Content

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Throughout history, women have faced many prejudices, stigma and injustice. Men still often have more economic, professional and other social advantages - things that women must always strive to equalize. In addition, women are subject to a lot of social, cultural and personal pressures to pursue the role of "the perfect woman", standards often set by others, not the very same. themselves. Unfortunately, due to the inherently imposed traditions and decentralization of society, you may still be subject to certain standards. Becoming a stronger woman will help you realize what you have, who you want to be, as well as give you the confidence to face a world where gender balance is still quite precarious.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Defining Self

1. 

   
   
   Self-define the concept of "woman". Although there are many who think the difference between the sexes is huge, in fact, they are not that great. Male and female brains, for example, are the same. Society and cultural pressures often set standards for “belonging to” women, but to become a stronger woman you need to define “woman” for yourself. Ignore any norms and ideas that you don't think are right for you.
   • Society often imposes harsh standards on disadvantaged groups such as women of color, religious minorities or transgender women. Balancing being the woman you want to be with your safety can be difficult. You will have to decide for yourself what is comfortable with, and at a specific stage, what will help you stay safe.
   • Even many women limit their thoughts on what is "supposedly" appropriate for women. Many people may say that you cannot be a woman who fights for feminism while at home doing housework, while others think that working is not suitable for a "real" woman. Remember that whatever you choose, to be a nurse or a bodybuilder, that choice is still very feminine because "yourself" is inherently a woman.
   • Note that actions that are inconsistent with the norm may be opposed. For example, women wearing clothing labeled "sexy", such as miniskirts and pointed heels, may be viewed negatively, especially at work.Women who wear clothes that are labeled "decent", such as long skirts and flats, are generally better rated at work. Balancing what society accepts and what you want can be difficult. Learning how to balance the two is part of becoming a stronger woman.

2. 

   
   
   Find your worth. Everyone has "core" values. These values ​​are the beliefs, ideas, and things that you consider to be the most important in life. Those values ​​will guide your choices. Taking a little time to assess your personality and life will help you realize your values.
   • “Equalizing values” is when the choices and the life you live in are aligned with your values. Studies have shown that when you make choices and goals that are important to yourself, you feel better and have a higher chance of success.

3. 

   
   
   Ask yourself “reflective questions”. To help you visualize your values, take a moment to evaluate them. The following questions and suggestions will be helpful in defining your values:
   • Think about times when you felt really good. What were you doing then? Who have you been with? What was the situation at that time? Record those things.
   • Think about times when you felt really proud of yourself. Why do you feel proud? Who shared that feeling with you? What contributed to that? Record those things.
   • Think about times when you felt satisfied, satisfied, or satisfied. What do you think led to that feeling? What need has been satisfied? What does this mean? Record those things.
   • If your house catches fire, what are the 3 things you will choose to save? (Assume that both humans and pets are safe.) Why?
   • If you could change one thing in your community / neighborhood / office / world, what would it be? Why?
   • What are you most passionate about?

4. 

   Find common ground in the list you just created. Once you have completed the above questions and suggestions, what is the most prominent in your responses? What seems to make you happy? What does not make you as satisfied as you think?
   • For example, maybe you chose to protect your family's photo album in the event of a simulated fire, and discovered that it was family and friends who were with you during times you thought you were yourself happiest. That shows that social values ​​like Community, Friendship and Family are very important to you.
   • Likewise, you may remember that you were very proud of having achieved a goal or achievement. It could be a status or a skill that satisfied you. Things that add value like Competition, Success, and Talent can be very important to you.
   • Remember that those values ​​are "yours", and they don't have to match anyone's standards. They are not "right" or "wrong". You can find a list of values ​​on the Mind Tools page, "What are your values?"

5. 

   Ask yourself if your choices match those values. Just because we "have" our core values, doesn't mean we always act in accordance with them. There are many reasons why we make choices that are not "regulating values". Because women are often subject to a lot of social and cultural pressures, it can be difficult if you want to choose things that don't fit with tradition.
   • This has formed the mentality "must do" for many women. Worse, there are many contradictory "must-do" things, such as the pressure to be both attractive and "dignified". Accepting these things can cause you to make choices that don't match your values.
   • Think about times when you have to make a difficult choice. For example, maybe you have decided to send your child to daycare so you can return to work. Is this because people make you feel pressured to go back to work? This is an example of "to do". Are you remembering the satisfaction of working? Here is an example of a "value conditioning" option.
   • Sometimes, the needs of life will make you choose things that are not so ideal. Try to come up with as many "value-conditioning" options as possible. That will make you feel more comfortable with compromises.

