Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: What are healthy boundaries
• Method 2 of 4: How to Set Healthy Boundaries
• Method 3 of 4: Boundaries in the production environment
• Method 4 of 4: How to end an unhealthy relationship
• Tips

The border is the distance between you and the other person. Think of it as a fence or gate. As a guard, you can decide how close others can approach you, physically and emotionally. By setting boundaries, you allow the person to prove their reliability before letting them into your life.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: What are healthy boundaries

1. 1 The meaning of healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are a way of self-protection, an opportunity to live in a way that will prosper and enjoy every day. People project boundaries in proportion to their own experiences of previous relationships (with parents, siblings, friends and loved ones).
2. 2 Healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Before setting healthy boundaries, you need to understand the essence of unhealthy boundaries. The latter can be described by the following characteristics:
   • The need to constantly stay close to your partner.
   • The desire to manipulate a person.
   • Inability to be friends with other people.
   • Use of alcohol and drugs to feel at ease.
   • The desire for the relationship to always remain the same.
   • Jealousy or lack of mutual commitment.
3. 3 Emotional boundaries. Healthy emotional boundaries mean being able to voice your own desires and preferences. Your emotional boundaries separate your emotions from those of other people and protect your self-worth. They "include your beliefs, behavior, choices, sense of responsibility, and the ability to bond with others." Here are examples of healthy emotional boundaries:
   • Your health and well-being are important, you don't have to neglect your own needs.
   • You deserve to be treated with respect.
   • You will not be forced or forced to do what you do not want, even if the other person tries to awaken guilt in you.
   • You do not allow others to yell at you or call you names, do not be ashamed of yourself and your actions.
   • You do not shift responsibility to others, but you also do not allow others to shift responsibility to yourself.
   • You share your own and others' emotions, but empathize with the people dear to you.
   • You are clear about your needs, and you are also determined to cooperate. This promotes mutual respect.
4. 4 Physical boundaries. An additional aspect of physical boundaries is the (real) distance between you and the other person. Good friends or relatives are at a shorter distance from each other during communication.
   • We internally sense when someone invades our physical space. Feelings of awkwardness and unnaturalness arise.
   • While in a relationship, you need to take care of the convenience of expressing yourself around the other person. Talk about what kind of communication you feel comfortable and safe with.
   • Residents of Northern Europe and North America adhere to the greatest distance when communicating.
   • Residents of the Middle East, South America and southern Europe communicate with the smallest distance, while often touching each other.
   • In Eastern cultures, touching or stroking the back is taboo and offensive.
5. 5 Physical boundaries in the context of personal belongings. Physical boundaries are often described as personal space. It includes things that you physically own - a house, a bedroom, clothes, a car, and others. You are completely free to set boundaries for others so that your right to privacy and property is respected.
   • Using things or being in someone else's territory without permission is a violation of physical boundaries. Even if you are concerned about the safety of a person or suspect a problem, the most correct and respectful solution is to talk directly to that person. Make sure others also understand what constitutes a violation of your boundaries and disrespectful behavior.
6. 6 Set emotional boundaries to better understand yourself. By learning the wisdom of being the gatekeeper of your emotional boundaries, you can better understand yourself. Among other things, you will learn the following:
   • A sensible assessment of the self, regardless of the opinion of others.
   • Awareness of the freedom of one's own feelings and the impact on them.
   • The ability to keep track of how much you can tell about yourself, so as not to lose self-esteem.
   • The ability to say "no" in cases where you need to be resilient and true to yourself.

