Author:
Carl Weaver
Date Of Creation:
24 February 2021
Update Date:
27 June 2024
Content
- Steps
- Part 1 of 3: Talk to your parents about their fights
- Part 2 of 3: Understand your actions during parenting conflicts
- Part 3 of 3: Learn About Family Fights
Do you feel uncomfortable listening to your parents' quarrels, and you do not know what to do when they start to swear? Do you want to know how to end your parents' quarrels? Unfortunately, there is no universal way, that is, there is no guarantee that you will be able to stop your parents' quarrels. However, you can communicate to your parents how you feel during their fights to encourage them to end all conflicts. If you are sad, scared, anxious, or angry about parental conflicts, this article will tell you how to accept your emotions and come up with a plan for how to deal with this difficult situation.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Talk to your parents about their fights
1 Decide if you want to talk to your parents about their conflicts. In most cases, talking to your parents about how their fights upset you will be successful. It is possible that your parents do not think you know about their conflicts or that they don’t know how upset you are. - Parents may think that their fights are not a big problem, and do not think about it from your point of view.
2 Choose the right time to talk to your parents. As much as you want to end the fight, stay away from your parents during the conflict. - Let them calm down and then tell them that you want to talk about something that bothers you.
3 Tell your parents how you view their fights. Explaining to your parents how their conflicts affect you will be very good. To increase your chances of a positive result, prepare for the conversation ahead of time. Start by explaining what your parents' fights look like from your perspective. - For example, start the conversation like this: "Mom and Dad, it seems to me that you have been fighting a lot lately, especially in the mornings when we all get together."
4 Tell your parents what you think. If you want your parents to see their conflicts from your perspective, tell them how you feel about the situation, even if you don't quite understand it. - For example, continue the conversation like this: “I'm not entirely sure why you have been fighting so often lately. Maybe because you work a lot or have to drive me to school early in the morning so that I won't be late for rehearsals. "
5 Tell us about your feelings. Be honest with your parents how you feel during their fights, and perhaps your parents will hear you and change their behavior. - For example, continue the conversation like this: “Anyway, I get stressed during your fights.It seems to me that you are quarreling because of me, and I am afraid that you will divorce. "
6 Tell your parents what you want. Naturally, most of all you want your parents to stop conflicting altogether, but this is not entirely realistic. - But you can ask your parents not to interfere with their conflicts or quarrel when you are not at home.
7 Write down what you want to say. If you are nervous and cannot remember what you want to tell your parents, or if you are worried that your speech will be extremely emotional, write down what you want to tell your parents on paper. - Make sure that your speech includes everything that was mentioned above (your thoughts, feelings, requests, etc.), and then rehearse your speech.
8 Instead of talking to your parents, write them a letter. Better, of course, to talk to your parents face to face, but if you are too worried, write them a letter. This will give the parents time to reflect on what you have written and then discuss it with you. - Even if you are writing a letter to your parents, include everything that was mentioned above (your thoughts, feelings, requests, and so on) in it.
9 Listen to your parents' explanations. Most likely, your parents will talk to you about their fights and explain to you the reasons for the conflicts. In this case, listen to them carefully and do not interrupt. - If you're lucky, you and your parents will come up with a plan for how to deal with stress, settle differences, and stop fighting.
10 Talk to someone you trust about your parents' fights. If you're not sure if you need to talk to your parents, or if you don't know what you will tell them, or if you've already talked to your parents and nothing has changed, find a trusted adult and talk to them. - Talk to someone who cares about you and you can trust. For example, such a person might be your relative, school psychologist, favorite teacher, or religious mentor.
11 Get ready for family therapy. It is possible that your parents will see a family counselor. They may come to this decision after talking to you; if they do not understand that their fights are getting out of control, invite them to see a psychologist. - You may not like this idea, especially if you are a closed or shy person (or think this is a boring pastime).
- But remember, this is a good sign! If your parents offer you to go with them to a seminary counselor, it means that they care about keeping the family together.
