Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Say goodbye
• Part 2 of 2: Taking care of yourself
• Tips
• Warnings

Losing your spouse or partner is one of the most painful experiences you can have in your life. You may feel totally numb or in shock; the world around you may cease to exist. Losing someone you loved will turn your whole life upside down, especially if that loved one was your best friend at the same time. You may feel lost and not know how to proceed and you may have difficulty making the smallest decisions. Remember that just as a wound heals over time, emotional pain will eventually pass. That's not to say you won't be left with scars, but you can absolutely learn to live with it. Many people go through great losses, and over time they still find a way to live rich, filled, and meaningful lives - and so can you.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Say goodbye

1. Understand that you will likely go through different stages. Not everyone goes through all of these stages and not everyone experiences them in the same order, but chances are that you will experience some combination of denial, anger, resentment, longing, suffering, sadness and, finally, acceptance. In addition to the fact that you may not go through the stages exactly in the order above, you may also go through a number of stages several times during the grieving process.
   • Allow yourself to feel sadness and give yourself the time and opportunity to consciously move through these stages. Don't try to hide your emotions.
2. Comply with any request that your partner explicitly made to you before he or she died. If your spouse has passed away suddenly and made no last wishes, try to think of ways to honor the memory of your deceased partner. That way, you may be calmer inside and it clears away any mental obstacles in your new life. You can make this a recurring habit, or you can choose to pay your partner a one-time tribute and then do the best you can to move on. To honor your partner or spouse, you can, for example:
   • Light a candle in his or her honor.
   • Take flowers to his or her grave and talk to your partner. Tell your deceased partner what's on your mind.
   • Do something you always loved to do together, try to remember what was so great about your spouse.
3. Be aware that it will take some time for you to feel somewhat normal again. Your pain will not disappear spontaneously and will not heal on its own. Be patient with yourself during the different stages of the grieving process. Grief is a journey that takes as long as it takes you to reconcile yourself with everything to do with death, the person you loved, yourself, and the good and bad sides of your relationship.
4. Know the difference between grief and depression. Sadness and depression can be very similar, but they are quite different at the same time. It is important to know the difference so that if your grief turns into depression, you can consult a therapist.
   • When you are sad, you are likely to experience: Sadness, despair, grief, fatigue, loss of appetite, poor sleep, difficulty concentrating, beautiful and sad memories, and / or vague feelings of guilt.
   • If you are depressed you may show symptoms of sadness, but also the following, for example: feelings of worthlessness or emptiness, helplessness, extreme guilt, suicidal thoughts, decreased interest in things you first liked, extreme tiredness and / or weight loss .
   • Pay close attention to how you feel about fond memories of your partner. Do happy memories of your partner give you something of joy or comfort? Or do you just have feelings of emptiness and loss that even sweet memories cannot relieve? If the latter is the case, it may be a sign that you are depressed.
5. Ignore the people who say that you are not grieving properly. The loss of your partner is something between you and your partner. There is no right or wrong answer to the question of exactly how long you need before you can get on with your life.
   • If someone tells you that you are not grieving the right way, thank them for the compassion but say that everyone is grieving in their own way.
   • You may find someone who thinks that you are either healing "too quickly" or that it is taking you "too long" and have become stuck in your grief. If that happens, at least remember that this person is likely to have good intentions and would like to see you happy and healthy again, but that you are the one who has to decide if you are ready to move on.
6. Be aware that you have choices. During a period of time you will have to cry and go through the suffering to get to the other side. There will come a time when you will be ready to actively participate in the grieving process to work on your healing and start a new life. Although you had no choice when it comes to losing your partner, you can choose how you react to the situation and how you want to try to move on with your life.
   • It is true that with the loss of your spouse you have undergone a drastic change. It is better not to make other drastic changes while you are still working through your loss.
7. Don't be afraid of forgetting your partner. You loved him or her enough to be with this person to the end. You will always remember him or her. Take comfort in the fact that the memories of your partner will always remain in your mind and that you will always be able to recall them whenever you want. Allow yourself to be busy with your life; you can do that well on your journey to emotional healing.
   • Don't think that if you get busy you might forget your partner or that it would be a lack of respect for him or her. Life needs your hard work and attention. It is normal to be busy with life and it is not a sign that you are forgetting him or her.

