Dealing with feelings of shame

Content

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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with painful situations
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with painful situations from the past
Method 3 of 3: Understand shyness
Tips

Everyone is embarrassed at some point and has to deal with feelings of shame, as every person makes mistakes. Feelings of shame can be the result of unwanted attention, a mistake, or when you have found yourself in a situation where you are uncomfortable. You probably prefer to hide at that point until the awkward moment is over, but there are better ways you can deal with shame. You could try to better understand your feelings of shame, learn how to end the moment with a smile, and be less strict with yourself when embarrassed.

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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with painful situations

Evaluate the situation. How to deal with an embarrassing situation depends on what exactly happened. For example, if you've done something wrong, such as making an inappropriate comment to a friend, you may feel embarrassed for saying something you shouldn't say. But if you're embarrassed that something accidentally went wrong, such as stumbling and stretching in front of a large group of people, that's a different situation. Each situation should be approached in a slightly different way to overcome feelings of shame.
Apologize if the situation calls for it. If you did something wrong, you should apologize for the mistake you made. Apologizing may add to the feelings of shame, but it is necessary for dealing with the initial feelings of shame so that you can leave the moment behind. Make sure you convey your apologies sincerely and sincerely.
- Try to say something like, “I want to apologize for what I did / said. From now on I will think more carefully before I do or say anything. ”
Forgive yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. After apologizing (if necessary), forgive yourself for what you said or did. Forgiving yourself is an important step in dealing with shame, as it can stop you feeling angry with yourself. By forgiving yourself, you will recognize that you were wrong and you will see that you no longer need to worry about the moment.
- Say something to yourself like, “I forgive myself for what I've done. I am only human and will therefore make a mistake every now and then. ”
Distract yourself and the bystanders. While you should not completely ignore the embarrassing moment, after you have evaluated the situation and come up with an appropriate response, you should leave the moment behind. You can help yourself and the other attendees to let go of the moment by changing the topic of conversation or inviting them to do something different.
- For example, if you've apologized and forgiven yourself for the inappropriate comment you made at the expense of a friend, ask the others if they saw the news last night. Or compliment them. Say something like, “Hey, I really love your shirt by the way. Where did you buy that?"

Method 2 of 3: Dealing with painful situations from the past

Think back to your most embarrassing moments. While it can be quite painful to think back to the most embarrassing events in your life, it can help you put other embarrassing moments into perspective. List the five most embarrassing moments that have ever happened to you and compare them with embarrassing moments that have happened recently.
Laugh at yourself. After you've put together your list of embarrassing moments, you should be able to laugh about them. Laughing about the things you've done can have a purifying effect. By viewing the moments as funny or stupid things that happened to you in the past, you can help yourself to let go of feelings of shame.
- For example, if you've ever walked into the cafeteria and your underpants were clearly visible to others, try to laugh at the event. Try to view the situation from an outsider's perspective and distance yourself from the negative feelings. Realize that it was nothing but a stupid mistake that stunned people or even made them laugh with laughter.
- Try to discuss embarrassing moments with a friend you trust. It may be easier for you to laugh at the situation with someone who was not present, and it can also be a good way to hear other people's embarrassing moments.
Don't be too hard on yourself. If you are unable to laugh at yourself, try not to be too hard on yourself. Acknowledge your shame and talk to yourself like a good friend. Allow yourself to be ashamed and try to understand the pain the situation has caused.
- Try to remind yourself of who you are as a person and what core values you have. This can improve the mental state you are in and help you release the feeling of shame as well as show compassion for yourself.
Focus on the present. After you have comforted yourself by laughing at yourself or by being nice to yourself, you need to bring yourself back into the present. Think of the embarrassing moment as a thing of the past. Try to focus your attention on what's going on in your life today. Where are you located? What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? Shifting your focus to the here and now may allow you to let go of the memories of embarrassing moments in the past.
Always try to be your best. While shyness can be painful, it may be helpful for your personal development. If you've done or said something that made you feel ashamed, try to think about how you can avoid similar situations in the future. If you've made a mistake that anyone could have made, you should acknowledge that you didn't do anything wrong and then try to put it behind you.
- Try not to get stuck thinking about what you have done or said, as constantly dwelling on such moments can be even more painful than the initial event.
Consider seeing a therapist. If you are unable to let go of your feelings of shame despite the efforts you have made, consider seeing a therapist for help. You may be struggling with something that requires longer treatment, or your feelings of shame may be related to other thinking patterns, such as worry or a lack of self-confidence.

Method 3 of 3: Understand shyness

Be aware that feelings of shame are normal. Feelings of shame may give you the impression that something is wrong or that you are all on your own, but it is important to remind yourself that these feelings are not right. Feelings of shame are the most normal thing in the world, as are feelings of happiness, sadness, anger, etc. When dealing with feelings of shame, remind yourself that every human being has to deal with the exact same feelings. .
- To understand that everyone experiences feelings of shame at one point or another, you could ask your parents or other people you trust about times when they felt ashamed.
Become aware that it is not a problem for others to know that you are ashamed of something. One of the worst parts of feeling shame is that other people know you are ashamed. Knowing that others know that you are ashamed of something can actually reinforce your feelings of shame. This is because feelings of shame make you feel like you are the center of attention unwanted or feel vulnerable because of the fear that others will judge you. Unlike shame, which can be a public or private event, the feeling you have when you are embarrassed is often a public affair. Try to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong when other people know that you are ashamed of something, as this is a normal emotion.
- One way you can deal with the perceived judgment of others is by being realistic and asking yourself if others are judging you or if you are judging yourself.
See that some shyness can be helpful. While experiencing shyness is never fun, some shyness can be helpful from time to time. Research has found that people who blush when they do or say something wrong are seen as trustworthy. This is because these people show their awareness of the social rules. So if you blush every now and then when you make a small mistake, don't dwell on the moment too long, as people might get a more positive view of you.
Consider the relationship between shyness and perfectionism. Perfectionism can contribute to feelings of shame. You may hold on to unrealistically high standards that make you feel like you fail if you fail to meet them. These feelings of failure can lead to embarrassment, so it's important to set realistic standards for yourself.
- Remind yourself that you yourself are your biggest critic. While it may seem like the whole world is watching you and ready to judge you, this is not a realistic thought. Just try to figure out how much attention you give yourself to the little things that other people say and do. You are very unlikely to be as critical of others as you are.
Consider the relationship between shyness and trust. Confident people are less likely to be embarrassed than those who lack self-confidence. If you lack self-confidence, you may be more embarrassed or experience stronger feelings of shame than you should. Try to work on your self-confidence so that you are less likely to be embarrassed on a daily basis.
- If you are highly self-aware, you may also experience feelings of shame, which is not exactly the same as shyness. A feeling of shame comes from poor self-esteem, which can be caused by frequent shyness. Consider talking to a therapist if you feel that your shyness has resulted in feelings of shame.

Tips

Simply try to laugh at the situation with your friends. Pretend that you don't care and you will see that they will not put too much weight on it.
Don't worry too much about small things. Little moments of shame aren't worth worrying about. Shake them off and get back to business as usual.