Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Take a Single Position with Your Spouse
• Part 2 of 3: Set boundaries
• Part 3 of 3: Keep Your Distance
• Tips
• Warnings

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has long been a talk of the town. The stereotyped confrontation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law persists for hundreds of years in all cultures, without exception. It seems to the mother-in-law that the daughter-in-law does everything wrong: she does not take care of her son so well and does not play the role of a mother well. Of course, a relationship with a mother-in-law can be very difficult. A mother-in-law who offends you can pose a serious danger to your marriage and children. This article discusses the problem of mother-in-law's relationship with daughter-in-law. However, these tips can be applied even if the relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law does not develop.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Take a Single Position with Your Spouse

1. 1 Talk to your spouse. Chances are, your husband knows about your relationship with his mom. However, he may not even know how deep your conflict has gone. In addition, he may not fully understand how serious you are about the situation. If you want to talk to your mother-in-law about her attitude towards you, let your husband know before proceeding.
   • Choose the right time to talk. Choose a time when you can have a quiet private conversation with your husband. You should be comfortable talking about the situation.
   • Ask questions. For example, you can ask: "How have your relationship with your mother been developing lately?" By asking questions like this, you can start a conversation while avoiding words of judgment.
   • If your spouse does not see the existing problem, this can exacerbate the conflict.
   • Be direct about the problem. Give examples of when your mother-in-law did not treat you the best way. He must understand that your words have a foundation. You can mention any offensive behavior or words your mother-in-law has done or said to you.
2. 2 Decide whether you will take decisive action without informing your husband. Your spouse may disagree with you. In addition, he may understand your position, but not rush to take any action. Therefore, you need to decide if you are ready to act without the help of your spouse.
   • Ask your husband if he can provide you with the support you need without being directly involved in resolving the conflict.
   • If you choose to act against your husband's wishes, it can lead to serious problems between you. If discussing the problem with your mother-in-law is very important to you, tell your husband about it.Perhaps he will be willing to compromise.
   • If your spouse flatly refuses to acknowledge the existing problem, most likely, it will hardly be possible to solve it. In this case, you should contact a family psychologist together in order to maintain a good relationship between you.
3. 3 Try to understand the reason for the mother-in-law's behavior. Of course, it is difficult to do this if they insult you or your family. However, it is important to try to look at the situation from her point of view. Many mothers have a hard time letting go of their children, and they do not perceive them as parents.
   • Chances are, your mother-in-law wants the best for your spouse and children (if you have any). Remember, your husband and children are what unites you and your mother-in-law. You may disagree with her actions and words, however, at least each of you has someone you love together.
   • Pay attention to cultural differences. If you and your mother-in-law are from different cultures, this may explain the reason for the misunderstanding between you. However, cultural differences cannot justify abusive behavior.
4. 4 Play up the conversation with your mother-in-law. Your spouse knows his mother well, so you can play with him the situation of your conversation with his mother. Think about what she might have said in response to your complaint. This will help your spouse understand you better. It will also make it easier for you to come to a consensus with your husband about your relationship with his mom.
   • Your husband may refuse to take part in preparing for the conversation. If he doesn't like your idea, you can ask him to just listen to you when you talk about different scenarios.
5. 5 Agree on a plan of action. After you figure out the reason for your mother-in-law's behavior, decide with your husband what to do next. Both of you should be clear about your plan of action, and both of you should agree with it.
   • You can schedule a conversation with your mother-in-law. Decide when and where you will interview her. Do you want your husband to be present? Who will be conducting the conversation? You can write a script of your conversation and write it down so that you do not say anything superfluous during a conversation with your mother-in-law.
   • You may decide not to conflict with your mother-in-law, but simply spend less time with her. Decide together how much time you will spend with your mother-in-law and what topics you will discuss.
   • Make a contingency plan. For example, if your mother-in-law asks you why you didn’t visit her over the weekend, you should have a ready-made answer to that question, agreed with your husband. You can honestly say, "We are not very comfortable when we spend a lot of time with you." You can also say, "We have been very busy lately." Discuss with your spouse how you can answer this question.
6. 6 Determine where your mother-in-law is being abused. Depending on your mother-in-law's attitude towards you, you should determine how to proceed. Remember that violence can take many forms, but they are not tolerated. If you have experienced abuse from your mother-in-law in the past, it is best if you talk to her frankly about it. If you continue to be abused by her, you will need to take more decisive action.
   • If your mother-in-law mistreated your spouse when he was little, you can tell her that you know about it. You can also say, “I understand that this was in the past. It is not easy for us to deal with this, but we are determined to create a healthy atmosphere in our family. ”
   • If your mother-in-law continues to abuse you or your children, you can tell your spouse, “I understand that you couldn't make a difference as a child. But now we must do everything we can to end this and protect our children. ”

