Part 2 of 3: Preventing an outburst of anger
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with underlying problems
• Tips

If you have trouble controlling your temperament, you may have, as they say, a short temper or be touchy. If you quickly become angry or lose your temper and express your anger in a less effective way, it can negatively affect your personal relationships and the relationships you have with people at work. Finding ways to control your temperament and reduce your temper tantrums can dramatically improve the quality of your life and your relationships with others.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Feeling a tantrum coming

1. Try to see anger not only as something psychological, but also as something physiological. When you get angry, a chemical process takes place in your body that triggers a biological reaction in your body that tells you to “fight or flee”. In many people, their touchiness causes them to respond by “fighting” as a result of a chemical and hormonal response in their brains.
2. Pay attention to the physical reactions of your body. Many people send out signals of anger with their bodies, even before they even realize that they are getting angry. You may be about to have a tantrum if you experience one or more of the following symptoms:
   • Tense muscles and clenched jaws
   • Headache or stomachache
   • A faster heartbeat
   • Sudden sweating or shaking
   • Dizziness
3. Notice if there are any emotional signals. In addition to the physical response to anger, you probably also start to experience certain emotional symptoms before you get really angry. Some of the emotions that often accompany anger include:
   • Irritation
   • Sadness or depression
   • Guilt
   • Resentment or hatred
   • Anxiety
   • The tendency to be on the defensive
4. Pay attention to the reasons that make you angry. Keeping a close eye on your anger outbursts and thinking about what usually makes you angry can help you identify the causes that anger you. A cause is an event in your environment that automatically triggers a response in you. Such causes are usually related to feelings or events from the past (even if you are not always aware of them). A few common reasons are:
   • The feeling that you have no control over your own life, or over your environment or a certain situation
   • The idea that someone is trying to manipulate you
   • Getting angry with yourself for making a mistake
5. Avoid known causes. If you are aware of certain circumstances that are likely to anger you, do your best to avoid those circumstances. You may especially need to try to avoid those circumstances if there are other factors that can trigger a tantrum, such as sleep deprivation, another event that triggers emotions, or more tension than usual in your life your job.
   • For example, if the fact that your boss lashes out at you is a reason for you to get angry, you could avoid that reason by walking away from the situation yourself or by asking for a moment for yourself. You can also ask if your boss can talk to you more slowly from now on.
6. Place the reasons in a different frame. If you are aware of a feeling or a memory associated with one of your triggers, try storing that memory in your memory in a different way so that the effect of the trigger diminishes.
   • For example, you may know that the fact that your boss yells at you is a trigger for you because you used to be yelled at when you were little. Then try to separate those two types of screaming. By convincing yourself that yelling when you were little was different because it only happened in a living room, you will find it easier to separate it from yelling at work.
7. Make sure you can sense when your reaction is getting out of hand. If you feel like you are starting to lose control of your anger symptoms and it seems that a mild irritation turns into real anger, literally distance yourself from the situation if possible. If you can distance yourself from the situation and make sure you are alone, you can use strategies to tone down or redirect your feelings of anger and avoid a tantrum.

Part 2 of 3: Preventing an outburst of anger

1. Apply progressive relaxation. Progressive relaxation or progressive muscle relaxation means that you constantly and increasingly tighten and relax your body. By consciously contracting your own muscles, you will be able to redirect the anger you feel more easily. To practice progressive muscle relaxation, take a few deep breaths and then do the following:
   • Start with the muscles of your face and your head. Hold the tension for 20 seconds and then relax.
   • Work your way down slowly through the rest of your body, one by one working your shoulders, arms, back, stomach, legs, feet and toes.
   • Continue to breathe deeply and feel your body settle from the tip of your toes to the top of your head.
2. Postpone your response. If you know you've gotten angry and feel like you're about to have a tantrum, give yourself some time. Remind yourself that you don't have to do anything immediately or respond to those feelings right away. Leave the situation for a moment, think about a sensible response, and don't respond until your anger has subsided.
   • If you can't literally move away from the situation, you can still delay your response by counting to 10 (or 20, 50, or 100) before doing anything.
3. Change your surroundings. If you're about to have a tantrum, go elsewhere. If you are inside, go outside for a walk if possible. Getting away from the person or situation that is causing your anger and simultaneously “startling” your senses with a completely new environment may help you regain control of the situation.
4. Try to see the humor of the situation. Because anger is partly a chemical reaction, if you manage to change the chemicals in your body, you can deceive a tantrum, as it were. By seeing the humor in a situation, or by trying to make yourself laugh at something else, you can cause the situation to be blown over by the altered chemical reaction in your body that you caused yourself.
   • For example, if you see that your kids have dumped the contents of a packet of flour all over the kitchen, your first reaction may be one of anger. But if you take a moment to look at the situation objectively (for example, by pretending to be in someone else's kitchen!), You may be able to laugh about it. By laughing about it first and then calling everyone together to help clear up the mess, you can turn an unpleasant situation into a nice memory.
5. Take a meditation break. Meditation can help you manage your feelings. So if you feel like you are about to have a tantrum, give yourself a short mental break by meditating. Physically distance yourself from the situation that is causing your anger: you can walk outside, go up the stairwell, or even sit on the toilet for a while.
   • Take long, deep breaths a few times in a row. Breathing that way for a while chances your increased heart rate to settle down. You have to take a deep breath that your stomach becomes bulging as you “inhale”.
   • Imagine in your mind that as you breathe in, your body is filled by a great, golden-white light, soothing your thoughts. As you exhale, imagine all kinds of muddy or dark colors flowing from your body.
   • When meditating has calmed you down, think about how you feel and how you can handle the situation that made you so angry.

