Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Help your friend calm down
• Part 2 of 4: Find Out What Happened
• Part 3 of 4: Listen and Encourage
• Part 4 of 4: Try other ways to comfort him
• Tips
• Warnings

Most likely, you have more than once found yourself in a situation where one of your close friends needed your help or support to get over what happened to him. Perhaps the person just broke up with his girlfriend, lost his job or a loved one. Regardless of the situation, you probably want to be a good friend and help your loved one by supporting him. To begin with, you can try to ask what happened to him, listen to him and talk to him, and then try to console and cheer him up using the methods described below.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Help your friend calm down

1. 1 Relax and calm yourself first. Chances are, your friend is very upset, but you are unlikely to be able to help him if you yourself start to panic and hysteria. So take a deep breath (or two). Remind yourself that you need to pull yourself together because your friend needs you right now.
2. 2 Choose a comfortable, quiet place. Look for a place where your friend can sit quietly and tell you about what happened, share their emotions, their pain, despair and confusion.
   • Try to arrange a meeting in some relatively deserted place so that your friend does not worry that someone will see him in this state; in addition, so you will not disturb anyone. For example, it is worth going to another room, going outside, and so on.
   • If you have a special need, find a place where your friend can calmly express their feelings without hurting themselves or breaking anything. You might be better off going into a room with little furniture (or even outside for some fresh air).
   • If you are talking to a friend on the phone, ask where he is, advise him to move to some quiet place where he will feel more or less comfortable.If he does not have such an opportunity, it is better to meet with him and find such a place together.
3. 3 Give him the opportunity to cry, to speak out - let him talk as much as he needs. Unless it comes to damaging property or harming yourself and others, let him express his feelings. Remember that your friend relies on you and hopes to be there when they need your support most.
   • If necessary, provide an opportunity for your friend to release any physical stress, anger, and resentment that may build up.
   • Try not to ask your friend to calm down, stop crying, yelling, and so on (this should only be done if your friend becomes even more upset during the conversation).
   • If you are on the phone with him, just listen to him and wait for him to calm his emotions down a bit. From time to time, you can insert into the conversation such general phrases as "I am with you" so that your friend understands that you are still on the line and listen to him carefully, and not go about your business.
4. 4 Pay attention to your friend's body language. Sometimes people say it's okay, but their body language says otherwise. Certain gestures and behaviors indicate that your friend is upset. Your friend's body language may hint to you that he needs your help to recover before he can tell you what happened.
   • Sometimes body language is almost obvious. For example, do you see your friend crying? Is he sweating or shivering? Is he punching in the air, or is he just walking around the room?
   • And sometimes body language is less obvious. Have you noticed that his whole body is tense? Are your hands clenched? Are your jaws clenched? Eyes red and puffy, as if he had recently been crying?

Part 2 of 4: Find Out What Happened

1. 1 Make sure you are not distracted by anyone. This way you can listen carefully to your friend without being distracted by external factors or focusing on anything else.
   • If there are too many distractions around, it will be difficult for your friend to tell you what happened.
   • As mentioned above, try to find some quiet, peaceful place if you haven't found one yet.
   • Disconnect electronic devices, or at least put them on silent mode. After all, the constant sounds of messages, pop-up notifications and reminders are very distracting.
2. 2 Give your friend the maximum attention. Show him that at this moment in the world there is nothing more important than his problem.
   • Try to get rid of extraneous thoughts so as not to think about anything that could distract your attention. Concentrate fully on your friend and his story.
   • Show your friend that you are listening carefully with your body language. First, turn to face him. Look him in the eye.
   • Tell him that you are ready to listen to him. For example, you can formulate it like this: "I am with you, and I listen to you attentively."
3. 3 Find out what exactly upset your friend. Calmly ask him what happened (or is happening). For example, you might say, “I want to understand what made you so upset. Please tell me what happened. " Or even just in a nutshell: “What happened? What's happening?"
4. 4 Do not force your friend to thoroughly lay out everything and explain to you exactly what went wrong. In this way, you will not achieve anything - on the contrary, most likely, your friend will withdraw a little into himself and try to hide his feelings. Or he will start to worry again and become even more upset.
   • Reassure your friend that you are always there if he suddenly wants to talk and discuss this situation. It should be an honest conversation built on trust and sincerity.
   • For example, you might say, “It's okay if you need time. I'm with you. Let me know when you're ready. "
   • Sit quietly next to your friend until he is ready to tell you what happened.
   • Remember that your friend can start with a backstory - it helps you collect your thoughts and pull yourself together in order to dare to tell the other person about the main thing.
5. 5 Be patient. Your friend may not immediately want to tell you in detail what happened to him, but if you give him a little time, most likely, in the end, he will want to open up to you.

