How to recognize an abusive boyfriend (with photos) - tips

Video: Signs of an Abusive Relationship - 8 Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Partner - Domestic Violence

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Steps
Advice
Warning

Sometimes it can be hard to see a difference when your partner is in a bad mood or when he or she is abusing you. 57% of students said they do not know how to recognize violence in love. Violence comes in many forms and does not only include physical violence. Emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and humiliation are all forms of violence. Abusers often want to control you through threats, coercion, manipulation, and manipulation. Healthy relationships include trusting each other, respecting, accepting, and allowing the other to be yourself. Even if you are gay, straight, bisexual, etc., you are still at risk of violence. If you are concerned about a bad relationship or an abusive boyfriend, be aware of the signs and strategies for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Recognizing the signs of emotional and psychological abuse

Identify controlling behavior. This behavior may be "normal" for you, but it is a form of violence. Your boyfriend may always ask you what you are doing because he cares for you so much, but true care must include trust. Here are signs of controlling behavior:
- Ask you to regularly call him, even in times that are inappropriate or inconvenient
- Want to know everything you do
- Do not let you go with another person without him or her
- Track your phone, internet activity, or social media
- Show an unhappy attitude when you're with someone other than him
- Request message check
- Ask for an account password
- Control clothing, locations, every word, etc.
Think about how you feel about being with him. Sometimes you cannot identify violence in love, especially if you think that “violence” (usually physical violence) hasn't happened yet. However, assessing your feelings for your boyfriend can help you see if your relationship is going well. Maybe you feel something "wrong," or feel like you're "on tiptoes" and don't know what makes him angry. You will feel that every problem that arises in the relationship is caused by you. You should consider the following questions:
- Does he accept who you are, or does he always force you to change?
- Do you feel ashamed or insulted around your boyfriend?
- Does your boyfriend blame you for making his feelings or actions look the same?
- Do you feel bad about yourself around your boyfriend?
- Do you think you have to change to prove "love" to your boyfriend?
- Do you always feel exhausted or tired when you interact with him?
Consider how your boyfriend talks. There are times when we regret what we say. Even in a healthy relationship, it is not always possible to both speak kindly and respect each other. However, if you notice your boyfriend is disrespectful, disrespectful, intimidating, or insulting you, these are signs of a bad relationship. You should ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you find that your boyfriend is critical of you, even in front of other people?
- Does your boyfriend call you by name or use other insulting words?
- Does your boyfriend scream or shout at you?
- Do you often feel humiliated, ignored or ridiculed?
- Does your boyfriend say you will never find someone "better" than him, or do you not "deserve" someone else?
- Do you find that what your boyfriend says about you is very negative?
Think about whether the other person is listening. Some people have a nature that dominates everything, and this is completely normal. However, if your boyfriend doesn't care about your needs or opinions, or makes a decision involving you but doesn't talk to you, this is not normal. In a healthy relationship, both listen to each other, even when disagreeing, and often try to settle things well. Abusive relationships are often one-sided.
- For example, consider having a say in the master plan. Do you see your boyfriend that listens, or just does what he wants?
- Do you find your boyfriend cares about how you feel? For example, if you tell your boyfriend that his words make you unhappy, will he accept it and apologize?
- Do you feel comfortable talking directly with your boyfriend? Do you find that he listens to the opposite of me?
Think about whether your boyfriend takes responsibility or not. A common feature of abusers is that they often blame others for their actions and feelings. A violent person will also make you feel guilty for not doing what he wants.
- This can be pretty vain at times, especially if your boyfriend is comparing you to others. For example, he might say, “I'm so glad I found you. You're not like the crazy girls I've used to. " However, if you find that this person is constantly blaming others for making him act or feel something, then this is not a good sign.
- An abuser can also hold you accountable for his violent actions. For example, this person often makes excuses that "You upset me so I can't control" or "I can't help being jealous of your friend because I love you so much." Remember that each person is responsible for his or her own feelings and actions, not the others.
- Abusers often get what they want by blaming you, as if you were giving him negative feelings. For example, "If you broke up, I would kill myself" or "I would get mad if you went out with him again." This type of behavior is unfair and healthy.
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Part 2 of 4: Recognizing sexual abuse

Consider whether you are comfortable having sex with your boyfriend. It is often said that when in love, "must" have sex. This is not true. A healthy relationship involves both voluntary and satisfying sexual activity. If you feel disrespected, this is a sign of abuse.
- Some people think that you can't blame your boyfriend for raping you, but this is completely wrong. Having a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't deny him. If this person forces you to have sex, even if both were voluntary before, this is still rape.
- His sexual actions while you are drunk, not alert, drugged, or unable to agree are abusive.
Consider the case in which a relationship is imposed. In addition to rape, there are many ways to abuse others. For example, an abuser can force the relationship even if the other person doesn't want to. If you feel forced or manipulated into sex, this is abuse.
- For example, your boyfriend might say, "If you really love me, you have to accept this" or "It's the same for every girl, so I have to do it too." These are coercive words that will make you feel ashamed and have to respond to his needs.
- Asking for a specific sexual act that you dislike is an act of violence. Even if you enjoy certain activities, you shouldn't let your boyfriend force you to do it when you're not interested, or make you scared or bothered. You have the right to agree and decline when appropriate.
- Forcing texting or sending hot pictures is an act of abuse. Be aware that sending or receiving stimulating text messages or hot pictures while under the age of 18 is classified as child pornography.
Consider respectful behavior. You have the right to protect your personal and sexual health by using birth control and preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- Your partner must respect your decision. For example, if you want to use a condom and adopt other safe sex acts, the other person cannot blame or force you to take other means.
- He cannot have sex if he does not take birth control / STI prevention or the excuse "I forgot to bring a condom".
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Part 3 of 4: Recognizing physical violence

