Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Scheduling a Conversation
• Method 2 of 3: Talking to Parents
• Method 3 of 3: Follow-up Communication

Many children think that their parents do not understand them. You may feel that your parents are reluctant to understand your point of view. It is important to remember that all parents strive to have a good relationship with their children. Expressing your thoughts with respect will help your parents understand you more easily. Plan the conversation ahead of time, talk about your opinions, and look for ways to maintain open communication with your parents in the future.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Scheduling a Conversation

1. 1 Write down everything you feel. Explaining your concerns to your parents can be challenging, so it can be helpful to write down all your thoughts on paper beforehand. This will allow you to decide what you want to say and think about how you can make the conversation as productive as possible.
   • To get started, just write down your feelings. Are you upset by an argument with your parents? Do you feel that your parents do not respect you or are not trying to understand? Describe in detail your feelings and the reasons for those feelings.
   • Try to get rid of your anger. A raised conversation is unlikely to be successful. It is better to feel anger while writing about your feelings than when talking to your parents later.
   • Try to find the best way to express your feelings. Reread what you have written. Consider if you can make the text clearer. This will help you when talking with your parents.
2. 2 Think about what you want to achieve with this conversation. Decide what your goals are. Do you want your parents to apologize? Or that they behave differently in the future? A difficult conversation should have an end goal. Think about this in advance.
   • At the very least, you want the parents to simply understand what is causing the problem. Due to the age difference between children and parents, misunderstandings can arise. Things change over time, and cultural norms are now likely to differ from those of when your parents were your age.It is important that your parents understand that you are being influenced by the modern world.
   • Perhaps you are pursuing a more specific goal. Maybe you want to ask permission to do something (like go to a party). Maybe you want to be supported or helped in your studies or social life. Think about what you want to ask for and how best to arrange the request. For example, your parents think that your desire to stay late at the prom is a trifle, but you know that this is the last day when you can spend time with all your classmates. Talk to your parents about the need for social contact and the importance of having vivid memories.
3. 3 Find the right time to talk. Talking time is just as important a factor as how you will conduct the conversation. Choose a time when the parents are not tired and when there is no distraction. This will encourage a calm conversation.
   • It is better to choose a day on which none of you have any business after school or work. You shouldn't start a conversation with your father half an hour before he goes to an important meeting or 15 minutes before your workout. Pick a day when everyone is relatively free.
   • Choose a place to talk. You shouldn't start a serious conversation in a noisy and crowded restaurant. Better talk at home in the living room. Get rid of external irritants. Turn off the TV and put your mobile phone away.
4. 4 Start a conversation without any expectations. If you wait for the conversation to unfold in any scenario, you will get upset or lose your temper if it goes differently. Don't try to predict what your parents will do. Let the situation develop naturally.
   • Negative expectations can make you behave aggressively. If you think that your parents will disdain your desire to stay until night at prom, you are likely to start a conversation in an irritated state. This makes your parents reluctant to listen to you.
   • Beware of high expectations too. If you ask to be allowed to attend your prom until 4am, your parents are unlikely to agree. Try not to insist on your own. Be aware that you will most likely have to compromise. For example, your parents may agree to let you stay late, but only until half past one and on the condition that you call them every hour.
5. 5 Try to understand your parents' point of view. Before starting a conversation, try to understand your parents. It may seem to you that they are treating you unfairly, but they want only good for you. Try to understand the reason for their actions. Parents are more likely to listen to you if you show respect for their point of view.
   • Are there any additional circumstances in the current conditions? Perhaps your older brother or sister has been in dangerous situations in the past, and your parents were forced to impose strict rules on you so that the situation does not happen again.
   • Remember, parenting is not easy. Raising a child is associated with many stressful situations that will only become clear to you when you yourself become a parent. Show understanding. Put yourself in the shoes of a parent and think about how scary and difficult it can be to raise a child in a world full of dangers and unpredictable situations.

