Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Change Your Way of Thinking
• Method 2 of 3: Be forward-thinking
• Method 3 of 3: Change Your Lifestyle

We all experience feelings of regret from time to time. In moderation, it helps us grow. However, focusing too much on the past can have negative consequences for our physical and emotional health. This article will help you step by step change not only your way of thinking, but also your lifestyle, as well as deal with regret and ultimately leave it behind.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Change Your Way of Thinking

1. 1 Understand the psychology of regret. Regret is a powerful emotion. To learn how to better deal with regret, you first need to understand its psychology.
   • Regret is the feeling of guilt, sadness, or anger about decisions made in the past. Everyone can regret a moment in life, especially young people, but regret becomes a problem when thinking about past mistakes is the result of problems in your life, career, and personal relationships.
   • Counterfeit thinking drives regret. This means that the easier it is to imagine a different, better outcome of a situation, the more likely we are to regret this decision.Feelings of regret are most intense when you feel like you were one step away from success, but missed an opportunity due to poor planning or inaction. For example, you play the same lottery numbers every year, but in the year that you decide not to play, your numbers become winning numbers.
   • Regret can have negative emotional and physical consequences. Regret can lead to mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and chronic stress associated with regret can lead to hormonal imbalances and a weakened immune system.
   • Feelings of regret manifests itself in different ways depending on gender. Women are more likely to initiate breakups and therefore tend to have more general regret about recent romantic experiences.
2. 2 Have mercy on yourself. An unreasonably large amount of personal responsibility increases the likelihood that you will feel regret. Learn not to overestimate your personal expectations and accept the fact that there are many things in life that you cannot change. This will be a good defense against regret.
   • When you are filled with a feeling of regret and tormented by thoughts about how you should have acted in a given situation, look at the situation through the eyes of an outside observer. Ask yourself, “If a friend or family member told me this, how would I react? Would it be reasonable for me to feel guilty in this situation? "
   • Consider the circumstances, situation, or decisions that you regret. Various factors beyond your control could affect your judgment. Have you been pressured to make an early choice? Did you have enough information to make a decision? Were there any stressors that had a negative impact on your judgment?
   • Let's say you run a charitable organization. For the upcoming fundraiser, you have pre-booked a lounge at a popular hotel. A week before the event, the hotel manager calls you to inform you that for some reason the room has been booked for that day by another group besides yours. And since your group was second in line, he cannot confirm your reservation. In a panic, you try to find alternatives. You find another hotel a kilometer from the first and the local theater with free halls on the day you want. With no time to weigh the pros and cons properly, you make your hotel reservation. During the event, you realize with horror that everything did not go as you planned: the hotel staff is rude, the food is poorly prepared and there are not enough places for everyone. You begin to regret choosing this hotel and abandoning the theater option. However, think about how much the situation depended on you at all? Due to circumstances, you found yourself in a difficult situation and had to quickly make a decision. While the event didn't go the way you wanted it to, it's still not wise to blame yourself.
3. 3 Accept that you cannot know everything. Regret, as stated, is the result of counterfeit thinking. In order to stop regretting, we must admit that this line of thinking is destructive. There are many things in life that we do not know.
   • All our actions have a ripple effect. That is, our choice is influenced by events that cannot be calculated. As a rule, the consequences of our choice can only be felt years after the decision was made. Even if something does not suit you today, you cannot predict how this event will affect your future, and therefore, today's regrets about the decision you made may be only a minor setback many years later.
   • Remember that history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and when you keep asking yourself “what if?”, You are playing an imaginary scenario in your head, which is usually better than the real one. But the truth is, you can't know for sure.Try to imagine a scenario that recognizes the choice you made as the right one. Take the lottery situation above, for example. What if you played that night and won a lot of money? You would quit your job, you would get bored and, in order to somehow entertain yourself, you would spend a lot of your fortune on gambling, alcohol or drugs, which would eventually lead to big problems with addiction.