Understand that physical violence is not instantaneous. Abusive relationships do not always involve violent behavior. In fact, they seem to be good at first, just like when the other person is your "ideal boyfriend". However, all acts of violence turn badly over time, and if a person is willing to abuse in one way, he becomes violent in another.
- Physical violence can happen in cycles. Sometimes the abuser can be kind to you, but during times of heightened stress he may commit violence. The person can then apologize, feel bad, and promise change. But then he resumed his behavior.
Note that even one-off violence is too much. Violence is not acceptable. An abuser can make excuses by "feeling angry" or by alcohol or drugs. However, ordinary people never express their emotions with violence. If a boyfriend acts like this, he needs advice.
- A person doesn't simply "become" violent when drunk. If a boyfriend makes a violent act of alcohol, he is trying to avoid responsibility for his actions.
- The act of expressing emotions through violence is a warning sign of escalating violence in the future. If your boyfriend becomes aggressive on a regular basis, consider giving up on the relationship.
Think about feeling safe around your boyfriend. Sometimes in a relationship one person will be angry with the other and this is normal. However, one person who respects the other person will never harm or threaten the other, even when angry. If you feel insecure around your boyfriend, this means he is an abuser.
- Transgender and homosexual people are often forced to separate abusers from their community, friends, family, or school. This is violent behavior.
- Some abusers threaten to harm themselves if you do not want to do so. This is also a form of violent behavior.
Be aware of other types of physical violence. Punching, kicking, slapping are obvious acts of physical violence. However, there are some other forms of physical violence that are not well understood, including:
- Destroying your belongings, such as banging your phone or locking your motorcycle
- Doesn't provide your basic needs, such as food and sleep
- Physical binding without your consent
- Do not let you get out of your home or car, go to the hospital, or call emergency services
- Use a weapon to intimidate you
- Kick you out of the house or car
- Leaving you in a strange or dangerous place
- Abuse your children or pets
- Drive carelessly while driving you
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Part 4 of 4: Coping with violence

Understand that the violence is not caused by you. It is often misinterpreted that the victim "deserves" it. For example, when Chris Brown hit Rihanna, many believed that Rihanna had done something bad and "deserved" to be. This is completely wrong. Whether or not you do anything, no one has the right to use violence against you and violence always it is the responsibility of the person who has committed the act.
- This applies to all forms of violence, not just physical violence. Each person deserves to be treated with dignity and dignity.
Call the domestic violence hotline. These phone numbers are available to assist victims of violence. You will meet a support person who can listen and help you deal with your situation.
- In Vietnam, you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline: (04) 37 359 339.
Talk to someone you trust. If you are concerned that your boyfriend is an abuser, discuss this with someone you trust. They could be parents, counselors, school officials, or someone from the temple. It is important to find someone who listens but does not judge and supports you.
- Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. Talk to someone who can help you so you don't have to deal with it on your own.
- Remember that asking for help is not weakness or failure. This proves that you have the energy to do what you think is good.
Find a safe haven. If you feel your boyfriend is causing you danger, stay away as soon as possible. Call a close friend or relative to stay in their home. Contact your local domestic violence agency to find a women's protection center. If required, call the police. Don't stay near the abuser.
- If you have been physically or sexually abused, call the police and go to the hospital right away.
Take advantage of support from family and friends. Getting over an abusive relationship is not easy. Abusers often separate you from friends and family. A violent ex can make you feel scared, alone, or helpless. You need to get back in touch with friends and family to get rid of your obsession with violence and to assert that you deserve respect and concern.
- Join extracurricular activities and clubs at school.
- Become a protector of abuse. Many schools and communities offer education programs about violence. If you haven't already, you can start a new program yourself!
Appreciate yourself. You may have heard so many violent words that your brain gradually accepts it as "normal" or right. Remember that none of your boyfriend's abusive language is correct. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, get rid of them as soon as possible. Instead, think positively, find logical reasoning in your thinking, or correct your negative thoughts in a good way.
- For example, maybe you think negatively about your appearance, especially if the abuser is constantly criticizing you. Instead, you should find your strengths and appreciate it.At first you may feel a bit "fake" because you are not familiar with this way of thinking, but later on you will gradually overcome the trauma of being abused.
- If you are making a general description of yourself, such as “I am a failure,” you should find a reason to reach this conclusion. However, you will not realize any basis that proves this. You should focus on the specifics, and if it's not too big a problem, you can find a solution: “I watch a lot of TV today and haven't done my homework. Tomorrow I'll do it and reward myself without feeling guilty. ”
- Record small achievements. Often people who experience abuse are faced with thinking they are useless. You should cherish your accomplishments, even small things.
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Advice

Don't be afraid to ask for help. No one can get through this bad time on their own.
There are many organizations that support victims of violence. You can search the internet or the directory for community centers, psychiatric hospitals, domestic violence agencies, and other organizations.
If someone judges when you talk to them, you shouldn't accept it as the truth. It is sometimes hard to believe that the violence is "really happening." It is important to you feel how, not what others say. If the person is in a hurry to condemn it, find someone else for help.