Author:
Robert Simon
Date Of Creation:
16 June 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Knowing when you need to speak does not require skill and practice. Learning these skills will help you stay safe, build and maintain strong and healthy relationships, and be able to identify the best chances of finding you while ignoring distractions. waste your time and your talents. To be able to know when you need to say no, you have to learn more about your personal limits and understand how to define opportunities so well that it can hardly be true.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Know your limits
Take a look at your personal boundaries. You should consider your physical, emotional, and mental limits. Your physical boundaries include your privacy, space, and body. For example, what activity are you willing to do - in each of your relationships with others (hugging, shaking hands, kissing, etc.) - or in recreational activities (walking instead of jogging after surgery knees, or say yes to water skiing, not skydiving). Emotional boundaries are when you set limits between your responsibility for your own feelings and that of others. Mental boundaries include your thoughts, values, and opinions.
- Perhaps writing down your thoughts and feelings about your personal limit will help. You can then re-read this list in the future to help yourself make the difficult decisions.
Look back at all the times you've regretted saying "yes". Take the time to write them down or look back at times in the past when you went over the limit that made you feel good. You should consider the people involved and the situation that happened. Looking at past events in this way will help you make better choices in the future.
Listen to your feelings. Your senses will help you to know where you need to set the limit. You should be careful about anything that makes you feel resentful or upset. Anger is also sometimes the result of being over personal limits. If your personal situation or interaction causes you to become unreasonably resentful or upset, ask yourself what caused this emotion.- Do you feel as though you are being taken advantage of or not being appreciated? Was your reaction due to other people's expectations of you? Feelings of resentment and discomfort can be a sign that you are not setting the limits you need.
Allow yourself to keep your limits. Many people who are investigating their own limitations so they know when they need to say no find that they experience feelings of self-doubt, fear, and guilt. Remember that denying is not selfish, and saying no is the way to take care of your own health and well-being.
Do the "boundary building" exercise. They will give you a sense of your "firm but flexible" boundary - which experts say is the best. Psychologists have developed exercises that you can use to visualize your boundaries to discern when you should say no.
- Choose the type of boundary you're interested in exploring - mentally, physically, or emotionally. Focus on it as you perform this exercise.
- Close your eyes and imagine you are in the middle of the circle that you have drawn around yourself. The circle can be as big or small as you want - you should create the space that makes you feel most comfortable.
- Visualize your circle turning into a wall. You can build that imaginary wall out of any material you like - thick glass, gray cement, brick and mortar - just make sure it's pretty solid.
- Now imagine that you have the power to control the wall. You can melt a temporary hole to put something in or out, you can open a small window, or remove a brick from the wall to create a gap. Think about controlling your walls, and about being safe and strong in the circle you've built.
- Stand in the wall for about a minute.
- Repeat this exercise once a day.
Practice saying no. Knowing when to say no takes time and practice, and over time, you can learn how to sharpen your skills so that you can more easily perceive a situation when you need to say no. Practice saying no clearly so the other person won't feel awkward or think that you will change your mind and accept. Provide a short but clear reason for the refusal, and you need to be honest instead of making an excuse.
- You need to show respect when you say no - you should let the person or organization know that you value them and what they do but that you cannot perform the task they ask for.
Method 2 of 3: Define Personal Priorities
Determine your priorities. In order to be able to make a good decision about when to say no, define your priorities in life.To do this, you have to take a moment to review the 10 factors that you feel make your life more worthwhile. Don't worry about choosing what you "should" choose - here's a list of what makes you happy.
- After completing the list, put it away.
- A few days later, you should write down another list (without reviewing the first list). Put that list away.
- Repeat after a few days.
- Review all three lists and combine them into one. Note any duplicate ideas, and combine seemingly similar items.
- Your priority rating.
- Use this final list as your decision-making resource by asking yourself about the effects of the various decisions on your priorities.