Method 2 of 4: How to Set Healthy Boundaries

1. 1 Decide to set boundaries. Realizing the need to set boundaries or change them is the first step. They act as an extension of love and respect for oneself and others, rather than a reaction to fear or rejection. Boundaries are the path to freedom from having to please others in order to treat yourself well.
   • For example, your roommate constantly borrows your car. However, she never buys gasoline and does not return money for it. It doesn't have to be that way.
2. 2 Define a border. Ask yourself what you want to achieve with a specific boundary. You need to define all types of boundaries (physical and emotional) for different situations - home, work and socializing with friends.
   • For example, you may decide that no one will be able to take advantage of you for their own purposes, show disrespect for your time and personal space.
   • Tell your neighbor that now she will always fill the tank at her own expense.
3. 3 Set a border. Tell the people around you about it. This will help them understand your expectations and needs.
   • For example, calmly and politely tell your neighbor that she must also buy gas if she uses your car. If she doesn't want to do this, then she won't use your car either.
   • Another example: if your friends like to come without warning, and you don't like it, then ask them to call you first. The presence of boundaries also means that when something happens (for example, someone takes your item without asking), you always know how you will react and report that it is not appropriate. Be polite and calm. Tell your neighbor that she should first ask your permission.
4. 4 Maintain the border. For many people, this is the biggest challenge. Not only are you helping others to keep their boundaries, you are also relearning yourself.
   • For example, if a neighbor forgets to refund money for gas, then remind her of this.
   • You may forget that you shouldn't do this: boundaries are a process, not a one-time action. Remind you of your decision and stick to it.
   • At first, many may resist the new rules. People who respect you will still have to adjust.
   • Remember, you are not trying to change or control others. You only express your vision of the attitude of others towards you, using words and actions. For example, a friend keeps coming to you without warning. To respect the border, say the following: "It's a pity that you took the time on the road, but I am now very busy with work and cannot give you time. I hope that next time you call in advance." This strategy politely reinforces your boundaries in terms of time and personal space.
5. 5 Express yourself directly. Be direct and to the point to respectfully communicate your boundaries to others. If you speak evasively, plaintively or at length, then you may simply not be understood so well. Here's an example of direct communication:
   • You: "We've been playing video games for hours. I'm tired and I want to sleep."
   • Friend: "Come on, it's Friday. Let's watch a movie or order a pizza."
   • You: "Sorry, buddy, but it's time for you to go home. I'll go to bed."
6. 6 Don't forget about yourself. The biggest challenge in setting and maintaining boundaries is the fear of looking rude or selfish. Put yourself first by acknowledging and respecting your feelings. This does not mean that you do not care about others. The urge to set boundaries rests on a willingness to take care of yourself, so that you have the time and desire to take care of others as well.
   • Allow yourself to acknowledge and respect boundaries that should exist beyond theory.
   • Others always choose to respect your boundaries or not. If they are disrespectful, then you have the opportunity to strengthen boundaries through self-affirmation.
7. 7 Avoid people who poison your life. You have the right to keep people out of your life who try to insult or manipulate you.The ability to set healthy boundaries comes over time, but you will succeed if you surround yourself with reliable people who respect your choices.
   • Don't let anxiety or low self-esteem get in the way of taking care of yourself.
   • You are not responsible for how others react to your efforts to maintain healthy boundaries.
8. 8 Start small. Start with a frontier that's easy to deal with as you learn a new skill. Choose something simple.
   • For example, you have a friend who likes to stand too close or looks over his shoulder as you read your mail. This is a great moment to remind you of your personal space.
   • By defining and establishing clear and healthy boundaries, it will be easier for you to maintain them. At the same time, you will notice how your self-confidence rises and your relationships improve as well.
9. 9 Exercise patience when building relationships. Setting boundaries will be an important step in developing a healthy relationship. Strong friendships do not develop overnight. It cannot be accelerated by breaking social boundaries or by sharing information outside acceptable boundaries.
   • It is possible to remain a close friend of the person and feel affection even with healthy boundaries. But this way you can respect yourself, your time and needs, without merging with another person.
   • Feel free to spend time with other people. In a healthy relationship, you don't have to ask permission to do something. If your partner is jealous when you are spending time with friends, then talk and set boundaries for that time.

