Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Making a decision
• Part 2 of 3: Drawing up a plan
• Part 3 of 3: Say goodbye
• Tips
• Warnings

The decision to leave your husband changes your life, and there are several factors to consider, especially if children are involved. If you are trying to make this difficult decision, it is good to know that you are not alone. In the United States, for example, about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. This is not a decision that you can be overly frivolous about, and it is important to keep your current financial situation in mind before proceeding. Once you have made the decision, it is important to know what steps to take to ensure that your emotional and financial strength is safeguarded when you close the door behind you.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Making a decision

1. Decide it is time to end your marriage. This is one of the most difficult and most important decisions you will ever make. So it is important that you are 100% sure that your marriage is on the rocks before moving on. If you are on this page, chances are that your decision has already been made. Still, here are some more signs that the marriage is really over:
   • When you're not a couple anymore. This means that you and your husband have separate friends, separate interests, don't spend time together, and have no idea what's going on in the other person's life.
   • When your husband is no longer willing to try. If you've raised the issues in your marriage several times and your husband has made a promise to change, or firmly refuses, it may be time to pack your bags.
   • If there is any abuse, get out. In the event of abuse, there are no good reasons to stay or to prolong the pain. If there is any abuse, get out as soon as possible. Bird out the rest once you get yourself to safety.
   • If one or both of you has been repeatedly unfaithful. It is different if one of you has had an affair and you have worked hard to prevent it in the future. But if cheating and affairs is normal, then it is pointless.
   • When you are no longer a team. If you are no longer making decisions together, communicating with each other, or compromising, it may be time to leave.
   • If you cannot agree on having children. If you would like to have children but your husband does not, or vice versa, it may not make sense to continue the relationship. If you cannot agree on this important point, then it will be difficult.
   • See if you can make this decision with your right mind. You shouldn't decide to leave your husband when emotions are running high. You have to take some time to think about it carefully.
   • See if you've tried anything and everything and none of it worked. If you've been in relationship counseling, had long conversations with each other, and if you've both tried in vain to change, it may be time to leave. If you've been feeling dissatisfied for just a little while and your husband doesn't know about it, it might be worth talking about it first.
2. Consider having an honest conversation about it. The steps below can help you plan if you have to secretly leave your husband. You only let him know if you close the door behind you, or if you have already done so. This can be helpful if you are not sure how your husband will react or if you think he will stop you from leaving. But if you're both open to having the conversation, if he's very supportive, and if you've always been open and honest with each other, you might want to talk to him first. Maybe you can try to fix it.
   • You may be amazed at how many of those feelings your husband shares - or how far he wants to go not to lose you.
   • This doesn't mean you have to persuade yourself to stay. But if you still have doubts, and are not sure if things are still glued to it, a conversation with him can make a big difference.
3. Keep the decision to yourself. This can be difficult, but this step is essential in several ways. Leaving a marriage can create an uncertain situation. Keeping your decision to yourself will give you time to prepare for departure. Tell as few people as possible. People you are close to, who support your decision, and whom you can trust; no blurting out.
   • If you don't want to talk to your husband about it and avoid a bad situation, then you better keep it to yourself. That way you give yourself the time to figure out the details. If your spouse is aware of your plans and does not want you to leave, he may try to thwart your plans. Or he will make it very difficult for you to get something done.
   • This may seem like a secret, but your goal should be to get the most solid footing possible financially. You don't want your spouse trying to prevent that.
   • It can be difficult to act immediately. However, planning a strategy can take as long as 2-6 months. This way you ensure that you do not get in trouble financially. You may think you can leave immediately, but you are wrong. It is better for the longer term if you take the time to plan your departure well.

