Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: How to Respond to Emotional Abuse
• Method 2 of 3: How to Get Help
• Method 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself

Emotional abuse can take many forms. Parents use violence if they regularly yell at you, humiliate, insult, ignore, reject, or threaten you. Emotional abuse often creates feelings of hopelessness, longing, or worthlessness that last for a very long time. Use basic techniques and strategies to help you respond appropriately to these types of violence. If you need help and support, reach out to someone you trust. Try to take care of yourself and focus on thoughts of how to quickly heal spiritual wounds.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: How to Respond to Emotional Abuse

1. 1 Understand that you are not to blame. Whatever you do, emotional abuse is not acceptable in any situation. In addition, the reason is always in who is prone to violence, and not in its victim. No one ever deserves to be targeted for emotional abuse, so don't blame yourself.
   • Remind yourself that the abuser's words are just a reflection of his thoughts, not your actions. Tell yourself, "It's not about me."
2. 2 Learn to recognize patterns of violent behavior. Perhaps parents are prone to such actions in certain situations. It is likely that this is preceded by a change in mood or behavior. Learn to distinguish between dangerous signals in order to prepare in advance or draw up a plan to help avoid a similar situation.
   • For example, if your dad has a drinking problem, he may find that he is most prone to violence after drinking.
   • You may also notice that certain types of violence appear in certain situations. For example, a mother may have a tendency to humiliate you only in the presence of other people.
3. 3 Try to stay calm during times like these. If you are being attacked emotionally, it is easy to give in to the impulse and scream, cry, or snap back. If your parent starts yelling or insulting you, take a few deep breaths and slowly count to ten before answering. This will allow you to pull yourself together and think about what to do next.
   • If possible, it is better to leave the premises for at least a couple of minutes. The physical absence of the attacker will help you control your emotions and collect your thoughts.
   • Try your best to ignore harsh words. It is best to physically distance yourself, but if you have no way to leave, then try to think of something pleasant. Think of the lines of your favorite poems, inspiring songs, or mentally move to your “happy place”. You should remember that the words of the aggressor are not true and that no one has the right to speak to you like that.
4. 4 Talk to your parents. Depending on the type of abuse, you may want to try talking to your parents. Try to be clear and provide specific examples. There is no need to show retaliatory aggression, swear or shout. Calmly talk about your feelings and emotions in this situation.
   • For example, say, “I don’t know if you understand how rude you are to me when you’re drinking,” or, “You cannot humiliate people. I don’t want to put up with this. Can you be kinder to me? "
   • Often, aggressive parents deny their actions and tell the child to "control yourself" or something similar. In such circumstances, take a deep breath and pause. You cannot change your parents, but you can change your attitude towards the situation. Remember that over time you will be able to move out and live on your own.
5. 5 Tell your parents that their behavior is unacceptable. The prospect of standing up for yourself can be intimidating, but the violence never stops if you don't act. When your parents say harsh words or don't respond to you, calmly say what you feel is right to say at the moment.
   • For example, say, “I understand that you do not like my grades in school, but this is not a reason to insult or humiliate me. I try to the best of my ability. "
   • If the parent is silent or not responding in any way, then say, “I know that you are angry, but we need to talk about it. I want to solve the problem, not get away from it. "
   • Always put your own safety first. If you think it’s unsafe for you to voice your opinion, as your parents may lose their temper and resort to physical violence, then this is not the best solution.
6. 6 Express your emotions. Try telling your parents how you feel. For example, if you are feeling desperate or hopeless, then you shouldn't be silent. Your parents may not even understand how you are feeling and how their words hurt you. Start the conversation yourself or in response to another comment. Express your feelings in the first person and do not use accusatory or aggressive words against your parents.
   • For example, say, “I don't like feeling guilty all the time. Please don’t have to. ”
   • Say, “There are so many pressures on me that I just can't handle it. I am sad that I cannot please you, no matter how hard I try "
7. 7 Try spending less time with your parents. Sometimes the best response to aggression is to try to avoid encounters. Easier said than done if you live with your parents. You should spend as little time as possible with your parents when they are being aggressive. In this case, go to a safe place in the house or go outside.
   • For example, if you feel that your parent is excited and about to explode, tell them that you need to do your homework, and then go to your room.
   • You can also leave the house. Go to the park, walk around the neighborhood, or visit your friends.
   • Sign up for extracurricular activities or classes at school so that you have an excuse to leave home on important matters. It will also help you prepare for university entrance.
   • Find ways to sleep with family or friends. Offer to look after your cousins, take care of the house when relatives are away, or clean up an elderly aunt's yard.
   • Find a part-time job to help you spend less time at home, as well as make money and become less dependent on your parents.
8. 8 Seek help in case of danger. If you have a presentiment of danger or your parents have turned to physical abuse, get away from them as soon as possible to a safe place. Call the emergency service (for Russia it is 112) or the crisis helpline for adolescents 8 (499) 977-20-10.

