Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Improving communication
• Part 2 of 3: Working on a solution
• Part 3 of 3: Maintaining a healthy relationship
• Tips

Problems can develop within a relationship for a variety of reasons, but poor communication is often why it is difficult for some people to resolve these problems. If your relationship is in dire straits, you may benefit from better communication with your partner. You can also learn to deal with problems as they arise, to move beyond past disagreements and break new ground. When the weather has cleared up a bit, there are a number of things you can do to make your relationship future-proof.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Improving communication

1. Schedule time to just talk. When the problems start, communication often crumbles and you will find that you and your partner are not talking as much as you are used to. To improve communication again, you can try to schedule fixed times to talk about ordinary, small things.
   • For example, you could agree to sit down for 15 minutes every morning and tell each other about everyone's plans for the day. Or call your partner during his or her lunch break to speak up and see how your partner's day is going.
   • Scheduling time to talk about relationship issues can also be helpful. By setting a fixed time to discuss your problems, you can reduce some of the tension in the relationship and get closer to a solution. For example, you may decide to discuss a specific issue from 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM.
   • Keep these conversations as light as possible and don't discuss anything that might disturb your partner at the time. The goal is to regain understanding for each other. Of course, if your partner is having a bad day or feeling down about something, listen and be positive and encouraging.
2. Discuss issues in a public place. If you and your partner are prone to yelling at each other during discussions, choose a public place to discuss problematic topics. Go to the library, a coffee shop, or the supermarket to discuss the matter. Knowing that you are causing a scene when you are going to yell at each other should help you to speak in hushed tones and have a more civilized conversation.
3. Work on active listening skills. Problems can also arise in a relationship when a partner feels that they are not being heard. To counter this potential problem, you will need to learn to actively listen when your partner is talking to you.
   • Make eye contact with your partner when he or she speaks.Do not look away, at your phone or anywhere else when your partner is talking to you. Give your partner your full attention.
   • Nod in agreement and show your interest with neutral statements such as "yes," "I understand" and "move on."
   • Repeat in your own words what your partner just said to make sure you have understood him or her completely.
4. Stick to "me" comments. "You" comments can cause your partner to take this as an accusation. This can lead to defensive behavior and even arguments. That's why it's important to use the "me" comments to let your partner know what's going on.
   • For example, instead of saying, "You never make your bed in the morning," say something like, "I would really appreciate if you make the bed when you get up later than I do."
5. Express your appreciation for each other. Feeling unappreciated can also cause problems in a relationship. That's why it's so important to say things like "thank you" and "I appreciate you" as often as possible and not forget that.
   • For example, if your partner often does the dishes in the dishwasher after dinner and tidies the kitchen, let him or her know that you appreciate this. Say something like, "I just want to thank you for keeping our kitchen so clean and beautiful. I really appreciate that."
6. Think before you speak. Sometimes a discussion can get heated, and you find yourself saying or wanting to say things that are meant to make your partner feel bad about themselves, rather than solve problems. If you feel the urge to say something hurtful to your partner, take a moment to stop and think about what the problem is and what you could say that will bring you closer to a solution.
   • For example, instead of scolding or otherwise insulting your partner, state what you want the other person to do.
7. Have your partner finish before responding. Interrupting the partner before speaking is also a common cause of problems. If you interrupt your partner often, try to get rid of this habit and let your partner finish before speaking again. This will give your partner the feeling of being heard and it gives you the opportunity to find out what his or her complaint is exactly.
8. Apologize if you went wrong. Sometimes you will have to apologize to move on with your partner. Be honest with yourself and determine if you have done something wrong and if you need to apologize. If you apologize, make sure it is sincere, specific, and expresses what you plan to do to make it right.
   • For example, you could say something like, "I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you I was coming home later. I'll try to be more considerate in the future."

