Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the grief
• Part 2 of 3: This is how you get a healthy state of mind
• Part 3 of 3: Feeling better than ever
• Tips
• Warnings

We've all been there before; when a relationship ends, the emotions remain overwhelming for a long time. Being strong is difficult at first, and you also need to allow yourself to grieve. But after a while you will notice that the pain is getting less and you will feel better and stronger than ever.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the grief

1. Let it go. Don't pretend everything is okay. Punch a pillow, cry on a night out, do whatever it takes to throw it out. Talk to yourself and listen to how you feel. This is the moment of emotions and you should not stop it. If it is out now as much as possible, less will be taken out later.
   • This is easier with the support of a friend or family member you trust. Find someone to cry to and let yourself go. They have probably cried to you before; now is the time to turn the tables.
2. Don't try to see or talk to your ex. It probably didn't go out for nothing. Do not call or text him / her, pretend nothing is wrong, or try to persuade him / her to love you again. That will only make you weak and affectionate, and you will not get rid of your grief.
   • Also, don't chase him / her on the internet. You will then only focus on the photos where he / she is doing fun things and is happy; you keep looking for clues or reminders that will not make you feel happier. If you have to, block them on social media so you don't get tempted.
   • Fill the void with someone else. If you tend to send your ex that funny video that your coworker showed you, send it to someone else, like your best friend. This is less problematic by looking for a replacement.
3. Stay friendly. It is very easy to puncture his / her tires, scratch a car or pelt the house with eggs. You can start spreading gossip about your ex; but does not. It is of no use to you, nor does it ensure that others will be on your side.
   • Often one of the two is stronger after a divorce; the person who is above it and behaves mature and dignified. Make sure you are that person by keeping your cool, keeping your distance, and being nice.
   • When you run into him / her, be polite. Don't be overly friendly or contact. At this point you are vague acquaintances until the wounds have healed. If he / she wants to talk or meet with you, say you're busy. You decide when you want to talk.
4. Don't change your appearance. After a relationship has ended, many people want a different haircut or tattoo. That gives the feeling that you have changed your identity and that you are a whole new person; a person who has nothing to do with the failed relationship. It can feel refreshing until you feel like you've made a mistake. Resist the urge, because most of the time you will only regret it.
   • Moreover, everyone knows why you suddenly undergo these changes. It looks like you want to prove you have a new identity. Do not bother; it will all pass and soon you will be glad you didn't get that tattoo.
5. Surround yourself with good friends. It is of no use to bottle up your feelings. Talk to a friend (in) and out of your gut. Let him or her comfort you and spit your bile. You feel better and it only makes your friendship stronger.
   • They also provide distraction. Let them know that you need as much distraction as possible and if they are good friends, your phone will never stop. Count on your friends to help you through this tough time.
   • Your friends can also offer you new perspectives. If you're a little melancholy they can pick you up and remind you that things really weren't as rosy as you make it sound now. They put you back on the ground and ensure that you regain confidence in your processing process at this moment.

Part 2 of 3: This is how you get a healthy state of mind

1. Forgive and forget. After the initial phase of shock and grief has passed, you can let things go and calm down. Ultimately, it is nobody's fault. Most relationships have a start and end date, and so does yours.
   • Think of it this way: this person has no right to claim a place in your heart and mind. When you have forgiven his / her behavior you can start to forget. And that is good. That's how it goes with relationships. You must also have friendships that have been watered down, and then you felt fine. This too will dilute, and then you will be fine.
2. Focus on the positive. Just because he / she decided whether or not you want to go back doesn't mean you are worthless. There are plenty of others who do want you and who would treat you even better than your ex did. Find things that make you laugh and laugh. Surround yourself with friends and people who care about you. Not only will you feel better, but your ex will see how happy you are and may regret dumping you.
   • After all, luck is the breeding ground for success. The happier you are, the more positivity you will cultivate, leading to better and bigger things. If you find yourself negative, try to change it. If you start to think, "I'm so bored and don't have anyone to share my free time with," add, "... so I can do whatever I want and no one will stop me!"
3. Stay busy. Your mind is a funny thing; it turns out that you can control what you think yourself. If you bombard your mind with all kinds of things that worry you, your ex will automatically slip in between. When your life is full of distraction, you start to forget him / her.
   • Register for a new course. Find a new hobby. Call family members you haven't spoken to in months. Get out of. Read that book that has been in the closet for months. Everyone has been putting things off, and there is no better time to tackle it than now.
4. Think forward. Most people get stuck in the past, a few others only look to the future. At this point, you are probably mostly thinking back. Why do you do that? It doesn't change a thing. And it doesn't do the future you any good. What if you looked ahead? This will certainly make you think more positively.
   • Think about everything you could be working on and prepare for it. If you think more ahead, you cannot get stuck in the past, in your grief, but new and better things will happen automatically. You achieve your goals without realizing it.
5. Keep your head up and move on. Don't let a failed relationship bring you down, no matter how nice it seemed. There are still plenty to come and your ex does not know what he / she let go. Remind yourself that you are too good for him / her anyway; if he / she were good enough for you, the relationship wouldn't have ended. Tell yourself that you need someone who treats you well and won't let you down, and that this person just wasn't.
   • And yes, it is best to just keep going. Making an appointment now and then and hoping it will be okay will get you nowhere. It only keeps you from better opportunities and relationships with other interesting people.
   • Once you've gotten on with your life, your ex may want you back. Keep in mind that it is human to want what you cannot get. He / she probably doesn't want the relationship back (and neither do you), but is just looking for something that was missing. When the relationship is restored, that desire will disappear.