Part 2 of 3: Understand your actions during parenting conflicts
1 Don't overhear when your parents are fighting. Since you do not know the reasons for parental conflicts, you can interpret the arguments of the parents completely incorrectly, so it is better not to overhear what they are swearing about. - Eavesdropping will make you more upset, while your parents may quickly reconcile.
2 Find a quieter place. If possible, go to a place where you can relax and not hear your parents' spat. - For example, you can go to your room and read a book or play a computer game, or even go outside.
3 Try to find a way to be out of the conflict situation. You may not be able to go to your room or go outside when your parents are fighting. - For example, many parents get stressed and swear when they drive for a long time. In this case, try to find a way to retire.
- For example, put on your headphones and listen to fun music, or focus on a magazine or book.
4 Find out how call emergency services. If you feel insecure during a parental argument, or if your parents threaten each other with physical violence, or if someone is hurt, take refuge in a safe place and call emergency services. - You may be worried that your parents will be mad at you for calling the police, but remember that it is better to be safe than sorry, and that it is not your fault that you called the police (your parents are entirely to blame - by their actions, they put you in a hopeless position).
Part 3 of 3: Learn About Family Fights
1 Remember that parental conflicts are normal. Maybe your parents started yelling at each other in the next room or haven't spoken to each other for several days. Either way, they really get mad at each other, and you get stressed. - However, understand that parental disagreements and clarifications are common and sometimes rewarding.
- If your parents don't fight too often and if conflicts between them don't bother them too much, don't worry too much about their disagreements.
2 Fall asleep the causes of parental conflicts. Despite the fact that your parents are older and wiser, they remain human. Anyone gets tired, stressed, and have bad days; it is possible that your parents are fighting for one of these reasons. - Most likely, your parents' health will soon improve and they will make up.
3 Realize that it's not necessarily a bad thing to be aware of your parents' fights. Family experts advise parents not to swear in front of their children (you don't need to know all the details of adult life and worries). However, it is helpful for children to know that sometimes their parents have disagreements. - Your parents have a responsibility to teach you that disagreements between people cannot be avoided, even between people who love each other; parents should also tell you how to deal with disagreements. If your parents hide their differences from you, you won't learn to find a way out of these situations when you start your own family.
- Parents should explain to you that they are not angry with each other after their reconciliation. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to understand whether the conflict between the parents has been resolved or not; if the situation develops like this, just ask them about it.
4 Understand that during an argument, parents can tell each other about troubles that don't make sense. Swearing, people say to each other what they later regret. You probably fought with your brother or sister or a friend and said something unpleasant to him, for example, "I hate you!" or “I don’t want to communicate with you!”. - Having calmed down, the person should apologize and explain that he did not want to offend anyone.
- Each child considers his parents to be perfect, but they sometimes say hurtful words to each other, although deep down they do not mean anything bad. Most likely, after a quarrel, they apologize to each other.
5 Understand that you are not to blame for parental conflicts. Parents may swear for a variety of reasons, such as work, money problems, or what you think is yours. For example, your parents have a fight over money and you know they have to pay for your swimming training. You might think that if you didn't go swimming, there would be no conflict. - Don't rush to blame yourself. Remember, you are not the cause of any parental conflict.
- Your parents made the decision to quarrel, so it's their fault that they couldn't handle the situation in any other way. Remember that even if it seems to you that your parents are quarreling because of you, in fact, there are many reasons that you do not know and which have nothing to do with you.
6 Understand that parental fights do not necessarily lead to divorce. It is possible that if your parents fight a lot, they will eventually divorce. Remember, this is not your fault. - However, you should also remember that fights between people who love each other are common.If your parents are fighting, this does not mean that they do not love each other (or you), and even a few conflicts are unlikely to lead to divorce.
7 Understand that it's okay to get upset. Even if you understand that parental fights are normal, you may feel sad, upset, worried, anxious, or even angry. Your emotions may seem strange to you, but they are a normal reaction to the current situation.
