Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Clear your own head
• Part 2 of 3: Breaking up to really end it
• Part 3 of 3: Staying apart
• Tips
• Warnings

Sometimes your girlfriend or boyfriend just doesn't understand it's over. You tell him or her over and over, but he or she pretends to let your emotions speak. It can be very annoying and even painful that you keep noticing that the other person does not accept it. You don't want to hurt him or her, but in the end you run the risk of exploding and saying cruel things out of desperation. Here are some ways to be determined to make it very clear that the relationship is definitely over.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Clear your own head

1. Ask for space to process your anger and to be sure of your decision. You are likely to be angry or hurt, which leads you to want to distance yourself from this person you loved or still love but don't want to stick with. It's a contradiction. If you are angry and still forced to stay near this person, it could lead to an explosion. It can also lead to criticism and arguments that suck out whatever is good from a relationship.
   • Tell him or her that you don't feel happy in the relationship and that you need some space to think and get rid of anger. A firm tone may be necessary to convey this question, but do it and expect the other person to respect you enough to give you time to think.
   • Don't take a week to think and then do something with that person the next day. Take your distance completely. Do not call or send texts or answer them. Don't see him or her, or if you can't avoid that, don't give them too much time. Let this time only revolve around you, even if you miss the other.
   • If you miss him or her too much, try to put it in perspective. List the pros and cons. List what you want in a relationship. List what you like about this person and what you don't like. Talk to your friends, go out, and don't change your Facebook status until you're sure.
2. Evaluate what's not working in the relationship. This will help you to be very determined when you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend it's over. It guarantees that you won't give in to begging to give it another chance. And most importantly, it helps you come across as if you mean what you say the relationship is over.Consider the following:
   • Have you asked for changes in behavior that hurt or upset you? Just to find out that nothing happened? Have you offered a reasonable course of action for him or her to take but it was not even attempted? In such cases, someone has shown no respect for you and no intention to behave properly.
   • Do you feel like your boundaries are always being crossed? Do you feel bitter all the time because it feels like you are the one who gives up or gives in to everything in order to keep the peace? That is not a relationship, that is taking advantage of you.
   • Do you feel suffocated or choked because this person is always hanging on, hanging around you, controlling or acting like you can't be trusted? Do you feel like you can't spend time with friends or other people for fear that your boyfriend or girlfriend will get angry? Can you be alone, all alone, without him or her disturbing you? People who stick, are jealous or don't trust you are not good relationship material. Until they deal with their own problems with confidence, they will make any relationship feel stifling.
   • Are you considering whether you are being benefited? Did your partner say he would change and then refused to do so? In this case, you will probably notice that it becomes a repeated pattern, taking advantage of you all the time.
   • Do you take care of yourself, your own needs? Or is it all about him or her all the time? Do you change yourself to suit the other person's needs and preferences? If so, it is not healthy for you and you will not fully grow into the person you really are.
3. Consider whether or not you want to give a second chance. This depends on why you want to break up. If you've already given this person plenty of opportunities to change, skip this step. On the other hand, if you feel like you need to do this to feel good for doing everything you can, you might want to give it another try. You once agreed to be with this person and so you probably once made wise decisions. Trust that judgment and respect the person you chose with it. Give him or her a second chance if you haven't already. It is possible that when you asked for time to think, he / she was also thinking. And maybe he or she was thinking of admitting mistakes or even changing his or her behavior. If you don't have an overriding reason for breaking up, try again. Respect your original choice and give the other one another chance to meet your requirements.

