Content

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• Part 1 of 3: Describing your personality
• Part 2 of 3: Understanding your personality
• Part 3 of 3: Drawing inspiration from the Big Five

Whether you're writing a resume, preparing for a job interview, or just trying to make new friends, being able to describe yourself is a useful skill. How you describe yourself is how you present yourself to others. In order to present yourself to others in the right way, it is important to know who you are.

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Part 1 of 3: Describing your personality

1. Build your vocabulary. By taking personality tests and reading about personality types, you can form a vocabulary of words that describe who you are. If you can't find words, you can also look for lists of personality adjectives.
   • A web search of "personality adjectives" will give you several websites where you can get ideas.
2. Know which words to avoid. Some words may sound good when others use them to describe you, but when you use them to describe yourself, it can come across as self-righteous or otherwise bad. Words to avoid:
   • Charismatic - Saying this about yourself will seem like you are convinced of yourself.
   • Generous - Leave it to others to determine depending on your behavior.
   • Modest - Calling yourself modest is something a modest person does not do.
   • Smart - People who think they are funny rarely are. Even the funniest people are very insecure.
   • Empathetic - Empathy is also a description that is best shown through action. Describing yourself as empathetic is like boasting about modesty.
   • Fearless - We are all afraid of something. Saying that you are fearless will likely give the impression that you have too much confidence in yourself and may even keep people from being attracted to you.
   • Intelligent - People notice when you are smart. You don't have to tell them that.
   • Sympathetic - Who are you sympathetic to? Everyone? Saying that you are likable can cause people to subconsciously look for reasons not to like you.
3. Show it instead of saying it. A safe way to describe yourself is to use stories that show who you are, rather than just adjectives. A common mantra among writers and football players is "actions not words". The same goes for describing your personality, especially in job interviews.
   • For example, instead of saying you are nice and patient, tell a story where you helped a client or de-escalated a difficult situation in a previous job.
   • Instead of telling friends that you are adventurous, tell them that you enjoy going on an adventure, then describe one of your favorites - for example, the time you took a challenging 7-day trek, or the month you went through Traveled Asia.
4. Focus on the facts. If you're looking for words to describe yourself on a resume, focus on the facts instead of describing yourself with adjectives. Adjectives only tell the employer how you see yourself, while facts about past work and performance speak for themselves.
   • For example, if you are applying for a job as a customer service representative, give examples of situations where you have been patient and proactive in dealing with people.
5. Adapt your language to the context. Describing yourself to friends or family will sound different than describing yourself in a job application. In either case, you want to be honest about yourself, but when applying for a job, you have to describe the best version of yourself.
   • Take it a step further and adapt your words to the current situation.It is important to be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, but which of these you reveal will depend on the context in which you share them.
   • For example, imagine that you are applying for a job where you will be working with people. Even if you're good with people, if you say you're an introvert who likes to be alone, your employer won't be confident to hire you.
6. Talk about your interests and experiences. Instead of using adjectives to describe yourself, talk about your interests and experiences. Imagine standing in front of someone and describing yourself with adjectives. That would be weird (and awkward):
   • "Hello, my name is Linda, and I am neat, caring, detail-oriented, empathetic and nice to meet you." Maybe you can get away with that if you're writing a profile for a dating site, but even then it would be a bit weird.
   • Instead, try, “My name is Linda. I am a barista which I love because I love coffee, jazz, designing with milk and wearing an apron. I also like movies (especially sci-fi and documentaries) and walking tours .... ”
7. Don't just talk about yourself. If you're trying to describe yourself to a friend or someone you're romantically interested in, don't forget to ask him questions about himself as well. Being a good listener is one of the most important things you can do to get people to like you.
8. Never lie about your personality. When you get to know yourself, you will realize that there are a number of things you can and cannot do, and that is fine. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, with yourself and with others.
   • Being dishonest about your strengths and weaknesses can land you a job you are bad at or brag with friends you don't click with.

