Content

• To step
• Tips
• Warnings
• Necessities

A family is like a bird's nest. When the time comes to spread the wings, the young flies away, that's how it goes in life. Parents must learn to cope with the absence of friendship and happiness when their children leave the nest to build their own family nest. But for some parents, this can be a time of great emptiness and sadness that can evolve into depression if the signs are not heeded. This article will discuss some of the methods that will help your children leave home safely, knowing they have a solid foundation, and ways for parents to cope with the grief of divorce.

To step

1. Prepare for departure. If you expect your children to leave next year, take some time to check that they have the basics to take care of themselves, such as washing their clothes, cooking, dealing with difficult neighbors, accounting, negotiating and the value of money to know. While some of these things will improve by repeating them, it is important that you talk about them and show how to deal with them so that your child does not leave completely out of control. You can use a website such as wikiHow to explain household chores and lifestyle issues, if necessary.
   • If you are not prepared for the departure of your children, who will only inform you about this at the last minute, do not panic. Accept this happening and be happy for them, offer your help if they wish. It is better for your children that you support them, love them, and want to help them than see you worry and worry.
2. Put your worst thoughts aside. It is better for all of you if you see this as a great adventure. Your children will feel many conflicting emotions, both fear and excessive happiness for the new experiences they are about to experience. Children who are afraid to leave the house should be reassured by saying that the unprecedented always seems more exciting than reality. Help them understand that once they get to know their new situation, it will all be fun and everything will go well.
   • Let your kids know that your home is their permanent home, that they can come back anytime they want or need it. This gives you and your children a safe sense of togetherness and safety.
   • If your kids don't feel good about their new life at first, don't be secretly happy about this. They need to learn to deal with these emotions as they get used to their new situation, and for this they need your active support, not that you secretly wish them back home. So you shouldn't actively offer them to come home and you shouldn't solve everything for them. They must learn to handle their own affairs, including administrative tasks and negotiations. They will make mistakes, but that's how they learn.
3. Find out the best way to keep in touch with your children. You will feel lonely and empty when they are gone because you cannot just turn around and talk to them like you used to. Keeping in touch is vital to maintain that family feeling and to stay up to date with what's happening. Here are some methods to do this:
   • Make sure they have a working cell phone with a good connection. If they already had a cell phone, you may need to change phones or at least get a new battery. You can still pay for their subscription so that they do not have to worry about money to call you.
   • Take into account at most a weekly phone call. While you may want to call more often, keep in mind that this can become a burden unless they choose to do so themselves. So don't expect too much from them. Accept their need to grow and find out who they are as an adult.
   • Use email or text messages for anything in between that you would like to share. These are great ways to share things without being overly emotional. Just be prepared that your son or daughter will not answer as often over time as they did at the beginning. This is part of their adjustment and the fact that they develop new friends and relationships. This doesn't mean they don't care about you anymore.
4. Understand empty nest syndrome so you can spot the symptoms. Empty nest syndrome is a psychological condition that mainly affects women and causes grief when one or more children leave home. This usually occurs when children leave for school or college (usually at the end of the summer and in the fall) or when they get married and move in with their partner. Empty nest syndrome often accompanies other important moments in life, such as menopause, illness or retirement. It mainly affects women, because being a mother is considered to be the most important role for both working women and housewives and it is a role that women usually focus on for about 20 years. Thus, when a child leaves home, one can feel redundant, lost, unworthy and insecure about the future. It's normal to feel a little sad and cry. This is a normal, healthy response for a parent. It is simply a big change. However, it becomes problematic when the feelings that this brings about in you keep you from living your own life, such as when you think life is worthless, you cry all the time and cannot live a normal life, you no longer come out or resume activities.
   • Psychologists believe that the transition from an actively engaged mother to an independent woman takes about 18 months to 2 years. This shows the importance of the grieving process and that you give yourself time to come to terms with your loss and rebuild your life. Be kind with yourself and the expectations you have.
5. Accept help. If you find yourself really unable to cope with the new situation and feel a deep emptiness, deep sadness, or unable to get your life back on track after the children leave home, it is important that you get help. You may have depression or a similar psychological condition that prevents you from enjoying life to the fullest. Talk to a specialist. Cognitive therapy or similar therapies that allow you to talk about your feelings can help. Or you may need a listening ear and confirmation that what you are experiencing is real and important and that it will get better with time.
   • Acknowledge your grief. It doesn't matter what other people think or say. Sadness that is not recognized will continue to gnaw you. Allow the grief to come through.
   • Take care of yourself. As you process your grief, don't neglect yourself. Treat yourself to a massage regularly, go to the movies, buy your favorite expensive chocolate, etc. Only grief and no pleasure is the perfect recipe for staying unhappy.
