How to deal with difficult people

Video: How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

Content

Steps
Method 1 of 3: Be Above That
Method 2 of 3: Confront bad behavior
Method 3 of 3: Protect Yourself
Tips
Warnings

Difficult people can turn the lives of those who are with them every day into a living hell. If you regularly deal with people who exude negativity - a tough boss, a critical friend, or an emotionally dependent relative - then you may be dreading each intersection and tormented by thoughts of how to change things. If things only get worse, you can limit the time of communication with such a person or stop such communication altogether. Start with the first step to learn how to deal with difficult people.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Be Above That

1 Stay calm and collected. When someone is critical of you, whines, or complains all the time, it can be difficult not to lose patience and get overwhelmed in response.You may get the feeling that he deserves to be taught a lesson a couple of times. But negativity only generates negative feedback, and if you descend to the level of a difficult person, you will only add fuel to the fire and aggravate the situation. If you can, stay calm and resist the urge to take a defensive stance and snap back, then there is a chance that the tension will soon subside.
- Try to practice the old adage "before you say, think." Take a 10 second pause to decide what to say, rather than react with a burst of emotion in response. This will keep you from saying things that you will later regret.
- Try not to let your emotions take over. You may feel angry and hurt, but yelling and pounding is unlikely to save the day.
2 Try to understand the roots of this behavior. As difficult as it is, try to see what is happening through the eyes of another person. The roots of a complex personality tend to be hidden in the negative experiences that provoked them to have a similar outlook on life. Put yourself in this person's shoes and imagine what it would be like. Empathy can help you better understand why a person is behaving this way and respond with understanding rather than defensiveness. Sometimes a simple smile and kindness towards a person is the best way to overcome their bad behavior.
- For example, perhaps you have a friend who constantly criticizes everyone. Such people, as a rule, in turn, are extremely self-critical. Understanding this will help you understand how to better neutralize your friend's negative attacks, give him a nice compliment, or help you see the positive aspects of yourself and others.
- Research shows that people who abuse others tend to be the victims of frequent abuse themselves. A cruel and prone to humiliation of others, most likely, he himself experienced a similar attitude towards himself at a certain period of his life. Seeing this through his vile behavior and understanding his pain can help you find positive ways to deal with the situation.
- While empathy and acting kindly can help improve relationships in most situations, in some situations a person's problems are too deep to be influenced by your positive. Definitely worth a try, but don't expect a person to change dramatically and suddenly become a wonderful person.
3 Don't take it personally. In most cases, the other person's behavior is not particularly related to you, much more to himself. This does not always work, but abstract as much as possible. If a person is simply in a bad mood and treats everyone equally intolerantly, there is no reason to be personally offended by him. In this case, you should neither defend yourself nor get upset, just try to abstract from his negative comments.
- Of course, sometimes remarks hurt a person very deeply, and you can't help but feel hurt. In this case, the situation should not be ignored; it is better to resolve it directly. If you are treated differently from others, it means that they intend to offend you, and this is not the same as the behavior of a person who is rude to everyone.
4 Change the subject of the conversation. If you are dealing with someone who tends to dominate the discussion by bringing negativity into it, complaining, criticizing, or complicating simple things, try to take control of the discussion. This can be done by changing the subject to a more neutral one, or by interrupting the person's speech if the conversation begins to take an unhealthy turn.
- If you are dealing with someone who is extremely persistent, you may need to act even more directly. Say something like, "I don't like this topic, I would rather not discuss it" or simply, "Let's change the subject." If the person respects your opinion, they will stop.
5 Find out what role you yourself play in this problem. Is it possible that this person is dissatisfied with you in something? Maybe he is cold with you or is trying to hurt you because he is offended or angry at what you said or did? Although there is no excuse for treating people badly, it is possible that the roots of this difficult person's behavior lie in some event. If this is the case, perhaps you can fix the situation by apologizing.
6 Use humor to relieve stress from negativity. Sometimes such people do not even realize how much their mood affects those around them. A good joke can easily rectify the situation and bring a smile to a person's face even against their intentions. The main thing is to make sure that your joke cannot be perceived as mockery.

