Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 5: Make sure you are safe
• Method 2 of 5: Control your reactions
• Method 3 of 5: Interact with someone who is angry
• Method 4 of 5: End the anger
• Method 5 of 5: Apologize effectively
• Tips
• Warnings

Dealing with someone who is angry with you can be difficult. Anger can arise in almost any situation: with a friend, a stranger, at home, or in traffic. A confrontation in which someone is furious with you can also occur at work, with colleagues, your boss, or customers. This is especially common if you have a lot of direct contact with people in your work, such as in a service profession or work where there is an exchange of money. Such an experience may be common, but that does not alter the fact that it can be unpleasant and confusing. You have no control over how the other person responds, but there are a number of strategies that can help you feel safe and in control of how you respond.

To step

Method 1 of 5: Make sure you are safe

1. Leave if you find yourself in a situation that feels dangerous. It may not always be possible to leave immediately if someone is furious with you, such as when a client yells at you on the job. However, if you feel that the situation is dangerous, move away, or otherwise try to create as much distance as possible between you and the person you feel threatened by.
   • If you are dealing with an angry person at work or at home, go to a safe, preferably public, place. Avoid places that have no exit, such as a toilet. And avoid places that contain items that could be used as weapons, such as a kitchen.
   • If you are dealing with an angry customer at work, try to maintain a physical distance between the customer and yourself. Stay behind the counter, or stay at least an arm's length away from them.
2. Call for help. You have the right to be safe. Depending on the type and severity of the threat, you can ask a friend for help. If you think you are in danger, call 911 right away.
   • When you are at work, enlist the help of someone in authority, such as a manager or security guard.
3. Take a time out. If the situation is tense but not very dangerous, ask for a time out. Talk in the "I" form, such as "I need 15 minutes to calm down before we continue talking." In that 15 minutes, try to do something calming to get a grip on your emotions and give the other person time to cool down. Meet again at an agreed place and time so that you can discuss the subject further.
   • Always speak in the 'I' form when asking for a timeout, even if you feel that the other person is fully responsible for the situation. If you say, "I just need some time to think," the other person may let go of his anger, instead of making him feel like you're attacking him and making him defensive.
   • Don't make comments that accuse the other person, such as "You really should take time out" or "Take it easy." Even though you may feel like you are just telling the truth when you say these things, the other person may feel attacked by these kinds of comments, and get even more angry.
   • Don't hesitate to take another time out if the other person is still hostile or angry. Ideally, during the timeout, both of you do something to calm down and calm down.
   • If the other person still hasn't calmed down after a few timeouts, consider suggesting that you wait to continue talking until a neutral third person is with you. This can be a therapist, an HR professional, a coach, etc.

Method 2 of 5: Control your reactions

1. Get it once take a deep breath. Stressful situations, such as when someone is angry with us, can trigger a "flee-or-fight" response in us, causing your heart rate to accelerate, your breathing to become short and shallow, and stress hormones rushing through your body. Neutralize this reaction with deep breaths to keep calm. Remember, when two people are angry, an already tense situation becomes twice as bad.
   • Inhale for 4 counts. As you inhale, you should feel your lungs and abdomen expand.
   • Hold your breath for 2 seconds, then slowly exhale for 4 counts.
   • As you exhale, focus on relaxing the muscles in your face, neck, and shoulders.
2. Control your emotions. If you react calmly to an angry person, it will bring peace to the situation. If you get angry yourself, the situation will probably only escalate, and it will usually make the situation worse. Taking a walk, meditating, and counting back from 50 are all ways you can relax yourself.
3. Don't take it too personally if someone gets angry with you. It can be very difficult to disconnect your own emotions from a confrontation with an angry person. Be aware that another person's anger often indicates that someone has not learned to respond in a healthy, assertive way to situations that he or she perceives as threatening. Studies show that people who remind themselves that they are not responsible for someone else's anger are less upset.
   • There are several reasons that can underlie anger: insecurity, lack of clear choices, disrespectful behavior, or aggressive / passive reactions to a problem.
   • People generally feel insecure when a situation is unpredictable. When law and order and safety are seriously threatened, many people react with anger.
   • People can react with hostility if they feel that their options are being curtailed. This stems from a feeling of powerlessness, because there are few or no options available in the situation.
   • When people feel they are disrespected, they often react with anger. For example, if you talk to someone in an angry tone, or if you don't respect someone's time, there is a chance that someone will get angry with you.
   • People sometimes get angry because they feel relieved and better afterwards. If someone is angry with you, remember that it might be a reaction to something that happened in their life, and not necessarily a reaction to something you did.
   • If you harmed someone, take responsibility for your mistake and apologize for it. You are never responsible for someone else's reaction; no one "makes" anyone else angry. However, it helps if you acknowledge your own mistake, because then the other person can better process his or her feelings of anger and sadness.
4. Stay calm. Speak in a calm voice. Don't raise your voice or yell at the one who is angry with you. Use a calm but assertive body language.
   • Try not to sit slumped or keep your arms crossed in front of your chest. Because with these attitudes you show that you are bored or shut yourself off from communicating with the other.
   • Relax your whole body. Be assertive: Put your feet firmly on the floor, and stand with your shoulders back and your chest out. Make good eye contact with the other person. With this body language you make it clear that you are calm and that you are in control of yourself, but that you do not just let yourself be walked over.
   • Pay attention to whether you react aggressively to the situation, by clenching your fist or clenching your jaw, for example. If you find yourself taking up your "personal space" (usually a meter around), that is also a sign that you may be getting too aggressive.
   • Stand at an angle to someone who is angry, instead of directly in front of them. This position is less confrontational.
5. See if the communication is still constructive. It can be very difficult to stay calm when someone is angry with you, but it is still important to keep communication calm and meaningful. If you notice any of the following features in the communication, then your communication is deteriorating in quality, and it is necessary to acknowledge that:
   • Shout
   • Threatening
   • Swearing
   • Dramatic or exaggerated statements
   • Hostile questions

