Content

• Steps

Violence does not manifest itself only through bruises and bruises. There are types of violence that are committed verbally, and they are much more common than physical abuse. Not only that, but they also cause equal harm to children, if not much more than physical abuse. Emotional abuse can have negative long-term effects on your social, emotional and physical health and development. If you are experiencing emotional abuse from a parent, we find the most effective method you can use is to set boundaries for yourself and maintain distance if possible. In addition, you can also talk to others about your current difficult situation. Learning how to manage stress and boost your self-esteem will also help you cope now and in the long run.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Seeking help

1. 

   
   
   Share experiences with friends and family. You will find comfort in having someone to lean on when you experience violence. Talk to them and ask for help. They may comfort you with positive words, acknowledge your feelings, or give you advice.
   • For example, you could say, “I know this might shock you, but my family life is bad. My mom kept raising her voice at me and said that growing up I wouldn't do any good. Even though it's just words, it makes me feel very bad about myself ”.
   • Remember that emotional abuse often involves people brainwashing you, making you believe that no one cares, trusts or values ​​you. However, you will be surprised to learn how much support you will get when you share your pain with others.

2. 

   
   
   Talk to a trusted adult. If you are a young child and are experiencing any kind of home violence, seek out a relative, teacher or any other adult you trust. Don't let your parents intimidate you and force you to keep it a secret. An adult can interfere with situations where children are not able to resist.
   • You may feel embarrassed or embarrassed to tell everything, but it is important that you tell others about your abuse. Start with something like “I recently had a problem at home. Can I talk to you about that? ” Or you can write about your feelings if that feels more comfortable.
   • If you told a teacher or coach they weren't helping, plan to meet with your school counselor and talk to them.
   • If you do not want to tell anyone about the abuse you can call the US hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD. The line is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day. In Vietnam, call 111 to report cases of violence and child abuse (instead of the previous child support line, 18001567).

3. 

   
   
   Treatment for psychological health. Emotional abuse can cause a lot of harm. If you don't get treated, you are at a higher risk of having low self-esteem, and you may also have difficulty forming healthy relationships. Negative beliefs and thinking patterns are difficult to break down - the consequences of emotional abuse, but a counselor or therapist can make the process easier.
   • Find a therapist who specializes in child or adult violence. During therapy, you will share about your experiences as you become more comfortable with the therapist. They will ask questions and provide perspective to guide your therapy sessions.
   • If you are a child, keep in mind that most schools offer free and confidential counseling. Go to the school counselor and say, “I have some problems at home. My dad didn't beat me up, but he used to call me bad names and put me down in front of other people in the house. Can you help me? ”.
   • If you are an adult, pay attention to what your health insurance covers.
   • Many therapists accept cash out on your own with rates based on the available scale.
   advertisement

Part 2 of 4: Keep your distance

1. 

   Refuses to be present when verbally abused. Don't hang around when they start to abuse you. You are under no obligation to stay, call, visit or expose yourself to situations of violence of any kind. Don't let your parent make you feel a responsibility to endure this abuse. You need to set boundaries and stick to them.
   • Stop visiting or calling if they are abusive.
   • If you live with them, retreat to your room or go to a friend's house if they yell or insult you.
   • Set a limit if you have to stay in touch. Say, "I'll call once a week, but I'll hang up right away if my parents offended me."
   • Remember that you don't have to get involved in a fight if you don't want to. You do not need to respond to what they say or try to defend yourself in any way.

2. 

   Try to be financially independent. Don't live with your parents when they emotionally abused you, and don't give them the right to oppress you. Abusers often maintain control by creating dependence. Make your own money, make your own friends and live independently. Don't depend on your parents for anything.
   • Go to school if you can. You can research to apply for a loan to go to school without your parents. This usually requires you to provide a certificate from a psychologist confirming that the parent has abused you.
   • Move away as soon as you can have financial autonomy.
   • If you don't have the financial means to finish college and have to live with or depend on your parents, make sure you take care of yourself and set boundaries.

3. 

