Content

• Steps
• Advice

If you've ever been hurt, rejected, treated unfairly, or faced with stress, anger is natural. Although there are many effective ways to deal with anger, you may find yourself reacting immediately violently or aggressively. Uncontrollable anger that causes physical or verbal abuse can damage your life, relationships, work, and overall well-being. Fortunately, there are a few techniques you can take to help you manage your anger without harming others. Examining your life patterns, past, and feelings will give you insight and motivation to find out why you are angry.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with your immediate anger

1. 

   
   
   Watch for signs of anger. Be aware of the warning signs that you are angry and that your emotions may be out of control. Pay attention to an increase in your heart rate or when your heart is pounding. You may also be able to squeeze fists, grind your teeth, and stiffen your neck or shoulders. People react differently to anger, so pay attention to your own cues.
   • When you notice physical signs that you are angry, try to stay calm and have some space in your mind to calmly react to anger. This will prevent you from reacting emotionally and possibly harming others.

2. 

   
   
   Stop. Stop yourself as soon as you notice signs of anger. This will help you regain control of your emotional responses. Notice the angry thoughts that come into your head and the angry signs in your body. As soon as you start to gasp or your adrenaline increases rapidly, simply stop whatever activity you are doing.
   • If you are interacting with other people, try to stay away for a moment. You could say something like, "Sorry for me, but I need to get away for a second". If you are in an argument, reassure the other person that you will talk later by saying, "Right now, I'm having trouble concentrating. I want to rest for about 15 minutes, then I will go back and continue the discussion when I feel calmer. "
   • Pause is the first step of the STOP method, which is the short name for consciously Stop, Take a break, Observe, and Proceed. This anger management technique will help you regain control when you find yourself caught up in anger.

3. 

   
   
   Rest and watch. Take a deep breath in, inhale the air in from your nose and then slowly exhale through your mouth, until your heart rate slows down. You can breathe for as long as you want until you feel calmer. Pay attention to yourself, your body, and your surroundings. Reconsider yourself and the world. Observe yourself in this moment and realize your anger. Observe the reason you are angry.
   • For example, you may find yourself clenching your hands in anger. Hold and open your hands several times to relax them. Pay attention to your surroundings to ease your anger.
   • Taking time to breathe can help relax you and avoid acting hastily when you're angry.

4. 

   Continue to move forward consciously. Once you have space in your mind to express your anger, decide what action you want to take. You can choose to turn your back on the situation, deal with it at a different time when you are calmer, or practice more about relaxing and breathing to calm yourself. You can also choose to separate yourself from the situation and deal with your anger in private. Most importantly, you can choose not to respond to your anger with aggression or by hurting someone else.
   • Understand the power you have in the face of the situation. You can control your own thoughts and behavior.

5. 

   Calmly express your feelings. Avoid confronting someone when you are angry. Once you've calmed down, approach the person you're upset with and explain how you are feeling. You don't have to accuse, yell, or ask the person to apologize. Instead, just state the emotion you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Talking calmly and clearly will help maintain the effectiveness and respect of your conversation, and at the same time not put the other person on the defensive (this will end the conversation) .
   • Try to use statements that begin with the subject "I" instead of "you". This method will prevent you from appearing accusing and hurting the other person.
   • For example, if your friend is late to pick you up and you miss the first part of the movie you want to see, you should avoid speaking in a "that person" focus, like "You're late and you get me. very angry!". Instead, you should focus on your own feelings and communicate clearly, without accusations or anger: "When we didn't make it in time to watch the movie, I felt very uncomfortable because I was so looking forward to seeing this movie. I'm frustrated because it seems like we often have trouble getting on time every time you are the driver. Can we discuss this? ". This statement focuses on your own feelings and reactions and uses conservative "seeming" language to avoid sounding judgmental.
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Part 2 of 3: Managing anger

1. 

   Do a breathing exercise. Take 10 minutes a day to focus on breathing. Sit in a quiet place, put your hands on your stomach, and breathe deeply. Breathe and pay attention to your body. Feel the stressful position in your body and imagine that your breathing is being diverted to the tension. Focus on the sounds you hear and how each part of your body feels. Doing this simple breathing exercise every day will help you release stress, provide oxygen to your body and brain, and along with regular exercise it will help minimize your response to anger. angry.
   • Taking time to breathe each day will help improve your body's response to stress so that you won't "get angry" as soon as you are exposed to the negative triggers. At the same time, it also improves your ability to self-regulate, or cope with, the level and response of your emotions.
   • You can set alarms on your phone or watch so you won't be distracted while practicing breathing.