Method 2 of 3: Talking to Parents

1. 1 Keep calm. Try to calm down before starting a conversation. If you start a conversation in a fit of anger or irritation, you can quickly turn to yelling. This will make it difficult for your parents to understand your point of view. Take a few deep breaths before starting your conversation. This will help you calm down and prepare.
2. 2 Be honest with your parents and be direct. Parents need to understand you. When talking about your point of view, be open and be clear about your thoughts. It is important to tell your parents everything you have to say.
   • Tell me immediately what you want to talk about.Start a conversation with the problem that bothers you. For example: “I would like to talk to you about graduation. I have been thinking about this for a while now, and it seems to me that leaving there at 11 pm is too early. This is a special occasion and I would like to stay. "
   • Be honest. If you hide any information, it will rob you of your parents' trust. Parents are unlikely to understand your point of view if you are not frank with them. Give them all the information they need. For example, you can say: “I know that it seems to you that Dima has a bad influence on me. He'll be with us at prom, but I promise I won't do anything that I shouldn't. If the guys start drinking alcohol or doing something illegal, I will immediately go home. "
3. 3 Use the pronoun "I". This will allow you to express your feelings and explain to others how you are feeling. Statements with the pronoun "I" emphasize personal feelings, not objective reality. You will be able to tell your parents how you feel about their actions or behavior. This will prevent your parents from feeling like you blame them or condemn their actions.
   • Such statements usually have three parts. Start with "I feel" - this is how you express your emotions. Then explain what action triggered those emotions. Finally, explain why you are experiencing these feelings.
   • If you talk about emotions without the pronoun "I", people may think that you are judging them. For example, you can say this: “You always think that the same thing will happen to me as to Anya. I know that she did not do well at school, but my sister and I are different people. " There are too many accusations and unnecessary aggression in this statement. It can make the situation worse, rather than help your parents understand you.
   • The above phrase can be rephrased using the pronoun "I". Try saying, “I feel like you underestimate me when you come up with rules for me based on Anya’s mistakes. I'm a completely different person. " There is less condemnation in such a phrase. You are not expressing anger or annoyance, but simply explaining how your parent's behavior makes you feel.
4. 4 Listen to your parents' point of view. Not only parents must understand you, but you must understand them. Even if you are upset with their answers, stay calm and listen to them.
   • Your parents probably have a reason to have certain rules. Even if they seem unfair to you, you should try to understand them. If something is not clear to you, ask the parents to explain why they think it is correct.
   • Show respect. Don't say, “Why do you think that if everyone drinks, I will too? This is nonsense. " Instead, ask your parents to calmly explain their point of view: “I understand that you are worried about the fact that my classmates will influence me, but I have always been a responsible person. Can you explain why you insist on restrictions? "
5. 5 Don't argue or complain. Sometimes parents simply cannot understand something. Even if your parents listen to you, they may continue to insist on their own. In this case, it is better not to argue or complain. So you will only aggravate the situation and increase dissatisfaction with each other.
   • If your parents refuse to understand you, end the conversation. Even if you are upset, trying to pressure your parents, argue with them, or complain at some point will start working against you. Better to say: “I don't think we hear each other. Better to talk about it some other time. "
   • Perhaps, in a couple of days, the parents will change their minds. There are no ideal parents, and your parents may react too harshly to some requests or statements. Even if you were just trying to voice your opinion, they might take it as an insult or an accusation. If the conversation doesn't go well, wait a few days and then try talking to your parents again.Say something like, “We've already talked about prom and you didn't like what I asked for. Can we get back to this conversation? I'm not sure if I got it right. "

Method 3 of 3: Follow-up Communication

1. 1 Try to find a solution that suits everyone. The whole point of explaining your point of view is to find a solution to the problem. If you and your parents don't understand each other all the time, try to find a solution that works for both you and them.
   • Try to get rid of misunderstandings right away. For example, your parents feel like you spend too much time with your phone in your hands. Your parents are from a generation that communicates mostly in person or on the phone. They may not understand the role of social media and messaging in today's world.
   • Try saying this: “Next time you see me texting on my phone, think about my age. All my life I have been communicating with my friends via the Internet. It may seem silly to you, but it is no different from your calls to former classmates. "
   • Be prepared to compromise. Parents want you to have a fulfilling social life, but if you stay on your phone even at dinner or family gatherings, they may feel like you don't like spending time with them. Ask for free use of the phone when you are not busy, but agree to put it aside when you are having dinner with your parents or in any other way you communicate with them.
2. 2 Be patient. Change cannot be instantaneous. Perhaps your parents need time to think about what you are saying. Don't think that everything will change overnight.
   • Goodbye to your parents for minor mistakes. You may have agreed that they will ask you fewer questions about your social life because you behave in a way that you can be trusted. However, from time to time, parents may still ask unnecessary questions. Try to ignore the fact that your mom has asked you three times about your friend's new boyfriend.
   • If your parents forget what you agreed on, remind them of it. If mom asks why you have been writing something from your phone for an hour, say this: “Mom, we already talked about this. I talk a lot with my friends on the phone. Right now I am corresponding with Sasha. You don't need to ask me about it. "
3. 3 Accept rules and responsibilities. Of course, you want your parents to understand your point of view, but you should not think that this will relieve you of responsibilities and the need to follow certain rules. Your parents should have an idea of ​​how you can behave. Treat these views with respect.
   • Be honest about what you are doing. If you want to go to the cinema with Katya, do not say that you will stay at Katya's house in the evening. If your parents want you to call them, call or send them messages about what you are doing.
   • Do whatever you have to do on time. Do your homework, do housework, and show respect for your parents.
4. 4 Talk to your parents regularly. If you want your parents to understand you, it is important to communicate with them. Try to talk to your parents regularly. This way they will know you better as a person. This will make it easier for your parents to accept your point of view.
   • Talk every day. Even 10 minutes of socializing at dinner will be enough. If your parents ask how your day went, talk about the events of the day in detail, rather than dismissing the usual “good” or “normal”.
   • Talk about your daily activities. If you find it difficult to find a topic to talk about, talk about the little things. Tell a funny story that happened at school. Retell an anecdote that you heard in transport.
5. 5 Think about your interactions with your parents in general. If misunderstandings constantly arise between people, it is important to think about how communication in general develops.What should parents understand about you? How can you remind them of this in the future? What can parents do to make your relationship successful?
   • Let's go back to the example above. You want your parents to understand why prom is so important to you. However, deep down, you would like them to trust you more. How can you convey this to your parents?
   • Little things can say a lot. Perhaps, starting today, you could tell your parents a little about your life without waiting for them to ask a question. Thanks to this, they will not think that you are hiding something from them. If you get a bad grade on a test, explain why this happened and promise to work on the subject. It will be better if they learn the truth from you and immediately, rather than from the teacher in a few weeks.