   Consider resignation. You may feel compelled to be filial to your parents. However, if you have been abused by your parents, your emotional exiles can be extremely stressful, especially if the violence has not ended. Consider turning away from your parents if the relationship is more painful than it is loving.
   • You are under no obligation to take care of people who have been abusive and are abusive.
   • If people don't understand your reasons for being from your parents, there's no obligation to explain them to them either.
   • “Closing to the past” is sometimes not possible when talking to parents. If you don't want to get in touch with them but are afraid of losing your chance to make up, ask yourself: have they shown they are willing to listen? Have they noticed their feelings yet? If not, it is best not to contact them.
   • If you do decide to take care of your parents to some extent, focus on discussing it only. If they begin to verbally insult or abuse you, walk away immediately to make it clear that you are not accepting that kind of behavior.

4. 

   Protect your children. Don't let them go through the same thing you used to be. If your parents scold or say harsh words to your child, intervene immediately. Either end the conversation, or stop visiting them.
   • You can end the conversation by saying, “We don't talk to Mai that way. If you don't feel good with your way of eating, tell me ”. Although most conversations between adults should take place in private, babies need to see how you protect them in the event of violence.
   • Your babies will have a happier childhood if they are not emotionally abused by their grandparents.
   advertisement

Part 3 of 4: Take care of yourself

1. 

   Avoid factors that are provocative to the abuser. You may have noticed what 'provocative factors' (words or actions) can make your parents angry. If you already know, it may be easier to avoid them or avoid your parents.You can chat with your friends or take notes to identify any provocative factors for your parents.
   • For example, if your mom always scolds you every time she drinks alcohol, go out of the house as soon as she sees her pouring wine.
   • If your father looks down on your achievements, don't tell him about your successes. Instead, talk to people who support you.

2. 

   Find safe places in your home. Look for places (like your bedroom) to provide safe shelter. Find another place to hang out, work, and spend time, like the library or a friend's house. Not only will you get the support of your friends at this point, but you will also avoid the accusations and scorn of your parents.
   • While it's important to protect yourself from abuse, know that you are not at fault in this. No matter what you say or do, a parent cannot make that excuse to torture you mentally.

3. 

   Make a plan to stay safe. Although this was not physical abuse, that did not mean that the tension would not increase. Make a plan to stay safe in case your parents use force and you find your life in danger.
   • A safe plan includes: having a safe place to go, having someone to seek help, and knowing how to get legal intervention in case it is needed. You can sit with another adult, such as the school counselor, and make a plan together so that you can be prepared in case of a crisis.
   • A safety plan may also include keeping your cell phone fully charged and within reach at all times, and carrying vehicle keys at all times.

4. 

   Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. The ability to have a healthy self-esteem is the best medicine to combat emotional abuse. Unfortunately, people who experience emotional abuse are very pessimistic about themselves, and they always get involved in relationships with a mentally abusive person. To fight underestimating yourself, be with kind people who support you instead of drowning you down.
   • You can also build your self-esteem by participating in activities that you do well. It could be a school sports team or youth team or community. This will both make you feel better and will also make you more out of the house.

5. 

   Set personal boundaries with your parents. You have the right to set boundaries in relationships. If you feel safe, sit down with your parents and tell them what behavior you accept or disapprove of.
   • When explaining those boundaries, decide what the consequences will be if a parent ignores them. Certain types of abusers may not respect your personal boundaries. If this happens, don't feel guilty about following up with your warning. It is important that you do exactly what you warned of, as this kind of blackmail will only lower your credibility to the abuser.
   • For example, you could say, “Mom, if you come home drunk and bully again, I'll stay with your grandmother. I really want to be with you, but her behavior scared me ”.

6. 

   Learn stress management skills. Emotional abuse inevitably causes a lot of stress, and it can sometimes have long-term consequences like post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. You need to prepare yourself skills to manage stress with positive activities.
   • Healthy stress management habits like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help you feel calmer and more focused each day. If you experience worse symptoms of stress, seeing a therapist can be a good way to manage stress and other emotions.

7. 