6. 

   Decide how to balance your career and home life. In the US, up to 7 out of 10 mothers with young children are working, and more than half of families now have both spouses working together. These numbers show that, at some point, you will have to decide how to balance home life with your work.
   • Unfortunately, American society still has relatively strong stigma against mothers who work at work, and only 21% of the US population thinks that is a good thing.
   • Realizing the image of "the perfect woman" is not real. Deciding on your core values ​​will help you figure out what to prioritize, because sometimes you will have to put one thing above the other. Choose the one that best satisfies your values.

7. 

   Consider your different roles. There are women who have to play many roles in life: daughter, sister, lover, mother ... These roles are often socially normative, and society often encourages women to define roles. I am the wife of my husband, the mother of my children, the daughter of my mother, my sister's sister ... For in many cultures, women are educated is to define themselves through relationships with others, many people have struggled with building their personality in the direction of separation from their family.
   • In addition to your relationships with others, consider your other roles as well. Are you a musician, chef or a comic book lover? Maybe you are a skydiver, or windsurfer, or a golfer. Thinking about your role in addition to your relationship with others will help you to understand yourself better.
   • Women who are not traditionally wedded and born are often heavily criticized. Women without children are often under great pressure, or often questioned about their reasons for not wanting to have children. Identifying what “yourself” feels dear will help you cope with social and cultural stress.
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Method 2 of 4: Build Confidence

1. 

   List your strengths. One way to improve your self-confidence is to make a list of the strengths you have. Even though you may want to be a stronger woman, you already have strengths already.
   • Note that people often inaccurately judge their strengths and weaknesses. It is more helpful to ask someone else to identify your strengths.

2. 

   Try taking the test "The Most Perfect Self-image". This test is based on research by psychologists. It can help, especially if you are having trouble listing your strengths. This is also a good exercise to get used to hearing others praise you, something many women are still taught to ignore or to be suspicious of.
   • Choose someone to help you and ask them for their opinion. Ask 10 to 20 people you know well to have them write about when they found you "the best." Ask them to give specific examples.
   • Find common ground in what they write. Make a list of highlights or repetitions.
   • Put them all in one place. With that list, create a "your best" image.
   • Use that image to help yourself improve. Focus on improving existing skills and developing new ones so that you can cope with things, whether it's improving your ability to control emotions and stress, or just the little things. pick up another in life.

3. 

   Learn to say "no". Women are often taught to please others. Society often imposes heavy emphasis on gender and teaches women to be good, patient, and submissive.Women often have to be "gentle" and aware of other people's feelings, even when it harms their own feelings. Learning how to say "no" can be difficult, but this is an important part of being a strong woman.
   • Note that setting limits and becoming persistent with them, especially at work, can cause you to experience backlash. Because women are often seen as "supporters" of others, actions that go against this concept can be negatively rated.
   • One great way to say no at work is: remind the person you're asking for that you're busy doing something else. For example, you might suggest something like this to your boss: “That sounds very important. I also have a lot of work, so please sit here to discuss to find out how to prioritize completing my project first. I want to make sure I'm focused on the things that matter. ”
   • Think for 24 hours before deciding what to do. You can always say, "Let me think first, then I'll answer later". This will give you more time to consider if the offer is a good opportunity, and if you have enough time to do it.
   • It's okay to say no to a friend. You could say, “I really want to help you move this weekend, but I already have a plan like this-like this”, or “I've always wanted to go to your party, but I've got one. The week is very tiring and needs time to rest this weekend. ” You don't have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, and those close to you will understand this. (If they don't understand, they need to rethink everything.)

4. 