Part 2 of 3: Set boundaries

1. 1 Be honest in your relationship. Be a sincere person. You should not pretend that you are good to your mother-in-law if this is not at all the case.Of course, you must be polite to your relative. However, if everything is not going smoothly in your relationship, you should not pretend that the problem does not exist.
   • You should not consider the mother-in-law as a mother. She is your husband's mom, but not yours.
   • Avoid touching that is unpleasant to you. If you feel uncomfortable, don't cuddle with someone who doesn't make you feel good.
2. 2 Be confident and ready to defend yourself. Some women, due to their shyness, are in no hurry to fight back abuse from their mother-in-law. If your mother-in-law says something offensive about you or your spouse, be prepared to defend your family.
   • If you have children, make sure your mother-in-law knows and adheres to your parenting guidelines. If she refuses to do this, remind her that you are the mother of your children. You might say, “I know you have experience in raising children. However, we do differently in our family, and I want you to respect our right and adhere to the established rules if you want to spend time with your grandchildren. "
   • If she says something offensive about you, you can say: “I don't like it when people talk to me like that. Please stop. "
3. 3 Limit the time you spend with your mother-in-law. You should discuss this with your spouse. Your spouse may decide to spend more time with their mom than you do. Your mother-in-law may ask why you are not giving her the same amount of time. Plus, she may be content to have the opportunity to chat with her son in private.
   • You can tell your mother-in-law in advance that you will be spending less time with her. She may ask you what is the reason. Decide with your spouse whether to honestly answer her question.
   • You can shorten the time you spend with your mother-in-law without telling her about it.
4. 4 Accept your mother-in-law's disapproval of you. If your mother-in-law has already shown her displeasure with you and your family, she is unlikely to change her mind. Remember, you don't need her approval.
   • Tell me what you think. For example, if your mother-in-law says that your home is very small and cluttered with things, you can simply say, “We're happy to have a home. You may not like our home, but it suits our needs. "
5. 5 Set boundaries according to the situation. If your mother-in-law continues to be abusive towards you, you may need to stop communicating with her. Even if she doesn't act like that anymore, her presence can negatively affect you and your spouse.
   • If your mother-in-law physically or sexually abused your spouse when he was young, he may be opposed to rebuilding the relationship. Ask your husband if he wants to stay in touch with his mother.
   • A psychologist can help you deal with the effects of childhood trauma.
   • If your mother-in-law is physically abusing your family members, you should contact law enforcement. If you suspect or know that she is sexually abusive, you should contact the police immediately.

Part 3 of 3: Keep Your Distance

1. 1 Take time for yourself. Before meeting your mother-in-law, take some time to reflect on your feelings. Take some time to reflect on your feelings and relax a little.
   • During a difficult conversation with relatives, you can apologize and leave for a short walk, or call a friend you trust on the phone.
   • Before you see your mother-in-law, take some time for yourself. You can use this time to reflect on the situation and relax. Thanks to this, you will have enough strength to communicate with your mother-in-law.
   • You may need to talk to a friend after talking to your mother-in-law.Ask a friend to spare you some time after meeting your mother-in-law, if necessary.
2. 2 Change your place of residence by moving as far away from your mother-in-law as possible. This step may seem too drastic, but if your mother-in-law is truly insulting you and your family, this may be the only option to deal with the situation. Many couples decide to move away from their relatives. Thanks to this, they do not interfere with their lives.
   • If your mother-in-law is negatively affecting your children, moving can help keep them safe from negative influences.
   • Decide with your spouse if you will be honest about your reason for moving.
3. 3 End your relationship with your husband. In some cases, husbands do not understand the problem and take no action to protect their wife from abuse by their mother. This can lead to the end of the relationship between the spouses.
   • If your spouse does not acknowledge that his mother is abusive towards you, invite him to visit a counselor before deciding to end the marriage.
   • Divorce is a serious decision that should not be taken lightly. However, you do not have to tolerate violence to keep the marriage alive.
4. 4 Get help from a psychologist if needed. If you or your children are traumatized after talking to your mother-in-law, you may need the help of a psychologist, even after this woman disappears from your life. It can take years to deal with the effects of violence, even if you are already safe.
   • Even if your spouse doesn't see the problem, you still have to reap the consequences of your mother-in-law's abuse.
   • Children can be abused even if they are not aware of it. Make sure they can talk to someone they trust if they are being abused by their grandmother.

Tips

• If you have children, think about them first. Do they need protection from your mother-in-law? Should they communicate with her? Discuss these issues with your spouse.
• Discuss your mother-in-law's behavior with a trusted friend or counselor. Ask a friend or a psychologist if your mother-in-law's behavior is in fact cruel. Only then take decisive action.

Warnings

• Violence can take many forms. Do not allow any of them. The abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual. Neglecting is also a form of violence.