Method 2 of 3: How to Get Help

1. 1 Tell a friend about the situation. Even if your friend is unable to influence the situation, he will be able to offer you support and empathy. Talk to a close friend and tell them how they can help you (even if they just call you sometimes and ask how you are doing). A good friend will listen to you without judgment or criticism.
2. 2 Talk to a trusted adult. If you are depressed and need support or advice, talking to a trusted adult can help. This could be a relative, mentor, or family friend. The person will offer you support and options for getting out of the situation, or help you find a specialist who can help you.
   • You should be aware that some adults are required to report inappropriate treatment of children and adolescents on duty to the authorities. For example, a teacher or trainer is obliged to report such a situation to the appropriate authorities. A relative or family friend is not required to do this.
   • If you are not prepared to report emotional abuse and do not want strangers to interfere, tell the adult you trust. Ask to respect your wishes and keep the conversation private for the moment.
3. 3 Get support anonymously. If you are not ready to talk to the person in person, then find a group on the Internet where you can anonymously share your problems (forums for support or help with psychological problems).
   • You can contact the help desk for children and adolescents. Call by phone, write a message or contact online.
4. 4 Talk to a school counselor. Their task is to help children and adolescents cope with personal problems and crisis situations. A psychologist can help you understand the causes of emotional abuse and give you tips on how to behave. In addition, if necessary, he can intervene in the situation (contact the parents or the police).
   • Please understand that psychologists, psychotherapists, and teachers are required by law to report situations that may pose a threat to your safety.
   • The school psychologist is unlikely to offer long-term therapy, but may help you find the right therapist.
5. 5 Communicate the situation to an adult who has a specific mandate. If you feel in danger or are no longer willing to put up with the situation, talk to an adult who can take appropriate action. Talk to your teacher, school counselor, your therapist or pediatrician, nurse, school staff, or law enforcement. They are required to report the possible abuse to social services and initiate an investigation. Talk to them to solve the problem.
   • Such treatment will have serious consequences. You may need to live away from your parents (for example, in an orphanage or with relatives).

Method 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself

1. 1 Surround yourself with support. Spend as much time as possible with people who are willing to support you. They can be relatives, teachers, teammates or classmates, classmates or friends in the neighborhood. Choose people you can rely on. Reach out to them when you need to speak out or feel the support of a loved one.
   • In addition to peers, you can also turn to trusted adults or mentors.
2. 2 Increase self-esteem through positive internal dialogue. If you have suffered from emotional abuse at the hands of your parents for years, this situation can negatively affect your emotional health. Moral bullying often leads to low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Such feelings are unfounded. Try to notice any negative thoughts about yourself and replace them with positive ones.
   • For example, if you are thinking, “I can't do anything well,” stop and remind yourself of your accomplishments, such as a homework assignment or a personal goal you have achieved.
   • Treat yourself as you would a good friend in a similar situation.
3. 3 Do what makes you happy. Perhaps you enjoy playing sports, dancing, reading, or listening to music. Make time for these activities.Join a class or school sports team and do what you love with like-minded people. If you are creative, find online communities where you can share your stories or drawings.
   • Taking measured action like watching a movie or reading a book can also help you relax and forget about negative thoughts caused by events in your life.
4. 4 Realize that you can continue to love your parents. When faced with emotional abuse, it is normal to be confused or ambivalent. You can love your parents and wish them well, even if they treat you badly. However, your feelings shouldn't stop you from seeking help or talking to a trusted person. It is quite possible to get help and continue to love your parents.
   • One day you will feel love, another hate. Share your feelings with a loved one and understand that they are completely normal.
5. 5 Take up yoga. Sign up for yoga lessons at a sports center, community center, school or park. Doing yoga can help reduce anxiety and help you cope with difficulties at home or at school with confidence and confidence. Plus, they will improve your mood and boost your self-esteem significantly.
6. 6 Keep a diary. This is a great way to understand and express your emotions. Dealing with emotional abuse is difficult, especially when it comes from your parents. Perhaps you want to talk to someone, but you don't know what to say. A diary will help you clarify your thoughts and feelings, better understand yourself and understand the situation.
   • If you write your diary about your relationship with your parents, keep it in a safe place where they won't find it. If you are afraid that it will still be detected, try using code words for certain actions or events.