Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Dealing with an unwanted pregnancy
• Method 2 of 3: Helping an unwanted pregnant woman
• Method 3 of 3: Preventing unwanted pregnancy
• Tips

It is important to consider your options if you are unexpectedly pregnant or if you are concerned that this could happen to you. Women in the Netherlands often immediately think of an abortion, but there are more options. It is important that you have a good overview of all the options during a difficult period. In addition to abortion, you can also choose to have your child adopted, but also to raise your child yourself. Understandably, you panic if you got pregnant unexpectedly, but many women are happy with their child later on. The best thing to prevent an abortion is still to avoid getting pregnant. You do this by using a good and reliable contraceptive.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Dealing with an unwanted pregnancy

1. Know your rights. Nobody, not even your parents, can force you to have an abortion in the Netherlands, not even if you are a minor. It is entirely your own choice, so don't let anyone force or manipulate you.
   • Forcing a minor to have an abortion is a violation of the physical integrity of a child. This is child abuse and therefore punishable.
   • Call the police if someone wants to force you to have an abortion.
   • It is your right to want an abortion. Consult with your doctor or the clinic whether your parents should be informed of this.
2. Consider becoming a mother. With enough help and support, raising a child can be a great experience, even if your pregnancy was unplanned.
   • Talk to your family and the baby's father to find out who you want to help raise. When your environment supports you, it becomes much, much easier.
   • Think about how you will support yourself and your child. As a single mother you are almost always entitled to social assistance in the Netherlands. You will also receive child benefit and perhaps rent and care allowance. Or do you want to work or follow a course? Then of course you need childcare.
   • Think about your goals and whether you can still achieve them if you have to raise a child at the same time. Childcare is expensive in the Netherlands, but you can also get a supplement for this or you can organize something yourself with other parents.
3. Consider adoption. If you think it is not possible for you to raise a child yourself at the moment, you can also opt for adoption if you do not want an abortion. There are plenty of families who would be thrilled with your baby and want to give him or her a fantastic upbringing.
   • Contact FIOM immediately if you decide to part with your child. You will find a reliable adoption address through them.
   • Do not arrange an adoption yourself and especially do not respond to advertisements from abroad in which you are offered money for your child. This falls under child trafficking and is punishable in the Netherlands. Moreover, you have no guarantee that your child will end up in a safe environment.
   • In the Netherlands there are closed and open distance adoptions. The difference is the degree to which you - the remote mother - can maintain contact with your child. In a closed adoption, as was the standard in the past, as a distance mother you never heard anything from the child again. With an open adoption, for example, you will be told annually how your child is doing and your child can also contact you later. Is adoption going too far for you? Consult with the FIOM to see whether placement in a foster family is possible.
4. Get help. Regardless of your decision, it is important that you do not feel that you are on your own. You are going through a rough patch, so see where you can get help to make the right decision.
   • Talk to your parents and the child's father to find out what to expect from them. When you don't get support from this side, talk to other family members or friends.
   • Call the FIOM or speak to your doctor if you want objective advice about your options.
   • You can also go to some gynecological clinics. These clinics are especially for fertility problems, but sometimes they also do abortions. Feel free to walk in and ask a receptionist for help.
   • There are clubs that help unwanted pregnant women based on a certain religion. There is nothing wrong with that, of course, but be aware that they will rarely or never recommend an abortion to you, for example. There are even agencies that will knowingly give you false information about abortion.
   • At the FIOM you will receive unbiased information about all the options you have if you have an unwanted pregnancy. They can refer you to an abortion clinic, but they can help you find a foster or adoptive family.
   • Most churches offer help to unwanted pregnant women, even if you are not a believer yourself. Keep in mind that most churches are fundamentally against abortion.
5. Remember that abortion is not legal in every country. In some countries you can even end up in prison for it. Be well informed about this when you are abroad and return to the Netherlands if necessary. You have the right to have an abortion if you wish.

