Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Embrace the Differences
• Method 2 of 3: Set boundaries
• Method 3 of 3: Learn to Communicate Effectively

Disagreements with parents in adulthood are very different from situations in childhood. Over the years, the relationship between parent and child changes, the latter becomes more and more independent and makes his own decisions on household, work and family issues. Accept that disagreements with parents occur at any age, but effective communication and boundaries can help you express your disagreement with courtesy and courtesy.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Embrace the Differences

1. 1 Accept different points of view. When talking with your parents, remember that your views on work, finances, family, and life circumstances may not coincide. Differences are also possible in political, social, religious beliefs. Better to focus on tolerance and acceptance rather than fights.
   • You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can control your own actions.
   • By accepting differences, even if you disagree with them, you can reduce disputes and communicate more openly.
2. 2 Don't try to prove your point. Even if it seems to you that you are right or are giving the exact facts, sometimes a person feels condemnation or discontent if you impose his thoughts on him. With open and effective communication, there is no need to understand who is right and who is wrong.
   • After growing up, quarrels with your parents should not turn into a show of strength.
   • Give facts or opinions without accusation. This is a way to disagree, but not blame or condemn. For example, say, “I understand that our views on my work differ, but I appreciate what I do and am happy with the path I have chosen.”
   • Ask your parents for their opinion. This makes it easier to understand their point of view without looking tactless. Say "What do you think of this?" or "What is your opinion on the situation?"
3. 3 Let go of past childhood grievances. Some children harbor resentment or frustration over the way they were raised by their parents. In adulthood, this can manifest itself in different ways. A person may often quarrel with their parents or constantly avoid communication with them.
   • Understand that parents are not always able or willing to accept past childhood grievances.
   • If you are upset about your parents, get the support of friends and other family members. You don't need to isolate yourself from society.
   • If resentment interferes with communication with parents, then seek help from a psychologist or support group. They will help you improve your relationship with your parents in the present.
4. 4 Don't let it negatively affect your job or relationship. Parents may have different views on what you should do in life and who you should date.Don't let the frustration of fighting with them creep into your relationship with your partner, spouse, or coworkers at work.
   • Don't confuse your relationship with your daily activities and social life.
   • Work and relationships are best viewed as your own personal territory, where you can breathe freely away from your parents.
   • If your disagreements with your parents affect your relationship with your significant other, then tell your partner about all the difficulties of the relationship with them. You can also seek support from your closest friends.

Method 2 of 3: Set boundaries

1. 1 Be polite and confident. Disagreements with your parents don't have to turn into difficulties or awkward situations. Be polite and helpful, and avoid anger and frustration. An adult has much more rights to their own beliefs. Say what you think is necessary, but do not forget about respect and the rules of good form. You don't have to be responsible for the feelings of others, but kindness and compassion are always better than anger and judgment.
   • If you are having trouble staying calm, then apologize and offer to talk a little later.
   • If you disagree with what your parents are saying, then you don't need to be passive or aggressive. Tell them bluntly and succinctly that your opinions do not coincide.
   • For example, your mom is trying to tell you how to spend your money, but you feel differently. Tell her “I understand you and respect your opinion, but I want to try to act differently” or “Thanks for the advice, I am very grateful and appreciate your opinion, but ...”.
2. 2 Don't sit around your parents' neck. Independence allows an adult to make his own decisions, express his opinions and arrange his life. Also, independence gives the freedom to disagree in disputes about money and career decisions.
   • The more you rely on yourself financially, the easier it is to make your own decisions and express unpopular points of view.
   • Start a slow but steady movement towards self-sufficiency. This way, every time you quarrel about a choice you make (for example, to become an artist rather than an accountant), you can use your independence as an argument.
   • It's okay to rely on your parents' social and financial support for turning points in your youth (like going to university), but don't let them pay your bills every month. The more they control your spending, the easier it is for them to argue against your decisions.
3. 3 Don't get involved in useless arguments. Your parents' views on parenting or relationships may differ. They may even start conversations that will eventually lead to an argument. Try to be wise about sensitive and painful issues like relationships and family life. Politely refuse to engage in arguments that will get you nowhere.
   • If there are fundamental differences in your views, then do not try to change them.
   • Set boundaries and say what parents can and cannot participate in.
   • If they insist on how to raise a child, then remind that you are already an adult and can solve this issue yourself. Say, “I see that our beliefs do not match. I ask you to respect the fact that I am an adult who takes care of my child. I hope we can get along and respect each other's opinions. ”
4. 4 Set boundaries for your partners. Aside from disputes about money, work decisions, and parenting, romantic partners are a common stumbling block. Respect your parents' opinion, but explain to them that this is your life and your relationship.
   • Parents often give advice so that you don't repeat their mistakes.
   • Listen, but make it clear that you will be making decisions on your own. Say, "I know that you want me well and I understand your concerns. I hope you respect my decision and support my choice of partner."

Method 3 of 3: Learn to Communicate Effectively

1. 1 Be patient. Calmness will allow you to cope with all disagreements. Listen to your body and watch for possible feelings of anxiety or frustration. The better you know these physical and behavioral symptoms, the easier it is to control them.
   • Patience comes with experience. Learn to avoid getting very upset after arguing with them.
   • Don't be defensive and don't rush to respond to accusations. Learn to express your views through patience, not frustration.
   • For example, if you are upset by a negative remark from your mother about your profession, then do not rush to react to her words. Say, “I'm sorry you see it that way. I don’t want to argue about who is right and who is wrong. Can we talk about it calmly and without reproaches? ”.
2. 2 Listen carefully first and then respond to what you hear. Stop and think before reacting to what your parents say or do. If they are trying to give you advice, then let your parents finish the thought. Don't interrupt and listen to the thought to the end.
   • The more often you allow them to speak, the easier it will be to teach them to listen to arguments and not interrupt.
   • Try to treat their words or actions without prejudice. Give them the same chance you want them to.
3. 3 Express your feelings calmly. You don't have to yell, yell, or insult your parents to prove your point. All people get upset sometimes, but don't make it the norm with your parents.
   • Express your dissatisfaction in the first person. For example, say, "I am upset about the way you talk about my boyfriend."
   • Show your parents your maturity and ability to express thoughts calmly and without undue nervousness or resentment.