Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Exercise Restraint
• Method 2 of 3: Be smart
• Method 3 of 3: Rebuild Trust
• Warnings

It is very easy to hurt another person in the heat. To become softer and kinder, you need to show concern and attentiveness, learn to direct your forces in the right direction and restrain impulses. Think before you act, control your anger, and always consider the consequences.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Exercise Restraint

1. 1 Realize your strengths and exercise discretion. If you are not careful, you can inadvertently hurt a person. Special care should be taken when dealing with vulnerable people - children, the sick, and the elderly.
   • Better to be overly discreet. Fragile people should be treated as if they really could break. You don't need to fuss too much around them - you just need to behave wisely.
   • If you are picking up a small child, then you do not need to toss it or swing it around you.Hold it carefully with both hands and be careful not to drop it. You can be playful, but not frivolous.
   • If you want a child or other addicted person to go with you, you do not need to pull or push. Doing so can bruise him, dislocate his shoulder, and lose confidence. Gently but confident enough to say go with you.
2. 2 Don't touch people who don't want to. Physical intimacy is an important part of human nature, but the privacy of others cannot be disturbed. Show respect.
   • This also includes playful touches. You don't need to tickle, grab, or poke a finger when they are not in the mood.
   • Don't touch the person without their consent. If you are asked to stop, stop... If you don't respect other people's privacy, they won't be able to trust you.
   • If you need to touch a person who does not want it (for example, your child throws a tantrum and you need to change his diaper), behave as calmly and caringly as possible. Do the necessary thing and leave the person alone.
3. 3 Don't confuse softness with weakness. The strongest people are those who can interact with others (touch, talk, show love) in a calm and caring way. Being gentle means being able to hug someone and not strangle them.
   • Take hugs, for example. Try to hug the person so that he feels your warmth, but does not suffocate. Always calculate the strength of the hug.
   • Walk with a gentle but confident step. It is not necessary to always use all your powers just to prove their presence. The power is in self-control.
4. 4 Be patient. If you disagree with a person or want to achieve interaction from a person who disagrees with you, then please be patient. Explain your arguments and try to reach a compromise.
   • Physical and verbal confrontation only complicates matters. To build a lasting peace, it is necessary to learn to understand both sides of the dispute. Do not initiate a fight.
   • Don't force people to act against their will. Learn to respect other people's views and develop the art of compromise.
5. 5 Don't lose your temper. If you're angry, count to ten. If the anger persists, keep counting. In a fit of anger, it is easy to commit rash acts of violence, but such outbursts can be controlled.
   • Give yourself time to cool down. Your reaction to the situation may be overly acute. There is almost always a solution without verbal or physical violence.
6. 6 Take a deep breath. If you are angry, try to focus and calm yourself down so you don't mess things up. Inhale deeply through your nose for as long as possible and then exhale slowly.
   • Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Wait until your heart rate slows down and you calm down. Cool down the initial outburst of anger and clear your mind.
   • Try to count as you breathe as you would in meditation. At the moment of inhalation, slowly count: "1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ...". Then, while exhaling, count to the same number as when inhaling. This will make it easier to focus on your breathing.
   • Consider doing meditation. This is a great way to focus on your thoughts, learn mindfulness, and take control of your emotions. All directions can be found on the Internet or you can go to a guided meditation session. You can also look for a smartphone app for regular or guided meditation.
7. 7 Go away. If you cannot control yourself, then you may need to move away from the situation. Spend a few minutes alone to reflect on your mood.
   • Simply and politely apologize. Speak to the person who pissed you off with the words "Can we talk about this later?" or “I need to think about it. Let's put off our conversation for a while. ”
   • Go to a place where you can be alone. If you have a favorite place (a shady tree, a beautiful landscape, or a dark and calm room), then go there. Remain in silence.
   • Consider finding a wise and level-headed person to talk to. Call a friend or acquaintance and tell about the reasons for your upset. Surely he will be able to calm you down and look at the situation from a different angle.
8. 8 Use constructive confrontation. Psychotherapist Mark Gorkin, licensed independent clinical social worker and author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression, offers constructive confrontation, consisting of five stages:
   • 1) Use first-person statements, questions and observations. “I'm worried,” “I can't understand,” or “I'm at a loss” are good conversation starters.
   • 2) Be clear about the problem. Don't use judgmental accusations like "You never do your job on time." Be specific: “I have asked three times this week about the progress of the system health report and still have not received a report or any response. What's the matter?"
   • 3) Explain the reason for your concern. Talk about consequences and expectations. For example: "I did not receive the report on time, so I could not present it at the meeting, and we had to postpone the decision." These are the consequences. And here's the expectation: “We really need this data. I want to meet tomorrow at 9 am and discuss the readiness of the project. "
   • 4) Acknowledge the other person's circumstances and ask for assistance. Make it clear that you are aware of the conditions. For example: “I know that you are working on several important projects. Tell us what you are doing now. Then we will prioritize and establish the importance of each project. "
   • Listen and let go. By using the first four steps, you can be more objective and let go of your anger, hurt feelings, or controversial assumptions.

