Content

• Steps
• Tips

A divorce or breakup can be a difficult experience for anyone.If you go in different directions, it is sometimes very difficult to continue without a helping hand from your ex-spouse. Read our tips on how to ask for help without harming your warm relationship.

Steps

1. 1 Determine which requests are acceptable and which are not. If in doubt, ask an impartial third party for advice before making your request to your ex.
   • Asking your ex to look and fix something is one thing. And asking him or her to look after the house when you and your new passion are leaving for the weekend is already cruel.
2. 2 Be sensitive to the fact that feelings and pride can still be painful over the breakup. Before asking your ex-spouse anything, in any case, ask yourself if your request will be in any way tactless.
3. 3 Don't ask your ex for a favor that you couldn't ask a good friend for. If you ask for help only when you directly need it and the requests are acceptable and reasonable, then you are more likely to receive it.
4. 4 Financial assistance requests may be controversial depending on the financial status of both partners and the conditions of the gap. Unexpected medical expenses for a child are an acceptable financial request. But asking for money every week for jewelry is unacceptable for most people.
   • In the case when you constantly have to ask for money to feed your children, you should contact a lawyer and seek help in court.
5. 5 Try to be as considerate as possible when asking for a favor. By giving the person time to adjust their schedule, their budget, or their mood, you will do better.
   • If you have to move out of town for work next month, it's better to ask your ex to change plans for the weekend now rather than the week of your trip.
   • The financial bomb is unlikely to please the ex-spouse. If you know that your child needs a dentist or new glasses, it is best to discuss this in advance and plan everything. Calling on the very last day and asking for money is a solution that can throw both of you off balance.
   • Asking for reasonable favors within a reasonable time frame can help keep your relationship more friendly. Even so, your request will be tolerated if an unforeseen situation arises and you urgently need help.
6. 6 Offer to do something in return and take it seriously, pay your ex for gas, or please him when he really lends you a helping hand. He should know that you appreciate his help and may also ask you for it when he needs a favor.
   • If your ex helps you cut down and deliver a tree for Christmas, offer to wrap his presents, bake cookies for him to take to work, or send him a gift card at his favorite store.
   • If your ex-wife helped you out when your car broke down, send her flowers or a gift card at the salon.
7. 7 You should never ask for a favor, and then behave with the person as if he were on duty. Remember that you should treat your ex-soulmate as a friend, not a servant.
8. 8 Maintain open communication. Don't only call the person when you need something. This does not mean that you just need to call to chat - it may seem strange, but you should definitely remember to send cards or gifts for your birthday or other holiday.
9. 9 Say thank you. You were not obliged to help, but they did.
10. 10 Follow the plan. If your ex-partner is uncomfortable with helping you, meet him or her on time, do not constantly change the time or place, and do what you can to make the task easier. If plans change, give the ex-spouse as much information as possible.
11. 11 Know when to ask someone other than your ex-partner for help. If your ex makes you feel guilty, helpless, or makes your life difficult, seek help elsewhere. Start meeting other parents, coworkers, and more. Get good support and only call your ex when there is no other option.
12. 12 Help back if your ex asks you for a favor. This can be inconvenient, but if you want to keep this person in your support system, you should return the favor whenever possible and acceptable.
13. 13 Never use ex-partners. They may still have tender feelings for you. Seeking help or using their feelings to your advantage is bad taste. If necessary, you must be very specific in your intentions and not let them believe that this is part of reconciliation.
14. 14 Sharing the responsibilities of child upbringing is to be expected. You should not think that when you ask your ex-husband to take on certain responsibilities, then these are requests, because this is just a separation of parental responsibilities.
    • Maintain open communication and communicate frequently about plans, events, appointments, and finances for the children.
    • Do not confuse parenting together with sitting on the neck of an ex-spouse. If you ask him to detach from his plans in order to complete some of your tasks, then consider it as a favor and thank the person accordingly.
15. 15 Never assume. Talk to your ex-spouse and come to a mutual agreement. Never expect and never make plans before discussing this.
16. 16 Never use a person's guilt to get things done. If you cannot be helped, you just have to use another option. Trying to make your ex feel guilty about not being able to help can hurt your friendships. Just because you were once together doesn't mean you owe it to you.
17. 17 Try not to hold a grudge if your ex-partner cannot help you. Be an understanding person. Offer to help with the project and you may be able to develop a relationship after breaking up, allowing you to call each other and help out from time to time. If you want your ex to be in your support system, you must take some initiative and take the first steps.
18. 18 Doing favors for an ex-spouse when he asks is one thing. Try not to overstep your boundaries and get involved too often, show up unannounced, or use it as an excuse to spend time with your ex. Better to call and make sure the person doesn't mind.
19. 19 Limit the number of emails and text messages when trying to reconcile or communicate with your ex. This is especially important when dealing with complex issues. Nuances are often overlooked in text and emails. Pick up the phone, talk, and make sure you get what you need to know. This will prevent misunderstandings and protect your tender and sometimes fragile new relationship.

Tips

• Ask your ex-spouse if this person would mind if you call him / her from time to time for advice on matters that he / she was previously responsible for. An ex-husband may need help removing carpet stains, and an ex-wife may not be familiar with plumbing issues. Asking permission to call can be the first step in building a warm relationship.
• No need to ask for money. But if necessary, then you should discuss the specific conditions for the refund. Make sure you are familiar with the terms and conditions and will be able to return the money to your ex exactly on time or even earlier.
• Remember that financial problem is the number one cause of family strife. Asking for financial help can ruin your warm relationship.
• Let your friends know when your ex is doing you a great favor. Like bad news, good news tends to spread.
• It takes time to heal the wounds of resentment. Asking your ex-spouse for help a week after your divorce is too early.
• If you know that your ex-spouse is terribly busy with work, going through difficult times, you can take the first step and help him. Ask if he needs mowing the lawn, picking up the kids for a few days, or anything else to make his life easier. Not only is this a good thing, but you can also make the offer of help convenient for you and on your terms.