   Logging. Journaling can be very effective. It will help you know how to appreciate things and become more complete. You will also be more compassionate with yourself. Journaling won't help everyone, but it's a great way to lighten yourself up.
   • Focus on people and experiences you value. Write about their smallest deeds that make you happy. "The attitude of gratitude" has been shown to reduce stress, increase happiness and help you feel more relaxed.
   • Doctor - psychologist Kristin Neff encourages everyone to have a “Compassionate Yourself” diary. Write down any times when you feel sad, have self-criticism, or times when you feel hurt. Then, use mindfulness, kindness, and kindness to process those feelings.
   • For example, imagine someone hurting you while commenting on your looks. Record what you are feeling, your reactions and actions. Try not to criticize yourself or your feelings. “Someone on the bus made a negative comment about his appearance. I feel hurt and ashamed. " Next, accept that feeling as a part of your life. "It is normal to feel hurt when you meet someone who is not good." Finally, console yourself: “That person does not know me, and they disparage me for something I cannot control. That is their disadvantage. I'm pretty and I'm kind to others. "

5. 

   Fight against negative self-criticism. Negative self-talk can be very harmful. Unfortunately, many of us often rewind those negative comments without considering the harm. Take the time to practice coping with negative thoughts with positive statements. You will find it very beneficial to say positive statements.
   • For example, imagine you're at a grocery store and your kids are stubborn. You hit the baby and immediately regret your actions. A negative thought may arise, for example: "I'm a bad mother." This is an unfair assessment of you, as it is only through a specific event.
   • Instead, when assessing your mistakes, remind yourself: you are just human. “I beat her, it was wrong. Next time I'll do better. ”
   • Challenging negative thoughts doesn't mean you don't accept responsibility for your mistakes. For example, you can still apologize for hitting your baby by mistake and for absolutely no need to comment negatively on yourself. The difference is that: on the one hand, you accuse yourself of being a "sinner", and on the other, you admit your mistakes. The second way of thinking promotes maturity and strength.

6. 

   Challenge self-blame. "Self-blame" is a common perception in which we blame ourselves for things that don't happen well. Since social and cultural pressures often make women think they are responsible for everyone, blaming themselves can be a difficult challenge to overcome. Realizing that you don't have to be held accountable to anyone will help you feel stronger.
   • For example, if your partner loses libido, you will blame yourself like this: "My lover doesn't want to have sex with me because I did something wrong."
   • One way to get around this is to realize: Everyone has a life of their own, and they may have thoughts that you don't notice. Your partner may be under a lot of work stress, colds, unattractive self, or other reasons that are not your fault.
   • Direct communication can be a great way to get over self-blame. For example, you can talk to your partner about why he or she has decreased sexual desire. Approach the problem without judgment, just ask the person what is going on, and ask him or her to share with you: “I find we have less relationships these days. I really miss the feeling of being loved by you. Do you want to tell me what's going on? "

7. 

   Be kind to yourself. Women often come under a lot of pressure to do everything and be perfect. Women are taught to strive to be perfect, because perfection is often equated with success. They are also often taught: imperfection means failure. However, many studies show that: in fact, perfectionism will set you back, and the most successful people are those who have made mistakes and learned from it. Remind yourself that success is not the result of perfection. Success is the result of setting meaningful goals and working hard to achieve them. An effective way to become successful is to treat yourself as your own mentor: with respect, trust, understanding, compassion, understanding, and kindness.
   • Try to treat yourself like a close friend or family member. Often you will not be harshly critical of your friends for their shortcomings. Show such compassion to yourself.
   • Many studies show: perfectionism reduces the productivity and results of your labor. Perfectionism also leads to procrastination, which prevents you from ever working on your goals because you believe you won't be able to achieve it.

8. 

   Spend time with positive people. Many studies show that people can "catch" the emotions of those around them, just like catching the flu. This phenomenon is the "emotional contagion". For example, being around happy people will help you become happy. Be with people who respect and care about you. Spend time with people who value and love you because you are a strong woman.
   • Spending time with positive people can also help in many other areas of your life. For example, one study found that a group of business students - when "caught" by the happy feelings of an actor in the group - become more cooperative, less conflicting, and more positive about performance. .

9. 

