Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Helping yourself grieve
• Part 2 of 4: Taking care of yourself
• Part 3 of 4: Cherishing the memory of your child
• Part 4 of 4: Seeking outside help
• Tips
• Warnings

It is terrible to lose your child. You mourn the loss of his or her life, but also the future that you have now lost in one fell swoop. Your life has changed forever. But it is not over. You can survive the grieving phase and come out stronger. Read on for tips that might help you.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Helping yourself grieve

1. Allow all of your feelings and emotions. Embrace all the feelings that come with losing your child. These can be anger, guilt, denial, worry, and fear. All of these feelings are completely normal. Everything is allowed and nothing is wrong. Allow yourself to cry. Give yourself permission to feel what you want. It's too hard to keep your feelings in all the time. Doing this will only make things more difficult for yourself. It is completely natural and even healthy to allow all the emotions you experience at the loss to accept the fact that your child will never come back. You will probably never get over it completely, but you can build the strength to deal with it: If you don't embrace your feelings, you will never be able to get on with your life.
2. Leave your agenda for what it is. The grieving process has no deadline. Every person is unique. Parents who have lost their child can have the same emotions and difficulties: however, each situation is different and depends on a person's personality and living conditions.
   • For years, it was believed that people's grieving process has five stages, starting with denial and ending with acceptance. Today, however, it is believed that there is no particular path that every grieving person takes. Different people experience different emotions that come and go and eventually find a place. Recent research shows that many people immediately accept the death of a loved one and feel more loss than anger or depression.
   • Because each grieving process is personal and unique, many couples get into trouble because they don't understand each other. Remember that your partner may be dealing with the loss in a different way than you and give him or her the space to grieve in his or her unique way.
3. If you don't feel anything, don't worry. During the grieving process, many people experience some kind of dejection or numbness. At this stage everything seems to be a dream and the world outside seems to just keep turning. People and things that were once a cause for happiness, now no longer trigger anything in anyone.This stage can take a while; your body uses this phase to protect you from overwhelming feelings. The more time passes, the more someone learns to feel and feel more connected to the world again.
   • Many people close this numb phase about a year after their child's death. Reality can then come in quite violently. Many parents say the second year is the hardest.
4. Take time off or work through. Some people find the thought of returning to work unbearable, while others throw themselves completely into their job. Decide for yourself which method suits you best. First inquire about how your employer normally deals with these types of situations. Some companies continue to pay employees in the event of a loss or offer the option of taking unpaid leave.
   • Don't be afraid of losing your job if you don't go back to work right away. Research shows that countless companies lose income if an employee returns to work too soon after a loss. Namely, the loss negatively impacts the employee's productivity, which in turn impacts the revenue generated for the business. As Friedman of the Grief Recovery Institute says, "When someone we love dies, we can't concentrate properly. When your heart is broken, it stops your brain from working properly."
5. If necessary, turn to faith. If you are a believer, it can be very helpful to turn to the teachings and rituals associated with the faith to help you through the grieving process. The loss of your child can seriously damage your faith and that doesn't matter. Over time, however, you will find that faith can also provide comfort. If you are a believer, you can trust that God is big enough to handle your anger and worry.
6. Postpone decisions. Wait at least a year before making important decisions. Don't sell your house, go on a long journey, or file for divorce. Wait until the fog has cleared and you can clearly see your options.
   • Don't make impulsive decisions in everyday life. After the death of a loved one, some people tend to live each day as if it were their last. As a result, they take unnecessary risks in order to live as grand and compelling as possible. Make sure you think carefully about what you are doing so that you don't make hasty decisions that may not be such a good idea in the long run.
7. Trust the time. "Time heals all wounds" may sound like a meaningless cliché, but the truth is, over time you will get over this loss. At first every memory will hurt, but at some point that will change and you will be able to view the memories in a more positive way. You will even be able to laugh at memories again. Mourning is a big rollercoaster, but every rollercoaster comes to an end.
   • It's okay to take a break from the grieving process now and then - to laugh and enjoy life. That does not mean that you forget your child; after all, that is impossible.

Part 2 of 4: Taking care of yourself

1. Treat yourself with care. While you may have a tendency to blame yourself for what happened, it is better not to do this. Some things in life cannot be controlled. You can punish yourself for that, but thoughts of what you could have done differently are of no use to you during the grieving process.
2. Get enough sleep. Some parents want to do nothing but sleep. Others lie awake for nights or sit in front of the TV. The death of a child can have a huge impact on your physical health. Research shows that a loss is in a way like a physical wound, so you will need to get plenty of rest. Sleep when you are tired or try to relax by taking a bath, drinking herbal tea, and doing relaxation exercises.
3. Don't forget to eat. If your child has just passed away, family members and friends may bring you food so that you don't have to cook for yourself. Do your best to eat something every day to give your body some much-needed energy. If you feel bad physically, it can be very difficult to deal with negative feelings. Eventually you will have to cook for yourself again. Prepare simple dishes. Fry some chicken breast or make a large pan of soup that you can eat a few times. Look up restaurants online where you can order healthy meals.
4. Make sure you drink enough. Whether or not you find it difficult to eat, try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Have a cup of tea every now and then or always have a bottle of water with you. Water can really boost your body, especially if it already has enough to endure.
5. Do not drink too much alcohol and do not take illegal drugs at all. While it is understandable that you want to push aside the thought of your child's death, turning to alcohol or drugs does not help. This can lead to depression, which in turn brings with it completely new problems.
6. Use prescription medications responsibly. Some parents will need sleeping pills, relaxation tablets, or antidepressants. There are many variations of these drugs and it can be difficult to find a drug that is right for you. This is best done by asking your doctor for help. Try to find out together what works for you and plan how long you plan to use the drugs.
7. Try to avoid painful relationships with others. It often happens that friends stay at a distance during the mourning period. Some people just don't know what to say and those who have children of their own may find it difficult to witness the death of a little one so close by. If friends advise you to get back into your life and stop grieving, you can honestly tell them what you think about this. If the negative comments do not stop, you can choose to temporarily distance yourself from people.