   Recognize and focus on good qualities. No matter how badly your parents talk about you, you are still a valuable person with good qualities. Don't listen to their scorn and disparage. You may have to ponder this for a while, but it's important to build your self-esteem and self-love - especially if you don't receive love from your parents.
   • Think what you like about yourself - are you a good listener? Are you generous? Clever? Focus on what you enjoy about yourself, and remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and care.
   • Make sure you engage in activities that you enjoy and are able to do well to boost your self-esteem and confidence.
   advertisement

Part 4 of 4: Identifying emotional abuse

1. 

   Understand the risk factors for abuse. Emotional abuse can happen in any home. However, there are a number of factors that increase the risk of physical or emotional abuse against a child. Children of people who abuse alcohol or drugs, have an untreated psychological condition such as bipolar disorder or depression, have experienced violence as a child, are at a higher risk of becoming victimized by violence.
   • Many abusive parents never realize that their actions have caused harm to their children. They may not know any better parenting, or they may not realize that venting their anger on their children is violent.
   • Even if a parent has good intentions, they can still be abusive.

2. 

   Recognize when you have been embarrassed or looked down upon by a parent. The abuser may say it is a joke, but this kind of violence is not a joke. If your parents frequently make fun of you, put you down in front of others, or ignore your ideas and concerns, you are actually experiencing emotional abuse.
   • For example, if your father says, "You're a shit. I swear you didn't do anything ", this is verbal abuse.
   • Parents can do this when no one is around or when someone else is around, making you feel bad about yourself.

3. 

   Determine whether you often feel controlled by your parent. If a parent tries to control every little thing you do, gets angry when you make your own decisions, or despises your abilities and will, their behavior is a sign of abuse.
   • These abusers often treat victims as though they are inferior, unable to make good choices or taking responsibility for themselves.
   • Your parents may be able to find a way to make a decision for you. For example, your mother might go to school and ask her career counselor about a college you don't want to apply to.
   • Parents may feel certain they are just "raising" you, but this is violence.

4. 

   Ask yourself if you are often blamed or blamed for doing wrong. Some people set unbelievably high expectations of their victims but never admit mistakes when they make mistakes.
   • These abusers may find a way to blame you for everything, even things that the knowledgeable person will never criticize. They may say that you are the cause of their problems, so they can avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their feelings. They will also hold you accountable for their feelings.
   • For example, if your mother blamed you for being born that she had to quit singing, she is blaming you for something you are not at fault.
   • If a parent says their marriage has been broken “with the kids,” then they are crushing you for their poor ability to organize a life.
   • Blaming others for things they didn't do is abuse.

5. 

   Notice how often you are punished for being silent. Parents who shun their children and fail to respond to their needs emotionally close to their needs are also considered child abuse.
   • Do your parents ignore you when you do something that annoys them? Do they show little interest in your activities and feelings, or deliberately blame you for the distance?
   • Love is not something you have to fight for. This is violence.

6. 

   Think about whether your parents care about what's best for you. Some parents, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, may just consider you as their jewelry.These people don't want the best for you, even if they believe they care about your children.
   • Some of the signs of this parenting include: disrespecting your boundaries, deliberately manipulating you to do what is supposed to be the "best", and feeling upset when you don't follow the their harsh standards.
   • They also often feel uncomfortable when you attract attention, and they will try to keep things focused on them.
   • For example, a single parent might say, “Well, you need to go out with your friends and you have to sit alone at home. I always neglect my mother ”. This is a form of violence.

7. 

   Recognize normal parenting behavior. Children and teenagers make mistakes sometimes; it is human nature and is a part of growth. At times when you need guidance, support or discipline, parents are required to intervene. It is important that you differentiate discipline from abuse.
   • In general, you can differentiate between parenting violence and discipline based on the level of anger they show. Often your parents will get angry or upset when you break the rule.
   • However, if anger is the dominant behavior or punishment, your parents will be more likely to become violent towards you. Violence includes words or actions that are done in a rough, willful, and intentional way, causing injury.
   • Even though you may not like harsh discipline, understand that your parents impose principles and give warnings to protect you, directing you to positive growth.
   • You can look at your friends who have good relationships with their parents. What are the characteristics of those relationships? What kinds of support and discipline do their parents offer?
   advertisement