   Spend time alone. Being alone can be an uncomfortable feeling for many women. Social and cultural pressures often teach women that they "need" someone - a husband, a child, a boss - to feel "fulfilled".Spending happy and pleasant time alone can be a great way to feel more about yourself.
   • Walk alone. Try not to focus on what to do or what others need from you. Use your senses to feel the beauty of the surroundings, such as flowers growing by the road or the sound of rain. Increasing your ability to cherish every little moment will help you feel more peaceful, relaxed, and steady.
   • Going to dinner or going to the movies alone. Sometimes, some events and activities are defaults to "for two people", so it's hard to imagine you doing it alone. There's no point in not doing great things for yourself. Let's go have a delicious dinner. Go to the movies, buy your own popcorn and drink. Take a book to your favorite drink shop and have a drink. Sometimes, it's a good idea to “date” yourself to remember that you deserve to spend time having fun and taking care of it.
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Method 3 of 4: Love Your Body

1. 

   Positive body reviews. One of the most harmful factors that comes from social pressure on women is bodybuilding standards. According to some surveys, 91% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance. That shouldn't come as a surprise, as the mass media we interact with on a daily basis, including magazines, feature films, TV and commercials, all offer a very narrow standard of visual beauty. can be "accepted" by women. Those "ideal" looks usually include features: fair skin, tall, well-rounded breasts and a healthy sub-standard weight. It is clear that most women do not possess such body. Learning to love your body as it is will help you gain more confidence.
   • The media has not only been devastated in the US or in the West. For example, when the Western media began to impose body ideal in Japan, the phenomenon of eating disorders in this country also increased.
   • Stick in the mirror positive messages like "I'm beautiful from the inside out".
   • Take the time to look at yourself in the mirror. Don't focus on features you don't like. Challenge yourself by finding at least 5 points that you think are the most beautiful in your body. Next day, let's find another 5 points.
   • Since the real gender of transgender women does not match their physical characteristics from birth, they may encounter quite special situations. Body traits that don't match your true gender are not a reason to not appreciate your body. It's a way of expressing how you feel about yourself, it also helps you to become stronger.

2. 

   Dress up to your personality. The clothes you wear can affect how you feel about yourself. For example, one study found that people who were asked to wear a white coat when doing a science experiment felt more focused and confident than those who didn't. Wear clothes that make you feel better and show off your personality.
   • Ignore the label story. For many women, the size on a clothing label is closely related to self-esteem: the larger the number, the more inferior we feel. It is simply a number, and in addition, that number is specified quite arbitrarily. Size # 4 at one store might be equivalent to # 12 in another. Don't let those random numbers determine your worth!
   • Understand that many companies have strict dress code for women. This is not fair, but unfortunately, it is true that girls who dress too revealing - like deep-necked blouses, short skirts and eye-catching jewelry - are judged as not serious. Consider how to strike a balance between the two ways of dressing that both are respected by others and show off your personality.

3. 

   Masturbating more often. Women's sexuality is often considered a taboo topic, especially masturbation. The act of masturbation is often less clearly explained, misunderstood, and considered guilty. However, studies have shown that regular masturbation is very beneficial for the health of women. Understanding your body will help you feel stronger, healthier and happier.
   • There is no "right" or "wrong" way to masturbate. Explore yourself and find out what makes you satisfied. If you use a sex toy or tool, always read the directions carefully and keep them clean.
   • It may feel a bit embarrassing at first, but when you see your genitals, you will understand your body and grasp the most stimulating spots.
   • Masturbation helps the body produce endorphins - a happy hormone - and reduces feelings of stress and anxiety. This still happens even if you don't have an orgasm.
   • Masturbation can help you overcome difficulties associated with menopause and postmenopause, such as vaginal dryness.
   • Masturbation will help you sleep better. When you near orgasm, your body produces dopamine, a "happy" hormone. After orgasm, your body releases endorphins and oxytocin, which help you sleep better.
   • Another benefit of masturbation is that it will help you learn what can and can't lead to orgasm. You can share that with your partner to help them learn how to love you better. Women who masturbate tend to have happier sex lives. According to studies, they also prefer having sex over women who don't masturbate.
   • There are a number of very useful titles about female masturbation such as: The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm ”by Dr. Vivienne Cass, and“ Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure '' by Dr. Sadie Allison.

4. 

   Explore your physical desires by reading a story or watching an "adult" movie. Experimenting with different types of "adult" movies can help you figure out what excites you.
   • Reading porn with a partner can also be a pleasant experience.
   • What you like or dislike is completely up to you. Don't feel like you have to follow anyone's sexual rules, except you.

