Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Dealing with your emotions
• Method 2 of 3: Recover through journal entry
• Method 3 of 3: Put self-care into practice
• Tips

It is well known that a breakup can lead to decreased self-esteem and increased feelings of sadness and / or anger. Unfortunately, the loss of a cherished relationship can also entail the loss of certain relationship benefits, such as social support, companionship, love, and sexual intimacy with someone else. . The end of a relationship can lower self-esteem and potentially trigger depression, but can also be an excellent opportunity for self-reflection and self-improvement. Above all, it can be a learning experience that you can take advantage of in future relationships.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Dealing with your emotions

1. Know when to ask for help. With depression that may be lurking, it is important to recognize suicidal behavior in yourself and others. The 113Online suicide prevention helpline (0900-0113) can connect you to suicide prevention and mental health centers near you if you:
   • Considering suicide.
   • Have trouble eating and / or sleeping.
   • Experience drastic changes in your behavior.
   • You withdraw from friends and / or social activities.
   • Losing interest in your work, school or hobbies.
   • Considering drafting your will or making the “final arrangements”.
   • Take unnecessary risks.
   • Are completely preoccupied with death and / or dying.
   • Start using more alcohol and / or drugs.
   • Have previously attempted suicide.
2. Realistically assess your relationship. Genuinely healthy relationships generally don't end out of nowhere, so it can be helpful to reflect on different aspects of the relationship - this can help you understand why the relationship ended.
   • Maybe the relationship wasn't good for you from the start. Maybe you didn't want to get the same out of life as your partner, or maybe there were persistent flaws in the relationship.
3. Know what characterizes a healthy romantic relationship. Many people choose to break up because they are unable to start a healthy relationship. The following components are necessary for relationships that give both partners complete satisfaction:
   • Mutual respect: Treat your partner as if he / she is appreciated & his / her reciprocity of this treatment.
   • Compassion: Genuine concern for your loved one.
   • Empathy: Being open to how your partner feels.
   • Understanding: Understanding your partner's feelings and actions.
   • Acceptance: Accept your partner for who he / she is & accept yourself.
   • Honesty: The relationship is based on honesty and truthfulness.
   • Trust: Be willing to share the most personal thoughts, feelings, and aspects of your life with your partner.
   • Communication: The ability to speak freely within the relationship; understand how to raise concerns with your partner.
   • Attentiveness: Being attentive to your loved one's needs and your own needs.
   • Compatibility and shared interests: Being able to enjoy the same things and appreciate the same things; agree to disagree if you don't.
   • Personal Integrity: Being able to maintain your own beliefs and self-image; give the relationship time and attention.
   • Vulnerability: Breaking down barriers; being able to show your partner that you are human and make mistakes, without fear of the consequences.
4. Think of the disagreement. To better understand the breakup, consider whether you and your partner regularly disagreed on one or more of the following key relationship areas:
   • Shared finances.
   • Recreation and general interests.
   • Religious Beliefs.
   • Showing affection.
   • Friendships.
   • Sexual Relationships.
   • Behaviors.
   • Philosophies of Life.
   • Family ties.
   • Life goals.
   • The time you spent together.
   • Decision.
   • Household Responsibilities.
   • Career goals / outlook.
5. Grieve for your relationship. Know that there is also a grieving process involved in broken relationships. Grief is a natural response to any kind of loss. Divorce is painful because it may not only represent the loss of a relationship, but also the loss of shared wishes and commitments. When faced with a new uncertain future, it is perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, confused and / or anxious.
6. Allow yourself to process the emotions appropriately. Don't allow painful feelings to linger for too long, but don't try to ignore them completely. It's okay to give yourself permission to function at a less than optimal level for a while. Maybe you don't mind being super productive at work, or maybe you find it hard for a while to pay as much attention to other people as you did before.
   • Make sure you take the time to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to fully process them.
   • Try to talk to other people about your feelings so that you feel less lonely with your pain - even if it is difficult for you.
   • However, keep reminding yourself that moving forward is the ultimate goal, and that you still have a hopeful future with new wishes and dreams that will replace the old ones.
7. Silence your inner critic. If your self-esteem suffers from the break, chances are the little voice in your head is overly critical of your role in that break. Know that you can make mistakes and be imperfect without compromising yourself.
   • If you notice that your inner voice is saying negative things about you, try to stop those negative thoughts and write them down. Then cut those thoughts off and rewrite them into something constructive.
   • Example: "I was too clingy and needy" can be crossed out and replaced with "I'm going to work on my confidence and try to have more confidence in others."
   • Example: "I end up ruining every relationship" can be crossed out and replaced with "I keep looking for the right partner, and will do my best to work towards a healthy and strong relationship."

