Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Recognize the signs
• Method 2 of 3: Know which signs are important
• Method 3 of 3: Still being able to get along
• Tips

In some cases, if someone really hates you, he or she will make it clear. But society often expects it to be hidden. Hate is a complicated emotion, and often people are more likely to hate something you have done, then they you really hate. The following tips will help you determine if someone hates you and teach you how to deal with it.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Recognize the signs

1. Watch his / her eyes. Many things that are considered too crude to pronounce can be seen by the eyes. In fact, certain emotions can be seen in the size of your pupils, something you cannot control. If someone is frustrated with having to talk to you, you can usually find out by paying attention to their eyes.
   • Looking up and to the right is a sign of boredom.
   • Pupils enlarge when someone is interested, but usually they shrink when someone gets bored.
   • Avoiding eye contact usually means that someone is hiding something from you, that he / she does not trust you or is afraid of you.
2. Watch for extremes. An extreme emotion can be a sign that something is wrong with your relationship. But you have to compare these extremes to how someone normally behaves, and not to what you think is normal behavior for yourself or your friends. Pay attention:
   • Tension and stiffness, especially in the shoulders
   • Boredom and disinterest
   • Being exaggerated or dramatic
   • The tone of his / her voice
   • How quickly or slowly someone responds
3. Watch for differences. People behave differently depending on how they feel about what they say or do, and there are many subtle (often unconscious) cues that can give away how someone feels about things they don't want to discuss or what they are about lies. The basic idea behind the lie detector is that it can detect small differences in how someone reacts when he / she tells the truth, compared to when he / she lies. Even if you can't use a device to monitor the differences in someone's behavior, there are simple signs that tell you if someone dislikes you:
   • Anything that could indicate that he / she is lying to you or trying to mislead you. See if he / she is trying to hide an emotion, as people often get emotional when they lie and try to hide it.
   • How this person communicates with you, compared to how he / she communicates with others.
   • How he / she behaves when you talk about something that he / she needs to pay attention to (for example, during a meeting if it concerns a colleague), or when you say something that he / she doesn't need to talk to you about.
   • How he / she reacts when you have something he / she needs from you, compared to how he / she responds the rest of the time. For example, if you are very good at a certain subject at school, is he / she nice to you when he / she needs help from you, and next to that not? If so, he / she probably hates you.
   • How he / she behaves in different situations. If someone hates you, they will likely behave the same towards you in most situations, unless there is some other factor that makes them pretend to like you. If he / she behaves differently in different situations, there may be something else that comes into play, and his / her behavior has nothing to do with what he / she thinks of you.
4. Don't confuse other emotions with hate. It can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between jealousy, shyness, fear, and hate. Some things to consider when trying to distinguish that are:
   • Is the person generally quiet or shy?
   • Do you have a position or possession that he / she might be jealous of?
   • Are you sometimes bossy or demanding? Could he / she be afraid of your reaction?
5. Pay attention to how open he / she is with you. While everyone is different when it comes to sharing personal information, there is likely a problem between the two of you if the other regularly withholds things about something you do together. It doesn't have to be hate, and it could also be that the other person is forgetful, but it is probably worth it to find out why they are not being more honest with you. Some things he / she should probably share with you are:
   • Everything that has to do with a project that you are working on together
   • Information that would help you do your job better, or make you happier
   • Messages from someone else that should have been passed on to you