5. 

   Eliminate stereotypes about sex among women. Every woman has her own body, and what excites you is also your own business. Unfortunately, there are many people who misunderstand that. In addition, talking about women's sexuality is also considered a shameful or dirty thing. That's not right. Those myths or misinformation are very harmful to your health and well-being. Respecting your sexual health will also help you feel healthier and more satisfied.
   • For example, people often assume that men think more about sex than women. You've probably heard of "Men think about sex every two seconds". However, many studies have shown that most adult men and women think about sex at the same rate.
   • Another popular rumor is that women don't like one-night sex. This is also not true. Studies show that in certain situations, women enjoy a one-night affair as much as men. However, there are two factors that hold it back: safety and social prejudice. Women are often more concerned with their safety when it comes to one-night love. (For a good reason: statistics show that 1 in 5 women say they have been raped once in their life.) Society often judges women who have one-night relationships as "immoral. "Or so, women often look more closely before accepting a one-night affair.
   • The third myth is: Women don't want or need to masturbate. However, more than half of the women aged 18-49 reported masturbating at least once in the last 90 days. Women 18-24 years old are more likely to masturbate than men of the same age.

6. 

   Share your needs with your lover. Women are often not taught how to speak their minds. However, sharing needs and wants with your partner can be a new bonding experience.
   • Agree on a good time to chat. Before bedtime, housework, or while Game of Thrones is on the air ... Those aren't the right times to chat about sex. Choose when you can focus on each other without being distracted.
   • Use sincere and open words. Don't feel ashamed to use the right words to describe what you enjoy. Your partner may not be able to understand the metaphors. Be as specific as possible.
   • Avoid being blamed or critical when expressing your needs. If your partner feels blamed, he or she may find a way out of the conversation, or feel guilty and hurt. For example, the following statements are inappropriate: "I did not do what you needed right." Instead, you can talk about your feelings and experiences: “Lately I see us cuddling too quickly. I would have liked it more if we could slow down and be more slow. ”
   • Ask your partner to share their feelings. Remember that sex is a mutual experience. You should also consider the needs and feelings of your partner.

7. 

   Self-control in sex. Like other areas of life, confidence in sex comes from knowing and accepting your own needs. That understanding and acceptance will help you open up to your partner about your needs and wants, if you want to. But remember: the sexual need is “yours” and you will fulfill it on demand. No one has the right to force you to have sex or not.
   • The sexual response cycle in women is often more complicated than in men. Instead of following a pattern of lust, arousal, and orgasm, women may respond to the stages in different order, or may not feel one of them. Women are more likely to consider having sex as a more emotional expression than men. Women can also feel satisfied even when they don't have an orgasm. Find out what is right for you, and remember that it is normal to satisfy your body's needs.
   • Book For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality '' by Dr. Lonnie Barbach is a great guide to exploring your abilities.
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Method 4 of 4: Demonstrating Strength to Others

1. 

   Communicate with determination. Women are often taught to be "a meek", and assertive communicative women can be perceived as "tough", "short tempered" or "overpowering." However, learning to converse about your needs and ideas firmly will help you feel stronger and more confident. Here are some ways to communicate assertively:
   • Use sentences with the subject "I / I ..." to express your desires and feelings. Example: “I don't like it when you forget to take out the trash. This makes me feel like I don't want to share the housework with me ”.
   • Make constructive, but not critical, judgment. Example: “I get confused every time you urge me to prepare things. That makes me confused and no longer like hanging out with you. I want you to wait for me in the outside room so I can prepare everything ”.
   • Use collaborative statements like "What do you think about this?" or "What will you do?"
   • Speak clearly about your wants and needs. For example, "I want to learn to dance" is an obvious statement. Meanwhile, "I think it would be great if we learn to dance together" was an unclear statement.
   • Speak in a calm tone that is easy to hear. Don't yell or mumble. Keep your voice relaxed and calm.
   • Don't run away or distract with sarcasm, jokes, or self-deprecation. These things make it difficult for others to tell when you are serious, and when you are "joking".

2. 

