Content

• Steps

Calming an angry person requires a lot of patience. When someone is feeling “boiling blood”, hearing the saying “calm down” can make the situation worse. Becoming a good listener and creating a distraction can be helpful. However, when an opponent's anger can easily explode or become unpredictable, stay away from the person instead of trying to use reasoning with them. If the angry person doesn't accept your apology, it's probably best to give them some space and leave.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Stay calm

1. 

   Avoid controversy. When someone's mood is boiling, if you are equally angry then the problem will get worse. Focus on maintaining your calm, otherwise you may get caught up in an argument. This doesn't mean you need to act completely emotionless, but try to avoid letting your emotions rise.
   • One way to stay calm is to let go of your ego and not take things personally. Responding to an angry person by defending yourself or your reputation is natural, but it's important to remember that you won't be able to reason with the angry person when they aren't. calm down.

2. 

   
   
   Try not to put yourself on the defensive. When someone is so angry that they can hardly speak in a normal tone, it can be easy to get caught up in the negativity and feeling defensive. When dealing with someone who is angry, understand that their anger is not about you. Separate the person's feelings from yours so that you can help the person without feeling that their anger is affecting you.

3. 

   
   
   Live in the present. Angry people will often bring up past situations or conversations, especially if they are trying to draw you into their anger. Try to counteract this by maintaining their focus on the immediate situation and solving the current problem. Don't let yourself feel angry at past events.
   • If the conversation seems to be moving towards a past event, you could say something like “We can talk about it later. I think now, we should focus on what is upsetting you and find a solution to this problem. Let's solve one by one ”.

4. 

   
   
   Keep calm and quiet. If someone is yelling or venting out of anger, you can allow them to speak out in anger, but it's best to stay calm and quiet or not say anything. If you want to speak, use a gentle tone. If you keep quiet, try to keep a calm face and open body language. You will feel more in control if you do not react to the "bait" of the screaming person.
   • Allowing others to vent and become the victim of scolding are two completely different things. If the person is yelling at you, calling you with bad fairies, or venting anger on you, make a statement like this: “I know you are upset and I want to help you. But please don't take your anger out on me ”.
   advertisement

Part 2 of 4: Lowering the person's anger

1. 

   Sorry if you're wrong. If you've done something to make the other person angry, maybe what they need is an apology from the bottom of your heart. Apology is not a sign of weakness. It shows that you care about the other person's feelings. Look back over the situation to find out if you did something wrong, and if so, apologize. Sometimes, this is all the person needs to lessen his anger about what happened.
   • However, if you don't feel that you were wrong, you don't need to apologize just to calm the person down.
   • An effective apology could be “I'm so sorry to use my retirement savings in a vacation home in Hawaii. I don't know what I was thinking. I understand why you are angry. Let's work together to find a solution to the problem ”.

2. 

   Don't ask the other person to "calm down". The angry person is influenced by emotions and often doesn't use the brain part of rational thinking. Trying to explain to them or asking them to "stay calm" or "be more reasonable" will just be adding fuel to the fire and making the person feel like they have no value.

3. 

   Use appropriate listening techniques. When someone is in a state of “emotional surge,” they want others to understand this. Listen to the person sincerely. Make eye contact, nod at the right time, and ask questions to learn more. Talking and feeling listened to will help the person calm down.
   • Of course, sometimes angry people will not want to be questioned, and they may feel so angry that they do not believe that other people really understand their feelings. All you can do is do your best; If the person is not ready to confess, don't force him or her.

4. 

   Acknowledge the person's feelings. Anyone will feel angry at some point. Occasionally, anger is actually just a mask so that they can hide other emotions, such as pain, shame, or sadness. Regardless of the cause of your anger, listen to them and respond by acknowledging their feelings (without necessarily agreeing to them). Don't judge the person either, as this can be perceived as lacking support through words or body language.
   • An example of acknowledging another person's feelings is saying something like "must be difficult" or "I understand why you feel angry".
   • Sentences that aren't particularly helpful include "Forget it," or "I've encountered the same thing and I got over it."

5. 

   Show sympathy. Empathy can be in the form of understanding the other person's point of view, feeling grieved by the person's situation, and being able to relate to the person's feelings. Showing sympathy for the angry person shows that you are listening to them and understanding what they are saying.
   • In order to empathize with someone who is angry, try to explain the source of their anger. You might say, "So, you're angry because you think you have to do all the housework alone, right?"
   • You tend to say, "I know how you're feeling," but be aware that this can sometimes increase anger for the person. They often believe that no one can truly understand their feelings.

6. 

   Soothe the situation with humor. You may have to review the situation or know the person quite well to determine if this treatment is working. Humor can effectively fight anger because it changes the chemical processes in the body. Telling a joke or mentioning something funny in a situation and making both of you laugh can ease the situation and potentially make the person calm down.

7. 

   Give the person some space. Some people like to talk, others like to be able to process their emotions alone. If talking about something is only making the person more angry, give them space and time. Most people will usually take at least 20 minutes to calm down, but for others it takes longer.
   • If you think someone needs time alone, you could say, “I know you're upset, but I don't seem to make you happier. I think you need some time to be alone. I'm always by your side if you want to talk. "
   advertisement

Part 3 of 4: Finding a solution

1. 

   Find out if you can make things better. If the source of your anger is related to a solvable problem, you may be able to help that person. If they are calm enough to listen to reason, provide solutions and help them create a plan that can improve the situation.
   • In many cases, you will not be able to reason with the angry person in this way. Evaluate the situation and determine whether you should wait until the person is calm enough to listen to the positive reasoning.

2. 

   Focus on the future. It is important to focus on the present while dealing with anger, but you should also try to divert the person's focus and the future in finding solutions. This may help the person think more rationally and focus on the improved outcome of the situation instead of continuing to dwell in the anger of the past or present.

3. 

   Help the person accept that they may not find a solution. You don't always find a solution to someone's anger problem. In this case, it's important to emphasize to the person that they need to overcome their feelings and move on. advertisement

Part 4 of 4: Knowing when to withdraw

1. 

   Detach yourself from the situation if you can't stay calm. If the person is trying to provoke you or draw you into anger, get out of the situation if you can. When you are angry, you will only make the situation worse, so withdrawing when you feel angry can help you prevent further anger or controversy.

2. 

   Recognize the signs of violence. Anger and violence are completely different. Anger is a common human emotion and needs to be addressed. Violence is an unhealthy interaction and can be dangerous to others. The following are signs of abuse, not anger:
   • Physical threats (whether or not they actually caused the violent act)
   • Makes you feel guilty
   • Curse or despise you
   • Sexual control or coercion

3. 

   Get to safety if things are getting violent. If you are dealing with someone who has anger management problems and you are concerned for your safety, get out of the situation immediately and find a safe place. Domestic violence is an ongoing cycle, and if it happened once, it would happen again. It is important that you keep physically and mentally safe for yourself and your family. In Vietnam, the domestic violence hotline is 18001567. Here's an indication that a situation could turn violent:
   • You feel scared when you make the person angry
   • The person makes fun of you, criticizes you, or humiliates you
   • The person has a violent and unpredictable attitude
   • The person blames that you were the cause of the violent behavior
   • That person threatens to harm you
   advertisement