Method 3 of 5: Interact with someone who is angry

1. Know when it is not the right time to talk. Some emotional and physical conditions are clear signs of a conversation that is most likely to fail, such as hunger, fatigue, loneliness, and anger. In America these conditions are called "HALT" ("Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired"). These conditions can contribute to a situation that is already tense, increasing even further, and preventing a solution to be found. Of course the other person is already mad at you. However, if the other person's anger does not diminish (even after a time-out), or if one of the conditions mentioned above also applies, then it is best to stop the conversation for a while until the physical and emotional needs of all involved are taken care of. Below we briefly explain how these conditions hinder constructive problem solving and communication.
   • If you are physical hungry you cannot think purposefully and rationally. Your body then has little energy, and you may say or do anything, just to be able to regain energy. Studies show that people and animals who are hungry take more risks than people who are not hungry. Hunger affects the decisions we make and our behavior - which are two things you want to be in control of when there is a confrontation with someone.
   • Anger is an emotion that few people have learned to use constructively. Usually anger is expressed through insults, name calling, ridicule, and even physical violence. In fact, people often get angry when they actually feel hurt, confused, jealous, or rejected. If underlying emotions play a role in someone's anger, then the person will be less able to view the situation objectively and will be less likely to come to a real solution. If this is the case, it is best to give the individual time and space to calm down before constructive communication takes place.
   • Loneliness means that someone feels cut off from others. If someone does not feel like they are part of the community, it is difficult for them to be objective during a confrontation.
   • Tiredness during an argument can be a recipe for an escalation. Sleep deprivation leads to a bad mood, poor cognitive functioning, and poor performance. Being tired also affects your ability to make decisions. Perhaps you would see a solution full of clarity if you were rested, but your tiredness can make you spin around each other for hours during an argument, without the end in sight.
2. Acknowledge the other's anger. When someone yells at you, the last thing you want to do is acknowledge their anger. But anger is often a response to feeling misunderstood or ignored. When you acknowledge that the other is angry is, that does not mean that you think the behavior is appropriate.
   • Try saying something like, “I understand you are angry. I want to understand what's going on. Why are you mad?" This shows that you are willing to see the matter from the other person's perspective, which may make them feel better.
   • Try not to sound judgmental when you say this. Don't say something like, "Why are you acting like an evil witch / dork?"
   • Ask for details. Ask calmly for the specific things that the other person is responding to. For example, "What did I say that you are angry about?" This may encourage the other person to pause and consider what exactly he or she is upset about - and he or she may realize it was all a misunderstanding.
3. Don't try to silence the other person. Saying “calm down,” or trying in some other way to prevent the other person from expressing his or her feelings will not improve the situation. It can actually fuel the anger of the other.
   • If you prevent the other person from expressing themselves, you are saying that you do not acknowledge his or her feelings. Remember that the other person's experience is very real to him or her, even if you may not fully understand it yourself. If you reject the other person's experience, you are not really helping to resolve the situation.
4. Listen to the other. Listen actively. Show that you are involved with the other person by making eye contact, nodding, and saying phrases such as “uh huh” or “mmm-hmm”.
   • Resist the temptation to prepare your own defense while the other person is talking. Pay close attention to what he or she says.
   • Listen to the other's reasons for his or her anger. Try to imagine the situation from his or her point of view. If you were to experience this situation, would you feel that way?
5. Confirm what the other has said. Miscommunication can be a reason for a tense situation to escalate. If the other person has explained to you why he or she is angry, confirm what you heard.
   • Use the I form when you talk. For example, “I just heard you say you are angry because this is the third cellphone you bought from us that is not working. Is that right?"
   • When you say things like "It seems like you are saying ______" or "Is _________ what you mean?" then it helps you to understand the other properly. It can also help to make the other person feel recognized, and that can ease feelings of anger.
   • When confirming the other person's statements, make sure that you do not make them more beautiful or worded differently. For example, if the other person has complained that you were late to pick them up for the past 6 days, don't say something like, "I heard you said you're pissed off because I'm always late." Instead, focus on what he really said: "I heard you say you're upset because I was late for the past 6 days."
6. Use the I form to express your own needs. If the other person continues to yell or approach you aggressively, use the I form to express your needs. This prevents you from sounding like you are blaming the other.
   • For example, if the other person is yelling at you, you can say something like, “I want to help you, but I don't understand what you are saying when you speak so loudly. Can you repeat what you said in a softer voice? ”
7. Show empathy for the other. Try to empathize with his or her side of the story. This can help you keep your own emotional reactions in check. It can also help you communicate effectively with the other person.
   • Saying things like "That sounds very frustrating," or "I can understand that this is making you angry," they can help soften the other person's anger. Sometimes people simply want their feelings of frustration recognized. Once people feel understood, they often calm down.
   • You may need to instill in yourself that the other person is angry and doing their best to express their feelings. This can help you view the situation in a different way.
   • Don't trivialize the problem. Even if the problem appears trivial to you - it is apparently important to the other person.
8. Don't mention your good intentions. Instead, think about the consequences. If someone is angry with you, they think you have not treated them well in some way. Your first reaction to the anger may be to defend yourself and identify your good intentions. For example, don't say, "I wanted to pick up your suit from the dry cleaner, and I forgot because I was late from work." Although your intention may have been good, the moment the other person is angry with you, it doesn't matter. The other person is concerned with the consequences of your actions, and that is why he or she is angry with you.
   • It is better to put yourself in the shoes of someone and see how the consequences of your actions have had an effect on the other than to express your good intentions. Say things like, "I now understand that you got in trouble for tomorrow's meeting because I forgot your suit."
   • This way of dealing with anger can feel like you are disloyal to your own beliefs. You may really feel that you have done the right thing, and it may be difficult for you to have done something wrong. If so, try to imagine that the other person is not angry with you, but with someone else or something else. Think about how you would handle the situation if you weren't the one who was wrong.