Part 2 of 3: Understanding your personality

1. Keep a diary. If you have a hard time expressing who you are, you may find it helpful to keep a journal. Keeping a regular journal of your thoughts and feelings will help you become more aware of yourself. You can even use your diary specifically to discover what really makes you you.
   • Studies have shown that people who keep diaries are healthier both physically and mentally. Aim for 15 to 20 minutes a day. Even keeping your diary a few days a month can be useful.
2. Start with an "me" book. If you want to find out who you are, you can benefit from reserving a book or folder for all the materials you use in your quest for who you are. This can be diary entries, personality tests, creative writing, drawings - anything you want to put in them.
3. Make lists. Making lists of things that are important to you will help you further connect with who you are. Here are some examples of the types of lists you can create:
   • Do's and Don'ts - Fold a sheet of paper in half. At the top of one half you write "Nice" and at the top of the other half you write "Not nice". This can potentially be a huge project, so limit what you like and don't like to one category per list: movies, books, food, games, people.
   • What I Would Do If I Had Unlimited Money - You can even brainstorm or draw on this. List what you would buy or goals you would pursue if money wasn't an issue.
   • The things I fear most - What are your worst fears? Spiders? Death? Loneliness? Write it down.
   • What makes me happy? - List what makes you happy. You can even describe specific scenarios where you have felt happy, or where you think you would feel happy.
4. Ask yourself why. Making lists is only the first step. The next step is to think critically about why you like or dislike certain things, or why certain things scare you while other things make you happy. By forcing yourself to answer the question "why", you will get to know yourself better.
5. Research personality traits online or in a book. Career books and psychology books will often contain descriptions of personality traits and also self-tests you can take to determine what your personality is.
6. Take personality tests. You can find these in career and psychology books or online. There are numerous websites that offer free personality tests. Just make sure to choose one with a good reputation.
   • Avoid taking tests on popular websites as they are often created by people who are not trained in psychological evaluation. Sites like Buzzfeed are popular for this type of testing, which is fun, but not scientifically accurate.
   • If you land on a website that asks you to enter more personal information than your email address, age, and gender, then you better double-check that the site is safe. A free site has no reason to ask for your credit card information, your exact date of birth, your full name, or your address.
7. Compare your interests with personality traits. Once you have a picture of the different types of personality traits, you can go through your lists and journal to see if you recognize signs of specific traits.
   • If you do dangerous things, or often talk about going on an adventure, you can describe yourself as an adventurous risk taker or a daredevil.
   • If you think you often try to help people, then you can be generous or loyal or, on the negative side, a doormat (follower).
   • If you often make people laugh, you can say that you are funny. This can also be a sign that you are masking your fears or nervousness with humor, but you will know this is the case if you often joke when you feel nervous.
8. Ask your friends and family. If you are curious about how others see you, ask your friends and family how they would describe you as a person. Remember that in the end no one knows you better than you know yourself.
   • It's important to know what your friends and family are saying, but they look at you from their own life experiences, which are all different. Your mom may say you're a messy, hyper kid, while your friends say you're well organized and relaxed.
   • Consider everything your friends and family say, and then draw your own conclusions. If everyone says you can be a little mean at times, that could be something you want to explore (and remedy).
9. Know that your personality is not set in stone. People change through time and experiences. Who you are now is probably very different from who you will be ten years from now. Be flexible in determining who you are and leave room for change.
10. Be comfortable with yourself. You have strengths and weaknesses, and positive and negative elements in your personality. Accept all parts of yourself. Celebrate the parts you like, and work on changing the parts you don't like, but don't punish yourself for being who you are.
    • Of course you have weaknesses, but you also have strengths - and you can work on your weaknesses. Hey, even the weaknesses can be strengths in disguise.

Part 3 of 3: Drawing inspiration from the Big Five

1. Know what the "Big Five" personality traits are. Studies of different cultures show that most personality variants can be reduced to scores in five types of traits. These are referred to as the Big Five: Extraversion, Neuroticism, Conscientiousness, Altruism, and Openness.
2. Take an online personality test. To find out your score in the Big Five attributes, do an online search for "Big Five Personality Test" and choose a few that you like. There will be differences between the tests, so try a few to see if you keep getting the same results.
   • Some tests to try are "The Big Five Project Personality Test" offered by Out of Service, or the "Big Five Personality Test" offered by Psychology Today.
3. Find out how your score is in extroversion. High scores (aka extroverts) are fun hunting, cheerful, ambitious and hardworking. They love to be the center of attention. Low scores (or introverts) are often more withdrawn and less driven by success, fun and appreciation.
   • You can be an outgoing if you chat a lot and are social, and feel energetic in groups.
   • You can be an introvert if you prefer to be alone and find social situations draining your energy.
   • The line in between isn't necessarily a sharp one: introverts also like social events, but they recharge by spending time alone, while extroverts usually recharge by socializing.
4. Find out your score in neuroticism. People who score high in neuroticism tend to worry and suffer from chronic anxiety, while low scores are often more emotionally stable and content in life.
   • If you are often anxious, even when everything is going well, then chances are you will score high in neuroticism. The good side of that is that you also have a lot of attention to detail and the ability to think deeply about things.
   • If you are not very detail-oriented and find yourself not worried about anything, chances are you have a low score in neuroticism. The advantage of that is that you are carefree, but the downside is that you may not think deeply enough about things.
5. Know how to score on conscientiousness. A high score in conscientiousness means that you are disciplined, efficient and systematic. If you score low, you may find it easier to be spontaneous, but harder to achieve self-imposed goals.
   • If you do well in school and are driven to achieve your goals, but you find it difficult to adapt to change, you will likely score high. People who suffer from obsessive compulsive personality disorder score high in conscientiousness.
   • If you have a lot of unfinished projects and see yourself as a spontaneous, intuitive person, chances are you will score low in conscientiousness.
6. Find out where you score in altruism. Altruism measures how warm and friendly you are. Highly altruistic people are trusting, helpful, and compassionate, while non-altruistic people are cold, suspicious of others, and less likely to cooperate.
   • If you find that you often feel empathy for other people and don't get angry easily, then you are probably a very altruistic person. The downside is that you are likely to stay in unhealthy relationships even if you are not happy.
   • If you are not altruistic, then you probably have a short fuse and an overall distrust of people. Successful performers and business executives often score low in altruism because their professions require a degree of stubbornness.
7. Find out how to score in openness. Openness measures fantasy. People who score high in openness are usually interested in the arts and esoteric ideas. Low scores may be more interested in practical and logical matters.
   • If you find yourself often seeking adventure and new experiences, especially related to artistic and spiritual endeavors, then you are probably very open. The downside is that you may not be very good at solving practical problems.
   • If you score low, you may have little imagination, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It does not mean that you are not intelligent, and you may very well be better able to meet the daily necessities than those who score high in openness.
8. Do not make value judgments based on your scores. Experts are quick to point out that positive and negative personality variants are associated with all of the Big Five traits. For that reason, people should refrain from making value judgments based on how high or low someone scores on a particular trait.
   • If you think you are suffering from either too high or too low a score on any of the Big Five traits, you can work on strengthening yourself where you think you are weak. It makes you stronger if you know your weaknesses.