Method 2 of 3: Recover through journal entry

1. Use a journal to understand the relationship and its end. Reflecting on a breakup through writing has been proven to help people come to terms with the whole process. Writing a narrative story about the relationship can help you better understand why the relationship was not successful. In addition, it can help you communicate that understanding to yourself and others.
   • It can also help you better understand what you want to get out of future relationships.
2. Evaluate as you write. Diarying about a divorce can only be effective if you actually take a closer look at the whole experience during the retelling. It is important to provide a complete narrative structure with a beginning, a middle and an end. This helps you organize the events in a conceptually manageable format. This will allow you to better see the break as the result of identifiable causes.
   • Journaling, if you keep this structure, can help you leave the broken relationship behind and move on with your life. This increases the level of control over your own recovery, allows for emotional "coping" and thus improves self-esteem — this is only possible once you have understood the events that have taken place.
3. Start writing in your journal. Now that you know the reason behind the journal entry, the time has come to actually start. If you prefer to type, you can keep the diary on your computer; if you prefer to write out your personal information manually, you can of course choose this too.
4. Arrange the events in the relationship in chronological order. Arrange everything that happened in the relationship in the order in which it happened. Also make sure your story is coherent.
   • To really understand why the relationship ended, your story must be clear. It must be clear enough to be understood by other readers (this does not necessarily mean that you have to have your story read by others).
5. Map cause and effect. Organize the events of your story so that the causes and effects are clear. Give specific examples that illustrate the rationale behind the breakup. This will help you develop an understanding of why the relationship ended.
6. Think of yourself and your partner as characters in a story. Sketch the main characters by their relationship to the causes and consequences of events that occurred during your relationship.
   • Try to understand the feelings and attitudes about the events, both your own and your partner's. Try to make sense of every relationship event.
7. Identify what you are looking for in relationships. In another section of your journal, write what you see as the perfect relationship. Be specific and think about both what you want to put in a relationship and what you want to get out of it.
8. Compare the story of the divorce with what you want from future romantic relationships. Was the broken relationship a healthy relationship? Did it give you satisfaction? Did you regularly disagree about important parts of the relationship? How would you like to see future relationships differently? What things would you like to leave the same?
9. Reflect on the break. Journaling about the breakup can help you gain a measure of control over the relationship events. This can give you a better idea of ​​your own understanding of the break as well as a sense of ownership. With those abilities, it can help you improve your self-image.

Method 3 of 3: Put self-care into practice

1. Look for opportunities to feel competent and successful. What are you good at? Is there a loved one who can help you with certain tasks? Participating in successful activities will help you feel accepted, recognized, and supported. Taking part in activities that allow you to develop or practice your strengths can boost your self-esteem - resulting in increased emotional, social and physical well-being.
2. Volunteer for a charity. This activity has several advantages. It ensures that you do not have to think about the broken relationship, it makes you feel good about yourself, and you help others with it. You can make the experience even more rewarding by recruiting one or two close friends to volunteer together.
3. Get plenty of exercise. Regular exercise makes people feel happier. Chances are that you will feel better physically, and that it will give you both more energy and more motivation. Exercise has the added benefit of getting you in better shape physically, which makes your clothes fit you better. In addition, it provides your self-confidence with the extra boost that weight loss usually entails.
   • Your exercise schedule doesn't have to be overly rigorous and you don't need a gym membership to be effective. You can also just choose to go for a walk for half an hour every day or find something active that you enjoy, such as a yoga class, a dance group or tae-bo.
4. Eat healthy, nutritious foods. You can also start to feel healthier and look better by choosing foods that are high in fiber and low in processed ingredients and sugars. Not a top chef? Find a cooking class nearby and explore the new freedom cooking for yourself brings - after all, if you can cook, all you have to do is consider your own nutritional preferences.
   • Know that a well-balanced diet consists mainly of fruits and vegetables, and is supplemented by proteins (such as lean meat), grains and dairy.
5. Pay attention to your appearance. A clean and well-groomed appearance is excellent for boosting your self-esteem. In fact, it's common for people to go for a new look (or at least a new haircut) after their long-term relationship has ended. However, you don't have to ditch your entire style to look presentable. Leave your sweatpants at home and just dress nicely every day during recovery - so real shoes, no flip flops or slippers.
6. Surround yourself with a support network. While no one can improve your self-esteem for you, it can be wise to surround yourself with friends and family who can offer you support. Your loved ones care about you and will really listen to you. This can help you get over the divorce and increase your self-esteem.

Tips

• Try to make a list of all your best qualities. Remember, you can be proud of who you are.
• Go for a run or to the gym with a friend. Doing things with someone you like is much more fun, and it will help you shift your mind so you don't have to think about the breakup.