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with underlying problems

1. Get plenty of exercise and sleep. You can get angry (and have a shorter fuse) sooner if you sleep too little or don't exercise enough. Getting enough sleep can help you effectively control your feelings. Exercising when you are angry can help you find an alternative outlet for your anger. Regular exercise can help regulate your mood and control your feelings.
2. Try to apply cognitive restructuring. Cognitive restructuring helps you replace automatic negative thoughts with more functional or more adequate ways of thinking. Anger can distort your thoughts, but by learning to think rationally you can make your thoughts clear again and make you less likely to experience an angry outburst.
   • For example, you may get a flat tire on the way to work. Because your anger automatically creates negative thoughts in you, you may think, “My whole day has been ruined! Well I get problems at work! Why do these things always happen to me ?! ”
   • If you re-structure your thoughts and look at your comments rationally, you may find that one setback doesn't automatically ruin your whole day, that at work they understand that things like that happen and it's okay. it is likely that this happens to you “always” (unless you have a flat tire every day, but then you may need to check your driving style).
   • It can also help you become aware that it doesn't help at all to get angry about the situation; you are actually making it worse by making it more difficult for yourself to find a solution (such as changing the wheel).
3. Enroll in An Anger Management Course Most anger management courses have been extremely successful. Effective courses help you understand your anger, develop short-term strategies for dealing with your anger, and work on the skills you need to control your feelings. There are a large number of options available to find a course that is right for you.
   • There are individual programs for adolescents, police officers, executives and other groups within society who suffer from angry outbursts for a variety of reasons.
   • To find a program that teaches you how to deal with your anger appropriately, you can search the Internet for “Anger Management Course” quoting the name of the city, state, or municipality where you live.You can also add search terms such as “for young people” or “for a PTSD” to find a group that has been specifically applied to your specific situation.
   • Another way to find a suitable program is to ask your doctor or therapist about it, or to find out what self-help programs are available in your area.
4. Get therapy. Ultimately, the best way to control your temperament is to identify and treat the root of your anger problems. This is best done by making an appointment with a therapist. A therapist can prescribe calming techniques for you to use in situations that make you angry. He or she can help you develop the skills you need to deal with your feelings and give you communication training. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in helping people solve problems from the past (such as childhood neglect or abuse) can help reduce anger related to past events.
   • Those living in the United States can find a therapist who specializes in dealing with anger, and those living in the United Kingdom can go here.

Tips

• When you are angry your heart beats faster, you feel uncomfortable and you want to express that in some way. Stay calm and take a few deep breaths, close your eyes for a moment and you will find yourself getting the situation back under control. That way, you will also slowly get your anger under control.
• Give yourself time to change. If you are chronically troubled with temperament problems, it may take a while before you really manage to control your emotions.
• Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. This calms you down in any situation.
• If you feel a situation in which you are likely to get angry or frustrated, such as at work, try to rehearse the scene for yourself in advance. Always have a “rehearsed” response ready for possible triggers for an outburst of anger.
• If no one sees you in a pillow, punch and / or yell. Set yourself a time limit for this. This will help you let off steam so that you don't take your anger out on someone else.
• Try to write down the things that make you angry. Jotting down those things can help you better control your anger and help prevent an aggressive response.
• Go to the gym. By doing sports (in a safe way) the adrenaline is released that accompanies a tantrum.
• If you get angry in class, ask the teacher if you can leave the classroom for a while.
• Talk about your problems with someone who cares about you and who is not personally involved in your situation. This could be one of your parents, a friend, a therapist, or a friend on the Internet with whom you can chat. It has to be someone you trust and who you would talk to with confidence.
• Be patient. If you try too hard to control your temperament, you may just get angrier. Believe in yourself.