Method 2 of 3: Be smart

1. 1 Think first and act later. If you get annoyed easily, then in the heat of the moment you can do something that you will later regret. Think about the consequences of your actions first. You don't need to react, you need to answer.
   • Try to contain and assess your anger. Find out what made you so angry. Consider if your behavior is overreacting.
   • Think about the consequences of your actions. If you react harshly to the situation, will you burn all the bridges? Will it have negative consequences for your relationship? Is there a risk of being arrested, suspended, fired, or otherwise punished for your actions?
2. 2 Make a conscious effort not to hurt others. It is very easy to be rude to people without thinking about how they will feel because of what you say or do. Be careful.
   • If you inadvertently offend other people, try to understand which aspect of your behavior hurts them. Is the person extremely susceptible to a particular word or label? Didn't you think and grabbed his hand too harshly?
   • Treat people like they are fragile, at least at first. Be as delicate as possible, but do not tiptoe.
3. 3 Empathize. Try to understand the actions of others: get to know their feelings and thoughts. It may turn out that after that you can no longer be angry with them.
   • If you cannot comprehend human behavior, then ask directly. Say what you cannot understand, and then listen to the answer. He may likewise not understand your thoughts.
   • Empathy is a mutual relationship. Be open about your thoughts. Try to reach mutual understanding.
4. 4 Accept what you cannot change. Learn to let go. You may find that many of the causes of your stress are beyond your control.
   • Assess each source of stress. Can you solve the problem by force? What can be changed by a kind attitude? Do you understand why this bothers you?
   • Know how to let go of the things that make you angry, whether it's a toxic relationship, a bad job, or a resentment. Promise yourself to focus on the present and not live in the past.
   • Learn to forgive when you are interrupted in the middle of a conversation. Take a deep breath. Do not lose your head over the fact that you will forget in a few days.
5. 5 Change what you can change. You can change your own behavior and how you react to what is happening. For example, you may decide not to do things that make people feel negative. In addition, you can learn to control your own negative reactions.
   • Anger can be helpful as it helps you understand your relationship to certain beliefs. If you are angry, figure out why. For example, if your job pisses you off, it might be time to look for a new one.
6. 6 Take time to relieve tension. It's easy to get caught up in the maelstrom of daily commitments at work and school, in relationships and at home. Give yourself time to just be yourself.
   • Go outside. Find a quiet place. Take a walk, visit the pool. Watch the movie. Get a massage or manicure. Do anything that allows you to take a short break from your problems.
   • Leave your phone at home. It will be easier for you to forget about everyday worries if you are not bombarded with constant messages, calls and emails. Enjoy the moment.
   • Reducing stress is extremely beneficial for your health. With frequent stress and bouts of anger, the risk of high blood pressure increases. Release stress to live a long, healthy life.
   • Avoid foods and drinks that make you easily aroused and more stressed. For example, caffeine can keep you calm and make you nervous. Certain foods may have a similar effect on you.

Method 3 of 3: Rebuild Trust

1. 1 Try hard to be a softer person. People are judged not by their words, but by their deeds. If you want to show loved ones that you started from scratch, then you will need to confirm this with especially circumspect behavior.
   • Be patient. It takes time to build trust. Try to be as kind as possible and constantly evaluate your actions. Do I treat people with care? Was my act kind?
   • Don't expect forgiveness. If the person forgives you bad behavior, then don't expect them to forget about it. You cannot change the past, but you can influence the future.
2. 2 Share with loved ones. If you are struggling to overcome your temper tantrums and become kinder, you can talk about it to your loved ones who have suffered from this behavior. Ask them to tell you when you cross the line.
   • To do this, you must be prepared for constructive criticism. It can be difficult to stay calm when asked to control your anger. Few things are more annoying than the word "Calm down!" Remember that you are being helped at your own request.
3. 3 See an anger management professional. Find a therapist or psychologist in your city who can help people cope with anger. At least attend a trial session.
   • Search for a specialist online by searching for "anger management psychologist" or "anger management courses." These courses can be taken online. If you need a real meeting, add the name of your city to your search query (for example, "anger management courses volgograd").
   • Get rid of prejudices. No one can help you if you are not ready to accept help and help yourself. Work with others, not against them.
   • Inquire about the psychologist or counselor of your choice. Read all the reviews you find. Try to contact those who have already used its services.
4. 4 Join a support group. A support group can help you change your life for the better. During the meetings, you will be able to share what you are going through and learn about other people's experiences.Try to find a group with a therapist or psychologist to be sure of the benefits.
   • Search online for support groups in your city, or ask your therapist about them.
5. 5 Accept your emotions. If you act abruptly and hastily, it means that you are being led by negative emotions. Accept your positive emotions and let them guide your actions.
   • It's okay to be vulnerable and sometimes cry. A strong person also has feelings.
   • Don't be afraid to speak out. Find someone you can talk to about your problems. External support is essential when dealing with stress.
6. 6 Stand your ground. Be kind and in control. If you get angry and act on impulse, then everything can be fixed.
   • Constantly evaluate the nature of your actions. Don't forget who you were before.
   • With time and effort, you can change your self-image: become truly kind and empathetic, both in your own eyes and in the eyes of others. Practice becomes habit. Get started today.

Warnings

• Never use violence unless absolutely necessary. The consequences of your actions may not be worth a moment's satisfaction.