Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Your Emotions
• Part 2 of 3: How to Adjust Your Behavior
• Part 3 of 3: How to Identify Causes of Fears

Fear of abandonment is a common phobia. Most people at least once, but thought about what would happen if a loved one leaves them for one reason or another. If your fear of being alone is negatively affecting your life and relationships, it may be time to acknowledge the problem and tackle it seriously. Living in constant anxiety can seriously damage your mental and emotional health. The fear of being abandoned can make you compulsive and cranky, and this will only increase the chances of this fear becoming reality. You can learn to cope with your fear of loneliness by identifying the causes of your anxiety, working to improve your emotional health, and changing your negative behaviors.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Your Emotions

1. 1 Move your emotions into your own personal responsibility. To get rid of the fear of loneliness, you need to find the right and healthy ways to deal with anxiety. The first step in finding healthy coping mechanisms for stress is to take responsibility for your experiences. Even if your emotions are triggered by other people's actions, understand that your reaction to those actions is entirely up to you.
   • For example, if someone insulted you and you got angry, you need to admit that even if the line was really hurtful and humiliating, you can always choose how to respond to it. You can get angry, cry or rush off in a rage, or you can look inside yourself and remember that your well-being does not depend on the opinions of others, smile and just leave.
2. 2 Become aware of your fears. Think about why the thought of someone leaving you scares you so much? What specific scenario are you afraid of? If you are abandoned today, what special emotions will it evoke? What thoughts will be in your head at this moment? By understanding the details of your fears, you can help yourself find ways to overcome them.
   • For example, you may be afraid that if your partner leaves you, no one will love you, and you yourself will never be able to re-enter the relationship.
3. 3 Stop generalizing. If your fear of loneliness is caused by an episode from your childhood, you may subconsciously think that the same thing will happen again. Think about the events in your childhood that may still affect your life.
   • For example, if you are abandoned by your mother or another woman who has taken care of you in some way, you may be distrustful of any woman in your life.Remind yourself that this is irrational mistrust because everyone behaves differently.
4. 4 Always check the facts. When anxiety takes over the mind, fact-checking is a useful strategy for getting feelings under control. Mute your emotions and ask yourself if your thoughts at the moment have any rational basis? Consider if there is a simpler and more explicit explanation for what you are experiencing?
   • For example, if your partner has not responded to your messages for half an hour, your first reaction may be the following thoughts: "He is tired of me and does not want to communicate with me anymore." When you start thinking that way, ask yourself, is this really the most plausible reason? Chances are, your partner is just busy talking to someone else, or just forgot to turn on the sound on their phone after a business meeting.
5. 5 Make it a rule to consider all possibilities. A careful and rational approach to assessing events teaches us to focus on what is happening now, rather than what may (or may not) happen in the future. Pay attention to how you are feeling at any given moment in your life, and instead of immediately reacting or judging yourself, ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way?" This will help you better understand your emotions and know what to listen to and what not to cling to.
   • Meditation is a good way to become aware of your emotions and actions. Even seemingly insignificant five or ten minute daily sessions can help you become aware of your emotions and thoughts.
   • To get started, you can download the thematic app to your phone or watch the video tutorials on meditation on YouTube.