Method 3 of 4: Boundaries in the production environment

1. 1 Set boundaries with your employees. It is very easy to bend under the weight of circumstance if boundaries are not established and maintained. Communicate the boundaries to your employees so that they clearly understand them.
   • For example, some may feel that you are replying to messages at any time. If you plan to reply to emails only during business hours, be sure to let us know. To the words of the employee "I will send you a draft of the project tonight" you can answer "I will definitely look at it when I arrive at the office."
2. 2 Don't be afraid to ask for help. If your workload becomes excessive, then ask your boss to provide you with an assistant. You can also express your thoughts on how to best balance the workload in order to fulfill direct responsibilities and prioritize other tasks.
3. 3 Set acceptable interpersonal boundaries. It is important to maintain certain boundaries to maintain professionalism and productivity in the workplace. Your company may have its own policy regarding a number of boundaries, including respect in the workplace, use of technology, and more.
   • In a managerial position, you can participate in the development of such a labor boundary policy.
4. 4 Structure your work day. Set boundaries for your time by introducing a specific order of the day. Meetings should have an agenda so that the conversation is always productive. If you spend a lot of time answering emails, you can limit these activities by setting aside a few 15-minute blocks a day.
5. 5 Decide how you will react to border violations. The moment of violation of your boundaries is still inevitable. Think about your reaction. An exception can be made one day, but remember that no one will stick to inconsistent boundaries.

Method 4 of 4: How to end an unhealthy relationship

1. 1 Abusive behavior and manipulation. In some cases, people's behavior may not only violate boundaries, but be offensive and manipulative. This behavior can have the following symptoms:
   • Physical abuse: includes hitting, spanking, and other forms of physical violence.
   • Threats of Violence: According to the current definition, "a healthy relationship eliminates threats."
   • Smashing home furnishings: Used to intimidate and may indicate a tendency to physical violence.
   • Use of force in an argument: trying to hold you back or block your path so you cannot go to safety.
   • Jealousy: A jealous person may doubt or watch out for their partner.
   • Strive for control: The person may get so carried away that they begin to try to control your appearance and actions. Control manifests itself in constant questioning about where you were, what you did, with whom and why.
   • Acceleration of events: Such a person may force you to start a relationship before enough time has passed for feelings or a desire to be friends.
   • Isolation: This includes trying to cut back on your interactions with friends and family.
   • Cruelty towards animals or children: This behavior can be used to force you to do what they want you to do, and the feelings of children and animals are indifferent to such people.
2. 2 Termination of the relationship. If you find signs of unhealthy behavior in your relationship, it may be too late to discuss it. Even by setting healthy boundaries, your abuser may not change their behavior after the conversation. If you can safely end the relationship, do so immediately.
3. 3 Get support. If you can't see a safe way to end a relationship, get the support of people who care about your safety. They can be relatives or reliable friends.
   • Come up with a code word or phrase that signals that you need help immediately. This will be difficult if your abuser is constantly monitoring your actions and does not allow you to be alone.
   • Use your phone or internet to reach the right people. Come up with strong passwords to keep your communication private.
   • Write down or remember the phone numbers of organizations and people who can help.
   • Find out where the first aid station is located in case of physical injury.
4. 4 Make an escape plan and get ready to act immediately. Plan a route to a safe place. Be prepared to leave without personal items such as clothes and belongings. Take only the essentials.
5. 5 Protect your computer and phone settings. This is to prevent your abuser from tracking your devices or your location.
6. 6 Find out the address of your local asylum. In large cities, there are shelters for victims of domestic violence. There you will be safe and protected from your abuser, and your identity will remain secret. Most of these organizations function as temporary shelters from where you can go to a new temporary home.
   • You can always find out the addresses of such places via the Internet.
7. 7 Get a restraining order or restraining order. If you are the victim of such a dangerous relationship, then contact the legal authorities to obtain a restraining order or injunction against you.

Tips

• Boundaries also apply to personal data. Consider how comfortable it is for you to share personal information with other people. You are not required to share your bank account number, email passwords and other sensitive information with your partner.