Method 2 of 3: Know which signs are important

1. Don't take it personally. Notice if the other person is so blunt or bored with everyone. Maybe it's not you at all, but just how the other person behaves.
2. Watch for developments. If someone has only met you once, or doesn't normally act like they hate you at all, it's probably nothing to worry about. Everyone has a bad day at some point, and they can be grumpy and mean. To be sure if someone dislikes you, pay attention to the long-term behavior, and not rely on one or two occurrences.
3. Don't confuse thoughtlessness with hatred. Especially if the person you are thinking of is someone you don't know very well, they may not be at all aware that what they are doing or saying is upsetting you. Some people have a hard time understanding social signs and don't see at all that you have a negative reaction to their behavior. And some people don't think before blurting out, often saying things they later regret. One sign of this is that they make hurtful comments. That does not mean that he / she hates you, but that they are socially awkward.
4. Pay attention to the sources. If you've heard from someone that someone else hates you, try to find out how accurate that information is. Ask him / her why he / she thinks that person hates you, and consider how trustworthy he / she is. If he / she is known as a gossip, think carefully if he / she is just trying to challenge you, or if he / she says it correctly to do you a favor.
5. Watch your own behavior. If the person you suspect hates you is only being mean to you when you do something specific, remember that it's also your behaviour can be, and not yourself which he / she hates. Some of the things that can annoy people are:
   • Certain topics of conversation
   • Language or symbols he / she may find offensive
   • Humor he / she finds inappropriate
   • Requests whether he / she wants to do or change things
   • How you interact with others, especially his / her close friends or partner
   • Degree of physical intimacy - some people hug acquaintances in greeting, but others save it only for really close friends. He / she may not feel comfortable with how often or little you touch him / her.

Method 3 of 3: Still being able to get along

1. Ask questions. If you notice someone acting upset or angry when they talk to you, try to ask gently and nicely what it is that makes them react that way.Make it clear that you just want to know, and that you are not asking to change his / her behavior, then you will avoid arguing. If you don't want to confront him / her in person, you can also send a voicemail or text message so that he / she can think about it instead of reacting instinctively because then someone might be more on the defensive than he / she want to find a solution to the problem. Remember, even if you ask nicely, he / she can still lash out at you, but there's nothing you can do about it. Some questions you could ask are:
   • "You seem so sad, is there anything I can cheer you up / help you with?"
   • "I feel like you treat me differently than the rest, why is that?"
   • "I've noticed that you get angry when ________, is there anything I can do to make it better?"
   • "Did I do something to annoy you? I feel like you're mad at me, and I don't understand why"
2. Try to see it from his / her point of view. Think about how you would react if someone treated you the way you treat them. Some options to consider include:
   • Does it seem like you let him / her do a lot more work?
   • Are you more irritable than happy with him / her?
   • Do you often disagree with what he / she says? Even if you hide that you disagree, he / she can still sense it, so he / she doesn't trust you.
3. Do not get mad. Shouting or being rude will only make the situation worse. Keep your cool and try to find a compromise that you both can live with. Remember that you cannot force the other person to speak to you in a reasonable way, and there is not much you can do other than avoid him / her if he / she is not willing to come to a solution.
4. Be careful not to become a victim. Some people who are unhappy take it out on people who often have nothing to do with their problems. It can be very difficult to know if someone really hates you or if they are just using you as an outlet for their frustrations. But in either case, it can help to stick up for yourself and not become an easy target. If someone puts you down, keep the tone of your voice neutral and say something like:
   • "That's very mean to say"
   • "Why do you say such a thing?"
   • "Too bad you don't like this dress, it just happens to be my favorite dress" (or make it very dramatic and say something like "This is my mother's favorite dress. She passed away last year")
   • "I'm sorry if that upset you. I didn't mean to be a burden."
5. Apologize if you've done something that made someone angry or sad. If you started the conflict, you are probably meant to end it. Even if it has been a long time, it is never too late to make amends.

Tips

• There will always be people who hate you no matter what you do. When you've tried everything to make it up to you, it's time to let it go and move on with your life.
• People who cause stress are not worth spending time on. Whether they hate you or not, if you can't communicate in an acceptable way, you better let it go.
• Don't make it a drama if someone hates you. For that, the other people in your life (your friends, family or colleagues) will thank you for that.
• If you can't come up with a solution with someone, it's probably best to avoid someone completely. Don't bother him / her by wanting to know if he / she hates you. You can even make it worse if you try to fix it.