Part 2 of 3: How to Adjust Your Behavior

1. 1 Become aware of the patterns of your behavior that alienate people from you. If you are afraid of being abandoned, you may often act out of feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. Some examples of this behavior: you constantly call or text a person, you ask the person to spend all their free time with you, you accuse others of wanting to leave you. Unfortunately, it is with this behavior that you, even if you do not want to, scare off your friends and partners. If you've noticed any of the above, try to find alternative ways to deal with your anxiety.
   • By resorting to mindfulness, you will stop pushing others away. From the point of view of this approach, you will be able to critically assess your motives and consciously abandon impulsive and overly demanding behavior.
   • When you feel vulnerable, instead of being led by your emotions, write in a journal about your feelings. Another good option is to take a walk and consider your feelings.
2. 2 Think about the kind of relationship you want. Oftentimes, those who are afraid of being abandoned tend to enter into relationships with emotionally cold people. If you've been dumped before, you may subconsciously choose partners who behave in the same way as your parents or ex-partners.
   • Consider that a more emotionally open partner might break this cycle of constant anxiety and loneliness.
   • If you find that you are prone to entering into emotionally unhealthy relationships, a counselor can help you. A mental health professional can help you identify the causes of unhealthy behaviors and teach you to develop those qualities that will draw you into more stable and healthy relationships.
3. 3 Make a lot of friends. If you are afraid of being abandoned, you may be fixated on one relationship, forgetting to contribute to others. Having formed a stable social circle, you will stop focusing on only one person, you will feel more confident.
   • If one of your friends decides to stop communicating or is unavailable, you can always communicate with others. By meeting and connecting with people, you will also learn to maintain healthy relationships.
   • By staying open to new acquaintances and friends, you build a reliable circle of support. Join another class at school, take a cooking class, take walks in the local park more often, or volunteer to connect with people with similar interests.
4. 4 Prioritize activities that increase your self-esteem. By increasing your self-esteem, you become more emotionally self-sufficient, and this will help you overcome your fear of being alone. When you are in harmony with yourself and acknowledge your abilities, you do not need to rely on the judgment and attention of others.
   • To build self-esteem, learn new skills, volunteer and help others, just work on a project that matters to you.

Part 3 of 3: How to Identify Causes of Fears

1. 1 Think about how loneliness affects you. The loss of a loved one or past exposure to neglect and physical, emotional or sexual abuse can be very traumatic. A person with this experience is more likely to experience behavioral and psychological problems due to a deep fear that the same thing will happen in their current relationship.
   • Some common emotional and behavioral reactions of fear of abandonment include: mood swings and fits of anger, as well as other behaviors that may alienate you from those you hold close.
   • Other symptoms may include low self-esteem, feeling insignificant, severe anxiety or panic attacks, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and difficulty adapting to change.
   • Fear of being abandoned can also undermine your ability to trust people. It can lead to codependency and attachment to people who encourage these negative thoughts.
2. 2 Consider if you were abandoned as a child. In most cases, the fear of loneliness develops on the basis of the psychological trauma of childhood. If you have experienced the death of a parent or other loved one, lost touch with them due to a divorce or other reason, you may subconsciously fear that the same will happen to other people.
3. 3 Remember, you felt like an abandoned partner. Sometimes trauma experienced in adulthood can also contribute to the development of a fear of loneliness. Have you had to lose a partner or loved one due to his death, divorce or financial difficulties? Some people, after the experience, may have a fear of being left alone.
4. 4 Assess your self-esteem critically. Many people who are afraid of being abandoned have low self-esteem. If you often find yourself wanting to hear approval and praise from other people, or determining your importance in terms of the relationships you are in, then you may be afraid of losing other people, because for you they are the only source of positive emotions associated with you.
5. 5 Think about how often you feel anxious. Anxiety-prone people are more likely to fear being abandoned. Many anxious people have vivid imaginations. If you have imagined what it would be like to be abandoned by loved ones, chances are that you will start to fear translating these thoughts into reality, even if this has never happened to you before.
   • Anxious people usually expect the worst from a situation. For example, you may become anxious (heart palpitations, palms sweat) if your partner does not immediately answer your call. You are worried that something happened to this person, or he is deliberately ignoring you.
   • To overcome anxiety, you must learn to evaluate how realistic your assumptions are. Do you have reasons to think something happened to your partner? Is there clear evidence that he or she is ignoring you?
   • To deal with anxiety more effectively, you should see a therapist who knows how to deal with these conditions.
6. 6 Get professional help. Depending on how strong your fear is and how it is currently affecting your life, guidance and support from a qualified therapist or psychologist can help you. Find someone who specializes in helping people who are afraid of being abandoned, and they will teach you how to separate fears from the past from the real events of the present.
   • By learning to separate past and present and recognizing that your fears have no real basis in your life today, you can develop a healthy skill to deal with any emotional stress in your daily life.