Method 2 of 3: Be forward-thinking

1. 1 Learn from your mistakes. Regret is like any other emotion; it is the primary function of survival. Use the benefits of regret to reduce its duration.
   • Regret helps us to reevaluate our actions. Personal growth and positive change would not be possible without something that forces us to periodically identify solutions that lead to negative consequences. Addicts, for example, often rely on regret as a motivation to break their addiction.
   • Reconsider your thoughts about a situation or decision you are regretting. Think of mistakes as opportunities to grow and change. Young people tend to cope better with regret, and this is mainly due to the fact that they see this emotion as positive. They accept that regret is the key to change and personal growth.
   • Admit your guilt. People often blame external circumstances for everything. This leads to more bad decisions and, in turn, even more regret. For example, suppose you are late for work due to having fun all night. You could blame a difficult week or your friends for pushing you, and the next time happy hour hits, you end up repeating the same scenario. If, instead, you think, “Going out late was a bad decision and the consequences were immediate,” you will likely try to avoid doing so in the future. In fact, by doing so, you kind of accept the fact that you have control over the situation, and do not shift the responsibility to the villainous fate.
2. 2 Allow yourself to grieve over disappointments. Sometimes, when circumstances are particularly unfavorable, we must feel sad. Experiencing frustration for a reasonable amount of time can be a kind of reset.
   • Sadness is like regret; it is a negative emotion that benefits us as individuals. Sadness keeps our minds in a hyper-focused mode that allows us to appreciate problems and come to terms with life's difficulties.
   • It's okay to react to negative circumstances with sadness. Trying to avoid this feeling can only prolong it. After a particularly severe setback, allow yourself to feel frustrated and mourn your setbacks for about a week.
3. 3 Rate the relationship. Often times, the moments we regret are the result of bad relationships with friends, family, and loved ones.
   • If you are having difficult times that lead to sadness and regret, do your friends support you? Who offers you their support and love, and who disappears from the horizon?
   • Identify those people who do not support you emotionally and who, in the past, have lured you into a difficult situation. Don't continue to develop negative personal relationships. Cut off ties with those who do not support you and get closer to those who do.
4. 4 Decide what action to take. As already stated, if you treat regret as an opportunity for growth, then you are unlikely to dwell on your mistakes for too long. However, you must be prepared to take action. Figure out what you need to do to keep moving forward.
   • Has your decision offended anyone? Did your decision have any consequences for your family or friends? Perhaps now you have to make a few phone calls or write a few letters. If you feel like it’s right, wait a while before apologizing.
   • Write down all the emotions you are experiencing on paper. "I am sad because ...", "I am angry because of ...". Study the resulting list and find what is the result of your current thoughts. What could you do differently? What triggers these emotions and how could you eliminate them?

Method 3 of 3: Change Your Lifestyle

1. 1 Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a mental state in which you are actively aware of the present moment. Attention-focused cognitive behavioral therapy has been used with some success in treating depression as a result of chronic regret.
   • Being mindful means evaluating your thoughts from the outside. You are able to objectively assess your past and your mistakes, and this allows you to make a reasonable assessment of the true impact of your regrets on your life.
   • Simple meditation techniques can help you develop mindfulness. Focus on your breathing or on specific words or phrases. Let your thoughts enter your brain and refrain from judging when they start attacking you.
   • Pay attention to any sensations in your body, such as itching and breathing. Activate all senses such as sight, smell, hearing and touch. Try to experience each moment in full awareness of your feelings and surroundings.
   • Experience emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to experience sadness, fear, anger, and pain without trying to eliminate or suppress emotions.
   • If successful, mindfulness will keep you focused on the moment. This will keep you from dwelling on thoughts of past and past decisions. Focus on what you can control, which is the present. This will help you cut down on self-judgments about past decisions or moments. Mindfulness therapy is especially helpful for older people who typically have chronic regret for their lives.
2. 2 Strive for abstract goals. Most of the time, frustration and regret are associated with failure to achieve certain goals. Changing the way we think about goals and accomplishments can help us better deal with regret and acknowledge the present moment.
   • Link your long-term goals to abstract accomplishments. Instead of "In five years I want to be a career leader," tell yourself "In five years, I want to be happy most of the time." This way, you will feel that achievement is directly related to your mindset, which you can control, rather than aspects of life that are often beyond your control.
   • Research has shown that specific rewards actually make people less happy than abstract ones. People who are motivated by money, fame, luck, and successful careers are less happy compared to people who strive for the abstract, such as happiness, positive relationships, and mental activity.
3. 3 Talk about it. Having a support system is invaluable when it comes to dealing with disappointments that trigger feelings of regret. Talking about your feelings can help you revisit them and sort them out from the perspective of an outside observer.
   • Discuss your feelings with a friend or family member. Feelings of frustration will only grow if you don't allow yourself to speak out. Talk to people who have had a similar experience and who can share it with you.
   • If you are struggling with feelings of frustration, consider getting therapy. A therapist can offer an objective third-party opinion about your situation and advice on how to deal with negative thoughts.
4. 4 Appreciate the present moment. Too often, regret is the result of longing for a choice you didn't make. Appreciating the present moment and being aware of the positive aspects will help you minimize feelings of regret.
   • Regret is also often the result of a mental imbalance. By focusing on a specific solution or set of solutions, you distort your ability to realistically value your life by focusing too much on negative aspects.
   • Write down any positive aspects of your life, such as family, friends, work, and other successes. In fact, each situation has its own advantages and disadvantages. The problem is that when we regret, we only see flaws. Realizing the benefits of the present moment is a great way to minimize feelings of regret.