Author:
John Stephens
Date Of Creation:
26 January 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
There are hundreds of reasons people can cheat on their spouse or partner. But whatever the reason, unfaithfulness always hurts and can keep two people apart forever. If your ex cheats and regrets what he (she) did, there are steps you can take to continue the relationship. Keep reading to learn how to deal with a spouse who cheated.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Reset trust
Understand the person's deceitful nature. People cheat for many different reasons and not always because of sex. Sometimes people cheat because of the need to connect emotionally, to try to resolve a crisis or loss, or to find a way out.
- Don't assume that the other person cheats just for sex. Know the reason he (her) cheated before you proceed. Try saying things like, “I want to know why you cheated on me and who that person is. Please be honest with me and tell me what happened. ”
Ask your partner to end contact with a third person. To regain your trust, you need to make sure a third person stays out. This means asking your partner to break all ties with the other person. This can be difficult if the third person is a colleague or if they are in a position your partner meets every day. So your partner may even have to find another job to make sure there's no contact between the two of them.- If your partner refuses to cut off contact with the other person, it could be a sign that he (she) has no intention of ending the relationship. If this is the case, you may not be able to heal the relationship.
- If a third person continues to pursue even if your partner has cut them off, you can get a quarantine order to make sure they don't come near.
Talk to your partner when you're ready. Surely it hurts to know that your partner is in a relationship. In this case, you may need some time to calm down before you can talk to your partner about what happened. Talking to your partner about their relationship with a third person is important for you to continue the relationship, but don't think that you have to talk right away. Take it easy and only talk when you are ready.- If your partner tries to force you to talk, say something like, “I understand your good intentions, but right now I'm very sad and can't talk about what happened. Can you prove your love by letting me quiet time? "
Set limits on relationships outside of marriage. If your spouse has cheated before, chances are he will cheat again. You can help your spouse stop an affair before it really develops by setting boundaries for outside relationships. In other words, make sure the other person understands what is acceptable and what is not. You should also make sure your partner understands that some information cannot be disclosed to prevent a friendship from developing into a relationship.- For example, your partner shouldn't talk to a coworker about you or your marriage problems. Husband and wife need to discuss with each other to make a list of possible and unacceptable topics when talking with colleagues.
Ask your partner to let you know where they are all day long. In order to regain trust, your partner needs to understand that they have made you lose trust. So you need to know where your lover is at any time. It may sound unfair to your partner, but this is necessary if they are determined to regain trust in you.
Talk about your partner's out-of-flow love, but set limits. Schedule 30 minutes a week to talk about it instead of scattering questions all week. Don't ask your partner to reveal details that might hurt you when you hear them, like sex stories.
Forgive according to your conditions. Your partner may deeply regret it and begging you to forgive, but you don't have to forgive right away. It is normal that you need more time to heal before forgiving. Let your partner understand that, let them know that you are still very grieving that you cannot forgive, and that you need more time.
- Say things like, "I understand that you want to apologize, I want you to be sorry too, but I'm not ready to forgive you yet."
Get help from a consultant. Dealing with the deception of your partner or partner alone can be difficult. If you find it difficult to go through this on your own, seek the help of a licensed consultant who specializes in dealing with marriage and family matters. A marriage and family counselor can help you with emotional problems and establish more constructive conversations.
- Remember, a marriage counselor will not provide an immediate solution. Rebuilding trust takes time.
Method 2 of 2: Building a Better Relationship
Encourage your spouse to open up to you. Sharing more feelings with your partner and encouraging them to respond in the same way will help strengthen the bond between the two of you. Create a habit of talking to each other every day. Some open-ended questions to talk about with your spouse include:
- “Do you remember when I used to walk around here and talk, take the dog with you too? Can we try it again tonight… What do you think? ”
- “The incident between the two of us did not go well yesterday, I want to try something different - can we start over? This time I will calm down and listen more patiently. I also want to let you know what's good for me and I also want to know what you're looking forward to. ”
Take care of each other's needs. In order to improve your relationship, you both need to learn to understand each other's wishes. Talking is the best way to find out what your partner needs and let them know what you want.
- If you are unsure what your spouse wants or needs, it's best to ask and listen.If you're still unsure, ask more questions. For example, you could say something like, “I think what you need from me is ________. Is that what you mean? "
Appreciate each other. Showing each other appreciation through sincere compliments is an important part of a good relationship. Make sure you and your partner are aware of the importance of complimenting each other, and that you both know how to do it. Appropriate compliments need not only be sincere and specific, but also statements with the subject "I" instead of the subject being the subject.- For example, if the other person cleans the kitchen, don't say “Brother Very good kitchen cleaning ”. Instead, say, "You Thank you for cleaning the kitchen ”. Using a sentence that says yourself instead of the other person can help the other person know how you feel, not just what you perceive.
Ask your spouse to commit to change. If you have decided to continue in a relationship with your spouse or partner, ask them to promise not to continue the same types of behavior that could lead to the out-of-flow relationship. Ask the other person to speak clearly or even write down those types of behavior and commit to change.
Set out the consequences if your partner is "sunstroke" again. Since there is a possibility that the other person might cheat again, the two should work with each other to establish the conditions if that happens again. These consequences can be divorce, not being able to raise a child or other consequences. You may need to write these agreements and consult a lawyer for legalization.
Know when to end the relationship. If things don't improve even though you've tried your best and got help from the consultant, you may have to accept that the relationship cannot be saved. Signs that a relationship can't heal include:
- constant conflict
- inability to connect with your partner
- cannot sympathize with or receive sympathy from your partner
- pain and anger cannot be alleviated over time
- unforgivable
Advice
- If you are distressed by your partner's deception emotions, consider talking to a mental health professional to deal with those feelings.
Warning
- If your partner frequently cheats or keeps making a second mistake despite showing remorse, you are probably having sex with a playboy or a sex addict. If that is the case, you need to end the relationship and move on, otherwise you run the risk of continuing emotional damage from your flirtatious partner.
