Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Wondering why he broke up
• Part 2 of 4: Give him space
• Part 3 of 4: Focus on yourself
• Part 4 of 4: Friendly contact
• Tips
• Warnings

If your boyfriend breaks up with you, calling him to say how you feel might be the first thing you'd want to do and hope he wants to get back to you. You may feel the need to shower him with pleas to mend the relationship, but first ask yourself if getting back together is the best thing for you. If getting your friend back is really what you want, consider giving him some space, working on yourself, and finally reaching out to him in a friendly manner.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Wondering why he broke up

1. Try to understand why the relationship ended. Was it an argument, cheating, or do you feel like he has slowly lost interest in you? Understanding why he broke up will help you gauge whether getting him back is the best thing to do.
   • Think about his behavior in the weeks leading up to the breakup. This will help you determine if the relationship can be saved.
   • If it was a sudden breakup due to a disagreement, he might just need some time to cool down.
   • If the relationship has been bad for months, ask yourself if trying to get it back is worth it.
2. Think about the cause of the fight. If it was a fight that led to the breakup, understanding why the fight occurred will help you mend the relationship. Was it your first fight, or were there regular problems? People argue all the time, break it up and then make up. But if this was a pattern, it means there were bigger problems in the relationship.
   • If the fight was physical, understand that physical violence is never okay. Getting back into a relationship with someone who is abusive is not a good idea.
   • Likewise, it is never okay to use violence against a partner. Get help from friends, family, and possibly a doctor if you've been thinking (or thinking about) harming your partner.
3. Wonder if cheating will continue to be an issue. If the relationship ended because of cheating, ask yourself if a healthy relationship will still be possible. More often than not, a relationship that ended for cheating is better off staying that way.
   • If he cheated on you, ask yourself if you can really forgive him. You may react emotionally if the relationship has recently ended.
   • If you've cheated on you, you may wonder if trying to get him back is fair to him. The betrayal of cheating is hard for most people to put behind them.
   • There was probably a cause for the cheating. It is possible that the cheating person did not feel happy in the relationship.
4. Understand why he has lost interest. If the relationship has bled out because of a loss of interest, ask yourself what the reason is. The timing may not have been right, you may have been going through a rough time, or you may not be the right person for him.
   • He may have lost interest in you because one of you has changed. You may have undergone a temporary change due to difficult circumstances, or you may have grown as a person. Sometimes people grow apart.
   • If the relationship ended because one or both of you changed, it is probably best for each to go their separate ways.
5. Accept the mistake. If you think you have done something wrong, then you must accept it and be willing to admit your wrong behavior. Understand that if you hurt him, he was likely hurt by your actions.
   • Make sure you don't repeat the mistake. If he wants you back, it's important not to repeat your mistakes.
6. Understand your intentions. Wonder if you really want him back, or just because he broke up. You may feel the need to prove to yourself that you can get him back, if your confidence has been hurt because he broke up. Of course, you may also realize how much you care about him.
   • Don't try to get back together if you don't have honest intentions. This will only lead to heartache for both parties.

Part 2 of 4: Give him space

1. Be patient. It may take a short time to get it back or it may be a lengthy process. Either way, you'll have to give him space.
2. Make the decision to be out of touch for a while. You can break contact for a week, a month or even a few months. The length of this period depends on the circumstances under which you broke up.
   • Try to stay out of touch for a week if you think a short period of no contact is best for you.
   • If it was a painful fracture, avoid contact for at least a month.
   • During this time, do your best not to respond to his messages or phone calls when he contacts you. You can decide to get back in touch after a while, but completely disconnecting can rekindle his interest in you.
3. Stop calling and texting him. You should stop contacting your ex if you've been calling or texting your ex all the time. By stopping this you give him space to cool down. This also gives him a chance to consider whether or not he made a mistake.
4. Do not contact him via social media. You can consider unfriending him on social media, but you don't have to. However, it is important to stop responding to or like the messages he posts. Also, don't send him text messages.
   • Only unfriend him if you find it too difficult to avoid contact with him or not read his messages. In all other cases it is better to leave this form of communication open to the future.
   • Don't look at what he posts on social media. It will only hurt you more to see that he is having a good time without you.
5. Don't try to run into him. Avoid his favorite hangouts, and avoid outings with mutual friends for a while. Don't change your life too much, but try to avoid personal dealings with him.
   • Stay friendly and businesslike when you are colleagues or go to the same school, but don't talk to him unless necessary.
6. Sit back and relax. Don't spend too much time avoiding your ex-boyfriend. Do your best to focus on other things you enjoy. He may begin to realize how important you are to him if you don't respond in a desperate or needy way.

