Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Do your bit for reconciliation
• Method 2 of 3: Leave Conflict in the Past
• Method 3 of 3: Repair the relationship

Fighting with a partner is a common thing, but how do you reconcile then? It is important to maturely approach the settlement of the quarrel. It means taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing for any wrongdoing. Communicate openly with your partner and be sure to listen actively. As you leave the problem in the past, give your partner positive attention and demonstrate that you are ready to make changes for the good of your relationship.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Do your bit for reconciliation

1. 1 Stop fighting to solve the problem and make up. Do not harbor resentment and do not let the arguments spill over into the new day. Make a joint decision to end the conflict. Work together to reconcile so that both of you can begin to recover.
2. 2 Recognize your role in the fight. Realize that regardless of the nature of the conflict, you played a role in it. Show humility and admit where you were wrong. Set aside any “but” or “you should have ...” and focus on your contribution to the conflict.
   • For example, you may have snapped at your partner or interrupted him when he wanted you to listen to him.
   • You can say: “I drew conclusions without listening to you. I didn’t listen to you and I admit that I was wrong. ”
3. 3 Deal with your anger. Conflicts often lead to anger and frustration. If you are boiling over, realize that you are in control and that your partner is not “forcing” you to get angry. Take steps to calm yourself down, such as breathing deeply. Think about what triggers your anger and try to see the whole picture.
   • Write down your feelings in a journal so you can study and understand them better. For example, if you're upset that your partner didn't call you, write about your experience and how it made you feel.You may find that anger is actually related to a feeling of being neglected or a desire for more attention.
4. 4 Put relationships first. If being right is more important to you than having a harmonious relationship, it's probably time to soften and back down. Instead of focusing on why you are right, focus on understanding your partner's point of view. Take an interest in what he thinks and says, and remember that relationships are more valuable than feeling right.
   • For example, instead of saying, “I know I’m right and you’re wrong,” say, “I understand my point of view, but I don’t understand yours. Can you explain it in more detail? "
   • Remember that you two are in the same boat. Neither partner should take the full blame, and you should work together to solve the problem.
5. 5 Apologize for your wrongdoing. Show that you are aware of what you did, and then express regret about it. Show empathy by acknowledging your partner's emotions and how you influenced them. Specifically, say, “I'm sorry,” so that your partner understands that you are specifically apologizing for your wrongdoing.
   • For example, say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you. It was ugly on my part, and I know that you consider it disrespectful. I am ashamed that I yelled at you, and I apologize. "
6. 6 Forgive your partner. Do not be angry. Tell your partner that you forgive him and that you do not want to hide the negativity towards him or your relationship. You can also write a letter to say that you forgive him. Let the person know that you are letting go of resentment and leaving the past in the past.
   • Forgiveness does not mean that you forgot what happened or that it didn't matter. It's a way to release negative emotions and start over. Forgiveness does not happen overnight; it is a long process.

Method 2 of 3: Leave Conflict in the Past

1. 1 Give yourself some personal space. Time away from your partner can help both of you clear your head and calm yourself down. Be clear about your need for personal space. Before you leave, arrange to meet or chat in a few days so that the issue does not drag on for long. This will allow both of you to sort out your emotions and come to a decision on your own. In addition, this will help your partner understand that you have no intention of breaking up.
   • For example, if you live together, consider going away for the day or weekend alone, or spending more time outside the home. If you do not live together or are at a great distance, agree not to communicate for a short period of time, such as a day or two.
2. 2 Set boundaries. During reconciliation, it is important not to start conflicting again. One way to do this is to set boundaries. You may want to discuss only decisions or suppress any offensive or accusatory statements. The established boundaries must be agreed upon by both people in order to maintain positive communication and move on.
   • For example, agree not to yell at each other or call names. If the argument is heating up, it might be time to take a break or talk about it later.
3. 3 Listen to your partner with an open heart. Once you can talk to your partner about the conflict, focus on listening. Of course, it's easier to think about what you are saying or get into a defensive posture, but switch to understanding the other person's point of view. Don't interrupt or think over your answers during his speech. Better to give him undivided attention, make eye contact and confirm that you understand everything.
   • For example, summarize what he said when he’s finished saying, "I understand you want me to express my feelings better."
   • Avoid categorical statements, for example, with the words "always" and "never".
   • Suppress the urge to be "right."Better show humility and listen to your partner's opinion. Recognize that there may be some truth in his words too.
4. 4 Support your partner emotionally. If your partner is angry, support them and help them calm down. If he expresses his feelings, listen to him and don't interrupt. Allow him to express his emotions, even if you think they are outrageous or inappropriate. Feeling heard can help you restore closeness and understanding.
   • Let your partner talk and try to understand how they are feeling. Make it your goal to understand, not judge or reject his emotions.
5. 5 Communicate your thoughts and feelings. Mindfully express your feelings so that your partner can understand you and connect with you. One way to do this is to use “I” statements, which shift the focus to what you are feeling, rather than what your partner has done. If you want to blame or criticize a person, stop and share your feelings better.
   • For example, say, "I was upset that you cooked dinner for your friend, but not for me." It seems less threatening than, "You ignored me and only thought about your friend."
   • Then you can say what you want. For example: “I felt abandoned. I would like to be taken into account in the future too. "
   • Find a common language. Start where you both agree and start from that point. If you find it difficult to find common ground in a particular dispute, remember that you love each other. This can be what brings you together.

