Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Make up things to talk about
• Method 2 of 3: Empathetic listening
• Method 3 of 3: Be supportive
• Tips

Keeping a phone call with your girlfriend going can be a chore, especially if you're not used to making long phone calls. It can be difficult to know how to respond without visual cues such as your facial expression and body language, or to think about topics to talk about, especially when you don't think you have much to say. Talking to your girlfriend really doesn't have to be a scary experience. You may even find yourself looking forward to it, with a little more information and a positive attitude.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Make up things to talk about

1. Ask lots of questions. This is the most important part of keeping a conversation going with anyone. Whether it's talking to your girlfriend, grandfather or neighborhood kids. The rule is that people like to talk about themselves and if you manage to open that door, most people will gladly use it. Try to ask more open-ended questions and avoid yes-no questions. The idea is to ask for things that lead to regular conversation, not to question her.
   • Ask her about her day. This is an obvious topic to start with. When we get the simple question, "How was your day?" then many of us will automatically respond with, “Fine,” without giving it any further thought. This will lead to nothing. Rather, try something with a clear point, such as, "Did you do anything fun today?" or "Could you still get to work before that morning's storm?" This may not lead to anything special that is fascinating, but it will naturally lead both of you into conversation.
   • Ask about mutual interests and acquaintances. This is a great way to introduce a topic that both of you can talk about, while still pouring it into the form of a question. Ask her what she thought about the latest episode of a TV show that you both like, whether she read a recent interview with a writer who is both you and her favorite, or whether she recently had so-and-so. has yet seen.
   • Ask for help and advice. It's important to give your girlfriend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on when she needs to, but if she feels like you never need her support, she may start to feel like a burden. Nobody wants a relationship with an emotionless robot that never needs help. Don't make up problems if there aren't any, but if you're struggling with something, don't be afraid to be vulnerable and turn to her for advice or confirmation.
   • Ask her what she would have liked to be when she was younger, like about 7 years old. This is a bit of an unusual question, but it shows that you want to get to know her better, and it will put her in a different perspective.
2. Share an anecdote from your day with her. If something happened that you found very funny or remarkable, translate it to her. It can be easy to rely too heavily on complaints about frustrating situations when doing this, so make sure you're not just nagging.
3. Make or talk about plans. Brainstorm about fun things you could do together this week. If you already have plans, tell her how much you feel like going to that one concert, or mention a review you read about a play you're going to. This will help get her excited too and make her feel like an important part of your life.
4. Share your goals and aspirations. You don't want to dominate the conversation, but no one wants to start something with someone without ambitions. Tell her about your dreams and what you hope to achieve.
5. Gossip. This shouldn't be more than a small part of the conversation and don't make it too rude or personal, but it can be easy to have on hand if you really don't remember for a while. Not many people can resist the urge to gossip from time to time.
6. Make sure there is a follow-up. Inviting her to share more about something she just said will let her know you're interested. It will also expand the benefit you can get from that particular topic, so you don't have to come up with a new topic right away.

Method 2 of 3: Empathetic listening

1. Try to listen to her. Empathetic listening is also known as "active listening" or "reflective listening." It refers to a way of listening and responding where the aim is mainly to understand the other. This is perhaps the most important conversation skill you can learn. Not only will this make the conversation with your girlfriend much easier and natural, but it will also make her feel really seen and heard, which will make her trust you more and bring you closer together.
2. Concentrate on her. In a healthy relationship, there should be an equal amount of room for conversation for both of you. But sometimes one of them will need more attention and support than the other. An empathetic listener is willing to let the other person dominate the conversation when he / she needs it, without wanting to assert their own ego.
3. Pay genuine attention to her. You can't pretend with this, so don't try. It can be easy to get lost in thinking about things you might say that you forget to actually listen to her. This is the death knell for empathy. Let her say what she wants to say and listen without interrupting her.
4. Respond openly, without judgment, to show that you listened. This can often be as simple as telling her, “It's not easy. I know how important your dog was to you. ” This lets her know that you listen and care, while leaving enough room to share something with you.
5. Express her feelings. If she just told you a story about an argument she had with her friends, avoid saying something like, “It sounds like your friends are really mean. They don't appreciate you at all. ” This may sound like support, but the truth is she loves her friends, and your harsh conviction will eventually haunt you back. Better to respond with something like, "You felt treated quite disrespectfully because of the way they spoke to you." This confirms how she feels, without pointing a finger at guilty people or offering advice she hasn't asked for.
6. Ask her to continue. Use phrases like, "Can you tell us more about that," "I want to know more about that," "How did that feel for you?" or "What did you do after that?" to encourage her to continue to share her thoughts and experiences.

Method 3 of 3: Be supportive

1. Ask about the things she mentioned in a previous conversation. This shows her that you have really listened to the things she has shared with you and that you care about what matters to her. Ask something like, "Well, was your boss having some fun today?" or "Is your mother feeling better now?" or "Have you finished that book that you were completely fed up with?"
2. Don't come up with solutions if she doesn't ask for them. Many men view telling others about your problems as a practical route to solving them. Many women prefer compassion to practical suggestions. When your girlfriend tells you about something she's struggling with, your first instinct may be to come up with solutions. Avoid this. Chances are, she just wants to vent. If she wants your advice, she'll ask for it. A good starting point is that it just wants to be understood.
3. Show that you understand how she is feeling. This will not or cannot be obvious in all situations, but sometimes sharing your similar experiences can help her gain confirmation about her experiences and make her feel less alone. However, don't go on too long on this. You don't want to overshadow her or have the conversation suddenly turn to you.
4. Never trivialize her feelings. Never say things like, "You're overreacting," "Don't worry so much," "You'll feel better tomorrow," "It's not that bad," or "There's no reason to get upset about this." Whether or not you think her emotional response is appropriate, it doesn't change how she feels. Don't discount or downplay her feelings. Also, don't expect her to always be rational. Emotions are not rational things and people who are concerned about something are not always reasonable. You can expect to be treated with respect, but don't tell her that she is unreasonable or that she should start thinking about it more logically. There will be time for that later. Now your job is to listen.

Tips

• Expect her to consider your feelings as well. Remember, it is your sole responsibility to have the conversation, or provide her with support. She should put in as much effort on these things as you do. If she doesn't, try to find a non-accusatory way to make it clear to her. Use "I" statements and focus on your feelings. Say something like, “Sometimes I feel like I need to keep our conversations going. Do you ever have that feeling? ” or “I feel like I've been giving a lot of emotional support lately. Do you mind if I mention a few things that worry me? ” If she doesn't feel like talking to you about your concerns, it might be time to rethink whether this is a healthy relationship.
• Consider other forms of communication. Some people get nervous on the phone. If you are affected, or suspect that she has, try tactfully proposing to skype, text, or IM some of the time; whatever is more pleasant. Make it clear that you don't want to talk to her less, but expect communication to be better in a different format.
• Avoid endless conversations. If either one is upset or has a problem, you may need to talk a little longer. In general, however, you should try to finish the conversation while it is still going smoothly. Don't wait until both of you don't know what to say and annoying silences start to emerge, looking for an excuse to hang up. Remember, there should still be something to talk about when the two of you are together.
• Wrap up the conversation as smoothly as possible. You don't want all your efforts to be in vain.