Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Assess the situation
• Part 2 of 4: Making contact
• Part 3 of 4: Communicating
• Part 4 of 4: Moving on
• Tips

While we may have been taught that friendships are forever, most of them will have good times and bad. If a close friend keeps your distance and you want to reach out, the best approach is openness, honesty, and a willingness to acknowledge their feelings. Take your time, be considerate, and hopefully you can mend the friendship and move on.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Assess the situation

1. Think about what happened. There is probably a specific reason for the break in your friendship. Consider the situation as objectively as possible. Are one of you more involved than the other?
   • Even if you feel that you have been mistreated by a friend, consider the possibility that you may have also subtly hurt the other person somewhere along the way, something you were not aware of.
   • On the other hand, if you know that you are the one who made a mistake, think about what you did and why, and how to avoid doing it again.
2. Beware of assumptions. If there doesn't seem to be an obvious reason for a particular friend's aloofness, don't jump to conclusions. It can't have anything to do with you - something might be bothering that person.
3. Be willing to accept and / or forgive your responsibility. You may want the friendship to be back to normal, but until you can acknowledge your own mistakes and / or forgive those of the friend, you're getting nowhere.
   • That said, you may need to have a long talk with the friend for wounds to heal. The most important thing is to make sure you feel ready and willing to make things right, rather than hold a grudge. Your friend may not listen right away, but in time and by showing them how much you care about them, they will be able to forgive you.

Part 2 of 4: Making contact

1. Think about what you want to say in advance. If you feel like you need to apologize, be specific about what you're apologizing for. Make sure it's genuine: What are you really sorry about?
   • For example, if you've ignored a friend because you're spending all your time with your new sweetheart, it's not appropriate to apologize for the latter. Instead, talk about how sorry you didn't make time for the friend.
2. Call the other person or make an appointment. It's probably best to talk in person if you can: body language can convey a lot more than just your voice and can help avoid misunderstandings. If that is not possible, however, call him or her to talk.
   • When asking for a meeting, try to avoid vague phrases like "We need to talk." These can put your friend on the defensive. Instead, try a more emotional approach such as, "I miss you" or "I hope we can spend some time together."
3. Write a letter. If you're too shy or the friend doesn't want to see you, writing a short note can help break the barrier. Sometimes it is easier to express yourself on paper than in person. Try to be simple and straightforward - at the end, suggest that you have an informal, no-obligation meeting, such as having a coffee or going for a walk.

Part 3 of 4: Communicating

1. Be sincere. Tell the friend how important it is to you and that you miss him or her. While it may be tempting to wrap up this conversation as soon as possible, short cuts can work against you. This is the opportunity to speak from your heart.
   • Again, avoid one-liners such as, "Let's bury the hatchet" - such made sentences may appear spurious to the other.
2. Listen to the friend's story. Again, it is best to approach the conversation without preconceptions about how the other person would feel or what they want to say. Keep an open mind and give the other person as long as it takes to say what needs to be said.
   • They may need a clue from you, such as, "I'm sure I made you feel awful" or "I would like to be friends again. Do you think that's possible? "
   • Listen without interrupting, even if what the other person is saying provokes certain reactions in you.
3. Give the other person time to think about it. You may have been ready to discuss things, but this friend may not have been quite. You may both need time to process what the other has said. You've taken a big, important step in initiating this conversation - now take a step back so your friend can think about it.
   • This is especially important to keep in mind if you don't get a positive response at first. In a few weeks or months, your friend may still come around.
   • It can be difficult to step back from your friendship, but it may be necessary to restore the friendship.

Part 4 of 4: Moving on

1. Be patient. The other person may need time, even more time than you expected, to think about it. Friendships are complex, so don't expect this to be restored just like that.
2. Talk about things you want to change. If both of you are ready to resume the friendship, this transition is a great time to meet up with a few basic things if you need to. This is also an opportunity for both of you to learn and grow from each other.
   • For example, you can agree to listen better and the other person not to criticize you like that.
   • However, this doesn't mean you have to adjust yourself drastically to please a friend. If a friend has demands that you are uncomfortable with, consider whether this really is a healthy friendship based on love and mutual respect.
3. Make plans. When you feel like you've talked everything through and things are going to be okay, make a plan to see each other again. Suggesting fun activities that you always did together (such as going for a walk, making dinner, or going to the movies) will keep you from dwelling on a problem for too long and can help get the relationship back on track.

Tips

• Friendships sometimes have a natural end because people grow apart or do things that the other cannot forgive. If your efforts are repeatedly disapproved of, you may have to accept your friend's decision and let go of that relationship.
• Avoid using words like "you" or "your" and words that describe the other person when you apologize, but words like "I" or "we" and words that describe you. This shows that you have thought about the friendship and how important it is to you. Example: "I know what I did and we had a strong friendship."
• Talk to each other when you are both in a good mood and can discuss how things got to this point. Decide if you still have mutual interests that have made you friends in the past, and give it a week or two on a trial basis to realize a renewed friendship.
• You should also consider whether it is worth saving the friendship. If the friendship ended because the boyfriend was a bad influence on you, or maybe the two of you grew apart, it might be best to let the friendship run its course and let it fade away.
• If the other person wants space, just leave him or her alone. Better to be left alone than to cry and argue. After that, your friendship will be stronger than ever.
• Trust your other friends, especially if they know the person well. They may be able to give you tips on whether that one friend is willing to restart the friendship. In addition, don't be shy if he or she says no. If so, just try to move on.