Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Learning about autism
• Part 2 of 2: Behaving around an autistic person
• Tips
• Warnings

Maybe you know an autistic person and you want to get to know them better and possibly become friends with. This can be challenging because autism (including Asperger's syndrome and PDD-NOS) is characterized by a number of different social behaviors and communication differences. Autistic individuals have experiences that can be very different from most people's, but there are still different ways in which you can relate to each other.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Learning about autism

1. Dealing with someone requires you to know where that person is from, so it is very helpful to learn more about the challenges an autistic person faces. They may have trouble reading your emotions, or they may read your emotions but not be sure why you feel that way. In addition to this confusion, sensory problems and introversion are common, so socializing can be exhausting. But the feeling of belonging to you is probably still very important to them. To learn more about the symptoms and challenges of being autistic, read the article on How to Recognize the Signs of Autism on wikiHow.
2. Learn about social challenges. Your friend may have a tendency to say or do things that are socially inappropriate at any given time, such as saying something out loud that most people have learned to keep to themselves, getting too close to someone, or interrupt conversation. This is because understanding social rules can be difficult for autistic people.
   • It's okay to explain a social rule or say that some action by the other has made you angry. For example, "This is not the end of the row, we can't stand here. I see there is the end of the row." Autistic people often have a strong sense of justice, so it can help to explain how a particular social rule fits within their values.
   • Assume that the other means well. Autistic people often don't mean offensive. They don't want to hurt you or anyone else, they just don't understand how to respond.
3. Learn about autistic behavior. Autists often display a number of characteristic deviant behavioral patterns. For example: autists can:
   • Talk about. This is called "echolalia".
   • Talking about a particular topic for a long time, without recognizing when the other person has lost interest.
   • Speaking honestly, and sometimes being overly open.
   • Intervene with comments that have nothing to do with the topic of conversation, such as pointing to a beautiful flower.
   • Do not respond to own name.
4. Understand the importance of routine. Routines are an important aspect of life for many autists. Therefore, it is easier to build a relationship with an autistic person if you keep in mind that routine means a lot to them. You can help this person by making sure their routine stays the same throughout the day.
   • If you have become part of this person's routine and then break it, it can be particularly troubling for your friend.
   • When dealing with such a person, try to keep their perspective in mind. Keep in mind that while you may not value routine, nor whether it is deviated from or not, it is very important to them.
5. Recognize the power of special interests. Special interests are the same as a passion in people who are not autistic, but even more so in an autistic person. Your friend can often focus on his or her special interest and love to talk about it. Identify their interests overlap with yours, and use this as a tool to forge a bond.
   • Some autistic people have more than one special interest at the same time.
6. Try to get to know this person's strengths, differences and challenges. Every autistic person is different, so it is important to know that you are dealing with a unique personality.
   • Difficulty reading the sound in the voice and body language is typical of autistic people, so they sometimes need extra explanation.
   • Autistic people usually have slightly different body language, including avoiding eye contact and frequent stimulation (repeating self-reassuring behaviors). Recognize your friend's personal "normal".
   • Sensory problems (autists may have difficulty coping with loud sounds, or may become upset if touched without warning).
7. Get rid of stereotypes about autism. There is a stereotype about autism, probably partly (unintentionally) propagated by the film Rain Man, most autists are thought to have superhuman cognitive abilities (such as the ability to see almost immediately how many toothpicks have fallen on the floor).
   • The fact is, such autistic savants are not that common at all.

