Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Feeling comfortable with fantasizing
• Part 2 of 3: Learning to fantasize
• Part 3 of 3: Determining when fantasizing is a problem

Fantasizing is a healthy and normal way to discover your sexuality and imagine things that are not possible in real life. Some people feel guilty when they fantasize. Others are concerned that they are not creative enough to have a rich fantasy life and therefore feel dull or uninteresting. However, everyone is capable of fantasizing and it has been shown that there is no danger in fantasizing about what you and that handsome barista could do if you two had some alone time.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Feeling comfortable with fantasizing

1. Remember that fantasizing about something and actually executing your fantasy are two very different things. Fantasizing about someone who is not your current partner, does that mean you want to cheat? Fantasizing about someone of the same sex as you, does that mean you are homosexual? That is very unlikely. Imagining something is not the same as actually doing it - nor does it mean that you "want to" do this in real life.
   • So don't worry that fantasizing about your boyfriend's girlfriend means betraying your boyfriend. In fact, fantasizing about her can neutralize every bit of love you feel for her.
   • Part of the fun in fantasizing lies in the fact that you can do something that you would never do in real life. From flying like a bird to making love with your teacher - you can't think of it as crazy or it is possible in your imagination.
2. There are no right or wrong fantasies. Sometimes fantasies can take a strange turn and make you wonder if you did something wrong. You may feel that fantasizing about something bad, or something bad that is happening to you, means that something is wrong with you. You may wonder if that's why you are a bad person. The answer is no, this doesn't make you a bad person.
   • Instead, focus on the impact of the fantasy. Do you feel more powerful and in control afterwards? Or did the fantasy feel negative, intrusive, or compulsive?
   • If the latter is the case, your imagination may bring up issues that you need to solve.
3. Remember that fantasizing is healthy. By fantasizing, we realize what we want to achieve and what we need to work on. Everyone fantasizes, whether it is about the fantastic dish that you are going to eat in the evening or about kissing your love. It's a normal phenomenon for people with a curious mind and you don't have to feel ashamed about it at all.
   • Think about how your fantasy relates to your own life. If you fantasize about being dominated, you may not be in control of anything in your life.
   • Research has shown that if you have less interest in sex and you want to boost your sex life, fantasizing about your partner regularly can return you to normal sexual functioning.

Part 2 of 3: Learning to fantasize

1. Find a quiet place where you can relax. Choose a place where you feel comfortable and where you will not be disturbed. Sudden interruptions are usually not wanted while you are fantasizing! Breathe in deeply and calmly and become aware of your body.
   • Close your eyes if you visualize more easily.
   • If you want, you can dim the lights and put on music to help you relax.
2. Think about what turns you on. You may never have thought about this before. Think about the times when you felt aroused. Then what did you do? What turned you on? If this is difficult for you, you can start with normal scenarios and let your mind wander.
   • Imagine different locations. Imagine being on a beach or a cabin with a fire. Imagine yourself in a room at a luxury hotel or in an office or supermarket. There are no consequences in a fantasy, so you could be anything true.
   • Think about past experiences and elaborate on them. You can exaggerate them, make them more alive, or just replay them in your mind.
3. Add the person you want to fantasize about. Once you know what turns you on, you can imagine yourself with that special someone. Let the scene run through your mind, just like in a movie, the difference is that "you" determine the action.
   • Imagine a scenario where you and this person are separated from all other people. Maybe you are snowed in a cabin or locked in the copy room at work.
   • Fantasize about all the things you'd like to do with this person. Know that you are controlling this fantasy and if you start to feel uncomfortable, you can change it or stop at any time.
4. Use all of your senses. Feeling aroused isn't just about visual stimulation. As you fantasize about this person, think about how his / her voice sounds, how he / she smells, how it feels to touch or be touched by him / her.
   • Your fantasy will be fuller if you also imagine the sensory details of your environment. When you imagine yourself on the beach, how does the sand feel on your skin? Also hear how the waves break on the beach.

Part 3 of 3: Determining when fantasizing is a problem

1. Notice when you lose sight of reality. If you're struggling to tell your fantasy and your real life apart, it's time to fantasize less and speak to a psychologist. The great thing about fantasizing is that there are no rules or consequences, but this is not true in real life. Acting out your fantasies - especially if you don't have the permission to do so - can have serious consequences.
   • When the line between these two worlds becomes blurred and you find yourself wanting to act out your fantasies and that they would be out of place beyond the safe confines of your imagination, you lose control of your fantasies.
   • If you find that your fantasy life is interfering with your real life, stop fantasizing in a healthy way and seek the help of a therapist or psychologist.
2. Take a break if you notice that fantasizing is becoming obsessive or compulsive. If you have someone you love and you fantasize about someone else every now and then, you don't have to worry about anything. However, if you constantly fantasize about getting intimate with this other person - especially if this happens when you get intimate with your partner - then fantasizing has become a closing mechanism for avoiding real problems.
   • First and foremost, stop fantasizing. Then, even if it is painful, you look at your relationship. Are you bored? Are you angry? Do you fantasize about another person to protect you from intimacy with your partner?
   • Using your imagination to deal with certain problems isn't bad in itself, but it can keep you from tackling the real problem. You won't be able to improve your relationship if you can't be honest about what's going on.
3. Be aware if you fantasize about distancing yourself. When you distance yourself, you don't feel connected to what's going on. This often happens with people who survive trauma. They often have the feeling that they are watching from a distance how certain things happen to their body. Healthy fantasizing helps you bond with your partner and make your sex life more fulfilled. However, if you feel that you are not present, you distance yourself, or feel disembodied, it may be good to speak to a sex therapist.