2. 

   Deal with stressors. Anger is sometimes a reaction to feelings of powerlessness, or loss of control. Keep a diary about the stressors in your life, such as relationship problems, job disappointments, financial stress, parenting stress, anxiety. worry about the world and politics, health problems, or anything that makes you anxious, confused, or out of control. Write down how changes you can make to your own life to feel more in control.
   • Writing down any issues will give you a way to look at them and handle them. If your feelings are related to other people, writing them down on paper will help you discover all of your feelings in private, without having to tell others about the first thought that came to you in the past. your head. It will help you avoid hurting others as you are trying to overcome your anger.
   • Remember that you have control over how you react to events. If the stressor is out of your control, you can still decide how you react to it, even if you can't change the situation.

3. 

   Immersed in nature. Green environments like parks, lakes, or gardens have an overall calming effect. Try to get into nature as much as possible, even if it's only for 10 minutes. Allow yourself to immerse yourself in the air, and as you go for a walk, imagine anger and stressors leaving your body.
   • The world is so big, and sometimes, it can be helpful to change your perspective about the little things that make you angry.

4. 

   Change your negative thoughts. When you find yourself thinking negatively, write it down in your journal. Make a list of all the times you are angry with others or at yourself. Then, change, or adjust, your thoughts into less harmful words. With time and practice, you will be able to see yourself, your life, and others in a more thoughtful way.
   • For example, you might spill coffee on yourself before going to work. The angry response would be: "I'm stupid. I always ruin everything, nothing goes smoothly with me, I hate it all." Instead, change it to: "I simply made a mistake".
   • Remember to do the same with other people. For example, if a waiter brings your dinner out late, you might have a negative, angry reaction like, "This waiter is stupid. She doesn't know what to do, even serving the food. up for me ". Take a few moments to show her kindness and sympathy: "She probably has too much work to do and she's trying her best. I should be patient."

5. 

   Reconsider denial. In fact, anger is a defensive mechanism that helps you feel protected when you really feel insecure or scared. Being rejected by others triggers feelings of pain and anger. Learning how to adjust your situation will help you to ease these emotions so that you don't get angry and vent your anger on others. Focus on recognizing the feelings this is giving you and thinking about other ways to interpret them.
   • For example, if you've just been rejected by your partner, the pain in your heart will say: "Of course she will reject me. I'm stupid. I'm a loser. hate myself". This is the saying "hold your chopsticks" and not fair to you. Generalizing yourself (or others) based on a particular experience is a common perceptual perversion, or a "thought trap".
   • If you allow pain to torment you, it can turn into anger, especially if you believe you've been treated unfairly. For example, you might start thinking, "How dare she refuse me when she doesn't know me well? That's not fair! She's a bad guy".
   • Instead, acknowledge that rejection has hurt you, but don't allow it to control how you define yourself. Appreciate yourself: "It's heartbreaking to be rejected. I am very disappointed, but I am a courageous person and I will boldly open my heart to the person I care about. I don't know the reason why she refuses. But this does not define who I am. I can try again with someone else. "

6. 

   A little fun. Make sure to take the time to laugh, relax, and have fun. You can go to the movies, meet friends who always make you smile, enjoy your favorite food, watch a comedy, a stand-up comedy, or a TV show that makes you laugh, make for a special date. with friends or lover. Remember to take the time to light up and enjoy the little elements.

7. 

   A sense of humor will give you a few points of view, especially when you realize that you are getting ridiculous. Just make sure you don't rely so much on humor that you let go of the deeper issue that made you angry.

8. 

   Forgive. If you are angry because you believe that others have treated you unfairly or hurt you, you need to let go of your feelings of anger and resentment. This doesn't mean you are suddenly agreeing to everything that hurts you, but it is about showing that you don't resent or vent your anger on the other person. By forgiving the person, you not only release your anger and not hurt others, but you also regain control of the situation by choosing not to be the victim.
   • One reason it is difficult to forgive is that we often focus on "fairness". You need to know that you are forgiving others for not their own sake - you are doing this so that you don't have to carry the burden of anger around you. Forgiveness does not mean that you justify the action or say it is absolutely correct.
   • You may also feel anxious about forgiving others if you believe they will continue to hurt you. Expressing your concern with the person you want to forgive will help you feel better in the process.
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Part 3 of 3: Preventing and coping with anger

1. 