Method 4 of 5: End the anger

1. Approach the situation with as open an attitude as possible. Once you have listened carefully to the other person, consider how best to discuss the situation.
   • If you think the other person is rightly angry with you, accept that. Admit your mistakes and ask what you can do to make it right.
   • Don't apologize or be defensive. This often makes the other person even more angry because it makes them feel like you are pushing their needs aside.
2. Try to come up with a solution. Try to be reasonable and communicate calmly and clearly. Focus your solution on the content of what the other has told you.
   • For example, if someone is angry because your child has thrown a ball through their window, make it clear what you are willing to do. For example, “My daughter threw a ball through your window and broke the window. I can send a glass setter by within two days and have it replaced. Or, you can have it replaced yourself and send me the invoice. ”
3. Ask for more options to resolve the situation. If the other person doesn't think your solution is adequate, ask them to give you more options that they would be happy with. For example, you could ask something like, "What would you like to see in this situation?"
   • Try to present it as a joint solution, so that you start the collaboration. For example, “Good, if my solution is not acceptable then I would like to know if there is some way we can fix this. What can we do to fix this? ”
   • If the other person comes up with something that you think is unreasonable, don't swear. Instead, come up with another proposal. For example: "I heard you say you want me to replace the window and have the carpet cleaned all over your house. I think it is reasonable to have new glass installed and also to have the carpet cleaned in the living room. What do you think of it? "
   • Try to create common ground with the angry person, then a solution can be found more easily. For example, you could say something like, "I understand you want things to be fair. That's important to me too ..." This can help to let the other person know that you are working towards the same goal.
4. Don't say “but.The word “but” is known as “verbal eraser” because it nullifies everything you said before the word “but”. When people hear the word “but”, they tend not to listen anymore. All they hear then is "You're wrong."
   • For example, don't say things like "I understand what you are saying BUT you really need to ________"
   • Instead, say "and", such as "I understand what you are saying AND I also see it as a possibility that _______".
5. Thank the other. If you have managed to find a solution, end your interaction with a thank you to the other person. This shows that you respect the other person, and it can help the other feel that their needs have been met.
   • For example, if you negotiated successfully with an angry customer, you could say, "Thank you for giving us the opportunity to rectify this."
6. Give it time. In some cases, the other person's anger does not subside immediately, even after you do everything you can to resolve the situation. This is especially true in situations where there is deep hurt, such as when someone feels betrayed or manipulated in some way. Accept that it may take time for the angry feelings to subside, and don't pressure the other person.
7. If necessary, try to find a neutral third party who can act as mediator. Not all conflicts can be resolved just like that, and not all someone else's anger will go away, even if you keep calm and respectful yourself all the time. If you've already tried the above tactics and you still haven't made any progress, it may be time for you to take a step back. A third party, such as a therapist, a mediator or an HR professional such as a coach, may be able to help you deal with the situation successfully.
