How to deal with feelings of loneliness

Video: How to get rid of loneliness and become happy | Olivia Remes | TEDxNewcastle

Content

Steps
Tips
Warnings
What do you need

No one likes to feel abandoned by friends, but everyone is familiar with these feelings. Sometimes it is very upsetting when friends leave without you. But a similar feeling can roll over even when there is someone nearby who maintains a conversation with you.

The best remedy for sadness, sadness, and self-pity is to be busy with activities, since being active contributes to a realistic assessment of the situation. The tips below can help you cope with feelings of loneliness and respond appropriately, whether you were left alone at home (and not even asked if you wanted to go out) or whether the feeling rolled over during any activity.

Steps

1 Be realistic. Everyone feels lonely from time to time. If you are not in a quarrel or separation from your loved one, the feeling of loneliness should not be a frequent guest with you. The worst behavior when it appears is to start feeling sorry for yourself and sit still, waiting for someone to come and dispel your sorrows. There is no order of white knights to cleanse self-pity, so the problem will have to be solved on your own.
2 Look at the situation with an open mind. Analyze it. If you are new to a locality or have started attending some group activities, remember that some groups reach a point beyond which new members are discouraged. You can continue to attend the group, hoping that after a few sessions, someone will notice you and welcome you to the class, or join another group to find new friends. Look around and listen to what others are talking about. If you are not attracted to anyone, most likely these feelings are mutual. Look for people with similar mindsets.
3 If you already know people and fit together before, the situation is different. In this case, the choice is between feeling bad, quarreling with everyone, or perceiving your emotions as a short-term outburst of negativity in a stable and strong friendship.
- If you have a falling out with friends, it is best to rebuild the friendship as soon as possible. The longer you indulge in anger, the worse the feeling of loneliness, besides, you deprive yourself of many pleasures.
4 Smile. Smiling is a versatile healing remedy that can heal your mood and make you attractive to other people. A smile will bring a feeling of relief, even if there is no reason to smile, and you have to stretch your lips through force. This method works not only in humans, but also in solitude. If you are left at home, encourage yourself with a smile. She will attract positive thoughts and dispel discouragement.
5 Don't get hung up on looking for reasons why you are left behind in a situation. There are many real reasons why a person did not have the time, energy, or resources to make sure all friends are invited. There may also be times when you are really not invited due to some speculation, even if they do not correspond to reality. For example, your friend might think you are doing something else during this time. Or someone thought that this particular event would not arouse your interest. Or someone thinks that you have previously expressed a feeling that you will not like the closeness of a person who is also invited to the party. If the feeling of loneliness arises at a crowded party, then most likely, friends simply did not notice your upset or thought that you already had fun communicating with other people.
- Look for the simplest explanations first. It is better to look for honest and positive reasons, rather than look for the worst malicious motives in the actions of friends.
6 Find something to do. Find something good at least for the moment. When feeling abandoned, abandoned, and lonely, do not indulge in blues. The best thing you can do is find some active activity for yourself that can distract from unpleasant thoughts and make you feel useful. For example, you can do things like this:
- If your friends have gone somewhere and you feel stuck at home, indulge yourself. Take a scented bath with candles and your favorite book. Or grab your iPod and go for a walk or even a run. Physical activity promotes the production of endorphins (happiness hormones). You can go out into the city and go shopping or go on a journey through network resources. Even if you don't buy anything, shopping itself will calm you down.
- If the feeling of loneliness arises at some kind of mass event, find your way. When it seems like friends have left you and are not inviting you to participate in their activities, you can start a conversation with new people. Offer to bring a snack or try some new activity if the party is active. You can come up with a rhyme or update your Twitter status (just something positive, not a complaint about friends). Talking and practicing with other people is the best way to get the most out of a situation. This is much better than biting your nails in a feeling of complete hopelessness and inability to live without friends.
7 Talk to your friends about how you are feeling. Direct and open conversation is a very effective means of dealing with situations in which you feel abandoned. Tell your friends how you feel and ask about the reason they left you. Try to explain exactly why you felt uncomfortable and why you wanted someone to be there at a party or to be invited somewhere. It is also important to politely ask your friends how this situation arose, and why they decided that you should not be invited or left alone. Don't blame anyone, just ask a few questions to keep a productive conversation going. You can say something like:
- “I was really upset that you guys decided to go rollerblading last Saturday and I wasn't invited. Of course, on Friday night I was completely exhausted, but I managed to recover and on Saturday was quite ready to have fun with you. When X told me that you skated, I felt upset that I was not even invited. Why did you decide that you don't need to call me? "
- “I loved the party last weekend, but at the end it felt like you and X had dumped me. The guy I was talking to was not at all interested in communicating with me, and when I tried to find some of my friends, you were nowhere to be seen. I didn't know anyone else there and felt abandoned. What happened to the two of you? Did you notice that I was alone during the whole party? "
8 Be open when listening to your friends' responses. They may be surprised by your statement that they have dumped you. They can talk about some independent reasons that prevented you from inviting you (recent illness / breakdown, arrival of relatives, lack of money, parental control, etc.). Use this opportunity to clarify all assumptions and find out the reasons for the error that caused you to be left alone.
- Be honest with yourself. Have you done anything that would make your friends want to leave you? For example, were you being rude and demanding or not paying attention to what your friends needed? Perhaps your presence made it difficult to discuss a personal issue? If the main reason was that friends were looking for a free and quiet place to talk, apologize to them and promise that you will change your behavior in the future.
9 Stop the unwanted development of the situation. When external circumstances are the reason for your distance from friends, take preventive measures. Sometimes the adage "out of sight - out of mind" works literally. Anything can interfere with your meetings: a busy work schedule or a busy curriculum, household chores, hobbies or sports activities. In this case, you can maintain a relationship by trying to adjust the meetings to a tight schedule. Friends will definitely inform about their employment, but you can always find an opportunity to talk over a cup of coffee, and even such a small thing will bring the feeling that your friendship is still alive.
- Being proactive in rebuilding relationships is an excellent intelligence tool. You can find out if your suspicions are really valid. For example, if someone refuses to meet several times in a row, you can be sure that they no longer regard the relationship with you as friendship. On the other hand, friends may happily jump at your initiative to rebuild their old relationship for everyone's joy.
10 If your friends keep leaving you alone, please accept this message. If you are constantly left or ignored, then it's time to accept the new reality and call things by their proper names. Your relationship is no longer a "friendship," and you shouldn't count on these people. If you are constantly and deliberately ignored, and condescending notes slip in intonations, this is a sign that they are trying to offend or use you.This means that it’s time for friendship to find other people who can respect you and care about how you feel. It’s hard to accept at first, but it’s much easier than clinging to old relationships with people who value you as little more than a doormat. You know you deserve the best and that real friends won't do that to you.
- Consider going to church or regular meetings of a religious group. Even if you are an atheist, you can find an atheist organization that constantly organizes meetings. Meeting people who share common interests can be a way to build new relationships and friendships.
- Appreciate yourself. By allowing a friend to be arrogant towards you, you yourself reduce your worth and allow them to command. A person who values himself will distinguish an abusive attitude in order to defend himself against it. Choose your friends wisely.