   Look for an anger triggers. For many people, their anger can be triggered by a particular thought, situation, or incident.Your anger journal will help you identify situations and experiences that trigger you to try to manage it. In general, the triggers of anger fall into two categories: feeling that you are at risk of harm, or that you have been harmed or injured.
   • The common trigger thinking is when people don't do what they "should" have done (or have been doing something "should have" they shouldn't). For example, if someone else is driving across your road, you will be angry that the driver violated the traffic laws.
   • Another common trigger thought is that someone else is harming, hurting you, or upsetting you in some way. For example, it's not a big deal to have a computer disconnected frequently or someone bumped into you, but they can provoke anger if you have a feeling that you have been harmed. there.
   • When you experience angry thoughts, rewrite your thoughts and feelings. Also, take note of what happened, and how you responded to it. This technique will help you learn what triggers anger.

2. 

   Overcome what makes you angry. If you feel hurt or looked down on, you should avoid overthinking the event or argument. Avoid immersing yourself in what makes you angry through learning how to let go, and watch the event so you won't feel as though you've been victimized. Accept your anger and adjust or move forward. This way, you are retraining yourself on how to deal with what's upsetting you, which will certainly take some time.
   • For example, imagine that your past lover once broke your heart, and the event still made you angry. Write about the anger that it brings you, take a deep breath, and reframe the event. Adjusting can be as simple as accepting that the breakup happened, you have been hurt, you will recover, and move forward.

3. 

   Increased self-esteem. Low self-esteem can trigger feelings of anger, so you need to change the way you think about yourself. Consider how angry you are with yourself. Instead of torturing yourself with negative qualities, see your positive traits. Know that everyone is going to make mistakes. Forgive your mistakes and take note of any things that you think need improvement.
   • You can journal, practice breathing, and fine-tune your thinking to begin seeing yourself in a more positive direction.

4. 

   Know when you need help. If you have failed to try to manage your anger and aggression, seek outside help. Consider meeting with a mental health therapist who specializes in anger management. Or, search for a support group. This will help you realize that you are not the only one facing the problem, and that many others are struggling with anger and aggression just like you. You should seek help if:
   • You feel out of control
   • Anger causes significant problems in your life
   • You have hurt someone
   • Anger scares you or others
   • Anger interferes with personal or work relationships
   • Friends or family worry about your destructive tendencies
   • You vent your anger (physically and linguistically) on your children, spouse, or friends

5. 

   Try behavioral treatment for anger. Talk to a therapist about using treatment that might help deal with the cause of your anger. Your therapist will coordinate with you in using one of the following types of therapy:
   • Dialectical Behavior Therapy: This is a therapy that combines behavioral change, meditation, and mindfulness to help you regulate your emotions, live in the moment, and control your behavior.
   • Cognitive Behavior Therapy: This therapy will help you explore the core problem that triggers your anger and aggression. Being aware of these problems will help you to change your behavior patterns and thinking patterns.
   • Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction: This therapy uses meditation, relaxation, and physical techniques to help reduce stress levels. It will help you calm down and be less emotionally agitated.
   • Rational Emotional Behavior Therapy: This method will challenge your unreasonable thoughts and beliefs by comparing them to real events that make you aware of the harmful consequences of these thoughts. This cognitive measure will help you change your behaviors, thoughts, and negative reactions into healthier beliefs.

6. 

   Reconsider your relationship. If you find yourself constantly getting angry at someone, like your partner, this may be a sign that you need to change your relationship. Perhaps you need more space and independence or you may need to redefine your limits. Or maybe you need to become more explicit in communicating about your needs and wants.
   • Explain to others what change you want to make and why you are making it. For example, you might say, "I have been pissed lately because I feel like I never have time for myself. I think I need to spend Friday night on myself to be able to relax. relax, and fully enjoy the time we spend together over the weekend. "
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Advice

• If you want to cry, cry.
• Don't question the person you are angry with right away. This can trigger your anger to explode and cause you to do something you will regret.
• Find a health orb, or a small, solid ball to squeeze it when angry, thereby eliminating the stored energy.
• You should bring a notebook or diary. Express your feelings and vent all your anger on it, no matter how ugly the language you are writing in. Write down why you were angry, the solutions to your problems, and how you were feeling! I used this method and it was very helpful!