8. You may need to seek professional help. If you want to look beyond the services of a mediator, a therapist or psychologist trained in conflict management or anger management may be the solution for you. This can be especially helpful if the person who is angry with you is someone in your life who is important to you, such as a partner, parent, sister or brother, or child. If you are arguing all the time, or if one of you keeps exploding at the slightest slightest touch, it may be advisable to see a professional who will not only act as a mediator, but also teach you how to effectively solve problems and how to can learn to communicate better.
   • A therapist can teach your family member or friend ways to relax, deal with stress, control anger, express your emotions, and recognize negative thought patterns that may be the cause of the anger .

Method 5 of 5: Apologize effectively

1. Think about why the other party got angry with you. If you've done something wrong, you may need to fix the situation by apologizing and trying to accommodate the other person.
   • Try not to make excuses for your behavior. If you have done something wrong that has hurt the other party, then you need to acknowledge your mistake.
   • Think about whether it is better to apologize during the interaction or after he or she has cooled off.
   • Try to estimate whether offering your apologies would be well received and useful in the particular situation. Don't apologize if you don't mean it, as this can escalate the problematic situation.
2. Express your feelings of empathy and regret. It is important to resolve the situation that you show the other that you regret the words or actions that were detrimental to the other.
   • You may not have intended to anger or hurt this person. However, regardless of your intentions, you need to acknowledge that your behavior has had a negative effect on the other person.
   • First, make sure you apologize by repenting.For example, you might start with "I'm so sorry. I'm aware that I hurt you."
3. Accept responsibility for your own actions. Your apologies should also include a statement about the responsibility you take; Only then can your apologies arrive properly, and only then can the situation really be resolved properly. In other words, you need to make it clear to the other how your actions have contributed to the other feeling hurt or frustrated.
   • A statement that makes you take responsibility might sound like, "I'm sorry. I realize we missed the performance because I was late."
   • You could also say, "I'm sorry. I know you fell because I wasn't paying close attention."
4. Offer a solution to the situation. Apologizing is meaningless unless you show how the situation can be resolved or avoided in the future.
   • Suggesting a solution to the situation may include offering to help the other person or coming up with a way to avoid making the same mistake again in the future.
   • For example, you could say, "I'm sorry. I know we missed the show because I was late. From now on, I'll set an alarm on my phone an hour before I'm due."
   • Another example would be "I'm sorry, I know you fell because I wasn't paying close attention. I'll be more careful where I put my things from now on."

Tips

• Never be afraid to ask if you can be alone for a few minutes before entering a situation where someone is angry with you. This will help you take some time off from the situation and let go of some of the tension, and it will help you control your emotions.
• When you apologize, try to sound sincere. People are usually very aware if you look down on them or are not sincere, and that often only makes us more angry.
• Remember, you have no control over the other person's response. You only have control over the way you behave.
• Try to stay calm. If you get angry, it probably only makes the other person yet angrier.

Warnings

• Beware of people saying things like “Why make you always make me so angry? ” This is a signal that they are not taking responsibility for it their behaviour.
• If you feel like you are in danger, ask for help and move away from the unsafe place.
• Don't swear or get aggressive.
• Don't take out on others.
• Sometimes these kinds of situations can end in a fight. Be careful.