Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: What you not has to do
• Part 2 of 2: What you have to do
• Tips
• Warnings

It is never easy to end a relationship, but it may be even more difficult to continue if one of you is not happy. If you want to break up with your girlfriend in a good way, it's important to be nice and honest. Try to be understanding, get her to turn to, and have compassion, so someone who loves you won't become someone you hate. Read on for helpful tips on what to do and some examples for inspiration.

To step

Part 1 of 2: What you not has to do

1. Don't care over the phone, by email or text message. This is disrespectful, and your ex-girlfriend may feel like you're avoiding her. Have the decency to do it personally and privately.
   • You may not realize it, but there are benefits to ending a relationship in person. In this way it gives both people the opportunity to talk and think about the situation. And even though it is more difficult, it ultimately leads to less drama, which is good.
2. Don't just blame the other person for the divorce. Things are never that simple. Be willing to discuss the relationship without just pointing your finger at her.
   • You can probably think of bad things in the relationship where you contributed to it. If you want to be honest and not make your girlfriend feel that she is solely responsible for ending the relationship, make sure to include the things you could have done differently to make it better.
     
     
   • In some cases it is entirely the fault of the other. In situations like this you can just tell them. If your girlfriend cheated on you, is a drug addict, is manipulative, or doesn't respect you enough, you can point it out to her right away.
     
     • In most cases, this will end in a fight, so prepare for that. The good thing is that you are both honest with yourself and her about the breakdown of the relationship, causing you both have a better chance of finding a good relationship later that can last. And isn't that what you both want?
3. Don't keep her on a leash. If you don't want to be friends after it's out, don't say you can. Think of a nice way to tell her. Instead of "Oh, and I don't have to be friends with you anymore", you can say something like "You know I care about you. I just think it's not healthy for both of us to see each other as friends right away. Once we've sorted everything out, we can always try that later.".
4. Don't be a bullshit. Be discreet when you tell mutual friends about your divorce. Bragging or gossiping can be very painful for someone who is already struggling at the moment. Plus, it can spur your ex to share some nasty gossip about you. This often leads to childish behavior.
   • Only tell your best friends, but don't spread it around to all your vague acquaintances. It might be a good idea to explain to your best friends what happened between you and your ex. But it's probably not a good idea to post it on Facebook or tell every girl in school. That only shows despair.
5. Don't be petty. This is hard to describe, but the bottom line is that you don't do anything that you wouldn't want your girlfriend to do to you if she broke up with you. This is a golden rain. What you don't want to happen to you, don't do anyone else.
   • Don't fool your ex before you break up. If something is going on between you and another girl, have the decency to wait, think very carefully about your feelings and break up with your girlfriend in front of you do something to that other girl. That will come across much better to your ex, and you will feel a lot better too.
   • Don't treat her badly before you break up (or rather, don't treat her badly at all). When you are in a relationship, you owe each other something. It is not fair to withdraw until you have dealt with everything properly. When you no longer feel like being nice to your girlfriend, you should give her the opportunity to find someone who can be nice to her.

Part 2 of 2: What you have to do

1. Try to keep the pain to a minimum. There is no doubt that you will hurt the other. It's like taking a patch off - if you do it all at once, the pain will disappear quickly, but it will take longer if you do it slowly. You can reduce the pain of the divorce in a few ways:
   • Don't be aloof. Even though you may not feel like it, give her a hug or other signs of affection if it seems like your ex needs it. Reassure her, don't be selfish.
   • Find the right time to break up. There is never a perfect moment, of course. But just before a party, test or holiday is a bad time. Take enough time and try to do it if she doesn't have something important to do right afterwards.
   • Resist the urge to argue. If someone is told it's out, chances are she'll be upset. Don't feed her anger by provoking, arguing, or belittling her. Ex-lovers often say hurtful things when they argue that they may later regret.
2. Be prepared for a variety of emotions. When you finally broke up, you should be prepared for anything. It can be sadness, anger or even the absence of emotion. All feelings are right at the moment. If you want to show your emotions, don't keep them in. If there are no emotions, don't force it.
3. Give her an honest explanation. That's the least she deserves. If you don't have a legitimate reason why you are no longer interested in her, think again; talk to a friend. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it does have to be legit. You owe it to her.
   • Show her that you have thought it through and give her some facts to support your reasons. Don't be aggressive or fight. When explaining the reasons for breaking up, don't talk about other relationships. Your relationship is yours, and breaking it up has nothing to do with relationships of others.
   • Stay with her as long as she needs an explanation. Don't run away immediately after saying "it's over". Stay with her while she processes it, and answer any questions she may have. If she keeps coming up with the same questions, tell her.
4. Reassure her. If it's appropriate, say why you think she's going to be a great friend to someone else in the end. Talk about the aspects of her personality that attracted you to her and her strengths that you discovered throughout the relationship. That way she feels less bad; it could be good for her confidence, which probably took a hit from breaking up.
5. Offer to talk to her later if she has any questions. Unless you've decided it's better never to see each other again, you can give her the choice to talk things over again when she's calmed down. That way, both of you can think about it again and she'll feel like she can talk it over again.

Tips

• Wait a while before getting a new girlfriend, especially if you still see your ex regularly.
• Don't feel guilty if you break up, waiting too long will only make it worse.
• Don't make things worse by sending annoying text messages or emails.
• Ask her if she still wants to be friends with you, because maybe it could turn into a beautiful friendship.
• Empathize with her situation. Imagine how you would feel if you were the one who got dumped.
• Never say corny things like "It's not you, it's me."
• If you follow these tips, the whole process will be less painful for both of you. Maybe it will help you later too.

Warnings

• No matter how nice you are, the pain will remain the same, and she will be quite pissed off.
• For the next few days, don't talk to her. After a few days, it may be tempting to check on her because you feel guilty. This is often a bad idea, as it will remind her of the relationship and keep her from moving on. Keep in mind that most people can get over anger or sadness. At such times, anger is a more productive emotion that allows her to move on. If you see her with someone else, keep calm because you're the one who broke up, and you both need to move on.