Part 3 of 3: Feeling better than ever

1. Treat yourself. Go shopping, go out and take care of yourself. You may feel better buying a new wardrobe to make you look even more attractive. Not only does it boost your confidence, it also increases your self-esteem. Looking good makes you feel good and it reminds you that you deserve someone nice.
   • When you are busy with others you will think, "Hey! Being single is okay. I can make new friends and have more time for myself". This is your chance to flirt and date!
   • Take your time and soak in a nice aromatic bath for an hour. Put your hair, your nails and dress up. When was the last time you put so much time into your appearance?
2. Find out who you really are. In a relationship, we often become the other half rather than a unique version of ourselves. That's also why it is so bad when it goes out. But once you are free you can find yourself again. You can do things that you enjoy without the opinion or opposition of others. It's all about you. Everything. And why not?
   • During the relationship, you will likely have made all kinds of compromises. Now is the time to agree no compromise and just listen to yourself. Have anchovies on your pizza if you like it. Long sleep on weekends if your ex was always an early riser. Wear clothes that your ex didn't like. Hang up the art posters your ex thought ugly. Listen to music your ex hated. All those things are ways to find yourself again, to rebuild your own taste and opinion as an individual rather than as half of a couple.
   • What have you put aside for this relationship? A friendship? A hobby? What time have you given up to be able to spend with that other person? Think back to what you didn't do. Can you still go back to it? Chances are it will.
3. Move. Exercise is always a great way to get rid of your frustrations and pain, in addition to making you look better and happier. You produce endorphins, that substance in your brain that makes you happy. Try to exercise for 30 minutes every day for best results.
   • If your schedule doesn't allow it, think again. Try intensive interval training where you only have to train for 15 minutes at a time. Otherwise, do a little bit in the morning and a little bit in the evening. It doesn't have to be all at once.
   • You can also exert yourself without really noticing, for example by parking a little further away, by washing the car by hand or by taking a short detour when taking the dog for a walk. Yes, even a little wiggling or fidgeting will burn more calories; up to 350 per day.
4. Follow your dreams. What have you always wanted but never did because you had a little sleep? Can you travel? Starting an exciting hobby? Become a completely different person? Now that you are at a crossroads in your life, which path will you choose? Your dreams are in front of you and there is no reason not to follow them.
   • Think of this as your hard-earned freedom. You can go back to school, move, or finally get that baby pussy. You can go to painting class on Friday evenings. You may selfish to be.
5. Give it time. Your heart is now broken, but it won't be anymore. That is completely true. Time heals all wounds and while it may seem difficult now to see that person as a memory, later on he / she becomes a memory you love to remember. People don't automatically fade, so don't be too hard on yourself if it takes a long time. But trust that it will eventually pass.
   • The funny thing is, you don't even really realize it when the time comes. You wake up one day and then you realize you haven't thought about your ex for weeks. It happens slowly and unnoticed. So just when you think nothing is happening, boom. It happened. That's the way it always goes.

Tips

• Create a playlist of songs that inspire you. Include numbers that give you confidence and make you strong. If you feel lost or alone listen to your list.
• Meet up with friends or snuggle up in bed. It helps you deal with it.
• Keeping a journal and writing down the mistakes you made will help improve your next relationship. You learn from life, so make sure you succeed.
• Enjoy life. It's good to go ahead and embrace yourself as an individual. Take the time to meet up with your loved ones: Your family and your best friends.
• Go ahead and cry! Crying is healthy, so make sure you have a good night cry; you cry out all the stress, anger and sadness. When you've let everything go, say you're done crying and move on with life.

Warnings

• It is not good to remain "just friends". Accept that the relationship is over, because if you don't realize that, you will have a hard time moving on with your life. It is time for renewal, so don't hope it turns out well again. Of course there is a small chance that it will be okay again, but make sure you take a long break first. Preferably a year or two. It's not emotionally safe to stay friends if you still have romantic feelings for your ex.
• Make sure that no memories of the relationship are left around. If there are still things in your house or room that remind you of him / her, you will not solve the problem. You have to get rid of it. Throw it away, or put it in a box and put it in the basement or attic.