Tips

If your friends keep leaving you, then they are not real friends.
Be careful if hostility or isolation has arisen in a group that previously treated you positively. It could be caused by someone spreading rumors behind your back. Find a close friend and ask what they say about you. An unfriendly attitude on the part of one single person can poison the entire social life with ridiculous rumors. It may be a blatant lie, something that you could not even think of, so do not protect yourself from slander. If so, find the liar. Spread the truth and tell who is spreading the lie and why. Often the reason is not that you did something wrong, but that you are envied.
Discuss the relationship with a third party. Other people are not personally involved, so it is easier for them to assess the situation with an open mind.
Get to know yourself. Try to understand what activities bring you joy and why? What is your outlook on the world and life based on? It is better to find people with similar views than to strive to overcome the whole sea of everyday problems on your own.
If you are constantly left alone and there are no friends to support you and / or spend time with you, find someone to help you. There are social workers and psychologists who can find the right environment for you, as well as help you understand the things that keep other people distant from you. Sometimes this requires an outside perspective.
Try to get close to people with whom you are usually not so close.
Build your life around what you want to do and immerse yourself in those activities. Otherwise, your position will be precarious and dependence on others will arise. Sometimes it’s easier to let your friend channel your social life, who has both energy and connections with other people. But in this case, you may find that we have lost the ability to fulfill the requirements necessary for life in society. Don't forget about how to keep yourself in a good mood, and how to ask people to do something to make a difference, rather than wait for someone else to ask you to.

Warnings

Don't dwell on people who prefer to leave you rather than openly say that they want to end the friendship. Many people lack the courage to speak directly, so they prefer to step back smoothly so as not to provoke open confrontation. Not every friendship will last long. It is better to realize that the reasons that bind you in the past have disappeared than to blame yourself and develop depression. Perhaps you both grew up and now you are attracted by different interests.
Do not bring up religious issues with strangers or adherents of another faith. Keep this thread for friendly conversations with people who agree with your views in most situations.
If you have physical limitations, access and mobility issues can affect social relationships.See how fast the other participants in the event are moving. In some cases, a motionless person demonstrates that he wants to be alone. See if there are other seated people in the room who have also been ignored. If so, you better not waste time and look for another social type of party. Physical limitations can also affect your body language, which will send the wrong signals to other people.
Do not criticize other people, especially on any grounds. It looks like you, as one person, are expelling an entire group.