   Use your body language assertively. Sometimes, it's hard to know if someone else thinks you're serious. You can't change the beliefs of others, and some people will still stubbornly discriminate against women, but you can adjust your expression to show your strength and confidence.
   • Self-control of your personal space. You don't have to take up too much room, but women often subconsciously make themselves smaller by tucking their legs under a chair, holding their arms between their thighs, crossing their legs, or hugging their elbows. Studies show that these humble poses actually make you feel more anxious and less confident. Take control in your own space by standing or sitting upright. Stand with feet shoulder-width apart. Sit back back in a chair or put your hands on the armrest.
   • Stand with chest straight and push your shoulders back slightly. Hunching over will make you look weak or timid.
   • Don't cross your arms. Crossing your arms indicates that you don't want to communicate with other people, or that you are trying to defend yourself.
   • Eye contact. Try to make eye contact at least 50% of the time while talking, and at least 70% while listening.
   • Use slow and slow gestures. Avoid pointing, instead, use the gesture of two hands facing up.
   • Don't swing. Sit or stand firm.

3. 

   Speak up to protect others. Studies show that assertive women often suffer disadvantages due to social prejudice. However, this study also shows: women who dare to stand up to protect others are often positively evaluated. Let your assertiveness work for the group's sake instead of just yourself, and you'll find more people listening to you.
   • Maybe this stems from the stereotype that: women are "carers" or "helpers". It is important to realize that the stereotype is not necessarily true, but is widely accepted. Sometimes, you have to accept some “in-process” limit trying to change stereotypes.
   • For example, you can limit your requirements for renting a larger office like this: “We are on a large project and I need a larger office to hold documents and to have. enough seats for the staff. If I have my own corner, we can make this project a little easier. ”

4. 

   Help the other women in the office. Many studies show that society often imposes such profound gender stereotypes: if they are not “publicly referred” or confirmed by others, they will always assume that women have lower positions. men - even though they are in the same position. However, supporting and protecting other women at work can help them assert their place and improve the way others behave towards them.
   • For example, imagine you are holding a managerial position, you have two assistants under your command: one male and one female. If someone works with your assistant and mistakenly thinks that the female employee has a lower position than the other male employee, gently explain to them: “Actually, Van shares the same position as Nam. She can help you quickly find what you need. ”

5. 

   Pay attention to your situation when making your request. Studies show that it is easier for women to act assertively, make suggestions and seek resources when those resources are available. When the business is doing well, the restrictions on inherently gender-classified actions will be eased slightly.
   • For example, asking for a raise right after the company has made a loss after a quarter is unreasonable, regardless of gender, but especially if it's a woman, it's definitely not good. However, if the company has just closed a big deal or just found a good partner, this will be a good time to ask for a raise.
   • Studies show that women who are flexible or assertive - depending on the situation - are often promoted more often than their male and female colleagues.

6. 

   Accept compliments. Women can be forced to deny their own efforts.They are often taught to be "humble" and to reject the compliments of others. Learning to accept compliments will help you realize the value of your efforts.
   • For example, if your boss says you gave a great presentation, don't say something like, "It's okay, really." Take credit instead, and don't forget the others - if it makes sense: “Thank you! It took me hours to prepare and I'm so glad it was going well. Chi also helped me a lot. ”
   • This is very different from accepting sexual harassment that impersonates "praise". You are under no obligation to acknowledge or appreciate ridiculous teasing or commentary about your appearance, or any sentence that lurks "a compliment".

7. 

   Share responsibility with lover. There are many couples sharing financial problems, but in many places there is still a custom of respect for men and women, so women are often forced to take on more responsibilities with their families such as sending children to school. , home care, cooking ... Studies show that women in heterosexual marriages (men and women) take on 67% of the housework, and cook dinner up to 91% of the weekdays. . If you are in that situation, get it back right by asking your spouse for help.
   • Studies show that couples who share housework are happier than others.
   • Approach sharing of obligation in a cooperative direction, rather than blaming or coercion. For example, sit down with your partner and discuss what each person is most likely to undertake. Make specific plans or assignments together. This will help the other person feel less controlled or reminded by you.
   • Protecting your needs is important, you cannot take care of others if you cannot take care of yourself.
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Advice

• Building your confidence can take time, especially when you have to resist social and cultural pressures. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be patient and keep trying.
• You are under no obligation to meet anyone's standards of being "female", other than your own.