Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Your Feelings
• Method 2 of 3: How to change your mindset
• Method 3 of 3: Good Habits
• Tips

Life is unpredictable and we all face challenges and difficulties along the way. We often reflect on the past and wonder how life would have turned out if we had done something differently. These thoughts can absorb a person and prevent him from living on. In addition, thinking about the past can cause anxiety and depression.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Your Feelings

1. 1 Express your pain. There are many things in life that can hurt. Perhaps you made a mistake, regretted your decision, didn't take the opportunity, hurt someone, or someone hurt you. Don't replay the past in your head over and over - just get rid of it.
   • Make a diary entry, talk to a close friend or relative, and make an appointment with a therapist.
   • If you are experiencing with another person, talk to them about your feelings or write a letter. If you don't want to talk, try writing a letter and not sending it.
   • Expressing your feelings about the past can help you understand how you feel about the situation.
2. 2 Accept your decisions. When making a decision, you say yes to one option and no to others. You may be tempted to think about what would have happened otherwise, but this will only cause frustration. If you play the possible scenarios in your head, it will not affect what happened in any way. Instead of thinking about what might have happened if you had made a different choice, focus on the present and what you can do now.
   • Accept the past, even if you are not proud of it. This is all part of your life.
   • Say to yourself: “I made this decision in the past. At the time it seemed right to me. Perhaps if I could go back in time, I would ... However, I could not foresee the future. This experience will help me make decisions if I'll find myself in a similar situation someday. "
3. 3 Make a decision to let go of the past. When expressing your pain, make a conscious decision to let go of the past. While you cannot change past events, you can stop thinking about them and start moving forward. By letting go of the past, you become responsible for your future and stop being a victim of the past.
   • Tell yourself the following: "I accept myself and my past. I decide to move on" or "My past is not me. I am moving into the future."
   • You may need to remind yourself of this decision every day. Try saying this to yourself every morning until you feel better.
4. 4 Think about what you have learned. Your past is an opportunity to learn something or learn something. Your experience may have told you something new about you, about other people, or about life in general. Think about the good and the bad you have learned. Pay more attention to the good.
   • You may find it difficult to come up with something good, and that's okay.
   • Try to make a list of the good and the bad.
   • For example, a failed relationship might show you personality traits (eg, patience, tenderness) that you would like to see in a romantic partner.
5. 5 Forgive yourself. All people make mistakes and regret something. Your past is your past. It does not happen now and it will not necessarily repeat itself in the future. You are not only your past. It does not characterize you as a person. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on.
   • Write yourself a letter about what happened, what you might have done differently, what might have influenced your choices at the time, and how you feel now. End the letter with words of forgiveness addressed to yourself and thanks to yourself for the kind of person you have become.
   • Tell yourself this: "I forgive myself," "I love myself," "I accept myself."
6. 6 Forgive other people. Perhaps in the past you were offended by another person, and this situation continues to live in your mind. You cannot change the way this person treated you, but you can forgive him. Forgiveness is the ability to accept what happened, letting go of anger and pain for the sake of the future. You need forgiveness, not the person who hurt you.
   • Think about the role you played in this situation. Show compassion, put yourself in the other person's shoes, analyze their position. This will make it easier for you to understand what happened.
   • You are only able to control yourself and your emotions. Make a decision to forgive the person. Talk to him or write a letter and keep it with you.
   • Forgiveness is a long process. It won't happen overnight.
7. 7 Avoid destructive relationships. Perhaps there are people in your life who prevent you from developing and building your future.If you are uncomfortable in a person's company, if you feel ashamed in their presence, if you feel exhausted or upset after communicating with him, if you are negatively affected by the events of his life, if you constantly try to help or fix him, this person is harmful to you ... You should work on this relationship or get rid of it.
   • If you choose to keep that person in your life, set boundaries that protect you from that person's influence.
   • Tell the person how their behavior affects you by saying, "When you ... I feel like ... I need to ... I'm talking about this because ..."
8. 8 Seek help from a psychotherapist. If you find it difficult to understand your past, a therapist can help you deal with your feelings. Psychotherapists are taught to listen, solve problems, and give clients the tools that enable them to lead a different lifestyle. Find a specialist with a special education, in whose company you will be comfortable. He must be able to deal with the problems that you have.
   • Search online for a therapist. You can ask your friends to recommend a specialist for you.
   • You will most likely be able to find inexpensive psychotherapist services in your city.