Part 2 of 2: Taking care of yourself

1. Get a pet. Research shows that a pet is associated with a greater sense of well-being and less loneliness. People with a pet also appear to be less concerned with their own thoughts than people without a pet. If you don't have the energy to pay close attention to a pet, consider getting a cat. You have good company with a cat. Cats are clean and you don't have to walk them. In addition, they are affectionate and give you love. With a cat, you have someone to care for and love. A cat will greet you when you get home and lie on your lap while you watch the television. If you're not a cat person, get a dog, or any other pet, as long as it makes you happy and gives you a sense of well-being and inner worth.
   • Understand that the pet will not take the place of your loved one, and it is not meant to be, but animals can put a smile on your face and can lend you a listening ear if you feel like going on a long, lonely day to talk to someone.
2. Volunteer when you are ready or have enough energy. Spend your time volunteering for a cause or project that motivates you. Helping other people can have a very positive effect on us. In fact, studies have shown that helping others make us happier.
   • Take it easy; start with an hour a week and see how it makes you feel. You can then expand it further as soon as you are ready.
3. Prepare for the things that bring you sadness. When certain important events such as your partner's birthday or certain holidays come along, you may experience extra strong feelings of sadness. Also, be prepared to let certain places, smells, or sounds related to your spouse trigger sadness in you. On the one hand, this is normal, but there are things you can do to ease the emotional pain you are going through.
   • For example, if you and your partner always went shopping together at a particular store, consider getting your groceries elsewhere to avoid being overcome by grief over and over again.
   • Or maybe emotional pain overwhelms you every time you drive past your partner's favorite ice cream parlor. You could be ahead of this by choosing an alternative route to get to your destination. If you cannot take another route, you can schedule some time during the day to give yourself the opportunity to experience the painful feelings that arise in response to this trigger. For example, you can leave home a few minutes earlier than usual so that you can let your grief run free in your car.
   • You may not know what things trigger the sadness in you until you experience them. Once you experience something that provokes sadness in you, write it down so that you can make a plan for dealing appropriately when you encounter this factor again in the future.
4. Make sure you stay physically healthy. Sadness can attack your body. To counteract this effect and avoid going into depression, make sure you get enough exercise, eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, take prescription medications and get plenty of sleep each night so that you rested and rested the next day. feel alert.
   • Try to do aerobic exercise for half an hour daily.
   • Try to eat a balanced diet that includes lean meats, nuts, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Try not to eat too much fat and sugar.
   • While how much water you should drink per day depends on a wide variety of factors, try to drink eight glasses of water per day. This is not a magical number, so don't panic if you drink a little less.
   • Try to sleep about seven to eight hours every night. Adjust the number of hours according to your needs so that you feel rested the next morning.
5. Avoid using alcohol or other drugs to deal with the situation. It may be tempting, but if you drink or use other drugs in an attempt to get over your grief, chances are you will only get trimester and more tense. This is because, and this is certainly true with alcohol (but certainly also with many other drugs), the effects of alcohol can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.
   • Be especially careful with alcohol abuse if you are male, as men have been shown to be more likely to drink to cope with loss than women.
6. Become active in your community. A good way to overcome loss is to get closer to other people. One way to get more involved in your community is to become an active part of it. In fact, studies have shown that helping others reduce stress and make you feel more socially connected.
   • Look for flyers or posters in your area, ask your neighbors for ideas, or search the internet for future events you could participate in.
7. Make an appointment with a therapist or counselor. If possible, find someone who specializes in bereavement assistance. Sometimes experienced counselors or therapists can help you get over your grief and process the emotions you are dealing with.
   • To find a psychologist in your area, go to [http: // www.zorgkaartnederland.nl/psycholoog/ this website].
8. Consider joining a self-help group. You may find comfort in talking to others who have also experienced a loss. Perhaps these people can teach you to view the situation in a way that they have only obtained from a personal experience of loss.
   • You can search the Internet for self-help groups, ask if your grief counselor or therapist knows one, or you can check a local newspaper.
9. Do the things you've always dreamed of. When enough time has passed and you have begun the next phase in your life, allow yourself the chance for a big change so that you allow yourself to become more enthusiastic about life again. Now is the time to do it! You can become anything you want. For example, become an artist or pilot, or go scuba diving. Take a hot air balloon ride.
   • First of all, do everything you can to be happy and give meaning to your life again. Your dreams can become reality and can help fill the void in your life. You will meet new people and find that even when you are alone, life can still be satisfying and interesting.

Tips

• Know that you are not alone.
• Consider making an appointment with a grief counselor or therapist, or joining a self-help group.
• If you have suicidal thoughts, remember that there are better alternatives. Talk about the pain you are currently going through that makes you believe that suicide is the only way to ease that pain. Be willing to talk about that pain for a few minutes.
• When you are no longer part of a couple, your married friends will distance themselves a little more. It's sad, but sometimes it just happens. Open yourself up to making new friendships.
• Use the needs of your younger family members, children, or grandchildren to help you focus more easily on what really matters in life and to help you create a new plan to get back to active living.
• Move keepsakes and photos so that you don't come face to face with memories every time you enter your home. Buy new things that will brighten up your house and gradually make it your own.
• Make a poster with positive quotes from funeral books and hang it in a visible place.
• Your friends and family will do their best to have as little as possible about your spouse because they don't want you to be sad. You can tell them that you are sad all the time, but if everyone pretends that they have never been there, you will get angry as well as sad.

Warnings

• Suicide is no solution. If you have suicidal thoughts, call an emergency number, a friend, or make an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible! The crisis number of the Online Suicide Prevention Foundation is 0900 0113.