Part 2 of 3: Working on a solution

1. Determine what the problem is. The first step in solving a specific relationship problem is to find out what the problem really is. For example, if you and your partner have been arguing a lot lately, try to find out why. This could be a different reason for each of you as well.
   • For example, you may feel that your partner is not helping around the house as much as he or she should, and your partner may feel that you are being too demanding. Take time to think about what is annoying you and let your partner do the same.
2. Indicate what you want. Once you've identified the problem, make it clear to your partner how you feel. When doing this, be sure to use "I" statements to express your feelings to avoid blaming your partner for the way you feel.
   • For example, you could say something like, "Housekeeping is getting too much for me and I could use a little more help from you." Your partner may then reply, "I also feel like my work schedule is too stressful and feel like you don't really appreciate how hard I work."
3. Acknowledge your partner's feelings. Make it clear that you've heard your partner and that you understand how he or she feels is a good way to take things a step further. Don't get on the defensive, as that will only lead to arguments and exacerbate resentment. Instead, you let your partner know that you are listening and understanding.
   • For example, you could say, "Okay, I understand what you're saying. I didn't know you felt that way."
   • Don't get on the defensive, even if your partner attacks you with an accusation like, "You always nag me and never appreciate how hard I work." Acknowledge your partner's feelings and move on.
4. Make a plan with your partner. Once you've expressed your feelings and recognized each other's feelings, you and your partner need to come up with a plan to reduce disagreements and the amount of time spent arguing. Try to compromise with your partner so that you both feel that your needs are being met.
   • For example, if your partner feels unappreciated, you can promise to acknowledge his or her efforts more often. You can also make it a rule not to ask your partner until he or she has had a chance to relax a bit. Your partner can then promise you that he or she will do certain household chores more consistently.
5. Keep your promises. Once you and your partner come up with a plan to solve your problems, make sure that everyone keeps the promises made. Otherwise, it may not help you in the end.
   • For example, if you promise to empty the trash every night after dinner, make sure you do so. Otherwise, your partner may develop resentment and, in turn, may also fail to keep promises.
6. Be prepared to repeat these steps. For relationships to work, each partner must consistently work on the relationship. Productive, assertive, open, trusting, and respectful communication and problem-solving skills can help solve relationship problems. A relationship is always a work in progress, and new challenges will arise. Work with your partner to maintain a healthy and supportive relationship.

Part 3 of 3: Maintaining a healthy relationship

1. Start with an evening just for the two of you. Reserve one evening a week or at least once a month as an evening just for you and your partner. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, go for a walk or a bike ride, or do what you like to do together. Booking regular special evenings for the two of you can enhance your intimacy as well as help keep things enjoyable.
2. Go away for a weekend together. Getting out for a weekend now and then is a great way to promote intimacy in a relationship. Set aside two weekends a year to break out of the daily routine and have a good time together.
   • You don't have to go far. Go to a nearby town for a few days. Go out for dinner, to the theater, or visit a number of museums together.
3. Hold hands, hug and kiss. Physical contact is critical to maintaining a positive relationship, and it can also help relieve stress. Sex is a great way to maintain a physical bond, but regular physical contact can also do a lot of good.
   • For example, you can hold your partner's hand while watching a movie, give your partner a kiss before you go to work, or give your partner a hug every night before you go to sleep.
4. Give each other space. Spending time without each other is a great way to keep a relationship fresh and healthy. Make sure to nurture your own friendships and interests so that you don't lean too heavily on your partner. It is important to have a life of your own in addition to the one with your partner. Set aside some time each week to enjoy your own interests and spend time with friends.
   • For example, you can plan a night out every week with just your friends, take a course yourself, or join a special interest group.
5. Try new things with your partner. In order to keep growing in your relationship, a new hobby that the two of you are engaged in together, or something completely new to both of you, is a great way to strengthen your bond. Choose something that both of you want to do, but neither of you has tried before.
   • For example, you can take gastronomic cooking classes together, join a hiking club or learn a new language together.
6. Consider relationship counseling. If you are still unable to resolve the relationship issues despite your best efforts, then couples counseling may be the best option. Sometimes communication between them can be so forced and resentment so intense that professional help is needed. Find a therapist who specializes in couples counseling for the best possible help for you and your partner.

Tips

• Try to be patient. Solving relationship problems can be a lengthy process, especially if the problems have been going on for a while.
• Don't forget to stay grown up. Prejudice, yelling at each other and trying to get revenge is not the way to deal with this. This can only cause more problems in the relationship.