Method 2 of 3: How to change your mindset

1. 1 Direct your thoughts the other way. Memories of the past will visit you from time to time. The more you try not to think about the past, the more you will think about it. Don't banish your thoughts - accept and redirect them.
   • Think about what you will tell yourself if you have thoughts of the past. If you do start thinking about the past, what will you need to do?
   • If you have these thoughts, tell yourself this: "It's okay. This is my past, but now I'm more interested in ..."
2. 2 Engage in self-awareness. Self-awareness allows you to focus on the present and subdue your thoughts. Learning to focus on the thoughts you like will help you stop thinking about the past. Practice self-awareness if you find yourself thinking about the past.
   • One of the simplest self-awareness techniques is concentration on the breath. Pay attention to all the physical sensations of breathing. How do you feel when air enters your lungs and exits through your nose? Feel the chest rise and fall.
   • Promise yourself to do this practice daily. Regular exercise will boost your mood and reduce negative thoughts.
3. 3 Take limited time to think about the past. If you can't stop thinking about the past, try limiting the time you can spend recalling. Take some time (10-20-30 minutes) and decide what time of day you will allow yourself to think about the past. It is best to choose a time when you are usually calm.
   • For example, you might think about the past from 5:00 pm to 5:20 pm every day.
   • If thoughts of the past come to you outside of this time frame, remind yourself that this is not the right time and that you will tackle it later.
4. 4 Analyze your thoughts. Thinking about the past, you may see events subjectively and distortedly ("I am to blame for everything", "I am a bad person" and the like). You can begin to perceive your thoughts as objective reality. Try to resist these thoughts and analyze them. Ask yourself the following questions:
   • Is it possible to look at the situation from a different angle?
   • Is there any evidence that my thoughts are right or wrong?
   • What would I say to a friend in such a situation?
   • Do these thoughts help me?
   • Do reflections on the past help or hinder me?
   • Don't think that it is very difficult. Just tell yourself that you can try to look at the situation differently.

Method 3 of 3: Good Habits

1. 1 Distract yourself. When you do what you like, you don't think about the past. Fill your life with activities and people that will distract you from your thoughts of the past.Come up with a new hobby (arts, crafts, sports, reading, etc.), spend time with friends and family, read, watch movies. Do what you enjoy and what makes you feel better.
   • Make enjoyable activities a must in your life.
   • Activities that require your full attention (cooking, doing a crossword puzzle) or keep you focused on your own mind (such as caring for a pet or baby) will be especially helpful.
2. 2 Start exercising. Sport promotes the production of endorphins (hormones of happiness) and stimulates the nervous system. Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. Physical activities that involve the arms and legs (walking, running, swimming, dancing) are best.
   • Focus on your body and its movements.
   • When you exercise, listen to the music you like.
   • Try to play sports with friends so that you have the opportunity to socialize as well.
3. 3 Get rid of triggers for unnecessary thoughts. Perhaps some things provoke thoughts about the past. Certain music, places, or movies can make you think about the past. Avoiding triggers will make it easier for you to move on.
   • For example, if sad or slow music makes you think about past events, start listening to other music.
   • If thoughts tend to come to you late at night, try reading or writing in a journal before bed.
   • These changes can be temporary or permanent. You will be able to return to your usual activities when you stop thinking about the past so much.
4. 4 Make plans for the future. If you wait for the events of the future, you will not have time to think about the past. Make a list of what you are grateful for, what you are waiting for, and what you would like to do. List existing plans and come up with a few new ones.
   • Plans don't have to be big. Perhaps you just want to have lunch with a friend next week.
   • When planning your future plans, write down what you need to achieve your goals.
   • Think about your strengths and what you like about yourself.

Tips

• It takes time to learn to let go of the past. Not everything will work out right away, but it's important not to give up.