Part 3 of 4: Focus on yourself

1. Give yourself time to feel sad. It's normal to feel emotional after a breakup. Don't try to suppress your grief. You will not be able to focus on the recovery of the relationship with a clear mind until you have released your emotions.
   • It's normal to feel sad because of a breakup. You should seek help if the grief is starting to manifest in other areas of your life and does not improve over time.
   • Ask for help if your sleep, eating, and concentration are affected for more than two weeks. Be sure to seek help if you have thoughts of harming or killing yourself.
   • Do not feel too burdened with self-pity. Allow yourself time for grief, but don't forget the positive aspects of yourself.
2. Express your emotions in a creative way. Write down your thoughts in a journal, paint a picture, or write songs. Writing and art are therapeutic ways of expressing your thoughts and feelings.
3. Make time for friends and family. Sometimes a breakup can leave you with a feeling of loneliness, and it's common to lose touch with a few friends over the course of a relationship. Take time without your ex to reach out to friends and family. Being with the people you love is a positive way to build trust and mend hurt feelings.
4. Make a positive change in your appearance. There is nothing wrong with the way it looks now, but a change of appearance is a quick way to regain your confidence. The change in your appearance can be as simple as having your teeth whitened or as dramatic as a new hair color.
   • Buy a new outfit. New clothes can show how nice, sexy or hip you are.
   • Exercise. A healthy lifestyle change is beneficial for you, and your ex-boyfriend may notice the change.
5. Try something new. Now is a great time to try those things you've always wanted to do. Doing something new is a great way to take your mind off the breakup and avoid contacting him too soon.
   • Take yoga classes.
   • Go on a journey to a new destination.
   • Take cooking classes.
   • Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
6. Do not forget who you are. When someone breaks up with you, you don't suddenly become less of a person. Use this time to realize what aspects about you made your ex-boyfriend fall for you in the first place.
   • Consider your strengths, but also consider your weaknesses. Don't hang around there too long, though. Instead, think of ways to improve yourself.

Part 4 of 4: Friendly contact

1. When you are really ready, seek friendly contact. Try to stick to the period when you did not want to have contact with him. Don't try to contact him after a short while because you feel the urge to do so. Contacting him with a clear and strong mind is better for both you and your ex-boyfriend.
2. Start small. Make your first attempt at contact by liking what he posts on social media. If the two of you aren't interacting with each other on social media, send him a short text message.
   • When sending a text, don't start too long a conversation. Tell him you hope he is okay or that you saw something that made you think about him.
3. Send him a text message. Start sending him a standard greeting or ask how he is doing. Try to start a light conversation.
   • Don't bring up missing, loving, or wanting him back.
   • Don't text him over and over if he doesn't respond. Wait at least a few days or a week before trying again. If he never responds, don't contact him again.
4. Call him up. Once he starts answering your texts, you can give him a call. Hearing your voice after you have been apart for a while can remind him how much he missed you.
   • Don't try to talk about the relationship just yet. Update him on your life and ask how he is doing.
   • Don't get emotional or angry if he doesn't initially respond in the way you would like.
5. Ask him out. You don't have to ask him out on a date just yet. Suggest seeing each other again or doing something together.
   • Suggest having a cup of coffee together.
   • Suggest taking a walk or walking together.
   • Ask him to go to a movie or event that might interest him.
6. Take it easy. Don't expect to be able to return to the relationship you once had with him right away. Understand that he may still be hurt or confused. Spend time together in a friendly manner, but don't try to force anything.
   • Tell him what new things you tried while you were apart.
   • Only use the confidence you gained during that time to remind him of how nice and nice you are.
7. Gently bring up the suggestion to try again together. Tell him you enjoy your time together and let him know that you would like a romantic relationship again. Don't start begging him to take you back as soon as he starts to feel comfortable with you again.
   • Don't ask to be together again right away in the beginning. Tell him you have in mind being together again.
   • Let him know that you would like to get back into a relationship with him by telling him that you think you've been apart enough time to start with a clean slate.
8. Talk about it. You may want to start with a clean slate, but understand that it will be difficult to get back together without talking about the past. Listen to his feelings and concerns. Talk to him calmly about your side of the story.
   • Talk out your disagreements and come to an agreement. Don't jump back into a relationship without first solving the issues that led to the breakup.
9. Respect his decision. He may agree to try again together, but he may think it is better not to. Don't get mad at him if he doesn't want to come back to you. Understand that you have no control over the situation.
   • Don't stir up the past when you're back together. Talk about the past before deciding to start a relationship again.
   • Don't react badly if he decides not to come back. He may not be ready yet. Do not sabotage your future opportunities by reacting emotionally.
   • Ask if his decision not to come back to you is final. Accept that you will no longer be in a relationship with him.
10. Remember that another person does not determine your worth. Regardless of the outcome, your worth is not determined by a romantic partner. Regardless of the outcome of his decision, remain confident and independent.

Tips

• Take photos of your adventures and post them on social media. Show him you're having fun without him.
• Take time between calls, text messages and appointments with him. Don't try to rush the process of getting back together.
• Don't forget to be yourself. Don't try to change who you are because you think he'll find you more attractive.
• Realize that being back together does not guarantee that you will stay together. Some relationships just don't work. Getting back together after being apart for some time does not guarantee that you will stay together.

Warnings

• Don't threaten your ex with self-harm or violence.
• Don't contact your ex-boyfriend excessively often. While it may seem like you can't live without him, understand that too much contact isn't healthy for you or your ex.
• Respect his decision if he doesn't want to contact you. Repeated contact with someone who does not want to is unhealthy behavior.