Part 2 of 3: Breaking up to really end it

1. Make sure you have worked on your anger as described in the previous section. When you are angry, it can be difficult to break up the relationship firmly but gently and you don't want emotions to predominate when you break up because that makes you prone to being convinced not to. After taking some room, you can wait to forgive the other. Try to understand things from his or her perspective. Think about how much you love or have loved him or her. Remember that this will hurt the other person too, maybe more than you.
   • That said, don't change your mind because of guilt. If you want to break up, when you see that it is no longer working, don't let the guilt you hurt the other person hurt you harder. You have to take care of yourself first.
2. Talk to your partner about how it could have come this far. Refer to the problems, not the personality. Tell him or her the reasons why the relationship is not working according to you. If you still love her, say so. Just reduces the pain, but be honest. You're breaking up, so you don't have to shut up. Tell the other person the truth about why you were unhappy. She may learn from the experience and change for subsequent relationships.
3. Fix the fracture firmly. It is necessary to get the message clear so that he or she knows it is over. Do it carefully, preferably immediately after the conversation, but be determined. Let the other know that there are no more opportunities and that it is done. What you say should show how much you have thought about things. This is not a sudden hunch, you have thought about it deeply and this helps your partner realize that you are not going back to it. For instance:
   • "I've been thinking a long time about the possibility that we can stay together and I just don't see us together in the future. I don't see that we have the same interests, I don't see us on the same path. I really thought hard about this because I do. about you, but I just don't think we're a good enough match to stay together. "
4. Be prepared for the possible responses to your firm message about the breakup. Things you may encounter include:
   • He or she cries a lot. This is difficult and cuddling is allowed, but nothing more intimate. Don't give in –– tears release and are a good outlet, so this is good for the other person although it may seem awful at the time. Reassure him or her that it will be okay, because it will.
   • He or she may get angry and yell and swear. Stay calm and focused on why this is over. Say things like "I'm sorry you're so upset. I know this isn't easy, but it's over," or "I can understand why you're angry, but anger doesn't destroy what is already." In some cases, it's best to say nothing more than "Let's discuss this if you feel less upset. We can't make a decision if you feel that way."
   • He or she may be relieved. This may surprise you, but a lot of people know when the breakup is coming, they've felt it, they know it's coming, especially if you've already asked for a break to think. And at that time, they may have come to the conclusion that it is not worth pushing through, but they did not want to be the one to initiate the break. Don't react as if you are disappointed by the other person's relief –– this is a good solution for both of you!
5. Repeat your reasons for the break if necessary. Maybe that person needs to hear it again, through the tears, shock, or anger. That is allowed, it reinforces the message and leaves less room for errors. Just stay mild and kind, like you would be to any other human you spoke to. There is absolutely no need to be mean or angry and every reason to be kind and compassionate; this is a painful thing to happen, but that does not alter the fact that it is a necessary thing.
   • Your partner may keep saying "I just don't understand why you're doing this to me" all the time. At this point you can gently let him or her know that you are not doing this to hurt him or her, that is the point where you realize that you cannot be in a relationship that is not good for you feels that it's about feeling that you don't fit together. Help them understand that this is not an act against them personally, that they are still a great person who deserves a relationship with someone who is just right for them.

Part 3 of 3: Staying apart

1. Get on with your life. Here comes the hardest part. Do not stay in touch with your partner about anything other than items to be picked up or returned. Do not contact us via online sites, the phone or email. Here are some more points to consider:
   • If the other person keeps sending you texts, messages, notes, whatever, do not answer. That only gives a tenacious person the hope that there is an opportunity to get back together.
   • If the other person uses friends, family, and anyone else to reach you, firmly tell those people that you still care about that person's well-being, but that the intimate relationship is definitely over and that you would appreciate it that those other people were not trying to resolve things in your personal life and choices.
   • When children are involved, you are only communicating about the children's needs. Continue to see or be seen with your children without getting into discussions about your past love life with your partner. Don't use your children as messengers and don't let your partner do that either.
2. Be nice to your former partner. Send his or her things or have the other person pick them up without being mean about it. You once loved this person; there is no need to smash his or her record collection or tear up all of his or her photos in a furious mood. If the relationship was violent, unkind, or unfaithful, throw away any keepsake or footage quickly and quietly without fuss (a calm ritual is allowed) –– remember this is also about your karma and although voodoo and your ex's things might burn you making it feel great at that moment, this feeds the anger. Let go to become happy and treat your former partner as a fellow human being who can now live their life without you. Best of all, if you don't break the stuff, bank account, or anything else he or she values, there's even less reason to bother you or worse, sue you, all of which are more ways are to keep in touch. Yes, you may be surprised to find out that taking a lawsuit against people is a really good way to keep communicating, even if in an angry way. Let go to be let go.
3. Let others intervene for you if your ex doesn't stop calling or approaching you. It can be helpful to have friends, family, and others tell this person that you are really not going to respond and that you really meant it when the breakup occurred. Sometimes it takes a third person to indicate that the relationship has really ended. It may seem insensitive, but realize that you've done your best to end things with this person.
4. Realize that you may feel tired and shocked for a while. Even when you've thought things through, it's a big change in your life to be out of a couple and it can take some time to get used to. Allow yourself to grieve. It's over, but the memories are still a part of who you were at that point in your life. You may cry, perform a calm (not angry) ritual to let go and feel pain. This is all normal. Release. You are now free.

Tips

• Stick to the rule of no phone calls, no text messages, no contact if the other person harasses you after confirming the breach. Don't let yourself be pulled back.
• Start dating again when you know the luggage is left where it belongs. Until then, keep working on the problems that hurt and haunt you so that you don't repeat the cycle and plunge yourself into the same kind of relationship, one that leads to the same outcome. If you give yourself time, don't date in the rebound, and let friendships blossom, you'll know when the time is right to start dating again. Until then, you enjoy your freedom as an opportunity to grow, become more mature and wiser. Rediscover that person you were becoming before that past relationship took over and changed you.

Warnings

• If you are concerned that your partner will become violent during or after the breakup, seek help. Break it up in a public place and call the police if you are threatened at any time.