Reduce your anger

Content

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Method 1 of 3: Relaxation exercises
Method 2 of 3: Changing the way you communicate
Method 3 of 3: Keep stress and anger at bay
Tips
Warnings

Your shoulders are tense, you breathe faster, your jaw clenches tightly, and a red haze appears before your eyes. You probably know what it feels like to be angry, but if it happens to you, you may not know how to control that anger. You can reduce your anger by teaching yourself how to cool down in the heat of the battle. You can change and improve your communication habits so that you don't make things unnecessarily worse than they are. It can also help to learn new strategies to better control your anger in the longer term.

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Method 1 of 3: Relaxation exercises

Take a deep breath. As soon as you find yourself starting to get angry, take a few deep breaths in and out. Inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a while, then slowly exhale through your mouth. It can help to count: counting 4 in, counting 7 holding, and counting 8 out.
- As you breathe, imagine that each new inhalation brings a sense of calm, while each exhalation dissipates anger and tension.
Release tension through progressive muscle relaxation. It can help to slowly move your attention past your body to feel where you are holding the tension. Progressive muscle relaxation is a good and effective technique to become aware of and relieve tension in your body.
- Sit in a comfortable chair. Start at your feet and ankles, contract their muscles for a few seconds and feel your muscles tense. Then relax those muscles and notice how that feels. Then keep going to the next muscle group, until you have had your whole body.
Practice visualization. Visualization is another way to relax when you are angry. You can learn to practice visualization by listening to a guided meditation or simply thinking about a relaxing situation or place.
- For example, you could imagine that you are on a sunny beach. Use all your senses to imagine that environment: the waves of the sea roll back and forth, tropical birds chirp in the background, the sun is warm on your skin and the wind a little cooling. Concentrate on this image until you feel yourself unwinding.
Try Yoga Nidra. Yoga Nidra is a mindfulness practice where you follow a number of verbal instructions to become more and more aware of your inner world. Yoga Nidra can help relieve anger, anxiety and depression. Search online to find classes near you or videos and apps with free, guided Yoga Nidra sessions.
Express your anger in a safe and controlled manner. Sometimes expressing it in a controlled way is the best way to deal with your anger. Throw a basketball hard against a brick wall a few times, or hit a punch bag for a while.
- You could also see if there are "chambers of anger" in your area. Such rooms provide a safe space for people to express their anger by breaking or smashing something.

Method 2 of 3: Changing the way you communicate

Take a time out. If you are in a situation where expressing anger may be inappropriate, such as at school or work, take time out. Use that time to calm yourself and put out the fires of your anger before saying something that you will later regret.
- You could use your time out to count to 100 in your mind, practice deep breathing, go for a walk, or watch a funny video on YouTube.
Remind yourself to stay calm. It's good to pause before opening your mouth to remind yourself to keep calm. You can do this by talking to yourself with compassion in your mind. You could say something like, "Relax" or "Keep calm" a few times in a row.
Avoid exaggerated or absolute language. Sometimes the words you use can only exacerbate the strong emotions. Leave words like "always", "never", or "must" out of your vocabulary to avoid getting more angry.
- If you tend to use a lot of absolute language, you could be making yourself even more angry than you already are.
Use the "I form". Stand up for yourself, but speak in the "I form". This usually starts with "I feel". For example, you could say, "I feel overwhelmed if you give me more work before I finish other projects. Can we think of a better process for this?" That way, the other person feels less attacked.
- "I statements" are a great way to communicate your feelings and needs without making the other person feel attacked.
Write it down. There are times when you may not be able to control your anger enough to get your message across in a productive way. In such cases, writing can be an effective outlet. Find a pen and some writing paper and write a letter about what you wanted to say.
- You could write down any ugly, insulting words that you couldn't or wouldn't say right to the person you're angry at. However, keep this letter to yourself. Read it again a few times. This can help you tone down the emotions associated with your unpleasant experience. It will also help you identify more clearly for yourself the main cause of your anger.
- If you've read the angry and insulting letter a few times, tear it up and throw it in the trash. Then write a new letter, but now in calm, solution-oriented sentences, so that the problem becomes easier to discuss.

Method 3 of 3: Keep stress and anger at bay

Find out what makes you angry. Emotions make it clear how you feel about the world, a situation, the people around you and yourself. Find out what things in your life are making you angry and write it down. If you find a pattern, or often get angry in the same kind of situations, it may indicate that there are things that need to be changed.
- For example, if you often get angry in traffic, or when you have to queue for a long time, you may be able to learn to be more patient.
Sometimes take a short break. Take regular short breaks if you are engaged in a complex or stressful task and you feel that you are getting frustrated. Use such a break to take your mind off the frustrating task. Call a friend, play a game on your phone, or chat with a friendly colleague.
- If you work non-stop on a frustrating task without taking an occasional rest, you will lose your temper more quickly. Regular breaks can help reduce your frustration and keep your mood more stable.
Dare to say "no" to excessive obligations. Anger can sometimes flare up as a result of overload: you get upset because others are giving you more and more responsibilities - more than you can actually handle. The only way to end the endless use of your time and energy is to open your mouth. Let people know if you simply can't handle more work, or delegate some of your tasks to someone else.
- Let's say your spouse asks you to "take the kids away" when you already have an excess of work and household chores. Instead of bubbling in silence with anger, you could say, "Honey, I'm so terribly busy already. Could you please do it? Or shall we call a babysitter?"
- Standing up for yourself in life can help you get angry less often.
Provide enough movement. A positive outlet in the form of sports or exercise can help you relieve your anger when it occurs and even prevent it from happening at all. Try calming exercises such as swimming, yoga, or walking. Or sign up for a kickboxing course, to express and release your pent-up anger that way.
Avoid stimulants. Stimulants in your food and drink, such as caffeine, can increase feelings of frustration, impatience, impulsivity, and anger. It's best to minimize or avoid stimulants as much as possible.
- For example, when you drink coffee, adrenaline and norepinephrine are released into your brain, triggering a fight or flight response, which can directly lead to anger.
- Other types of stimulants include nicotine and amphetamines.
Practice mindfulness. Take a few minutes a day for mindfulness practice. Sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Briefly pass your body around your body, noticing any tension, or how your butt makes contact with your chair. Take some deep, calming breaths. Concentrate fully on your breath.Whenever your mind wanders, refocus on your breath.
- This daily practice can help you become more aware of your emotions and learn how to deal with anger better and more effectively.
Have compassion for your anger. Think of a recent event where you got angry. Relive what happened so that you feel that anger again, but don't go to the point of explosive anger now.
- Find the feeling of anger in your body. How does it feel? Where is it concentrated?
- Now bring compassion to the feeling. Remember, anger is completely normal and human. If you think about it this way, what happens?
- Now say goodbye to the feeling of anger. Take your time and focus more and more on your breathing. Then think about the experience. What have you learned from the experience of anger?

Tips

Remember that expressing anger is a healthy part of being human. If you feel irritated, it is best to let them know. That's much better than bottling up your feelings and going all out later.

Warnings

It can be tempting to relieve anger through unhealthy behaviors, such as using alcohol or drugs, to numb your feelings. These activities can actually exacerbate your anger and lead to addiction.
If you ever get so angry that you think you could hurt yourself or someone else, call an emergency service.