Method 2 of 3: Helping an unwanted pregnant woman

1. Keep an eye on her. When a friend or family member of yours is unwanted pregnant, you know she's going through a rough time. Visit or contact her regularly to find out how she is doing and if she needs your help.
   • Be on the lookout when she isolates herself. Encourage her to spend time with you and other friends. Invite her to a fun activity so she can put her problems out of her mind for a while.
2. Tell us how you can help. If she's a good friend of yours, it helps her if you tell her how you can help her if she decides to have the baby. Discuss with her how you could relieve her a little of caring for the child.
   • If you are the father of the child, share your plans for the future and ask about hers. Tell her how you feel about pregnancy and let her share her side of the story.
   • If you live together, you can talk about sleeping places and childcare.
   • Don't pressure her to make a decision. Tell her you just want to talk to make sure she gets all the information she needs.
3. Recommend professional help. Encourage the woman to seek help if she is too indecisive about her pregnancy. An impartial professional can coach her to make the right choice.
   • Help her find the right help. You may even be able to join her for emotional support.
   • Don't let your own ideas about pregnancy get the better of you. It is about her and she needs independent advice to consider and consider all of her options.
4. Listen to what she needs. You probably want to help her in every way you can. No doubt you have all kinds of good intentions, but it is still best to ask her how you can best help her. This way, you avoid making her feel pressured by you.
   • She may not be interested in the opinions of others. Respect that and let her make her own choice. Give your advice when she asks, but accept that she may disagree.
   • Let her talk if she needs it. Just by listening carefully to her you help her enormously.
5. Do not judge. You may be angry, sad, or disappointed that she is in this position. Don't bother her with this judgment, but support her right now with all the love and help you can give.
   • Remember, she's having it hard enough already. She can't stand the anger and criticism of her loved ones for now.
   • If you need to get rid of negative feelings about her pregnancy, it is better to find someone else for that. To burden a pregnant woman with this at such a difficult time is not a good idea.

