Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Ending the abuse
• Part 2 of 3: Staying safe
• Part 3 of 3: Moving on
• Tips
• Warnings

Abuse comes in many forms. If you are emotionally manipulated, repeatedly belittled, made fun of, called names, or otherwise humiliated, you will be emotionally abused. If you have ever been physically or sexually assaulted, you will be physically abused. The only way to deal with a friend who is abusing you is to end the relationship ASAP and get yourself to safety. Learn how to take immediate action so that you can move on with your life.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Ending the abuse

1. Ask for help. There are several agencies that help victims of abuse. If you don't know where to start, or if you want to talk to someone because you want to know if your friend is abusing you, call one of the organizations below. If you live in one house with your abusive boyfriend or husband, be careful about the pages you visit on the Internet, and the numbers you call from your phone, as they can be saved in the browser's history. through which he can find out. Try to clear the history on your browser or the numbers dialed in your phone.
   • Visit the Slachtofferhulp website: https://www.slachtofferhulp.nl/ or call 0900-0101.
   • The Ministry of Health, Welfare and Sport also has its own helpline for victims of sexual, physical or psychological violence. Visit https://www.verbreekdestilte.nl/ or call 0900-9999-001.
   • Via http://www.vooreenveiligthuis.nl/ you can get advice and help with domestic violence and child abuse. You can also call free 24/7 on 0800-2000.
   • There is also a worldwide hotline for domestic violence. See http://www.hotpeachpages.net/: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
2. Don't rightly talk about abuse. It is very common for people who are being abused to think that it is their own fault. If your friend is aggressive, violent, or manipulative, it's never your fault. Know that there is still abuse if:
   • Your friend has never hit you. Emotional or verbal abuse is also abuse.
   • The abuse isn't as bad as other abuse cases you've heard of.
   • Only once or twice has there been physical violence. If you have been physically abused once, it is always possible that it will happen again.
   • The abuse stopped when you stopped arguing, or stopped giving your opinion.
3. Make a plan to end the relationship as soon as possible. Physical and emotional abuse should always be a reason to end a relationship right away. Regardless, no matter how much you love someone, no matter how long you've been together, and even if you have children or pets, a relationship in which you are abused must end immediately.
   • Think where you can go when you leave.
   • Know what to bring. If necessary, pack an "emergency kit" and hide it somewhere so that it is ready when you want to leave.
   • If you have a joint telephone bill, keep in mind that many phones can be traced via GPS. Consider leaving your phone and getting a new phone with a new number.
   • Think about the steps you need to take to stay safe while you're gone. Is it necessary to have a street or contact ban imposed? Do you have to move to a new city? Taking on a new identity? Put other locks on the door?
   • Make a plan so that others are safe too. You may need to bring children or pets, and they may or may not stay with you. Make a plan for people or animals that depend on you when you leave.
4. End the relationship safely. You have to make it clear that you are ending the relationship and that there is no hope of trying again later. If you're very worried about being in danger, end the relationship remotely, or have someone there when you tell them.
   • Don't end the relationship if you are home alone with your abusive boyfriend. Your attempt could cause it to escalate, putting you in danger.
   • Consider ending the relationship by letter or over the phone, even if you normally never would; your safety is now much more important than social manners.
   • If you still feel that you should break up personally, do it in a public place, with other people around, and keep the conversation short.
   • Keep it short and sweet. You can say something like, "We can't go on together anymore." Don't say things like "right now" or "until you change your behavior". You have to put an end to it definitively.