Method 2 of 3: Confront bad behavior

1 Talk about it. If the behavior of a difficult person affects your mood all day and spoils your joy, it's time to discuss the situation. Be honest about your concerns. For example, if your sister complains about her parents all the time, tell her that her negativity is making you feel bad and that you don’t want to hear from her about the topic from now on. It won't be an easy conversation, but perhaps this is what will get your relationship off the ground.
- Don't confront the person in front of others. This will put him in an awkward position, so it's best to set aside a time and place to talk in private.
- Try not to express anger during the conversation. The conversation can get out of hand otherwise, and this is the last thing you need right now.
2 Separate personality from behavior. This technique will allow you to give honest feedback about a person's behavior without attacking them on a personal level. Your goal is not to make the person feel like a bad guy, but to stop their destructive behavior that affects you, and possibly others. Point out specific examples of problematic behavior.
- For example, if your boss never gives a positive assessment, which, as a result, is bad for your motivation, arrange a meeting with the boss in which you ask him to say specifically what you are doing well. Say that along with what needs improvement, it will be helpful for you to know what is already doing well.
3 Define expectations and consequences. In some cases, it is acceptable to tell the person exactly what needs to change and what will happen if that does not change. While this technique is rarely applicable in a work environment - an ultimatum to a boss is likely to fail - it works well in a situation with a difficult family member or friend. Give the person a clear boundary and make it clear that if they cross it, the consequences will not slow down.
- For example, if you visit your aunt twice a week and she complains about her life and family all the time, tell her that you will have to shorten your visits until she reduces her complaints.
- For this tactic to work, you must be willing to do what you are warned about. This means that if Great Aunt Katya continues to complain, you miss one or two visits until she realizes that you are not joking.
4 Don't fall for criticism. If you are dealing with a person who constantly criticizes you, you should stand up for yourself and in no case give in. If someone accuses you of something you didn’t do, for example, say “It’s not true” and provide evidence to the contrary. If someone makes fun of your appearance, say "I like my hairstyle" or "I can't agree with your opinion." Don't stand silently and don't apologize for something that isn't in your control. Critical individuals feel weak and satisfied if they manage to hook you when they claim that something is wrong with you.
5 If someone tries to bully you, take action. You can never be light on bullying, whether in the school yard or in the office.Those who offend others tend to despise themselves as well, but this is not an excuse for their actions. Over time, bullying can lead to depression and low self-esteem, so it's important to deal with the problem as soon as it becomes apparent to you.
- Deal with the instigator without losing control. Such people want to rise above their victim, so they choose the one who seems weaker to them. Try not to show that you are angry or upset about the situation.
- If the confrontation of the abuser is unsuccessful, you can take further self-defense actions, for example, stop all contact with that person.
- In a production environment, you can alert the manager of what is happening. If you have such a boss, you better start looking for a new job.

Method 3 of 3: Protect Yourself

1 Do not give up. The problem with difficult people is that their negativity is contagious. Just as positive people can cheer others up, difficult people can poison the atmosphere in a room as soon as they appear. If you often communicate with such a difficult person and cannot avoid it, do your best not to succumb to negativity.
- Try to stay positive throughout the day. It's okay to let your feelings go, but resist the temptation. too much talk a lot about this situation. Don't let negativity spread to other areas of your life. Otherwise, you can easily lose control.
- Try not to complain about difficult people. Remember that this person very likely has a secret burden that has nothing to do with you. Concentrate on what is good in your life and be glad that it is not. you difficult person.
2 Spend more time with positive people. This is the antidote to dealing with difficult people. Fill your day with loving, generous and optimistic people who can bring out the best feelings in you. Create reserves of energy for yourself when you have to communicate with people who tend to take it away.
3 Avoid these people if possible. It is not always possible to avoid difficult people, especially if they are members of your family or coworkers. If the situation becomes critical or verges on violence (for example, you are systematically bullied), you should try to avoid such people as much as possible. In fact, you may need to completely exclude contact with them. Even if you want to try to change a person or hope that sooner or later the situation will improve, face reality and assess how it is really possible.
- Try to set a strict time frame for communicating with these people. For example, if you have an extremely difficult mom and she always wants to put you in your place, you might want to shorten your meeting times. Try to communicate no more than an hour a week. If even this time takes too much energy, reduce the communication even more.
- If a person is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive to you, and this happens over and over again, you should prioritize your own physical and mental safety and stop communicating with that person.

Tips

It is important to remember that if, for whatever reason, you do not see any changes in the person's behavior, it is better to retreat than to continue torturing yourself for no benefit.
In such situations, try not to interact with them, otherwise you will find yourself in a predicament, from which it can be difficult to find a way out.
Talk to them calmly and politely.
Don't react to their comments.
If you feel that this person has gone too far or is deliberately insulting you, tell someone you trust, such as a parent or teacher.