Part 2 of 3: Drawing up a plan

1. Open a separate bank account. This is especially difficult for stay-at-home mothers who have no income. However, saving a little money will ensure that you have more financial support. Open a separate account even if you don't have that much money to deposit into it. It can help you on your way. This will make it easier to sort out your finances if you are actually going to leave your husband.
   • Taking money from a joint account should only be used as a last resort - something just before you leave.
2. Look for housing. When you leave the marital home, it is important to find new accommodation. In some cases you can live with someone else temporarily, but in the long run it is better to find an affordable home. This will raise some questions. If you don't have children, it can be relatively easy to move and be closer to your family. Maybe you want to try something new and have always dreamed of a warmer climate. Whatever you do, have a plan ready and a temporary home.
   • If you and your husband agree on the divorce and you can talk about it, then you can decide together who will leave the house. When children are involved, this question is even more important.
   • Once you've made up your mind, try to save money for the move, whether you're moving across town or across the country. After you leave, you will likely be on a tighter budget.
3. Gather your papers. During the marriage, you will gather many important documents, including mortgage, car, pension, and other documents. Make sure you have copies of these documents as you will need them for the divorce.
   • If you see a lot of documents that you will definitely need, make copies of them. You never know when they will come in handy. Better shy about it than shy about it.
   • If you really want to have thorough copies of everything, you can hire a professional to clone the computer's hard drive. You can also take pictures of certain valuable properties. These may serve you in the future if money appears to be "missing" in the settlement.
4. Make a plan for the kids (if you have one). If you and your husband have children together, it is important to determine what is best for them. Do you think your spouse could be a good (or at least reasonable) father, or do you have reason to suspect otherwise? This will be one of the most important decisions you will have to make.
   • Remember, you can't just stop your kids from seeing their dad because you don't want to be him anymore. It takes a good reason (such as alcohol abuse) to deny him access to his children.
   • Make this decision with your right mind. It can have a significant impact on other things, such as where you will live and the future of your children.
5. Contact a divorce attorney. A divorce costs a lot of money and time. So it is wise to shop around to find a lawyer you can afford, especially if you think it will be a lengthy process. You may fall prey to the temptation to save money and decide to do everything yourself. However, the right lawyer can save you a lot of pain and effort. You don't want to put yourself in a financial noose that you can't get rid of because you had no money to spare for a lawyer.
   • If it really doesn't fit your budget, consider hiring another legal counsel.
6. Start planning your post-divorce budget. If you are already doing very well financially, this is certainly a bonus. But it's important to consider your budget when you leave your husband. It's important to ask yourself these questions before closing the door behind you. Unfortunately, research has shown that many women have to settle for a decrease of 1/4 or even 1/3 of what they were used to after divorce. However, don't let this discourage you! If you have a good plan, you can make it. Here are some things to consider:
   • What new expenses will you have to deal with?
   • What can you cut back on?
   • How much do you spend on taking care of the children (if you have one)?
   • How are you going to make the money you need?
7. Don't become dependent on alimony. Alimony and child benefits can certainly be part of your future income, but in the current economy they are by no means always guaranteed. If you are certain that your husband will pay faithfully, that's one thing. You should ask yourself if you can really count on your former spouse.
   • This can be even more difficult if you are the breadwinner. In that case, you pay for the alimony.
8. Create a plan to increase your earnings. If you have a better idea of ​​the budget you need, then you should ask yourself whether you need to increase your income. If you have a well-paid job and a lot of savings, that's perfect. But if you have to take a job, or another job that pays better, then you have to take those steps. This doesn't mean you have to become the CEO of a new company before you can leave your husband, but you can take steps to boost your earnings. Here are some things you can do:
   • Take classes / courses to learn necessary skills. Maybe you need better computer skills or you need specialized training.
   • Buy a new suit so you are prepared for potential job interviews.
   • Prepare your resume. You don't have to send this before you leave your husband, but it is useful if you have a good resume at hand. When you leave you will feel overwhelmed. You probably won't have the time or the mental strength to update your resume.

Part 3 of 3: Say goodbye

1. Pack your bags. You can choose to start with the smaller, less flashy things. Or you can do everything in one day. Determine what is the safest approach for you. If you think your husband is going to get violent or threatening when he sees you pack your things, do it when he's not around. Still, for your own safety and protection, it is wise to bring some family members or friends to help you.
   • It may be wise to pack your things together when your husband is at work. Even if he agrees, it will be a lot more painful to pack your things when he's around.
2. Departure. Maybe you've already told your husband you were leaving, or maybe it's like a bolt from the blue. Even when you know you made the right decision, this step can be the hardest. Of course every situation is different. If you and your spouse have been talking about it for months, it won't come as a shock. If you are afraid of violence or threats, it is best to leave suddenly.
   • Whatever your reasons for leaving, it is up to you to determine the best way to do it - through good, honest conversation; or with a note.
3. Try to find as much emotional support as you can. Now is not the time to be stuck with your worries alone. If you have left your husband, you should be able to rely on your family, friends, and possibly a therapist as much as possible. This is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, and the pain is a lot better to withstand when you have the love and support of the people who care about you most. There is no shame in asking for help.
   • While it's important to take some time for yourself to sort out your feelings, it's just as important to get out the door. Make plans with friends, family, and enjoy long conversations.
   • Don't be afraid to call old friends. You can just chat with them or ask if they want to help you. They will understand what you are going through and understand that it is very difficult for you. They will support you through thick and thin.
   • Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your decision. You may lose the support of some friends and family members. Don't let this stop you from staying determined. Know that your decision allows you to start new, meaningful friendships.
4. Try to get back to normal. This will not happen overnight. You have to recover emotionally as well as financially. It may take years for you to feel independent again and regain control of your life. Most importantly, you know that you are on the right track, and that your decision will ultimately make you happier - even if it doesn't seem like it right now. And when you are back to normal, you can praise yourself for the strength you had to make the decision. You also need to realize that you have really pushed through and worked with determination. You can be proud of that.
   • While women often suffer financially after a divorce, this doesn't stop them from exploring new things - things they never knew they liked. They reach further in their careers and are capable of doing great things. Things they couldn't have done if they had stayed married. In the end, you don't just become the old one. You become stronger, wiser, and you feel satisfied.

Tips

• You may need to keep your belongings in a storage unit if you are temporarily staying with someone else. You can rent such space at different prices and for different periods.
• If you have children, try to keep things as much as possible. The transition from a family to a single-parent family can be tough. Don't forget to let your kids talk about their feelings openly.

Warnings

• If there is any abuse, never stay. There are agencies that help women and children to get out of unsafe situations. Such agencies can also help you find housing, work, and related matters.
• Never argue when the kids are around.
• Never resort to physical violence. The legal consequences will be incalculable. Try to stay calm at all times.
• Don't plunge into a new relationship until the divorce and separation are well and truly set in motion.
• Do not try to destroy your spouse's property. He can try to get you to pay for the costs of the divorce. He can also take legal action against you.