Say no when you have too much work to do. If you're feeling overwhelmed, accepting another task can have negative consequences for the work you're doing, your physical and mental health, and your relationship. You may ignore the small factors, you will get sick or depressed, or your relationships with friends and family will suffer.
- Remember that your health and well-being are more important than performing other tasks.
You should be realistic about your own abilities. Business professionals believe that people are often too optimistic about their ability to get things done quickly and well. You should take the time to honestly review whether you have the skills, abilities, and time to fulfill your request. Don't say yes with the thought that you can "change the rules" later. Be clear and honest with yourself and others from the start so you know when to say no - and the perfect time to say yes.
Make use of all the time you need to make the right decisions. If you are not sure whether agreeing is a good idea, honestly tell the person that you are not sure. Then take some time - even a few days - to review, research, and seek advice.
Set up a list of pros and cons of your long-term goals in mind. Sit down and make a list - on paper, on a computer, or even on the phone - of why you need to say yes and say no to the immediate opportunity. Doing this will help you make better decisions, as you can discern whether the "great" opportunity you initially feel you can't pass up is truly so great.
- As you reread the list, think about what you want for your future. If you say yes now, will this decision help you get there?
Method 3 of 3: Identify non-profitable opportunities
Calculate "opportunity cost" when you say no. If the opportunity has something to do with business or financial decisions - anything from babysitting for new customers to asking to deliver groceries home instead of going to the supermarket yourself - you should calculate "opportunity cost".
- Start by calculating your hourly value as you spend that hour doing paid work.
- For each opportunity, you should calculate the cost of them as part of deciding whether you should decline or not.
- For example, you usually get paid around 300,000 VND per hour worked. Calling the supermarket to deliver groceries to home will cost around 200,000 VND, but going to the supermarket will take two hours. If you are choosing between spending those two hours working or going to the supermarket yourself, you will probably choose to work (earn 600,000 VND) and pay 200,000 VND for the delivery fee.
- Remember that opportunity cost should only be one part of your decision-making process. It will help you understand the financial side of the dilemma you are facing, but often, there will always be another issue you need to consider when making a complex decision.
Decide if you have the skills and abilities you need to say yes. If someone gives you a task or project that you're not ready to do, you won't be able to do it well. You will get stressed out with completing them, and the person asking you to do them will not be satisfied with the results.
- If you refuse now and constantly prepare yourself, the next time you will be able to confidently accept the job - knowing well that you will do well. Or maybe the task or project isn't right for you. Don't put yourself in situations where you will lose.
Evaluate whether it is ruining a commitment you have made. If you are very busy, think about whether you have time to complete something others have asked you to do. For example, if you are a busy student with a lot of commitments, working part-time or volunteering is not a good idea if it will interfere with your ability to complete school assignments.
- The same goes for people running your own company: if getting new clients will affect the work you are doing for existing passengers, you should consider your next step carefully. Is it worth it to lose both clients just for poor quality work?
Ask yourself if that is the real requirement. Sometimes people ask for help or look for someone to do something for them without knowing what they need or thinking about the right way to raise a request. If you're not sure if the claim is realistic - what is possible - you should do research to find out.
- Do not agree unless you are sure the work can be done in the way the person requires.
- Don't be afraid to say "maybe" or to negotiate a practical way to accomplish your goal.
Asking for advice. If you are unsure whether you should say no, consult a trusted advisor. If you are a student then that person could be your teacher or professor. You can also reach out to your parents, friends or other family members. They will help you get a sense of the "big picture" and will often give you fresh perspective on your dilemma. advertisement
Advice
- Knowing your limits and setting strong but flexible boundaries doesn't mean you are punishing others. You are not in denial because you want to hurt them. Maintaining your own limits is something you can do for your own well-being - to stay safe and stay healthy for yourself now and in the future.
- Remember to be assertive, calm, strong, and polite when saying no. If someone doesn't like to accept a denial, let them know the consequences of their actions if they violate your personal boundaries.
Warning
- Trust your instincts and make sure you prioritize your safety in potentially dangerous situations.