   • Consider a "letting go ritual." A ritual of "letting go" of your children as they grow up and letting go of the active parenting role can be an important and redeeming way to help you move forward. Some suggestions: let a lantern with a candle drift down the stream, plant a tree, burn something special about your child, have a ceremony according to your faith, etc.
   • Talk to your partner about your feelings. He or she may be experiencing the same emotions and will be happy to speak about them. Otherwise, they can just listen and understand what you are going through, which is an important source of acceptance for you.
   • Consider keeping a journal to document this period. Prayer or meditation can also help.
6. Consider your own needs. Once you are sure that your child is on the right track, it will become less busy and you will see the big change in your life. The way you experience this change will color your feelings and approach - feeling the departure like a big hole will make you feel more awful than choosing to see the departure as another opportunity to pursue certain interests and dreams. to strive.
   • Don't make an altar of your child's bedroom. If they haven't cleaned up their room before they left, throw your emotions into cleaning up that mess! Throw out some of that junk, but keep everything important to your child safe.
   • Make a list of all the things you promised yourself you would ever do. Now is the time to actually do them. Place this list in a visible place and work your way through it.
   • Establish new friendships and revive old friendships. Friends are important in the transition from full-time parent to person without children. Go out and meet new people. There will be other empty nesters looking for new friendships. Friends are also a practical source of information about hobbies, activities and work opportunities.
   • Start a new hobby or interest. Or take up an old hobby that you left aside to educate your children. This can range from painting, photography, woodwork to parachute buckles and travel!
   • Go back to school or college. Choose a direction that suits you in this moment of your life. Consider whether this is a completely new path that you are taking or whether you want to strengthen your existing skills. Everything is good.
   • Start a career again - pick up where you left off, or start a new career. Realize that, even if you are a little "rusty," you have the benefit of the experience, so after you brush up, you will get up to speed much faster than if you just graduated.
   • Consider volunteering. If you are not really ready to go back to work, you can volunteer as this is a great way to slowly get used to a workplace. It also gives you the chance to try things out and see if you enjoy doing this type of work.
   • Participate in charity. Doing something positive with your free time can be very fulfilling.
7. Rediscover the love of your life. Unless you are a single parent, you will be left with your partner. This can be a difficult time when you discover that there is a problem with your relationship that you have not raised because the children helped keep your marital relationship together. It also happens that by being older for so long, you have forgotten to pair up. This is a time to talk honestly about this and to be open about the direction you want to take with your relationship.
   • If your children were the only bond in your marriage, you may have to work on your relationship to restore what has been neglected for so long, especially if you feel that your relationship is now redundant. You can seek therapy together if you think it can help you transition to being alone again.
   • Accepting that this is a difficult transition period can help both of you forgive the insecurities and chaos that come along with growing back together without the children.
   • It can help if you take into account that your partner has changed at least a little. You have both been a lot older since meeting each other and have had many different experiences raising your children, experiences that you probably could not anticipate when you fell in love. In time, most people will know better what they like and dislike, what they believe and don't believe, and these discoveries will be more evident now than when you were married. Try to see this moment as another opportunity to get to know the other "new" personality, this can be a fruitful way to revive a waning relationship.
   • Spend more time with your partner getting to know him / her again. Go on vacation together to rekindle the feelings of togetherness and mutual trust.
   • Give your relationship time to blossom again. This can be an exciting time of rejuvenation for both of you.
   • Sometimes all this effort will not disguise the fact that you have grown apart. If you realize that your relationship cannot be saved, discuss it together or seek the help that will allow you to make a decision that will allow both of you to evolve happily in the future.
8. Focus on the positive aspects of your kids leaving home. Focusing on the positive changes after your kids are out of the house can greatly ease the sense of loss. While this doesn't detract from the importance of your grief and the great transition period that you and your children are going through, it can help to see the bright side of your future. These positive aspects can include:
   • You will notice that the refrigerator does not need to be refilled as often as it used to. This means less driving back and forth to the store and less time to cook!
   • The romance with your partner can increase. Now that you have the time and space to simply pair up again, make the most of it.
   • If you did all your children's laundry, the amount of washing and ironing will be greatly reduced. Try not to do everything for your children again when they return home for the holidays. Expecting them to grow and be able to do this on their own is an important step in the process of allowing them to mature.
   • Your bathroom is yours again.
   • Lower water, phone and electricity bills help you save. And you can use all that savings for a holiday with your partner or friends!
   • Be proud of yourself for raising children who can only survive in the world. Pat yourself on the back.