Part 2 of 2: Behaving around an autistic person

1. See both the person and the disability. On the one hand, not seeing the person may lead you to introduce them as “my autistic friend,” use stereotypes, or treat the other as a child. On the other hand, it does not help to deny the disability and not meet their needs. Try to find a balance by treating being different as natural and not something special.
   • Do not tell other people that your friend is autistic unless they have given permission.
   • If a need is identified, meet it without too much ado. They may be surprised at your courtesy and may appreciate your understanding.
2. Be clear about how you feel and what you want. Autists may not pick up hints and clues that easily, so it is better to express your feelings very directly. This avoids confusion on both sides, and that way you have an opportunity to make amends if they angered you and learn from it.
   • "I feel very down about my working day and I need some time for myself right now. We can talk for a bit later."
   • "Questioning Jamal was very exciting and I was amazed that he said yes! I can't wait for our date on Friday. Would you like to help me find something to wear?"
3. Accept all idiosyncrasies and strange behavior without trying to change it. Autistic people tend to move, speak and behave slightly differently, and interact with people in their own way. This can also apply to your friend. So keep in mind that this is part of who they are, and if you're befriending an autistic person, it's important to accept all of these special traits.
   • If boundaries are crossed (such as playing with your hair in a way that annoys you), or something else that is disturbing, you can always explain how you feel.
   • If the other person indicates that they appear less unusual, you can subtly explain when they are behaving strangely. Explain it clearly and without condescension, the way you would tell a novice driver how to merge onto the highway.
4. Introduce this person to your other friends. If your autistic friend is eager to make new friends, they may be interested in doing something as a group. No matter how obvious or subtle the autistic traits are in a social setting, you may be surprised at how easily people accept this!
5. Watch for signs that your autistic friend is getting tense, and take the helm to avoid collapse or shutdown. If an autistic person becomes overloaded, it can result in screaming, crying, or inability to speak. Your friend may not recognize the signs of stress themselves, so notice if they get agitated, and then suggest taking it easy.
   • Help them move to a quiet, peaceful place with less noise and movement.
   • Distract them from crowds and spectators.
   • Ask first before you touch or grasp that person. For example, "I'd like to take your hand right now and take you out." The intention is not to scare or frighten them.
   • Avoid criticizing their behavior. They have little control over themselves at the time, and there is no intention to add to the tension. If it is too much for you, then decide to leave.
   • Ask if your friend wants a big hug. Sometimes that can help.
   • Let the other person relax for a while afterwards. Maybe they want to be one-on-one time or be alone.
6. Respect the other person's free will and personal space and encourage others to do the same. The same rules of respect apply to autistic people as well as non-autists: do not move the other person's hands / arms / body without application, do not take away a toy or object they are busy with and watch your words and deeds. Some people, including adults, feel that disabled people should not be treated as human beings.
   • If you find someone acting unkind or mean to your autistic friend, say something about it.
   • Encourage your friend to learn to recognize when he or she is not being treated right and then stand up for himself. This can be difficult for autistic people, especially those with PTSD as a result of compliance therapy or other bad experiences.
7. Ask questions about how you can serve and help the other person. Try to understand better how to interact with this person by talking about what it is like for them to live as an autistic person. You may find that he or she is eager to talk about it and can give you a lot of useful information so that you can get along better with that person.
   • A general question like "What is it like to be autistic?" is too vague, and the autistic person probably won't be able to put into words such a complex thing. Specific questions, such as "How does sensory overload feel?" or "Is there any way I can help you when you get too stressed?" are more likely to result in a useful answer.
   • Do this in a quiet place when you are alone, so as not to draw too much attention to the other person. Speak clearly and sincerely so that the autistic person doesn't misunderstand you or think you're teasing him or her.
8. Don't worry if this person starts to "calm down" themselves. This refers to behavior in which autistic persons make movements to remain calm or to control emotion. For example, if they giggle and flutter their hands when they see you, it means they really like you. Try to remember that this behavior often helps, so accept it unless it is inappropriate or disrupts your personal space. Try to take a deep breath if you find yourself getting irritated by the behavior. This type of behavior can manifest as follows:
   • Fiddling with objects.
   • To swing.
   • Clapping and fiddling with the hands.
   • Bounce.
   • Banging your head.
   • Screaming.
   • Repeatedly touching the texture of something, such as hair.
9. Make it clear that you accept the other. Autists are often criticized by family members, friends, therapists, bullies, and even strangers for behaving and looking differently from what is considered normal. This can make life very hard. Make it clear with your words and actions that you accept the other unconditionally. Remind the other that it is not a problem to be different and to like them just the way they are.

Tips

• If necessary, communicate regularly via e-mail, text message or IM. Some autistic people find this easier than direct conversations.
• Avoid drawing unnecessary attention to the autistic person's being different within a group setting. Don't be tempted to ask for attention or declare what kind of an angel you are because you accept this autistic person. The autistic person knows he or she is different, and will start to feel insecure or angry if you keep pointing it out.
• Remember that every autistic person is unique. There is no general approach that is suitable for everyone, and you will automatically learn how best to deal with it if you get to know such a person better.
• It may take your autistic friend a little longer to "come out of his shell," or not do that at all. That's okay. Let the other person follow his or her own pace.
• Treat autistic people with the same kindness and respect as other people.
• Think of autism as a kind of cultural difference, rather than a defect. Autistic experiences can be akin to "culture shock" or trying to interact with people who come from a completely different culture from the one you grew up in, which can lead to confusion and social failures.
• Be aware of the pitfalls of labeling. While it is common in medical and educational practice to name the person first in language ("person with autism"), many people in the autistic community prefer it when the identity is referred to as ("autistic person"). When in doubt, ask the autistic person you are trying to connect with what their preference is.

Warnings

• Never call this person a burden, or say their brain is broken or wrong. Many autistic people have grown up with these words, and hearing this again from a friend can seriously damage their self-esteem.
• Do not laugh at him or her, even if this is a joke. Many autists have experience with bullying and may find it difficult to gauge your intentions.
  • Autists often take comments literally.