Part 2 of 3: Staying safe

1. Contact the authorities. Once you are safe yourself, it is important to speak to the authorities and take legal action, or at least explore the options. You need to know how to take legal action against your friend and learn how the police can protect you. Make sure that the abuse can no longer occur.
   • Contact a social worker as soon as possible and ask what steps you need to take to proceed. Depending on the situation and how long the relationship lasted, it can be difficult to quickly find a new place to live and a job or make other major changes in your life.A social worker can help you with this. Contact one of the organizations listed in Part 1 to find a social worker.
2. Document your abuse. Keep a record of all the times your ex-boyfriend has tried to contact you after the divorce. Describe what happened after he contacted you in person or by phone, and keep all evidence such as emails, social media messages, or text messages.
   • Save all correspondence you receive, especially if it contains threats. If possible, describe all the violence done to you during and after the relationship.
   • This is an essential part of preparing a legal case against the abuser, and it can help you get a restraining order or restraining order.
3. Apply for a street restraining order. A street or contact ban gives you legal protection against the abuser. Bring all evidence of the abuse and a letter explaining the whole situation and your relationship to court. They can give you further instructions on what else you need to fill out for paperwork in order to demand a street or contact ban.
   • If the court approves the restraining order or restraining order, it must be legally imposed on the abuser.
   • Always keep a copy of the restraining order or contact ban with you so that you can show it to the police if necessary. You never know where you are when the abuser shows up and breaks the ban.
   • Please note that the street or contact ban cannot guarantee your safety. It does make it easier to have the abuser picked up when he comes near you, but it can never completely keep him away from you.
4. Never give him a second chance. Enough is enough. If you've ended the relationship, don't go back, contact, or make amends with your partner. It's finished. Make that clear by imposing a street or contact ban on him.
   • If you have been abused, there is nothing left to talk about. Don't listen to negotiations, apologies, or promises that he will "never do it again." Abuse can never be tolerated. It means the end of a relationship.
5. Make changes to your routines. If it's only recently, try to avoid all contact with the abuser. Stop going to places you know he frequents, and change your own routines so that he doesn't know where you are. There is no reason to run the risk of ending up in a dangerous or unpleasant situation.
   • If you are in the same school or workplace as your abuser, or otherwise need to see him regularly, try to ignore him as much as possible. Always be with others when you go to work or school. You can also talk to your mentor or boss about changing places, times, or schedules so that you are safe.

Part 3 of 3: Moving on

1. Reclaim your life. It is common for victims of abuse to believe that it is their own fault that they have been abused. This is due to the manipulative behavior of the abuser; it is never your fault if you are abused. When the abuse is over, start working on yourself to get back to normal.
   • Go into therapy to work on your self-esteem.
   • Rely on friends and family to regain your social ties.
   • Find a healthy, new relationship in which you are absolutely not abused.
2. Make an appointment with a social worker. It is critical that you talk to someone who understands the psychological trauma that comes from abuse and the impact an abuser can have on their victim. Contact one of the organizations listed in Part 1 so that you can begin your recovery as soon as possible.
3. Allow yourself to be angry. It may take a while for it to surface, but you may have bottled up a lot of anger. Anger isn't bad; you can also use it as a driver for change. When anger overtakes you, let it happen and turn it into productive activities that you can expend your energy in. Go running. Hit a punching bag. Get on yoga. Sweat out the anger.
   • Be careful not to translate your anger into risky or self-destructive behavior, and try to handle it safely.
4. Try to rebuild yourself. Abuse breaks down your defenses until you are left vulnerable and broken. It can be a long process to rebuild yourself into the unique, sweet, interesting person you actually were and should be.
   • Allow yourself a while to grieve and then get to work. As with any divorce, you may want to stay in bed for a whole week, depressed and unable to do anything. That's okay, but you should know when it's time to get out so you can move on.
   • Don't focus too much on ideas like wasted time and regrets. You took an important step by ending your relationship and moving on. Be glad you didn't stay with him longer, and that you didn't get stuck in an endless vicious cycle of abuse. Look at the future.
5. Spend time with your loved ones. Make a list of people in your life who really love you. Think of the people who always support you, who loved you unconditionally, and pulled you out of the dumps in the darkest times. Family, good friends, nice neighbors, these are the people you should spend time with now. Lean on them.
6. Be kind to yourself. It may have been a while since you were able to relax, spend time with family, or do small things without fear of causing your ex to feel violent. It may take a while, but you should try to let go of that fear and have fun again.

Tips

• Realize that you cannot change an abuser and that you are not responsible for his actions and behavior.

Warnings

• Keep you, your friends and your family away from him.
• Don't let him panic or get stressed. Just respond calmly and leave him.
• Make sure that abused children also receive proper aftercare.