Method 3 of 3: Preventing unwanted pregnancy

1. Increase your knowledge. The more you know about sex, the better you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Go to the websites of the GGD and the Rutgers Huis to read about sex, relationships and contraceptives, but also about pregnancy and venereal diseases. It is important that you understand how your body works, so that you know, for example, how to put a condom on your partner, but it is also important to know how to recognize abuse in yourself and others and what exactly is a healthy, equal relationship.
   • Consent to sex is always important. Sex with people who do not give consent is in many cases even punishable. If you don't want to have sex with someone, or even if you change your mind, just say no. It's a big red flag if your partner gets angry or aggressive about this.
2. Make a plan. It doesn't matter how you want to prevent a pregnancy. It is important that you have a clear plan. Find out which method is easiest and works best for you. Keep in mind that most contraception must be used correctly and consistently.
   • Talk to your sex partner about contraception and let him know that you expect him to cooperate.
   • It is not acceptable if your partner does not want to cooperate. Refuse to have sex with him if he doesn't want to use a condom or other contraceptive, for example.
3. Consider abstinence. Abstinence from sex is the only way to be 100 percent sure that you will not get pregnant. This takes discipline and self-control, which is why this method is not suitable for everyone. Look at your situation and don't become sexually active until you can take responsibility for it.
   • Remember that you can also get pregnant without penetration. Any sperm that comes near your vagina can fertilize you.
   • While oral sex prevents pregnancy, it does not prevent STDs (sexually transmitted infections).
   • Have a backup plan if you want to apply abstinence. Pregnancy is common in couples who intend not to have sex, but cannot sustain it and then have sex without protection. In that case it is better to take the pill, for example, or to have condoms on hand.
4. Use hormonal contraceptives consistently. Hormonal agents work by releasing hormones that prevent you from getting pregnant. You need a doctor's prescription for these remedies. Find out whether your health insurance covers these costs or whether you have to pay for it yourself.
   • The contraceptive pill - or simply "the pill" - is a very widely used contraceptive in the Netherlands. Some pills contain estrogen and progesterone, while others contain only progesterone. It is important that you take the pill every day or it won't work.
   • You wear the contraceptive ring in the vagina for three consecutive weeks. Then you take it out. After a gap week, in which you may bleed a little, insert a new ring.This ring secretes hormones in your body to prevent pregnancy, but you should remember to take it out every three weeks and replace it with a new ring after a gap week.
   • The contraceptive patch is a hormone patch that you stick to your skin. The patch releases hormones through your skin that prevent pregnancy. You should replace this patch with a new one after a week. After three weeks you can insert a stop week. Remember to change the patch in time, otherwise the operation will be unreliable.
5. Consider a long-term solution. If you lead an irregular life or if you are afraid that you will forget your contraceptives, it is better to take a hormonal agent that works longer. A single visit to the doctor can protect you from unwanted pregnancy for months or even years.
   • You will receive the contraceptive injection from the doctor or gynecologist. The contraceptive injection works for three months. Of course you have to get your new injection on time every time.
   • The contraceptive stick is a very effective method of contraception because it is effective for up to three years. It is a small rod that is placed under the skin on your upper arm by the doctor or gynecologist. It works because it slowly releases hormones into your bloodstream to prevent pregnancy.
   • Inner uterine devices (IUDs) are also a very reliable and long-acting method of contraception. These are small things that your doctor implants in your uterus. These IUDs release copper or hormones to prevent any fertilized egg from nesting in your uterine wall and developing further. The effect of this can be five to ten years, depending on the type of IUD.
6. Use condoms. Condoms are easy to use and also very reliable, when used correctly. The use of a condom is also the only way to prevent venereal diseases (STIs). Always use a condom if you are sexually active and think you are at risk of contracting or transmitting an STI. In that case, also use a condom if you are already using another form of contraception.
   • Male condoms are usually made of latex. You slide them over the penis to prevent bodily fluids from being exchanged during sexual intercourse.
   • There are also female condoms. They work in the same way as a male condom, except you insert them into your vagina yourself. They are a lot less convenient and reliable than male condoms.
   • When you use condoms together with another form of contraception, you reduce your chance of getting pregnant to almost zero.
7. Use spermicides. With a spermicide you kill the sperm cells. You can buy it fairly easily at the drugstore, but the effect is rather unreliable, because only one sperm cell has to survive to make you pregnant. Therefore, only use it in combination with another contraceptive.
   • Some condoms contain spermicides for extra protection.
8. Investigate other contraceptives. You place a diaphragm in your vagina before having sexual intercourse.
   • Go to the doctor to fit a diaphragm, because it has to fit exactly and every woman has a unique anatomy.
   • A diaphragm must be used in conjunction with a spermicide to be reliable.
9. Consider sterilization. If you are absolutely certain that you do not want to get pregnant, you can consider sterilization. This method can make you sterile for the rest of your life, so think about it carefully. You may want a baby in the future.
   • There are several ways to perform sterilization on women. The fallopian tubes can be closed, so that the sperm cells can no longer come into contact with an egg. Another type of surgery completely scalds the fallopian tubes. Sterilization does not have an immediate effect. It can sometimes take months before you are completely infertile. Consult with your doctor!
   • If you only have one sex partner, your partner can also get a vasectomy sterilized. This operation, in which the vas deferens are cut, usually only takes half an hour. After about three months there are no sperm cells left in the semen and your partner can no longer fertilize anyone. This method of contraception is very reliable, but remember that there is no one hundred percent reliable method.
10. Also think of morning after help. If you've had unprotected sex, there are still ways to prevent conception afterwards. For example, you can still take a morning after pill up to five days later, but the sooner you do it, the better.
    • There are several morning after pills available. You can even find them at the drugstore. These pills do not cause miscarriage if you are already pregnant. All they do is prevent any fertilized egg from nesting in your uterus and developing further there.
    • You can buy morning after pills at the Kruitvat and the Etos. You do not need a prescription from your doctor for this. They can often also help you at the Rutgers Huis or the GGD.
    • There are also morning after-spirals with copper. These must be placed by a doctor.
    • Contact your local GGD if you have any questions about morning after remedies.
    • Morning after products are not intended as contraceptives, as they are much less reliable than other contraceptives. Only use them if your regular method of contraception has failed, such as if you missed a pill or if a condom has ruptured.

Tips

• Remember that you yourself make the decision whether to have an abortion. No one else can make this decision for you. Do what feels best for you.