Part 3 of 4: Cherishing the memory of your child

1. Organize a reminder service. A few weeks after the funeral, or at a time you feel more appropriate, you can invite friends and family to a party dedicated to your child. During this party, focus mainly on the good memories people have and exchange stories and photos with each other. You can hold the party at home, but also in a place that suits your child well - for example in a playground or the park.
2. Create a website. There are several ways to build a website where you can share photos and videos of your child or write his or her life story. You can also create a Facebook page to honor your child and allow only family members and friends to access this page.
3. Make a scrapbook. Collect photos, drawings, reports and other memories of your child in a scrapbook. Write a short description or story for each clipping. You can use the scrapbook later if you miss your child and would like to reminisce about him or her. The book can also be a great way to show younger siblings who their sibling was.
4. Donate to charity on behalf of your child. You can make a financial contribution to a project on behalf of your child. For example, transfer an amount to the local library and ask if the money can be spent on books. Sometimes the library will list the name of the donor at the front of the book. You can also support charities that benefit children.
5. Invest in a scholarship. In America, it is not uncommon to support other children financially through a scholarship. Please contact a university for this. You need about $ 20,000 to $ 25,000 to support a $ 1000 scholarship annually, but this amount may vary by school. You can also ask family and friends to contribute to the scholarship. In this way you can mean something beautiful to someone on behalf of your child.
6. Become an activist. Depending on the circumstances surrounding your child's death, you can join an organization that raises awareness about specific issues. For example, if your child has been hit by a drunk driver, you can join an organization that will take action against this.
   • Be inspired by John Walsh. When his six-year-old son Adam was murdered, he committed to making violent crimes against children laws stricter. He appeared on television several times to tell the American public about this.
7. Light a candle. Many events are organized every year to commemorate deceased children. For example, October 15 in America is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day". On this day, children are commemorated who died during pregnancy or shortly after childbirth. At seven o'clock in the evening, parents who have lost children light a candle and let them burn for at least an hour. Through the different time zones, a wave of light passes over the world, as it were.
8. Celebrate your child's birthday if you want. Birthdays can be painful at first and you can choose to ignore them for the first few years. On the other hand, many people find comfort in celebrating their child's life. Decide for yourself what you like - whether you want to organize a party, light a candle in silence or let the day pass without festivities, any way that is comfortable for you is good.

Part 4 of 4: Seeking outside help

1. Talk to a psychologist. A good psychologist can help you a lot, especially if he or she specializes in grief counseling. Try to find online specialists in your area or ask your doctor to refer you. Specifically, ask if someone has experience with bereavement after the death of a child and find out how the therapy works, whether faith plays a role in the therapy, and how long the psychologist is available. Based on the circumstances surrounding your child's death, you could be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. If this is the case, it is best to choose a psychologist who has experience with this.
2. Contact other parents who have lost a child. It can be very helpful to realize that you are not alone, but that others are going through the same thing as you. There are several support groups for parents who have lost a child. You can find these groups online, but perhaps also through your doctor.
   • There are two types of groups: with or without time limit. Groups with a time limit often meet once a week during a certain period. Often these encounters continue for six to ten weeks, after which they end. Groups without a time limit are set up a little more freely. You can determine per week or month whether you need a meeting and no end date has been set.
3. Look up an online forum. There are all kinds of forums that offer support to people who have lost someone. This can involve all kinds of losses; the loss of a child, but also of a partner, a brother or even a pet. Join a forum specifically about the loss of a child to learn more about your grief and your emotions.

Tips

• Cry if you need to, smile if you can.
• If you feel upset, take a break to come to yourself, rest, watch a movie, read a book, or sleep. Try to calm yourself that way.
• Don't expect that some days you won't think about your child - you shouldn't even want to. You love your child and will miss him or her for the rest of your life. That is completely normal.
• During the grieving process, do what feels right for you. You do not have to answer to anyone for the way you deal with the death of your child.
• If you are a believer, it can help to pray regularly.
• Remember you are not alone. Simply ask for help if you need it.
• If you can't sleep at night, write a letter to your child. State that you love him or her and tell them how great the loss is.
• Try to distract yourself from time to time. Go outside. Do fun things. Do something else.
• Do not try to set a specific deadline for the grieving process. It may take years for you to feel normal again and you will never be the same again. However, that doesn't mean life is no longer worth living - life is never the same and has been forever changed by the love for your child and the love the child had for you.
• Remember that no one can really understand the grieving process unless someone has experienced it themselves.
• Let friends and family help you and ask if they can respect your feelings.
• Don't worry about little things. As a parent who has lost a child, you survive the worst that you can experience in life. There is nothing more painful than this.
• Try to remind yourself that if you survived your child's death, you can survive anything from now on.
• It's perfectly normal to have conflicting feelings when you're trying to get back to your life.
• Know that you are brave by dealing with this at all.
• Try to keep a close eye on your health. If you have complaints, it is best to see your doctor immediately.
• Talk to family and friends about your child and take the time and space to cry. Don't bottle up your feelings; there are people who want to support you. You are not alone.
• If you are attempting suicide or know someone who has done so, it is best to call 112 immediately.
• Realize that your child would like you to pick up your life again.

Warnings

• Some people consider committing suicide because they are in so much pain that they can no longer take life.
• Do not do this! If you have suicidal thoughts, immediately contact emergency services.