Method 3 of 3: Repair the relationship

1. 1 Act according to your partner's feedback. If your partner gives you constructive feedback after the conflict, act accordingly. This will show that you listened to him and that you want to make a positive change in the relationship. Recognize that you are imperfect and that there are areas where you (and your partner) need to improve. Do not defend yourself and make an effort to meet halfway.
   • For example, if your partner constantly asks you to help with the housework, do it without waiting for someone to contact you. Throw away the trash, buy groceries, and try to anticipate your partner's needs and chores.
   • You don't have to go out of your way or give up your life to please your partner. Feedback should be constructive feedback, not an overwhelming or controlling process for the other person.
2. 2 Give your partner positive attention. The sooner you both can experience a little cheer up and joy, the better. Actions that create genuine positive feelings can help the two of you bond. Give your partner positive attention in ways that are meaningful to them. If you pull away after an argument, it can create distance between you, which can end the relationship over time.
   • For example, tell your partner how much you are attracted to him, ask him out on a date, or cook dinner for him.
3. 3 Share affection and tenderness. Affection can stimulate a bond between you, which is especially helpful after an argument. Take your partner's hand, hug him, touch his leg, or stroke it. Be sure to do this in a manner that is pleasing to the person.
   • Fondling can also reduce stress levels, so both of you will benefit from touch.
4. 4 Do something fun together. Rebuilding friendships is just as important as reanimating romantic relationships. Plan a fun date. Go to your favorite restaurant, take a walk, or visit a museum. Do what you both like.
5. 5 Make a big romantic gesture. If it was a big fight and you find it difficult to reconnect with your partner, a romantic gesture may be just what you need. Buy the person the gift they want, or sign it up for a massage. If you want to do something big, take him on a road trip or take him on a dream date.This gesture should make your partner feel that you care about him and that you love him.
   • However, a romantic gesture will not replace an apology or solve your problems.
6. 6 Accept the change in your relationship. After the conflict, you may look at your partner with different eyes or as if you see him from the other side. It's okay to skip the honeymoon stage in a relationship and realize that your partner is an ordinary person with their own shortcomings and other qualities. If the fight has changed your relationship or your perception of your partner, accept the change without using it against the person. Conflict can bring new dynamics to a relationship, so be prepared to accommodate those changes.
   • Some couples dream of returning "to what it was." However, it's important to understand that relationships evolve and change, so it's best to accept them as they are and create positive experiences to move forward.
   • Use this experience to learn from it - it will help you strengthen your relationship in the future.
7. 7 See a family counselor. If you and your partner have a strong bond with each other but cannot find a way to deal with the problem, family therapy may be helpful. A psychologist can help you deal with negative communication, shortening distance, resolving disagreements, and restoring positive feelings for each other. Seeing a counselor can be a difficult decision, but keep in mind that psychotherapy will help your relationship heal and develop.
   • Be prepared to see a counselor early, rather than leaving this option as a last resort. Admitting that you need help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
   • Find a family counselor at your local counseling center. You can also ask a friend for recommendations or find a specialist on the Internet.