Tips

• Parents who are more likely to suffer from empty nest syndrome are parents who found it difficult to leave home themselves, parents in an unhappy or unstable marriage, parents who strongly identified themselves with their role as mother or father, parents who find change stressful, parents who were older full-time without doing other activities, and parents who are overly concerned that their children will not be able to live alone.
• Expect the relationship with your children to change as they grow up and become self-sufficient.
• It could potentially be more traumatic for the child left behind - they no longer have their playmate and friend. For example, they may feel insecure, so spend time with them, discuss what's going on in them. Let him / her understand that you will all be spending time together again soon.
• It's a good idea to anticipate and prepare the empty nest before all of your kids leave home. This will make the transition easier and will show your children that your life is moving on and that you expect them to do the same.
• If you would like this and your house is equipped for this, you can take a pet. If you have a pet that you need to take care of, you will be less inclined to treat your children like little children.
• Find a new pet friend. Start with a small pet like a fish and then move on to a cat or dog.

Warnings

• Don't make big decisions until you get through the sadness of empty nest syndrome. Selling or moving your house out of deep sadness can be a pain for you later on. Wait until you feel happier again to make big decisions.
• In some cases, it is not your relationship that is going through a rough patch. When the children leave home and the mother has been constantly present in their lives, she will feel separation anxiety. The intensity of this depends on how close she was to her children. She may have to sort out a few things, but you can also do this together. This will get better with time, even less painful. Mothers know that one day their kids will spread their wings, but it's just a very difficult time. Mothers are afraid they will never see their children again.
• It is important for children to understand that their departure feels like a knife to the heart. Be patient with her. She'll get over it. For the mothers, you will see your children again. Yes, it hurts, but you have to let them grow up. They want to live their lives. All you can do is be available, listen to them and love them.
• Don't make your kids feel guilty about coming to see you. Do not ask them in July if they are going to come for Christmas.
• Provide an alternative in case the children cannot come during the holiday. Don't get into a crisis if they decide to spend that time with friends.
• If you work outside your home, don't let your empty nest syndrome affect your work. Your employees won't enjoy walking on eggs.
• Be aware that few people understand difficulties related to the fact that the children have left home, as this is normal in life. Consult a specialist as empty nest syndrome is recognized as a real cause of difficulty and cause for grooming.

Necessities

• Hobbies and other pursuits
• Other people who support you and friends!