Part 3 of 4: Listen and Encourage

1. 1 Be a good listener. Most likely, your friend needs to talk about what happened (or what is happening), about his thoughts and feelings about it. And when your friend finally decides to open up, give him the opportunity to speak out and share his emotions about the situation.
   • Listen carefully to his story and pay attention to how he tells you what happened. Very often, the non-verbal accompaniment of a story (that is, the way in which the other person talks) can give you almost as much information as the story itself.
   • Try not to interrupt or rush your friend. It is often difficult for people to talk about the things that upset them.
   • Think about each word and try to generally reflect on what your friend is telling you, not on how you would respond to his words.
2. 2 Ask counter questions to clarify points. If you do not understand something, politely and kindly ask a friend to explain more to you or repeat it again.
   • This method will help you really understand what really happened, why it upset your friend so much.
   • You can say something like this: "You said that ..." - or: "In other words, it happened ...".
   • In this way, you will also show your friend that you really listened to him carefully, that you are worried about his condition and that you are serious about his words.
3. 3 Correct your friend if he starts talking negatively about himself. For example, if he says, "I'm useless," or, "I don't deserve to be happy," be sure to correct those statements and say, "Well, of course you deserve to be happy!" - or: “It’s not true, you are not useless, just look how many people love you and care about you. And I love you too, and your condition and well-being are important to me. "
4. 4 Do not discount his problems. Many people think that it will be quite effective to tell a friend about a similar or more difficult situation with someone they know, to remind him that everything could have turned out even worse, that some people have problems that are much more serious. However, in reality, this method will do more harm than good.
   • Your friend may get the feeling that you just do not understand him, and you are completely indifferent to his feelings about this situation.
   • For some, such “encouragement” sounds like being called a “crybaby” or an indication that he is upset out of the blue.
   • Better to say this: "I understand that you are very upset," - or: "I see that it is very upset you."
5. 5 Don't try to solve his problems. This should only be done if something extraordinary has happened, or if a friend asks you for advice or help. In all other cases, you should not go to him with advice on how to solve this problem. Often times, people just need to be heard.
6. 6 Talk about seeking help from a specialist. If it happens that your boyfriend or girlfriend has been the victim of a crime or abuse, tell them to contact the appropriate authorities that will help solve the problem and offer their help.
   • If your friend does not want to go to specialists, do not pressure him. Your pressure will upset him even more. For now, let everything remain as it is.
   • Try to discourage your friend from doing something that may interfere with the evidence of the details of what happened (for example, he should not delete messages, take a bath, if it is about violence or crime).
   • When your friend cools down a little and comes to his senses, try again to persuade him to contact the appropriate authorities. Explain to your friend that there are professionals who can protect him (if necessary) and help him cope with what happened.
   • You can try saying, “You know, I really think it's worth going to [the police / doctor] and talking about this situation. They will help you deal with it. Maybe we can call there together? "

Part 4 of 4: Try other ways to comfort him

1. 1 Don't be afraid to empathize with your friend. Support him with words and deeds. Be kind and kind to him, give him the opportunity to cry if he needs it.
   • First, make sure your friend doesn't mind physical contact. For example, you can ask: "Do you want me to hug you?" - or: "Can I take your hand?"
   • Physical contact is indeed a good way to comfort the person, but before doing anything, it's best to ask your friend how they feel about hugging and other touching.
   • Physical contact makes people feel better, but if physical touch is unpleasant for a person, it is better to find another way.
2. 2 Pray if you are a believer or start meditating. Sometimes, just sitting in silence for a while (regardless of whether it is about prayer or meditation), people calm down, come to their senses and relax.
3. 3 Help your friend release all negative energy through physical activity. Let him do something that requires physical activity - this will help to throw out the rage and negativity. This will help your friend not only calm down, but also distract from the situation for a while.
   • For example, invite him to go for a walk, go jogging, swim in the pool, or ride a bike.
   • You can do yoga, tai chi, or stretching together.
4. 4 Try to distract your friend with something. Sometimes the only thing you can do is simply distract him from the plaguing negative thoughts.
   • Offer him something interesting to do that he enjoys. Go to a movie or ice cream together.
   • Offer to take part in some common cause together, for example, offer to sort out clothes together so that you can donate them to charity later, do gardening.
   • Find something funny and funny (like funny pictures, videos, etc.) - try to cheer up your friend a little.

Tips

• Be close to your friend, but do not offer advice and solutions - just listen to him.
• Don't tell anyone what your friend has entrusted to you (unless your friend asks you to). If you tell someone things that your friend told you in secret, he will no longer trust you. Remember, he first of all turned to you, because he believes that he can be honest and sincere with you, because he trusts you!

Warnings

• If your friend is the victim of violence or crime, you may need to make a decision and share this information with the police.
• Contact the appropriate authorities for specialists if your friend has a desire to harm himself or others.